“This is crazy! Open the door! Janine!” he shouted. She wanted to wash up first but instead put on her clothes ignoring his demands. Once dressed, she opened the door and rushed past him towards her things.
“Baby, wait! Jesus, will you just wait and tell me what the hell is wrong with you?” He reached out taking hold of her arm in an attempt to keep her from leaving.
“What are you going to do now, Michael? Try to fuck me because you can’t say ‘fuck you’ to your parents?” It was a harsh, uncalled for and cruel thing to say to him but it was out and she couldn’t take it back. She didn’t want to. He released her arm and his face showed how deeply hurt and stunned he was at her words.
“Is that what you think?” he asked.
With a coldness she didn’t know existed within her, she replied, “Isn’t that what happened at their house?”
He was speechless and she was done with this exchange. She picked up her things and walked out the door. As she made her way out of the building, she was not surprised to see his mother getting out of her car even though Michael had not returned her call. She was certain Mrs. Josey didn’t see her, so instead of acknowledging her, she got in her car and drove away.
CHAPTER 16
Janine gathered her carry-on items as the flight crew began opening the door for passengers to deplane in Atlanta. Reviewing her boarding pass, she realized she didn’t have much time to make her way to the international terminal. When she got off the plane, she checked the departure monitor to make sure her flight to Belize hadn’t changed gates or been delayed. After confirming her flight information, she made her way to the escalators towards the shuttles. Atlanta was a large airport and even though it had shuttle trains to carry passengers between terminals, it was still a challenge to get to the international terminal. She was also a little hungry, but she decided to forgo stopping at one of the many food vendors along the way.
As she walked, she pondered how the experience with Michael’s family changed how she dealt with similar requests from later suitors. She vowed never to subject herself to meeting parents or family members of the men she dated if at all possible. She didn’t want to endure that kind of scrutiny again unless she was wearing an engagement ring. The exception was meeting Ethan’s boys. They had been dating for six months before she even gave it consideration. The only reason she agreed to meet them was because they often spent weekends with their dad. Ethan made concerted efforts to plan activities he, the boys and Janine could enjoy together. Their initial meeting caused her a bit of consternation, but his boys were good kids—funny, smart and a little goofy like their dad. They were also less affected and made clear they thought their dad was ‘cool’ for having a black girlfriend.
She appreciated Ethan explaining to them the reason he was dating her was because she was smart and a great person. And then with a loud whisper he said to them, “But yeah, she’s kinda hot too, right?” They gave their dad high-fives and Janine thought it was endearing. Ethan’s ex-wife was more pleasant than expected given what little she knew about her. Despite all the drama between Ethan and his ex, time had healed their pain. Her only goal was to ensure whomever Ethan dated treated her boys well. To say the two women were friendly would be an exaggeration, but they were cordial to one another when their paths crossed.
Janine made it to the international terminal with only a few minutes to spare as passengers made their way on board. It was an interesting mix of people. Young couples as well as older ones cuddled and held hands as they made their way onto the plane. There were families she was certain were already regretting their decision to bring such young children on a trip like this. From what she could tell, there were only a few people like her traveling alone. She got to her seat and decided to have the light snack offered. Instead of reading she wanted to take a nap before landing in Belize.
She had no idea she was so tired, because when she woke up, the flight was less than thirty minutes from Belize City. She pulled out her compact mirror to see how she’d fared. She still looked tired, but she figured she could easily go into the restroom and apply a little makeup and refresh herself a bit. She slipped out of her seat with her small makeup bag. The lighting was poor, but it was enough for her to put on a little powder and lipstick. She didn’t worry about applying mascara or eyeliner because that required far more balance and room than what was available in the small lavatory. She fluffed out her curls and returned to her seat. When the pilot announced they’d be landing within fifteen minutes, she felt a twinge of excitement in her stomach.
Belize was important to all of them. It was the place where on a whim the friends decided to take a Spring Break trip in their last year of the program. She and Michael had been trying to manage the strain placed on their relationship, so the getaway was good for them as well.
From swimming, snorkeling and exploring the country and its many island cays, to dancing and drinking heavily, they all had a fabulous time on the trip. It was the last great bash before heading back for final exams and preparing for the bar exam. Unbeknownst to their friends, it was also the place where Michael proposed to her. There was no ring, just a promise to love her forever. But with all they had experienced and the unresolved issues each had, Janine couldn’t say yes even though she loved him desperately. That decision broke them. When they returned to school, the final weeks were even more strained and spent predominately apart. Once she made the decision to take the job in Chicago, they didn’t see or speak to each other again until eight years later at Kelly’s wedding.
Their initial breakup was a painful period but after a year or so she began dating again. But she quickly relegated men into two categories: companionship or sex. The arrangement suited her as she tried to sort out what she needed in a relationship. Whether they were men with curious and intelligent minds, confident personas or piercing eyes, they all seemed to share a characteristic imprinted on her from her time with Michael. It took her another two years before she felt she had reached a place where she could emotionally commit and be open to someone else.
