“Just you being here helps more than you’ll ever know. It’s nice to have someone around to talk to who’s not cutthroat like the rest of these motherfuckers around here.”
“So what you’re saying is that you basically hired me as your companion?” I freak a little inside, suddenly needing to clear up exactly what this job doesn’t entail. “I’m not a paid escort, Xavier, if that’s why you brought me along.”
He furrows his brow. “I know that.”
“Do you? I’m just making it clear that I’m not like Deena.”
“Beautiful, you couldn’t be any more different if you tried.” He takes my hand into his on the top of the table. “You’re more woman than she can ever dream of being.”
“I…” I swallow hard, completely lost for words.
It’s moments like this that make me forget all the rough patches we’ve been through since I’ve known him. With just a few simple words, he has the power to make me believe that I’m the most special person in the world.
“I like you, Anna. I know I’ve got a fucked up way of showing it sometimes, but I do.”
“I like you too,” I whisper.
Xavier lips pull into a huge smile. “Good. Then try to look past all the bullshit and be my friend.”
There’s that pesky ‘F’ word again—the word that’s going to drive me straight out of my mind one of these days. My hormones can only take rejection so many times before they shut down from disappointment.
But if a friend is what he wants from me, then a friend is what he shall have.
“I’m here for you. Always. You would never have had to pay me for that.”
He brings my hand up to his mouth and presses his lips to my knuckles. My toes instantly curl and I chew on the corner of my lip. Heat rises up my neck and I know my cheeks are flushed.
I glance around the room, not many people are paying any attention to our little interaction. Only one person is watching us intently.
Deena glares at me from across the room, her slender arms crossed over her chest. If I had to guess, I’d say she’s plotting how to kill me this very second in order to get me out of the picture.
I’ve made more enemies since leaving home a little over a week ago than I’ve had in my entire life. I guess this is all a part of living free and breaking rules.
I just hope I can make it through this unscathed.
The show travels from town to town so often, I don’t ever bother to unpack. I just live out of my suitcase, so to speak. It makes things so much easier.
I dig through my bag looking for a pair of clean underwear to sleep in when I notice Anna out of the corner of my eye. “Do you want to shower first, or is it okay if I do?”
She sits on the bed next to my suitcase. “I prefer to take mine in the morning.”
The thought of her naked and wet, only a room away from me, causes my cock to jerk in my jeans. I’ll have to make damn sure I’m out the door before that happens in the morning. God knows I’ll never be able to resist her if I’m here for all that.
Fuck me.
I need a distraction before I go to the shower to jerk off while thinking about her.
I force my mind to think about my upcoming match, and after a couple of seconds my dick calms down and I’m able to function like a normal human being again.
“I won’t be long. You can take the bed. I’ll make a spot on the floor.”
She shakes her head. “Don’t be ridiculous. You have a match tomorrow, you need your rest. I’ll take the floor.”
“Anna,” I warn. “There’s no way in hell I’ll allow you to sleep on the floor.”
She sighs, knowing I won’t give in on this. “Fine. We’re both adults—we can share the bed.”
I raise my eyebrows. “You’re okay with that?”
“Of course I am, silly. We’re friends, and I trust you.” She tries to play it off as a joke to make it seem like sleeping in the same bed with me isn’t a big deal, but I know her better than that.
I want her to know she can trust me. “You don’t have to—”
“No arguing. It’s a king-size bed, so it won’t be an issue.”
“You sure?” I quiz her.
“I trust you. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”
“Okay then.”
I’m pretty sure I break the record for the fastest shower known to man. The idea of lying inches away from her all night sends a thrill through me. I roll my eyes at myself as I realize that I’m thinking like a fucking teenage girl excited about the possibility of touching someone I have a crush on. I scrub my hands down my face and attempt to convince myself to chill the fuck out.
I’ve got to get a handle on this thing because if this keeps up, I’m going to scare her off with my psycho obsession.
If she could ever see inside my head, she’d surely run away screaming.
As quickly as I can, I strip out of my clothes and climb into the thin nightgown I wear for bed. The sheets are cool as I slide between them, but they do nothing to calm my flushed body down. I close my eyes and quietly tell myself, “Quit being a scaredy-cat. You can do this.”
Xavier’s deep laugh reverberates on the other side of the bathroom door. “Psyching yourself up again?”
Shit. How the hell did he hear me?
“N—no. That had nothing to do with you,” I say trying to muster some confidence.
The door opens and he steps out wearing nothing but a towel and a smile.
Water drips from his hair onto his broad shoulders as he approaches the bed. I glance over to his side of the bed, and I notice his underwear is laying there.
He’s going to change right in front of me?
My heart thunders in my chest. I should look away, but I can’t help myself. I want to look at him.
Sins of the flesh really do carry some meaning. Father would be proud that I actually still remember some of the scripture.
I take a deep breath and search for a distraction. I grab the one paperback novel I brought with me off the nightstand and open it in front of my face.
It’s a romance novel, and so far the love story is very angsty and intense—which reminds me a whole lot of the relationship I have with Xavier.
