“It’s all right,” I whispered around my own grief. “Let me do this. Go home and be with Mother.” To prove that I could fulfill one last thing for Elynor, I picked the shovel back up and began digging again.
Silence descended over us, the only sound the soft thuds of dirt hitting the ground. I could feel his eyes on me and, once and a while, I heard him start to speak only to stop.
“I’m sorry.”
His apology brought everything to a screeching halt. This was something new. In the past, I’d done this alone. I glanced around for a glimpse of Klothos, waiting for the Fate to fix whatever was happening. A small thrill coursed through me when she was nowhere in sight.
Whatever he said would be a gift. Perhaps this would be a new memory to help me face what was to come.
“I mean no disrespect, but why would you say that?” He had nothing to apologize for. Couldn’t he see that it was me who owed him a better explanation than the one I’d given my parents.
“I knew she was in trouble. Call it a paternal intuition, but from the instant I met Julian I just knew he was nothing but bad news. I feared he would somehow bring about her downfall and hurt this family.” Gently taking the shovel from my hand, my father took my place and began to dig.
“So why didn’t you do anything?” I blurted. Dusting off my hands, I took a seat.
“Because I was a coward,” he spat out bitterly. “And my cowardice has cost me my precious daughter.” He didn’t bother brushing away the angry tears dampening his cheeks. He must’ve sensed my confusion because he continued. “From the moment I held that sweet girl in my arms as a babe, I’ve never been able to deny her anything. When I did try to voice my concerns, her bottom lip would quiver and it crushed me.”
All I could do was nod because I’d felt the same way. Elynor had been my whole world. I’d lived to see her smile and hear her infectious laughter.
“Once we knew that she was in danger, I meant to seek vengeance, but my guilt kept me from facing my failings. You stepped forward and took matters into your own hands. I should have stopped you, or in the very least lead you in pursuit of justice. When you said what he’d done to her . . . to my poor Elynor . . . I’m ashamed of my weakness.”
I could hear how his remorse ate at him from the inside out. What he didn’t know was that not once did I ever blame him. I’d simply seen the need to avenge someone I loved. It was what brothers did—without question.
“So, while I am deeply sorry for what happened to Elynor, I am equally sorry for failing you, son. This was too much to place on such young shoulders.” He raised his hand when I opened my mouth to correct him. He knew where my thoughts had gone. “Yes, you are a man; but as the head of this family the responsibility was mine. It seems I need to apologize and thank you in the same breath.”
It took everything I had not to reveal the truth—about the blood oath or the life changing decisions I’d made. With every fiber of my being I wanted to tell him that, with the help of others yet to be born, I’d finally kill the bastard who’d ripped Elynor from us.
But I didn’t.
“You did the best you could. She never blamed you either. Not once. Elynor died loving you and mother as fiercely as ever.”
“And now we have a beautiful little girl to care for and raise,” he murmured. Along with the herbs to boil into soothing tea, Vivien had also brought Lucinda to meet her kin. They had all instantly bonded.
“Her legacy.”
My father paused mid-way, his foot resting on the top of the shovel’s blade. This time he withdrew a crumpled lace handkerchief and mopped his brow. The exertion was taxing on his body, his chest slightly heaving.
When I stood to take over, he shook his head. I didn’t argue.
“Promise me you won’t spend the rest of your life hating this Julian fellow. Promise me I won’t lose another child to that bastard.” He locked eyes with mine. “I won’t stop you from searching for him. God knows, I wish I could chase him to the ends of the earth and kill him with my bare hands.” When a groan exploded from his lips, my father admitted defeat and handed me the shovel. “Do whatever you need, but don’t waste your entire life pursuing it. I couldn’t bear knowing you lost sight of your own hopes and dreams.”
Any thought of confessing the truth to him evaporated with this last statement. If he were to discover and understand the lengths to which I would go—that I would, in fact, spend the rest of my existence focused on my blood oath—it would crush him. Better he remain ignorant and spend his days in well-intended deceit than come face-to-face with reality.
“I promise,” I lied, dropping my gaze under the pretense of squaring up the grave’s walls. “All I want . . . all I’ve ever wanted is to make you and Mother proud.”
Accepting his hand to pull me out of the deep hole, we stood at the edge and peered down. The thought of Elynor lying in its coolness and being covered with soil made me want to scream and shake my fists at the heavens. It made me want to summon the Fates and curse them for their cruelty. Reliving this seemed so unnecessary.
“How are we ever going to let her go?” New wrinkles graced my father’s features when he finally looked away, swallowing hard. He’d aged another ten years. He was now an old man.
I chose my next words carefully. “We don’t. We remember her and try to live lives that would make her proud. She watches over us, invisible but very much here.” I wanted to say more . . . about the magic she possessed and how he could still talk to her if he chose. I had, long ago, chosen not to cross that line, discovering it more tormenting than comforting to see her. Besides, her being a witch was something that always lingered like an elephant in the room. It was a source of fear for my parents because we lived in a time where superstitions and ignorance fueled witch-hunts.