She and Vincent had a great deal in common, laughed often and had great sex. On the surface theirs was a good match; both from humble beginnings and hard workers who had earned their successes. But a few months into their marriage she came to the stark realization he was someone with whom she would never be truly intimate. What was missing from their relationship was a profound and passionate level of trust similar to that which Michael had earned and instilled in her. Despite her efforts to overcome it, their marriage ended abruptly.
Even though she had spent years suppressing her memories of Michael, the weeks leading up to the trip to Belize brought them all back in abundance. Rather than continue to push them away, she made a conscious choice to remember all the reasons why her relationship with him ended and why it was extraordinary. By allowing herself to remember over the past few weeks, she understood why Michael Josey was best thing that had ever happened to her. Because of him, she better understood herself as a sexual being—as a woman. He had embraced all her quirks and celebrated her brilliance and ambitions with loving care and support. Because of him she knew what consuming love was really about.
The last time she saw him was a year after she was named the head of the Remington Foundation. The national conference of private foundations was held in Washington, DC. Being new in her role, she thought attending it was a good way for her to make connections with others in similar roles. As she combed the roster of sessions and speakers, she was surprised to see his name among the presenters on a late day panel she most wanted to attend. She recalled how she tried to quietly slip into the session unnoticed by sitting towards the rear of the room. The presenters had not yet begun and were engaged in small talk with attendees. Keeping her head down, she scanned the program brochure only to be unexpectedly tapped on the shoulder. When she looked up, Michael was smiling at her with a look of genuine happiness to see her.
“Hi, Janine. It’s been a long time.”
“Hi, Michael.” Not entirely sure what else to say she continued, “I’m really looking forward to hearing this session.”
“Thanks for coming.”
“No problem. Make it worth my while,” she quipped.
He smiled at her saying, “I’ll do my best.” Before returning to the front of the room he asked, “Can we talk later?”
Retuning his smile she enthusiastically answered, “That would be nice.”
She settled into her seat and listened attentively as the panelists talked about the importance of strategic visioning to help philanthropic nonprofits better meet the needs of their grant recipients and the communities they served. It was extraordinarily enlightening and helped her solidify her own thinking on the subject. However, as the session progressed she found herself being mesmerized once again by the way he moved.
She watched the way he tilted his head and used his piercing and earnest eyes to make each questioner feel as if they were the most important person in the room. Sometimes he’d lightly lick his bottom lip before sliding his forefinger across it as he contemplated his responses. Occasionally he’d glance towards her as other speakers made their remarks and she’d squirm a little each time he did it. When the session ended and the last of the attendees left the room, he made his way to her.
After a brief exchange, they decided to leave the conference center and make their way back to the host hotel bar. They talked in greater detail about the panelists’ key points over a few cocktails. For at least two hours they laughed a lot and flirted a little.
Janine surprised herself by saying, “It’s great talking with you again. I’ve missed it. It’s almost like our chats in the coffee shop.”
He smiled and simply said, “Agreed.”
She continued, “That’s the one thing I always loved… we could talk about any and everything.”
Before taking another sip of his drink he said, “Not everything.”
She knew exactly what he meant and chose not to be coy in the moment. Instead she acknowledged his observation by saying, “Yeah, if only our mouths worked as well as our bodies, right?”
He let out a slight humph and said, “Right.”
“You look good, Michael…and happy.”
“Thanks. Things are good for me. And you? It was big news when you were named the head of Remington. What are the assets now…two billion?”
She was surprised he shifted so quickly back to business. “Yes, the market downturn hurt us a bit, but we were able to recover. I love it at the Foundation—it’s really the perfect blend of doing good and making a great salary,” she chuckled.
“Just what you wanted, right?”
“I had to pay off those law school loans.“ Settling back into her seat and sipping on her wine she asked, “What about you?”
“I love what I’m doing…and salary wise—not bad. But that was never the issue for me.”
Since he opened the door, she asked, “And how are your parents?”
“Actually, they’re good. I saw them this weekend. They have been doing a lot of traveling—mostly going to their place in Tuscany or out to Denver and Seattle to see the grandkids. My brother’s youngest son just graduated from high school this year.”
“Wow! Aaron?”
“You remembered?” He was surprised she remembered the names of his nieces and nephews given the last time she saw them was over ten years ago. “Yeah, Aaron. My niece Caitlyn is at Columbia and Justin is at Stanford.”
“I guess it has been a while. What about your sister’s family?”
“Mya’s kids are younger, but the oldest is going to middle school this year. It’s crazy. Makes me feel old.”
“You’re not old and you know it!”
He chuckled and said, “I have to wonder sometimes. Thirty-five is a little interesting for me.”
“Well, you look amazing.”
“So do you,” he said, as his eyes seemed to take her in.