“Is that a good one?” he asks.
I turn toward him to answer just as he drops the towel and grabs his underwear off the bed.
“Ohmigod!” I shriek and immediately cover my eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to—”
“Look?” Xavier chuckles.
“Yes,” I whisper, completely mortified.
“It’s okay, Anna. I’m sure what I’ve got isn’t anything you haven’t seen before. You were an engaged woman once. I’m sure you’re experienced in that region.”
I squeeze my eyelids tighter.
If he only knew just how lacking I am in that department, he would probably tease me relentlessly, so I don’t reply.
Once he’s dressed, Xavier pulls back the blankets and slides in next to me. I expect him to stay on his side of the bed, but he doesn’t, scooting close enough to me that our arms touch as he leans over and tilts my book up so he can read the title.
“Rock My Bed? That sounds dirty. I never pegged you for the type to read smutty books,” he teases.
I shake my head. “It’s not smut, it’s a romance. The woman is trying to help the broken man heal and see that he’s a good person, even though the hero denies that he is for most of the book. “
Xavier leans back against the pillow and tucks one arm behind his head. Even though I shouldn’t, I allow my gaze to wander down the toned muscles of his bicep and chest. He’s so beautiful, it’s hard not to stare at the work of art that is his body.
“That’s the problem with women in fiction. It’s always the man who needs fixing. Why can’t it be the chick who’s fucked up for a change?”
“There are lots of great works out there about that very thing,” I reply.
“Not as many as men with problems,” he fires back. “All you women read
those books and pray to find a ‘fixer-upper’ who you can ‘heal’ when the reality is that most men don’t talk about their issues for a reason. It’s best to leave the past in the past rather than dig old shit up.”
Instantly, it hits me that he’s talking about more than just fictional characters. He never wants to talk about his family for a reason.
“That may work for a little while, but surely you don’t believe avoidance is the best way to handle problems.”
He shakes his head. “Of course I don’t think that. Sometimes an ass-kicking works just as well for people who have it coming.”
I sit up and face him. Now might be a good time to try and get him to open up to me. “You’re talking current events though. I’m talking more along the lines of old problems you can’t necessarily fight your way out of.”
He turns those intense blue eyes on me, and my heart races. “I know what you’re trying to do, Anna, but it’s not going to work.”
Busted.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Xavier shoves himself up and off the bed before walking toward his suitcase. He rifles through his clothes, pulling out a pair of jeans, socks, and a t-shirt.
Every time I feel like I’m starting to get somewhere, he shuts me down and runs away. “Where are you going? We’re talking.”
After he quickly dresses, he shoves his feet into his boots. “I’ve told you before, I don’t talk about my past.”
“Why?” I ask, confused and curious as to what could possibly be so bad that he won’t tell me anything about his past.
“My problems aren’t like one of your books, Anna. There’s no fucking formula to fix me. My shit—it’s fucking real. It’s not all in my head. The things I’ve lived through, the things I’ve done—” He cuts himself off and squeezes his eyes shut, like it pains him to even think about it. “I should be in prison right now, but instead, I’m sitting here with you. Don’t think for one second that I’m not a monster, because I am. I can’t change who or what I am. I hate to disappoint you, but I’m not a hero. I’m the fucking villain in this story.”
“That’s not what I’m not trying to do!” I argue, even though deep down I know he’s right. From the moment I met him, I have tried to size him up and justify my feelings for him.
“Yes, you are. You’ve got it into your head that I’ve got some redeemable quality that I just haven’t uncovered yet. Do you know how insane that sounds? I’m not like you, Anna. Growing up, I didn’t have the luxury of getting lost in some fictional world. I didn’t have time to have a fucking imagination, or dreams. All I worried about was staying alive and surviving—something you wouldn’t have the first clue about.”
“You think I’ve had it easy? My father hates me.” Tears burn my eyes, but I refuse to allow them to fall. “Do you know what that’s like?”
Xavier runs his fingers through his hair and drops his head to stare at the floor for a moment before returning his icy blue stare to me. “More than you’ll ever know.”
The words bounce around in my brain, and they anger me. “And I’ll never know because you won’t tell me a damn thing about you. You give me bits and pieces, but you never tell me anything real. How am I supposed to be a friend and help you if you refuse to open up to me?”
“Don’t push this, Anna. Let it go.” He raises his voice, and I flinch.
I’m pissing him off? Well good, because I’m pissed off now too. “No!”
He narrows his eyes at me and grabs his keys off the table. “I don’t need this shit.”
He storms toward the door, running away yet again. But this time I’m not letting it go. “We aren’t done with this conversation.”
The muscle in his jaw works beneath his skin as he turns around to face me. “We are now.”
It takes every inch of my willpower not to reach out and grab his arm to force him to stay here with me and finish this.
“Where are you going?”
“Out,” is all he says, before turning back around and pushing through the door.
My body jerks when the door slams shut behind him, and I don’t even get so much as a second look.
If I keep pushing like this, I will lose him—I know that. But I also can’t have a friendship with someone who hides vital parts of themselves from me.
