“And ammo?” she comments eyeing Aisley.
“The girl knows how to work a handgun. I highly doubt ammo is gonna taint her,” I say laughing at Hayley’s expression.
“Yeah, and I took Xavier hostage for fifteen seconds,” Aisley adds with a smile.
Sober
Hayley is feeling much better. She ate the rest of the mint leaves and split the rest of my berries with Aisley.
“Can we open the other bottle of berries,” Aisley asks out loud.
“Not until Xavier stops to hunt,” Hayley answers. “When he’s gone out, we eat ten berries every hour.”
I look in the rearview mirror and see Aisley’s eyes widen in delight. “Ok great ‘cause I’m super hungry.”
Hayley laughs and brushes her fingers through Aisley’s hair. I smile and laugh quietly to myself. For just this moment, I feel like we’re a normal American family driving to Fort Ticonderoga for vacation. It’s overwhelming how good it feels.
My watch beeps and washes that feeling away in an instant—time to listen to the radio. I turn on the car radio and glance up at the rearview mirror. Hayley holds her fingers up to her lips to Aisley, who nods her head in response.
Static fills the cabin of the car, and I listen harder to see if I can even hear a whisper of a voice. But there’s still nothing—nothing but static.
God damn it. The silence is killing me. I need to know I’m not traveling into a trap, like I did with those roadies. I have to keep these two safe. I care about Hayley too much to get her into a mess like before again. And Aisley—god, we’re all she has right now. I shut off the radio after five minutes of static and take out my aggravation on the steering wheel.
A hand squeezes my shoulder from the back of the car. I make eye contact with Hayley in the rearview mirror and feel everything melt away. How does she always manage to do that? She inches closer to my ear and whispers, “Everything is going to be ok. We’ll hear something eventually.”
I nod my head, but when she lets go of my shoulder, all the anxiety creeps back up my spine into my brain. The sunset shines brightly between the trees. I find a place in the traffic to park for the night—after the cabin incident, I make us blend into our surroundings rather than openly advertise we have a car.
“I’m gonna go hunt quick and see if I can get anything,” I tell both of them in the backseat. Hayley nods her head and pulls out the pistol. I shake my head. “Use the rifle and load it. I’ll be ok with the crossbow and knife,” I respond.
“Are you sure you don’t want to take this with you?” Hayley asks holding out the 9MM to me.
I shake my head. “Little one over there has a pretty good shot, right?”
Aisley smiles and nods her head. I go to leave the car, but Hayley’s hand grips my shoulder and pulls me back. She leans her mouth next to my ear.
“Don’t try and be a hero,” she whispers. “I know you have three people to provide for now, but this is the latest you’ve been out to hunt. You know what’s out there—”
“Don’t worry, Hayles,” I respond. “I’ll be back before you know it.”
She smiles and looks back at Aisley. I climb out of the car while the two of them lay down in the backseat. The sun is still at the top of the trees which gives me about fifteen minutes of hunting and gathering time. I hustle into the forest on the side of the road and begin to scan for movement. I see a bushel of berries and start heading towards them. The bush is relatively empty which means that it’s a frequent place the animals visit. I grab the few berries left on the bush and place them in the bottle.
Because of the colder nights recently, the plant life has slowly been disappearing from the forest. What are we going to do when winter comes? Will everything still be like this? Stop it, Xavier! Focus on now—what you’re doing now.
I look down and see a print in the ground that makes my heart stop. A growl from the other side of the bush makes my skin break out in goosebumps. I turn and run as fast as I can in the opposite direction. The pounding of footsteps stutters and then begins a swift pattern getting louder by the second. I turn and shoot an arrow only to confirm that a bear is pummeling after me.
Hunting, Sort Of
“Open the door,” I yell when I’m at the edge of the forest.
Hayley’s head pops up from the back seat. I can see her mouth my name and then rush for the door handle. The rear door flings open, and I dive head first into the car. Aisley slams the door shut just in time for the bear to shatter the window.
I jump into the driver’s seat and turn over the engine. My foot slams on the gas pedal, and I clip the car in front of us before peeling away. The bear soon becomes a small dot in the rearview mirror after a couple more swipes at the back of the car.
“Are either of you hurt?” I wheeze in between breaths. Aisley checks her body and then shakes her head. Hayley glares me in the eyes in the rearview mirror.
Oh boy, someone is not happy. I drive for a couple miles just to give Hayley time to cool off before we stop to sleep for the night. It’s well past dusk by the time I pull over.
Aisley sleeps soundlessly on Hayley’s lap while Hayley stares out the window. “You all right,” I ask.
“Does it look like I’m all right?” she spits out. She looks up at me and swipes the back of her hand across her eyes. “I thought you were gonna get killed.”
“I know, but I didn’t. I made it back—”
“I told you not to be a hero, Xavier!” her voice straining to stay quiet. “If you weren’t aware, being chased by a bear qualifies as being a hero.” She inhales sharply and squeezes her eyes shut.
“I’m gonna go scope out a new car,” I whisper. “I’ll be right back.”
She grabs my wrist with such strength it shocks me at first. Looks like someone’s a hundred percent healthy. “I swear to god, Xavier,” she says through gritted teeth. “If you come sprinting back with a dragon running after you, I’m going to kill you before you even make it to us.”
“Nice to have you back,” I say and slide out of the car.
