Somebody Else’s Sky: Something in the Way, 2

by Jessica Hawkins

  I peeked into the room, more out of curiosity than anything. It was smaller than the suite but just as nice. Nicer, even, because there wasn’t music blasting or people everywhere. I spotted a bottle in a bucket of ice. “There’s champagne,” I said.

  “I know. I put it there.”

  “When?” I asked. “You’ve been with me all night.”

  “Earlier.” He opened the door wider to reveal a white bedspread dotted with red rose petals. “I know it looks romantic, and that’s because it’s supposed to be.” He crooked a corner of his mouth. “But it doesn’t have to be if you don’t want.”

  “Oh.”

  “You all right?” he asked. “You’re a little pale.”

  I touched the doorframe. “It might be the alcohol.”

  He laughed. “It might be the sex.”

  I smiled despite my apprehension. It was so easy with Corbin. Easy to talk to him—like Val, he actually listened when I spoke instead of trying to one-up me like my other friends. Easy to laugh with him, to be around him. Easy to love him. I did love Corbin, so why couldn’t it be easy to fall head over heels for him? To get butterflies? Maybe it would be, if only I gave him a chance. After all, Manning seemed to be doing that for Tiffany. He’d taken her hand earlier tonight. I downed a courage-bolstering sip of my drink and entered the room.

  The door closed behind me as Corbin dimmed the lights. He followed me in and lifted my drink from my hands to set it on the nightstand with his. Tucking some of my hair behind my ear, he said, “We can take it slow. Talk for a while, even.” Then, he kissed me again. I forced myself to focus on his lips, his breath, him. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. A lot of girls in my class had either had sex or were planning to tonight. None of them had someone as sweet and fine as Corbin, I was pretty sure.

  Corbin deepened the kiss, and my body pressed into his of its own accord. Feeling how solid his chest was, my nipples hardened. Doing this didn’t necessarily have to mean we were official or anything. I wasn’t sure I could ever be official with anyone, not as long as my heart belonged to someone else. Was that fair to Corbin? Maybe. He’d had sex before and hadn’t made anything official with anyone. He’d always been a gentleman to me, but I knew that wasn’t the case with other girls.

  Corbin circled my waist and walked me backward to the bed. The thought of lying down with him pulled at something deep in my belly—the something I was pretty sure I was supposed to feel about sex. He slid his hand down my lower back and over my ass, pulling me against him. As his hardness pressed against my belly, I couldn’t help my small gasp.

  He groaned. “I’ve wanted this for a long time, Lake. This is so perfect.”

  “I don’t know if I want to do this,” I blurted.

  “Why not?” He kissed my temple. “Give me one good reason.”

  Manning.

  “I’ve never . . . I don’t think about you like that.”

  He lowered my hand to his pants, right over his zipper. “Like what? This?”

  I was touching Corbin’s penis. I might’ve laughed, except that it felt very serious. “This could change our friendship.”

  “I hope it does.”

  Corbin could have college girls, but he wanted me. My existence didn’t anger him. He didn’t keep things from me, not even his feelings. He didn’t hate me or my clothing or my choices. He took my face in his hands and kissed me harder, sweeping my desire up to the next level. I slid my hand along him. I didn’t know what to do, except that I knew I was doing it right, and not just by the pained moans coming from him. I was the one touching him, and yet my tummy was fluttering.

  He grazed his fingers down my spine and I moved against him. Cupping my ass, he squeezed me from behind. My knees buckled, my body going limp as a rag doll. Holding me up, he laughed into my mouth. “I’ve barely touched you.”

  A deep, ache-y sensation throbbed between my legs. How was it possible someone I’d never even thought to fantasize about could make me so warm and squirmy? I had the confusing urge to pull him closer, to push his hand under my dress.

  He undid his pants, opening them just enough to get his hand down his underwear. “You have no idea what you do to me,” he said.

  I didn’t, but I could. My skin tingled as he kissed me. I no longer had any urge to laugh. I reached out tentatively, fingering the waistband of his underwear as I worked up the courage. He paused, then stretched the elastic of his briefs to make room for me.