Elynor had kept that part of herself private, showing it only to her coven members and me. Even I hadn’t understood it in the beginning. And now . . . now I could almost guarantee my parents wished they’d tossed aside their paranoid need to protect her by living in denial just to have a few more cherished memories to hold on to.
“Tomorrow’s going to be hard,” he added. “Especially for your mother.”
“Go home and be with her,” I counseled again. “There’s nothing more to do here until . . .”
“Tomorrow.”
“Yes,” I answered. When he turned to leave, shovel in hand, I grabbed hold of his arm. “I’ll make this right, Father.”
“I know you will, son. You coming?”
As much as I wanted to return with him and comfort my mother, I still needed a few extra moments alone to clear my head. I’d lived this already, but it hadn’t prepared me for the onslaught of emotions that accompanied it. Right now, I felt like I was drowning in a sea of anguish. I couldn’t let my mother see it. What she needed was my strength.
“I’ll be along shortly. I think I want to quickly check in on Beauty, then I’ll be home.”
“Don’t take too long.”
Watching him leave and knowing this wouldn’t be the last shock to my parents, I finally let a stray tear fall. Then with an exhaustion I hadn’t felt in a long time, I followed a different worn path from the graveyard.
I was in need of peace.
How the hell was I going to survive the months ahead?
CHAPTER FOUR
My heart leapt with joy as I entered the simple stable—one I’d toiled hard under the beating sun with my father to construct. It was a memory I’d relocated to the back of my mind, one that I drew upon when I needed a reminder of why I walked the path I’d chosen.
Life as a vampire was filled with many things—death, violence, blood, and other unmentionables. Yes, I’d also experienced my share of miracles—moments that defied logic in their simplicity and honesty; but in the early hours of the morning, when sleep proved elusive, I indulged in the one guilty pleasure time hadn’t managed to corrupt.
I came here in my mind.
I came home.
<
br /> I came back to the sweet creature currently housed in the far stall.
Beauty, aptly named for the gasp that had escaped my lips the second I’d seen her cantering in a local field, had been my childhood companion. Stroking over her black coat, my favorite brush untangling her ebony mane, I’d whispered every secret I’d owned.
The thought made me snort now.
Secrets. Back then I’d considered the ones I kept huge and heavy. They were miniscule compared to the ones now locked away in my heart. They spoke of a different time—one unshackled by politics and supernatural mischief.
As I stood still, my gaze taking in the familiar sight, I memorized it all again. Once I was sure it was locked away in the vault deep inside, I stepped forward and let my feet carry me toward my old friend.
“Hello, sweet girl,” I whispered, cautiously approaching her with my hand outstretched. “Remember me?”
Beauty studied me and tossed her head in a nickered hello. Of course she did. For her, time hadn’t passed and I was still the human she loved. There was no hint of the vampire I’d soon become.
Trustingly, she approached and I almost wept when her soft nose caressed my fingers. It had been lifetimes since I’d been this close to a horse . . . to any creature.
Becoming a bloodthirsty creature had the tendency to strike fear into the core of even the bravest animal—they sensed the demon within. They could feel the danger.
I buried my face into her neck, tears trickling down my cheeks. As I inhaled her scent—a mixture of horseflesh, hay, and sunshine—I thanked God for this moment, for second chances.
“It’s been too long,” I continued, kissing beneath her eye, allowing myself to simply be. With each breath, I felt myself relax . . . soften as the years slowly melted away. “I’ve been on a journey, Beauty. One I scarcely believe myself.”
She nickered, her head bobbing as though she understood each word. In my mind, I could almost hear her response, her gentle request for me to share my burdens with her.
“I’ve returned from the future at the behest of the Fates. I’ve asked them to alter time and, in return, they’ve sent me here to relive my darkest moments.” As each word tumbled from me, I fell into an old familiar routine of tending to her—checking to see she remained unharmed as I groomed her. “Can I confess something?” I asked.
She remained in place, her trust humbling me.
“I’m terrified. Not of what’s to come . . . Yes I am, because I don’t think I can survive it a second time. To be faced with the horror of what I must do . . . of holding on to who I will eventually become . . . the blood lust . . . the side of me I’ve fought so hard to suppress. What if I’m not strong enough to find my honor again? Oh, Beauty . . . what if this was all a mistake? What if by tempting fate I’ve actually changed my own and doomed us all?”
Speaking it out loud—hearing the fear beneath each word—was the closest I’d ever been to second guessing my actions. I still believed I was doing the right thing for those I loved, but . . . and it was an incredibly large but . . . what if sparing them from the Julian’s massacre, unleashed an even greater threat?
Me.
Staring into Beauty’s dark eyes, I searched for some kind of solace or answer. In the past, I’d found great comfort in our conversations. Now, I wondered if it had all been the fanciful hopes of a young man believing he’d found his own brand of magic with a beloved pet.
“Please, tell me I haven’t made a dreadful mistake. Please, show me that the path I’m about to embark on again will be worth it.”
