“It’s perfect, John. Thank you,” Hannah said as she slowly unwrapped their baby. “I better change his nappy. I’ll be back.” Hannah went down the steps and dug in her luggage for a cloth diaper while John stayed upstairs and looked pensively out of the window. His rambling thoughts were interrupted by the cry of his son.
“Oh, it’s alright, sunshine,” Hannah said in a soothing voice as she laid him down on the blanket. His tiny body squirmed about as she took a handkerchief and wiped him dry. John slowly descended the steps, looking at Hannah taking care of their baby. He got to the bottom of the steps and stared at her as she pulled her white blouse up, exposing a full, supple breast filled to the brim with milk. She squeezed her nipple gently, allowing a thick trickling to run out before placing her baby up to nurse. Jonathan immediately latched, his eyes fixated on the prize, nursing vehemently as Hannah held him close. John pushed his hands in his pockets and walked towards them guardedly. He then sat close to Hannah and watched intently.
“Sweetheart,” John said in a soft voice, “I would’ve moved us to Pennsylvania where we would’ve had more freedom, but the opportunities for financial well being aren’t as prevalent there. This seemed to be the best option.” Hannah looked at John. He gingerly rested his chin on her shoulder.
“John, you’ve done the best you can, and that’s all I can ask for. I’m overwhelmed right now that I couldn’t even think of anything better. This is my first real home. I’m with the man that I adore, and we have this precious baby. I get to walk the streets freely. You ain’t never had my life. You only shared my life, John, so you don’t completely understand how happy and grateful I’m right now. You think you’ve let me down. No, you never let me down, John. You always tried to protect me. You always did the best you could, and I can’t ask for much more than that.” She kissed his lips softly. Their lips lingered together before she hesitantly pulled away. Hannah stood up and walked into the kitchen assessing what she needed.
“This place is spotless. We need groceries though. I can get ‘em.’”
“You need to rest first,” John stated. Hannah took a large blanket, folded it, then wrapped and placed their son on her stomach. She wrapped him up tightly in it, maneuvering his legs and arms and positioning his head. John stood back and watched in amazement as Hannah moved the fabric around, gently pulling out John’s legs and positioning his head.
“I’d see Mary do that with some of the other babies when we were little. I never see white women do that. Did you learn how to do that from her?” John asked inquisitively.
“Yes. This is how she did it, her mama did it, and her mama did it before her. They learned it in Africa. When you work hard, you gotta take your baby with you. I don’t want him out of my sight. This way, I can get things done and still have him close,” Hannah explained.
“I don’t want you going out just yet. Let me pick up what we need.” John sat down at a small table and pulled out a piece of paper and ink pen. He jotted down everything Hannah mentioned that she needed.
“We need soap. We also need lard, bread, eggs, flour, milk, butter, apples and turnips.”
“What about meat?” John asked. Hannah laughed.
“I’m so used to only getting meat on occasion that I didn’t even think about it.”
“I’ll stop by the butcher shop and get a chicken. We need some oats, too, and there’s a big bag of rice that I know you will love.”
“Can you get more blankets for the baby?” Hannah asked with a sweet smile on her face. “I’m going to turn one of my old dresses into nappies for him.”
“I’ll get him anything that you feel he needs.” John stood up and kissed Hannah gingerly. “I’ll be back soon. Don’t leave out just yet, OK? You can start unpacking if you wish. I love you,” he said as he hurriedly went out into the dusk covered city.
* * *
“You sly little devil!” Hannah exclaimed as John returned two hours later with an arm full of groceries and a brand-new, hefty, white baby crib. John laughed as he heaved it up the steps.
“You said we’d get it tomorrow. You tricked me. I can help you,” Hannah said as she readjusted their sleeping son.
“You will do no such thing!” John barked. “No wife of mine will be moving furniture and you just had a baby.” He smiled as he struggled to finish the last two steps. “Whew! It was much easier getting it on the back of the wagon than it is up these steps. Hannah smiled and picked up the two grocery bags John had left by the front door. She took them into the kitchen and unpacked the items.