  I put my hand in, grateful we were still kissing so I didn’t have to look at his face, and wrapped my fingers around him. The skin down there was surprisingly soft. I had nothing to compare him to, but his penis seemed to go on and on. I’d seen two in my life. The summer between third and fourth grade, Alex Smith had come running out of the ocean and lost his trunks to the tide. The other time, I’d walked into my parents’ bathroom as my dad was getting out of the shower. Where Alex’s penis had been small and pink, like an eraser, my dad’s had been larger than life, hairy and angry. I’d run away both times as if I’d been the one doing something wrong.

  Corbin’s was definitely not an eraser. I had no idea what to do with it, so I just held it. I couldn’t ask him, because that would mean stopping our kiss and having to look him in the face. The longer I just stood there, the more uncomfortable I felt. The contents of my stomach sloshed as if they were swimming in alcohol. My palm began to sweat. Corbin was the one with experience, so why wasn’t he doing anything? Was this how it was supposed to go?

  The only other time I’d tried anything like this was with Manning, and he’d done nothing more than graze his hand up my thigh—but that was because he’d been fighting himself. I’d known, instinctively, I’d need to push Manning to get what I wanted. With Corbin, I was afraid to take the lead. What if I did, and I couldn’t go through with this?

  My stomach hurt. My chest. Everything in my body. Manning’d never liked me hanging around with Corbin, and from the look in his eyes earlier, that hadn’t changed. I felt like I’d betrayed him somehow, even though I knew I hadn’t. I hadn’t even looked at another boy, and even if I had, who cared? Manning had held my sister’s hand without her forcing him to.

  I couldn’t do this. I didn’t want to, and it wasn’t right. It wasn’t us. It wasn’t Manning. I took my hand out quickly, wiping it on my dress.

  Corbin pulled back, looking offended by my reaction. “What’s wrong?”

  “I told you, I just . . . I’m not ready.”

  “But why?” He buckled up his pants, frowning. “We’ve been close for years. I’ve never even seen you look at anyone else. Why not me?”

  My heart fell. I hadn’t meant to lead Corbin on, but there was no doubt that was what I’d done. As long as people thought he was my boyfriend, they left me alone for the most part. And that was what I wanted. To be left alone by everyone but Manning. To save myself—not just my virginity but my heart, my soul, and everything in me . . . for Manning. How could I say that to Corbin? I couldn’t. “I’m sorry.”

  “I flew all the way here from New York for you.” He gestured behind himself. “I blew three hundred bucks on this room and spent an hour setting it up—I even went to Bath and Body Works and picked out that girly Juniper Breeze bubble bath you like.”

  “It’s so sweet, and it means a lot that you did all this, but you didn’t ask if—you knew I had plans to stay with my friends—”

  “It was supposed to be a surprise,” he said incredulously.

  He sounded upset, even though I’d never even asked him to be my date, and that made me angry. “So I’m supposed to sleep with you just because you went through the trouble?” I asked. “That’s a stupid reason.”

  His mouth dropped open. “I didn’t mean it like that. Like that you owe me or anything. I just wanted you to, you know, feel special.”

  Corbin would respect whatever decision I made, but still—he’d assumed too much. That I’d be okay with this. That I wanted this. That he could swoop in and take away ev
erything I’d been saving for someone else.

  The air conditioning kicked on, blasting on my bare skin. I crossed my arms over my nipples, embarrassed by how hard they were. “I know that’s not how you meant it,” I said, “but I think I should go.”

  “Come on, Lake. I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable.” He picked up my wrist, running a finger under the strap of my corsage. I’d tried to take it off a few times tonight, but he wouldn’t let me. The red petals matched those on the bed. “We’re a good match. I’ve held back these past two years, waiting my turn. When other girls want more from me, I just see you.”