A peaceful sensation descended over me, encircling us with its power until it infused my heart. Resting my forehead against the beautiful silver mark between her eyes, I gripped her long mane with both of my hands and offered a silent thank you.
Come what may—I would see this through.
“Devlin?”
There was no avoiding the gasp that surged out of me at the sound of her voice. In all the world . . . in all of my existence . . . there had never been anyone who could render me so completely undone as the one who just uttered my name.
Verity.
However, while every part of me screamed to turn around and lay eyes on the one who made my heart race, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Like Beauty, she wouldn’t see the blackness that tainted my soul. All she would see is the man she’d claimed at the age of ten—the one she’d grown up telling everyone she’d marry . . . her best friend.
“Verity,” I murmured, the very feel of her name on my lips a contradiction. It felt sacred and, in the same breath, a sin to taint it with everything I was. “You shouldn’t be here.”
I am so glad you’re here, I thought in the same instance.
“Where else would I be, silly?” she answered softly, her approaching footsteps crunching lightly over the straw that littered the ground. “When you didn’t arrive home with your father, I came looking for you.” Her hand touched my shoulder, tempting me to turn around. Something inside me countered that doing so would unravel me.
After everything . . . how could I ever bask in her gaze again?
“Devlin?” she asked curiously. She’d noticed my reluctance. “It’s me. You don’t need to hide how you feel.”
Oh, yes, I do.
A shudder pulsed through me. “Sorry, I have a lot on my mind . . .” I started, unable to finish. The confession I’d only just shared with Beauty still hung in the air above us as if it was waiting to fall upon Verity and reveal the coward I was.
“I know. That’s why I came here first. Whenever something’s troubling you or life is weighing heavy, you come and talk to Beauty.” From the corner of my eye, I could see Verity moving to face me. “She’s not the only one who loves to listen, though, Devlin. Will you not trust me with your burdens? I loved her, too.”
Elynor.
She believed it was Elynor that kept me from acting as I used to.
It threatened to break my heart.
If only that was the case.
Closing my eyes, I shook my head, a slight smile curling the edges of my mouth. “I know you did. She was as much your sister as my own.”
“Then talk with me. Don’t withhold your grief.” As her fingers lightly brushed down my arm, I gave in and stopped resisting. I glanced up and was instantly caught in her spell.
She was breathtakingly beautiful—her chestnut brown hair cascaded over her right shoulder, her rosy cheeks reminding me of the blush that often swept over them. Freckles still adorned her features and I remembered once when I kissed each one—naming them. Oh, how I had adored this woman and the plans we’d made to one day run off and explore the world.
All those emotions came rushing back with an intensity making my legs shake, threatening to crumble beneath me.
Without thinking, she was back in my arms where she always belonged, her body pressed up against mine. It was as though time had stood still and I knew that walking away from her this time would prove to be one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do.
I wasn’t here to take a glorious trip down memory lane.
I was here with a single purpose—to relive my darkest moment—and this was nothing short of pure, unadulterated bliss and light.
“Devlin?” she asked, peering up into my face, her arms wrapped around my waist. Verity studied me with the shrewdness I’d once admired about her. Many underestimated her—viewing her beauty as her defining quality—but I did not. If I wasn’t careful, she’d discover all my secrets and I’d be unable to deny her the truth.
“Sorry,” I chuckled, shaking my head to dislodge the damning thoughts. “You caught me by surprise, but I’m glad you’re here.” To prove there was nothing to worry about, I lowered my mouth to her cheek, placing a feathery kiss over her skin.
“I meant what I said, my love,” her voice revealing that she believed my words. “You’re not alone. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be than by your side.”
“Thank you,” I murmur
ed, fixated on the way her lips formed each syllable. How had I ever forgotten how perfect she was?
Laying her head against my chest, Verity continued. “Vivien told me what happened. About the blood oath.”
So she knew. She knew things would be changing. Verity just didn’t understand how drastically our futures would be altered.
“Is it okay if we don’t talk about it?” For once, I simply wanted to bask in how amazing it felt to have her back in my arms. I needed this memory for what lay ahead.
“Of course. There is plenty of time for that discussion later.”
Her optimism cut through me like a knife and before I could blurt out she was wrong . . . that there would never be enough time for us . . . I acted.
I kissed her.
I kissed her with everything I had—like a man seeing color for the first time, wanting to experience everything all at once.
Breathing her in, all thoughts ebbed away. There was no blood oath, no deals with the Fates, no future, no monsters.
Just Devlin and Verity.
Verity and Devlin.
Two people who would each give their life for the other.
Two young lovers on the cusp of a future that would rip them apart forever.
As my mouth moved over hers, dipping between her lips and finding her willing to respond, it was like a match to gasoline. She was everything. She was bigger than my lust for blood. She overshadowed every dark thing I would become and encounter.
Verity reminded me why I was back here in a time that left a constant ache in my chest. She restored the hope I’d been so terrified would evaporate and leave me abandoned.
“My God,” I murmured, my lips trailing across her cheek to her neck. “I have missed this . . . missed you.”
Blood Oath (#8, the Mystic Wolves) Page 3