“Eggs, bread, butter, milk, lemons, apples, pears, chocolate – chocolate?” Hannah laughed. “Chicken, roast beef, turnips, lettuce, tomatoes, collards, peaches, lard, neck bones, wine, candles, eight blankets, sugar, salt, pepper, cotton, soap, matches, stockings...” Hannah smiled. “Your daddy got me some new stockings, Jonathan. He must have seen the run in mine. Hair barrette, perfume – Your daddy spoils me so.” Hannah smiled as she put the flower shaped barrette in her coiled coif. She walked over to the sink and pulled out a frying pan and a pot to boil water. She lit the pilot and began a cooking frenzy that soon filled the house with delicious aromas as she sprinkled salt and crushed pepper over the meat and vegetables.
“Hannah!” John screamed from upstairs. Hannah immediately put the large wooden spoon she was using to stir down and walked briskly up the staircase. She entered the room with the green rug and gasped.
“John, you scared me half to death! I thought you’d fallen,” she said as she looked at his smiling face. “It’s magnificent. It looks so nice in here,” she said. She looked down at Jonathan who was still fast asleep. “Let me try to put him in there.” Hannah noticed that John already had laid down a billowy light blue blanket he must have purchased, inside the crib. She gently unwrapped the sleeping child and placed him delicately into the crib. He squirmed a bit and then fell right back asleep. They quietly walked out of his room, closing the door behind them.
“Our furniture will be here tomorrow,” John whispered as he ushered her into their bedroom. “I’ve already ordered it but if you don’t like it, we can take it right back,” he assured.
“I’m sure I will, John,” Hannah smiled. “That’s OK, we can just lay out some blankets. It’s really pretty in here.” Hannah moved around the room again in awe. John walked up behind her, burying his face in the cradle of her neck and shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her gently.
“Hannah, I missed you very much. Not a day passed that I didn’t long for you,” John said breathlessly.
“I felt the same. I thought it was surely over though after I was pregnant. I didn’t think you’d want me anymore.” Hannah dropped her head.
“Fate’s an interesting dynamic,” John laughed, smiling seductively as he pushed his hands up her blouse. “Is it, too early?” he asked with bated breath. His desires for her that had been pent up for months came gushing forward. Hannah turned to face him.
“I’m still in pain from the baby, but if you want me, I won’t deny you. You’re my husband. I have to do as you say,” Hannah said, a look of forlornness on her face.
“Hannah, no!” John said angrily. “You don’t have to do as I say, especially if you’re uncomfortable. A husband isn’t a slave master. You’re not a slave, and I’m not your master. If I want something from you, and there’s a reason why you can’t do it, then tell me. I respect you. Yes, I’m the head of the household, but your feelings matter too, Beloved. I adore you,” John said sweetly as he pulled her closer. “I’ll just wait. That was selfish of me, I’m sorry. I just missed you so. So much I can’t even express it clearly without my heart flooding.” He kissed her passionately as she fell limp into his arms.
* * *
Three weeks later…
“Are there any nails left? I have one more picture to hang,” Hannah said as she wiped her nose with the back of her hand. The baby’s room was now equipped with a matching dresser and rocking chair. A stack of s
panking new golden-bound story books was against the corner along with a large, over-stuffed brown teddy bear with black button eyes.
“Yes, but this time don’t get your thumb!” John teased as he sandpapered the top of the door. He climbed down the ladder and handed Hannah a nail. His shirt was off. His smooth muscles were sparkling with fresh sweat. He’d made repeated trips to the attic in the last thirty minutes and his body expressed it. Hannah caught herself staring then quickly turned away. Her insides churned as she internally acknowledged her sudden lust for him. John smirked as he watched her blush and turn back to the wall where she began to hammer the nail into the wall. She reached down and hung the picture. It was a small painting of a little lion and lamb.
“How does that look?” she asked as she stepped away. Her bare feet felt warm against the green soft fibers of the rug. She dug her toes in as she looked back at John and then back to the picture.