  I wished I could tell him the same was true for me, because I knew the agony of being in his position. Maybe it should’ve made me want to try with him, but instead it presented the horrific possibility that if I was feeling the same way about Manning as Corbin did about me, then maybe Manning’s feelings for me equaled mine for Corbin. At the end of the day, they were nothing.

  “I don’t like drinking,” I said, touching my temple. What could I say to Corbin other than sorry? Apologizing didn’t even seem right. “I don’t trust myself to make decisions . . . and I don’t feel right. I just want to leave.”

  “Fine.” I heard the disappointment in his voice. “But I don’t have my car, and everyone here is wasted.”

  I looked away. It was my first night out on my own, and I was drunk. I wasn’t about to get my parents to come down here. Dad would be pissed, and I’d be the baby who’d gotten picked up by her parents from the prom. “I’ll call my sister.”

  Corbin made an irritated gesture toward the phones on his way to the front door. “I’ll be in the suite.”

  Once I heard the door latch, I sat on the edge of the bed and called Tiffany.

  “Hello?” Manning answered on the first ring.

  My heart clenched. “It’s Lake.”

  “What’s the matter?”

  “Nothing. Is Tiffany there?”

  “She’s asleep.” That made sense, it was after midnight, but it didn’t sound as if Manning had been sleeping. “What is it? Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine, I just . . . I don’t think I want to stay at the hotel.”

  He was quiet a few seconds. I didn’t know what else to say. I didn’t want him to think I was childish for not wanting to have sex on prom night, but I hadn’t thought up another excuse.

  “I’ll be right there,” he said.

  “What about Tiffany?” she asked.

  “You want me to get her up?”

  I picked up a velvety petal, rubbing it between my thumb and index finger. Part of me wanted my big sister. Even though Tiffany would undoubtedly tease me about this, she had real experience with boys. She’d know how to handle Corbin. But time alone with Manning was precious. More than precious. A bigger part of me wanted him. “No.”

  “Go down to the lobby and wait there,” he said. “Not outside. Don’t come out until you see my car. It’s late.”

  “I’m at the—”

  “I know where you are,” he said. “Ten minutes.”

  I hung up. When I stood and turned, Corbin was in the entryway. He had my overnight bag slung on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Lake. I really didn’t expect anything. I’d be happy just to hang out all night.”

  Guilt crept up my chest. “I’m sorry you came all the way here.”

  “It’s all right,” he said. “I got to surf at least.”

  I smiled a little. “Sydney’s date went home. Maybe you could take her back to the room.”

  “I don’t want Sydney,” he said simply. “I want you.”

  I wrung my hands in front of me. “I didn’t realize . . .”

  “That was my fault,” he said, holding out my bag, “but now you do.”

  Corbin insisted on walking me downstairs. We stood silently in the lobby, watching through the windows until Tiffany’s car pulled up with Manning behind the wheel.

  He got out, stood against the driver’s side door with a cigarette, and watched us through the floor-to-ceiling windows. His expression was so dark, it dimmed the harsh light of the lobby.

  “What’s his deal anyway?” Corbin asked. “Your dad has no problem with you hanging around an ex-con?”

  I wanted to say he wasn’t an ex-con. And that no, my dad was not okay with it. He still hated Manning and I wasn’t allowed to be alone with him, but none of that meant anything to me. In my eyes, he was just Manning, my Manning.

  “He’s a good guy,” I said.

  “Then why is Tiffany with him?”

  It was a joke, but I didn’t laugh. Why was Tiffany still with him? I’d asked myself over and over. At times, I could read my sister easily, but on this, I wasn’t sure. It had started as a way to piss off Dad, and Manning’s presence still upset him, but not as much. I almost thought Dad was beginning to accept him in our lives. So what would happen if Dad no longer cared that they were dating?

  I worried my sister actually thought she loved Manning. Sometimes I caught her watching him the same way I did . . . with stars in her eyes.

  Corbin kissed me before I could stop him. “Call me, okay? This doesn’t change anything between us.”

  I gave him a close-lipped smile. If Corbin wanted to stay friends, I definitely wanted that, too. “Thanks for a great night,” I said.