I flop back onto the bed and stare up at the white ceiling. I owe him an apology. I have no right to pry, forcing him to tell me things he doesn’t want to, but I’m greedy. I want all of him.
I lay awake staring at the alarm clock on the nightstand. It’s nearly two in the morning and Xavier still hasn’t come back yet.
This isn’t good.
He needs his rest. Tomorrow is Tuesday, and I know Tension is a live televised event and Xavier has a match. Being out like this won’t be good for his performance.
I pick up my phone, debating whether to call him or not when I notice a new text has arrived from Father. I clutch the phone to my chest. I’ve been avoiding him now for over a week, but he’s been relentless with his messages.
As always, my curiosity wins out. I raise the phone up and flick my finger across the screen. My breath catches. What I read is such a different tone than what I’d been receiving. Most of the week Father’s words have been angry and demeaning—pointing out all my faults, and telling me how leaving everything behind was a huge mistake. How I wasn’t being smart. How if I didn’t come back, I should forget I even have a family.
That one hurt the most.
It was the last one I read before this new one, which blows my mind.
Father: I need to know where you are and that you’re safe. At least give me that. I sigh as I read his words. He’s worried. I can tell. The least I can do is let him know where I am. I quickly tap out a message in reply.
I’m safe. I’m in Atlanta. Working for a wrestler who’s on TV.
It’s not an exact location, but it should be enough information to appease him. As hard as it may be to believe, I do love my father, but he’s too controlling and I need distance from him.
I’m my own person with my own will—desperate to make my own choices. And the choices will be mine, and I will be happy making the wrong ones because at least the mistakes will be my own.
Speaking of wrong choices, I need to talk to my ‘possible wrong decision’ and apologize. Make him come back and get some sleep.
I scroll down through my contacts and my thumb hovers over Xavier’s name just as the door opens and he creeps through the door. I squint, as the light from the hallway fills in around him.
The second the door closes, we’re wrapped in darkness. It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust, but finally they do, and I see Xavier standing beside the bed, staring down at me frowning, his hands shoved deep in his pockets.
He’s quiet for a few long, torturous seconds, but finally he sighs and sits on the bed. “I’m sorry I kept you awake.”
I sit up and reach for his hand. “Don’t. It’s me who should be apologizing. We’ve had this talk before and I know you don’t like to—”
Xavier presses his index finger to my lips. “I’ve had some time to think about all that. It’s not fair of me to blow up when you ask simple questions about my family. You’re curious about me, I get that. Maybe someday I’ll be able to talk about them, but right now, I just can’t. I hope you can understand that.”
I nod.
“There are things about me, Anna, that I don’t want anyone to know—especially not you. My family…they weren’t good people, but they were all I knew. I thought the things they did were normal for so long. It wasn’t until I met Nettie and Carl that I discovered differently. I don’t want you to pity me. That would kill me more than anything. I have to be strong. Don’t you see?”
I stare into his eyes and trace the scruff along his jawline. “It’s okay to be vulnerable sometimes, Xavier. You can be that with me. The past is just that—the past. I base how I feel about you on the man I know you are today. Yo
u’re protective and strong, and above all else, you have an amazing heart.”
He closes his eyes and leans into my touch. “You don’t know what you’re asking for. I’m so fucked up, Anna.”
I bite my lip and cradle his face in my hands. “You’re not. I wish you could see what I do.”
I know we’ve had problems, and our relationship is nowhere near perfect, but right now I don’t care about any of that. Every inch of me craves him. I want him to know that he matters to me—that I’m not going anywhere.
I lean in closer to him, and he closes his eyes again before resting his forehead against mine, resisting my kiss. “If we smash these fucking friendship rules there’s no going back. Once I have you—that’s it, you’re mine. I won’t allow another man to take what’s mine. Do you understand?”
My mouth drifts open and I whisper, “Yes.”
He presses his lips lightly against mine, teasing me. “I’ve wanted you from the moment I saw you, Anna. All this waiting has been driving me out of my fucking mind.”
Xavier’s hand slides up my stomach, teasing me with his slow touch. He continues going up until he reaches my breast. The thin fabric of my nightgown is all that separates his hand from my bare skin, and I’m tempted to tear it away myself, just to feel him.
His touch is so much better than I ever imagined. I close my eyes and get lost in how good it makes me feel. Never has a man turned me on like this before.
It’s almost like an out-of-body experience. Never have I been this wild and carefree. Never have I acted on something I’ve wanted so badly.
And it feels amazing.
My head falls back a bit, and I moan before he threads his fingers in my hair and pulls it back up. His mouth crushes into mine, and I throw my hands into that sexy hair of his.
“I’ll be a good man to you, Anna,” he says against my lips. “I swear it.”
“You’re already a good man,” I whisper.
He crushes his mouth against mine again. His tongue searching and probing my mouth like it’s too excited to behave. This kiss feels so different. It’s primal and demanding, like he’s marking me as his.
Xavier’s nose skims my cheek before he nips on my earlobe.
Phenomenal X Page 16