“It looks nice. What store did you get that from?” John asked as he climbed back up the ladder.
“That dry good store – they had a little section where local artists had their wares. I saw it and thought it was just right.” Hannah smiled, pleased with her find.
“You took your papers out with you, right?” John asked with trepidation. Hannah turned and looked up at him.
“Yes. I don’t understand something, though. If I’m free, why would it matter if I had the papers or not? You already sent in the paperwork.”
“Because, Hannah, there are some people who still may have an axe to grind, and you need to be careful,” John said with slight agitation.
“So you don’t want me to go out? You expect me to stay held up in here all the time? You told me when we first got here I could go where I wanted. The baby and I need air to breathe. I’m already homesick! You’re at work all the time. I’m lonely,” Hannah exclaimed. John sighed and looked down at the floor. “Honey, it’s not that I don’t want you to go out, I just couldn’t take it if something happened to you. I’ve been away from you too long as it is, is all. I know you miss Richmond. I do too, but it’s not safe for us there. This is where we live, and we’re doing it because we want to be together and to protect that little angel.” He pointed to their son who laid in a basket looking around at his parents with wonder.
“I know you’re going back, and you’re going to leave me all alone,” Hannah said as she looked down at her hands. John climbed down the ladder and walked up to her, lifting her chin delicately. Their eyes met. They looked at one another longingly.
“Yes, I’m going back, but it’s so I can take care of some loose ends. I won’t be gone more than a few days.” He stared at her as he lowered his lips to hers, kissing her in soft pecks until he guided her mouth open, sliding his tongue over hers effortlessly. Hannah suddenly stopped, smiled shyly as she wiped her lip and looked over at Jonathan. He was now looking at his parents with what appeared to be a faint grin. Hannah walked over to him and placed him in his crib. She turned to hang up the last picture she’d purchased. John quickly grabbed her arm, leading her into their bedroom.
“But the baby!” she said as he quickly closed the door behind them.
“I can’t wait any longer. Please tell me you’re ready,” John begged as he pawed at her breasts and kissed roughly down her neck.
“Yes, I can,” Hannah giggled. “Just be gentle.” John picked her up and laid her down atop their expansive, soft mattress. Hannah had picked out beautiful, eclectic yellow fabric and handmade their sheets, pillow cases and quilts. She stayed up all night until they were finished, breast feeding and sewing at the same time and smiling pleasantly at her work. The silky fabric glided underneath her as John pushed her arms wide and slid her gown smoothly over her head. He looked intensely at her bra, panties and stockings, removing them with urgency as his desire grew at an exponential rate.
“Oh, God, yes,” John sighed as he kissed her nipples and down to her stomach. Hannah rubbed her fingers in his hair as he kissed all over naked body. John moved his way back up to her face, kissing her cheeks, lips, and ears. Hannah began to laugh nervously.
“What?” John asked with a slight smile.
“Your hair – I messed it up,” She laughed louder. John laughed back. Within her, he suddenly saw a flash of them as children.
“We’re best friends,” he thought to himself. “She knows everything about me. I know everything about her.” He took his fingers and roughed up her hair playfully. Hannah screamed with shock and delight.
“Oh no!” she laughed, turning over onto her stomach pretending to try to get away. John pulled her legs back down the bed towards him, laughing. He lovingly held her close with one hand, listening to her heavy breathing as he took his other hand and slid his shoes and pants off. Hannah attempted to turn back on her back.
“No, stay like that,” John insisted. He pulled her up onto her knees and quickly entered her from behind. Hannah gasped, shutting her eyes and falling forward as her face fell into the pillow, as if in slow motion.
“Are you satisfied?” John asked in a light tone as he continued to move in and out of her.
“Yesss,” Hannah replied, feeling his nature deep inside of her, still slightly raw from the recent birth.
“I missed you so much, Hannah,” John’s voice trailed. I’ve waited for this time with you again for so long.” He lay down on top of her back, pressing her stomach into the bed as he continued to make love to her. John intertwined their ankles as he lifted his hips and buttocks up and down, jostling between her legs and pinning her delicately with his weight.