  I turned away, back to Manning, who watched me through the glass. I crossed the lobby toward him, suddenly aware of how low cut my dress was, of the silky way the fabric whispered around my smooth legs. Aware of Manning’s eyes on me, and of the fact that in a moment, we’d be getting into a car alone for the first time since that night almost two years ago.

  15

  Lake

  Manning didn’t look at me as I exited the hotel lobby and approached the BMW. Leaning against the passenger’s side door, he flicked his cigarette away, but continued staring inside—at Corbin. “Get in the car,” he said.

  He didn’t need to tell me twice. I was eager for time with him, something I hadn’t had much of since the night at the lake. Manning didn’t follow right away. It made sense if he had reservations about being alone in a car with me, but he’d picked me up anyway.

  When he finally slid behind the wheel, I asked, “Can I come over? I don’t want to go home.”

  He started the car and pulled away from the curb. “What happened?”

  “Nothing. I just didn’t want to stay.”

  “Did he pressure you?” He looked over with a fire I hadn’t gotten from him in the months since I’d nearly fallen at his feet in the foyer. “Did he, Lake?”

  “No.”

  “Because he’s got it bad for you.”

  I gaped at him. “You knew?”

  “Of course I know. I’ve got eyeballs.”

  The irritation in his voice irritated me. What right did he have to get upset about someone having a crush on me? I crossed my arms tightly over my chest. “He got us a room.”

  “And?” he pushed when I didn’t continue.

  I stared out the windshield. Everything I’d been holding since the last time we were truly alone flooded over me. He’d given me close to nothing since he’d gotten out, while I hadn’t thought about much other than him. I loved him, and it hurt. Because of that, I let him fill in the blanks. It would be just a taste of what’d been running through my head these last couple years.

  “Lake, if he hurt you—”

  “He didn’t.”

  “If he tried to get you to do anything you didn’t want—”

  “Maybe I wanted it.”

  He white-knuckled the steering wheel, breathing audibly. Manning’s frustration was better than nothing, but at the same time, our time together was limited. I didn’t want to sit in silence, fire-breathing or otherwise.

  “Nothing happened,” I said. I was fairly certain in adult terms, nothing had happened. If I told Manning I’d held Corbin’s penis the way I’d shake his hand, he probably would’ve laughed. “Corbin’s a gentleman.”

 
; “Then why are you here?”

  I shifted in my seat, the “V” of my dress gaping. I tucked the fabric back into place. “I’m sorry I woke you.”

  He sighed. “You didn’t. I was up.”

  “Why?” I smiled a little. “Were you worried about me?”

  After a few seconds, he blew out a breath. “So much can go wrong.”

  He had been worried. Manning always seemed to be running the worst-case scenario in his mind. Who could blame him? He’d lived it once already with his sister. Then again when he’d gotten picked up for a crime he hadn’t committed. “I’m sorry if you worried,” I said. “It’s hard to tell if you even care.”

  He stayed focused on the road.

  “You can tell me if you do, Manning.”

  “What happened that night in the truck was wrong. I’m not looking for a repeat.”

  “Neither am I,” I said quickly, and it was the truth. I didn’t need to make the same mistakes, to deepen my already profound guilt. “I learned my lesson, but . . . what happens next month?”

  He set his lips in a line. He understood what I was asking. “Nothing,” he said.

  “I turn eighteen.”

  “I know.”

  “And then I’ll go to college. I’ll be away from all of them.”

  He wiped his upper lip with his sleeve and turned on the air conditioning. I tried not to shiver. “I’m sorry you think I don’t care about you,” he said, “but it couldn’t be further from the truth. I care too much.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Just leave it, Lake. It is what it is.”

  “It doesn’t have to be that way. If you care about me at all, you’d break up with her before—”

  He slammed his palm against the steering wheel. “This isn’t about her, it’s not even about me. It’s about you going off and accomplishing everything you’re supposed to. Do you want to end up like your sister? No education, in a job she hates, living with a felon who can’t even take care of her?”