The silence between them this time was more cautious than awkward. They looked at each other before Janine dropped her eyes from him and whispered, “So now what?”
“What do you want to happen?” he asked.
She looked into his eyes and raised her brow slightly. Without a word, she stood up extending her hand to him. She knew what would happen between them if he took it. He drew her hand to his lips and gently kissed it creating a slight yet familiar tingle before releasing it.
“Tell me what you want,” he said.
He knew exactly what she wanted, but getting her to precisely verbalize it was the precursor of his introduction of submission and dominance with her. Other men simply did things to her asking later if she liked it. On the few occasions she explained what she wanted from a partner, she was often met with stunned silence or derision around the idea she’d dare dictate sexual engagement. In time she simply tucked those impulses away. But Michael was able to get her to be far more explicit than she ever thought she was capable of expressing.
It had been years since she formed the words or spoke them out loud. Mindful of their public surroundings, she leaned towards him and said, “I want you to fuck me. But before we do that, I want to feel you dick in my mouth. Is that okay with you, Sir?”
He smiled broadly before letting out a low “Mmm.”
They rode the elevator up to her room and as soon as the room door was closed they responded to each other as if not a year had passed since they were last together this way. Their mouths and hands explored each other with a hunger that seemed as if it could never be satisfied. They made their way to the bed trying in vain to take off clothes without losing physical contact. But once fully naked, they both stopped assuring each other what was happening between them was more than a lustful one night stand.
Janine positioned herself on top of him and began kissing his chest and flicking her tongue around his nipples. He sighed deeply and placed his hands behind his head to let her do her will. She appreciated the fact he was in essence submitting to her. Licking and kissing around his navel, she made her way slowly down his legs. She took her time, gently nibbling at his knees and inner thigh. She made her way down to his foot licking and sucking each toe before switching to his other foot. Reversing course, she made her way up the other leg, tilting it slightly to kiss the back of his knees.
With her head at his knee and her hands on his upper thighs, she could feel his penis jump with each touch. His groans were subtle as she made her way to his testicles. Gently cradling them in her hands, she lifted them and let her tongue flick under them occasionally lightly touching his anus. She made small circles under his scrotum and back to his anus as his moans grew louder.
He tried to pull her up, but she resisted by pushing his hands away. She knew all too well, he rarely preferred to ejaculate before he could satisfy her at least once. But she’d have none of it. It was as if she wanted to make up for all the years they lost and at the same time apologize for all the things she’d done that hurt him. She continued loving him by turning her full attention to his penis. Her hands moved in concert with her mouth up and down on his shaft as it pulsated and engorged further in her mouth. She kissed his tip running her tongue along the shaft careful not to miss any of it before taking him fully in her mouth again and into the back of her throat. He gasped and writhed as she moved her lips down to his base before moving back to the tip. Her lips and tongue mimicked how he made love to her with slow deep strokes in and out of her mouth.
His moans grew more guttural and resonant and when she felt he was ready, she released him. She straddled his hips ensuring his penis rested between them and leaned towards him watching his face and eyes. Entwining her fingers to his, she slid her hands to his wrists holding him tightly. The sensations pulsating through her own body created a powerful longing that left her moist and ready. She slid her clitoris back and forth over his penis further stimulating them both. When he closed his eyes, she moved slightly forward and then down in such a way that
made it easier for them both to guide his penis into her without either using their hands. Although it had been years since they made love to each other, it seemed as if every muscle in their bodies remembered.
Janine moved her hips up and down, desperately trying to control his thrusts inside her. She rocked back and forth over him, at times making small circles, at others giving him the internal hugs he loved so much. Before either of them came, he quickly withdrew from her and lifted his upper body to hers. Taking hold of her ass, he flipped her onto her back raising her bent legs towards her chest. He positioned her so he could use his thumb to make soft circles on her clit as he pressed his shoulders against her legs tilting her hips upward. He watched her face for signs of pleasure or discomfort as he carefully and slowly slid his penis into her ass.
She winced slightly at the initial intensity of the position because it had been years since she had anal sex. She kept her hazy eyes on his as the sensation of his penetrating warmth filled her completely. Soon, her muscles began to relax better accepting his thickness and depth. He was the only person who had ever given her an orgasm this way and it was extraordinary. As they lay together, touching and lightly kissing each other, she couldn’t believe it was all actually happening and she realized how much she missed being in his embrace.
She attended a few more sessions in the remaining days of the conference. The two evenings they spent together made it easier for them to talk through some of their past together. But most important, they reveled in the moments they now shared. When the conference ended they promised to stay in touch. They spent a weekend together in New York, but afterwards, their calls became less frequent. Each had commitments—both professional and personal—that neither was prepared to alter significantly. Within months, they were firmly back into the routine of their lives. It seemed so much easier that way, but the pain of yet another separation would not escape her.
Her Love and Regrets (Book I) Page 13