“Mmm,” John moaned deeply, moving faster and bottomless. A flash memory of her orgasm in the river sent waves up his spine. He desperately wanted to see and feel her body vibrate like that again. John reached around her waist, forcing his hand underneath her pelvis until he found her pearl. He tenderly massaged it in circular motions. Hannah began to buck underneath him, her mouth agape as she sighed and cried out in a faint whimper as her momentum built. They simultaneously arrived at the same time. Howling, crying and moaning, John pressed into her deeply, plunging with complete fortitude as he excreted the last drops of his core. They both lay still. John continued to pant loudly as he held her close.
“Mmm,” he growled deeply next to her ear with a smile on his face. Hannah giggled. John slowly rose from her body and looked down at her. He took his fingertip and traced her back.
“You’re the most magnificent, beautiful creature to walk the earth,” John said seriously. Hannah looked over her shoulder at him and smiled before turning all the way and exhaling deeply as she flipped onto her back.
“Is that so?” she teased. John fell on the bed beside her, holding her securely against his naked, wet body.
“Yes, that’s so.” He kissed her forehead.
* * *
CHAPTER 17
“I see,” Gayle said as she wiped the tears from her face. “I’ve received nothing but bad news since my husband departed,” she said to her mother who patted her hand. “How could he do this to me?” She sobbed into her shaking hands.
“Gayle, Sweetie, I don’t know. I don’t know why men do things like this. I believe it’s the nature of the beast,” Mrs. Douglass explained.
“He left me for a Nigger!” Gayle screamed. She snatched off her wedding band and threw it across the room.
“Gayle, you’re not the first and you won’t be the last. Those women flash themselves. They’re loose and seduce our men with their wildness. She’s more to blame than he.”
“So, they’ve run off together with their ghastly half-breed offspring.” Gayle looked away with disgust. “He didn’t believe me when I told him I was pregnant. He was acting oddly. The doctor confirmed I’m not, and now, now I have nothing, Mama. He probably believes I was barren. Maybe I’m…” Gayle continued to cry while her mother rocked her solidly in her arms.
“He should be here any minute,” Gayle’s mother assured. I heard his train would be here soon. I tri
ed to contact Master Stewart but he refused to reveal any information. I’m going to leave now so that you may have time alone with him.” She hugged her daughter once more and got into the wagon that waited for her outside of the house.
Gayle looked around the house, frantically wringing her hands nervously. She walked into the bedroom. She moved her light pink, thick bodice and petticoat to the side, causing a slight rustling noise as she sat down on the circular leather vanity stool. Gayle looked at herself in the mirror carefully, examining her freckles, the beauty mark on her neck, her collar bones and down to her plump, heaving porcelain cleavage. She squinted her hazel eyes, causing their color to darken beneath her array of lashes. Gayle picked up her scarlet lipstick and outlined the poutiness of her mouth.
Then she sat. She waited. She fought tears. Her head quickly turned once she heard footsteps on the porch forty-three minutes later. The footsteps were heavy, confident, and ready. They were familiar. She braced herself and forced a smile. The front door swung open followed by a pause. Gayle listened. She heard him breathing. He was silently searching. His footsteps rounded the corner, becoming louder. He stood outside of the cracked bedroom door, his shadow blocking part of the light. Slowly, the door opened, exposing the tall dark outline of John.
His hat was tipped to the side and the smell of cedar and pipe smoke suddenly encompassed the room. John’s iridescent blue eyes scanned her as if seeing her for the first time. He gulped and rubbed his jawbone. He slowly walked towards her, then past her, pulling out a drawer and slowly removing garments and ammunition. Gayle’s mouth parted. She licked her top lip as she surveyed his body. John wore a black, smooth double breasted jacket. His pants were tan and tailored. His hair, the long front locks he was notorious for having, was cut. John’s raven hair was neatly coiffed and he was clean shaven, exposing a deep cleft in his chin and prominent right cheek dimple. He nonchalantly maneuvered his belongings into a box, robotically.
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