There’s not much on the road that’s any good. Most of the cars look rusted-out and the rest are trucks or eighteen-wheelers. I’m about to give up when I see Four Runner tucked neatly in between two semis. I run up to the SUV and its loaded with groceries—some of which, I’m sure have gone rotten, but a lot that look fine. I hop in the driver’s seat and the keys are dangling from the ignition.
Thank the fucking lord.
I pop the car in reverse and weave my way back to Hayley and Aisley. Hayley carries Aisley and hands her to me. “She’s out,” she whispers. “I’ll go grab the rest of the stuff from the car.”
I nod my head and walk back to our new vehicle. “Where’s Hayley going,” Aisley asks from my arms.
“She’s just grabbing the rest of our stuff,” I whisper. “Don’t worry, she’ll be right back.” I place her in the backseat of our new car.
Hayley throws our bags into the rear most compartment of the Four Runner. I climb into the driver’s side and turn over the engine. It’s quiet for the first couple minutes that I’m driving. I hear Hayley stifle a sob into her sleeve. I turn and see her face red with strain. I pull her closer, and she completely loses it. Her chest heaves so quickly that I fear her ribcage is going to split in two.
“You can’t fucking die out here, Xavier,” she says. “If you die, Aisley and I are gone. I can’t do everything that you’ve been doing.”
The truth in her statement hits me harder than I expect. I haven’t taken one moment to teach Hayley anything because I’ve been more worried about her getting hurt, or now, Aisley getting taken by the psycho groups out on the road.
Those two are completely helpless if I die—when I die. I don’t know how long things will be like this. We’ve been running for weeks? Or is it months now? And all three of us have had death breathing down the back of our necks. Hayley knows that it will be the only thing that’l
l separate us.
I feel sick. How stupid can I be? Why would I keep all this knowledge to myself? That was my whole reasoning for bringing Hayley camping in New Paltz. My selfishness has put Aisley and Hayley completely dependent on me. If I die, they maybe have a couple of days to try and scavenge until they’re either caught by psychos or starve and die slowly.
I rest my head back on the seat. That ends tonight.
“Get some sleep,” I say. “You’ve got a long day tomorrow.” I floor it through the stalled traffic turning everything into a blur of dark colors.
Sixteen Days Since Drugged
“Squeeze the trigger,” I say. My patience is completely stretched beyond capacity. Hayley aims the rifle tight to her shoulder and breathes out slowly. I can already tell she’s going to do it wrong and the bullet is going to fly over the rusted tin can I lined up on a tree trunk twenty feet away. “Squeeze,” I whisper through gritted teeth.
Hayley tightens her jaw and glances over her shoulder. I raise my hands up in surrender. Her gaze returns to the can, and she breathes out once more. The shot rings my ears, but I don’t hear a ping of the tin. Hayley sighs in exasperation. “I’m tired of this shit,” she mumbles loading the gun once more. I squeeze the bridge of my nose and hold my breath for ten seconds.
“Hayley, let me show you.” Aisley stands up and grabs the rifle from her. Despite the rifle’s heavy weight, Aisley sturdies it easily to her shoulder. She cocks it and breathes out slowly. The bang drowns out the ping of the tin can being knocked off the tree trunk. I feel a smirk spread across my face. Hayley’s jaw drops.
“Good shot, Aisley,” I say. I walk through the thick brush to search for another metal can. Aisley is such a natural that it makes me wonder what her parents taught her in the first couple weeks of the outbreak.
Oh my god, her parents. I stop midway through the brush. I never told her about her parents. The pictures and her mother’s ring are in my jacket that Hayley is wearing. Fuck. How am I supposed to tell this nine-year-old that her parents are dead?
Maybe she’s assuming they’re already dead. Maybe I don’t need to do any explaining of why I sent her off to collect berries instead of keeping her with me to gather water for our ride.
I look over my shoulder at them both; Hayley laughs at Aisley imitating her shooting the rifle. She runs after her and grabs her by the sides tickling her until her laughter fills the silent forest.
Oh god, I feel nauseous. I lean against a tree and squeeze my eyes shut. I feel like I killed them. I feel like if I tell that little girl she is an orphan, that it was me who did it. “Xavier!” a voice yells behind me.
I can’t turn around. If I turn around right now, I’ll lose it. Footsteps crunch the twigs on the forest floor behind me.
“Xavier?” Hayley reaches out and grips my shoulder. “Are you all right?”
“Her parents are dead,” I whisper. I grind my teeth to stop the vomit from pushing its way up.
Hayley sighs, “I know.”
I swallow and feel my face go hot. “I can’t—I can’t tell her.”
Hayley turns me and lets her hand fall into mine. “I’ll do it,” she says. “You don’t need to put everything on your shoulders.”
I let out a breath and squeeze her shrunken frame in my arms. “I just can’t tell her she’s an orphan,” I respond. “I know it killed me to find that out.”
She rubs the back of my head and for a second, just a second, that sense of normalcy floats in again. I close my eyes and let myself melt into Hayley’s arms. It’s perfect—a perfect moment in a disastrous time.
And as perfect as it was, she pulls away and everything returns to the haphazard life we trudge through each day.
“A photo and her mother’s wedding ring are in the inside pocket of the jacket you’re wearing,” I say.
“I’ll take good care of her,” she responds running her thumb across my cheek. “I think I’ve got this death thing down pat now.”
I don’t follow, Hayley. Instead, I just let her go and watch her walk. She takes Aisley by the hand and walks off behind some shrubs. She hands the photos and her mother’s ring to Aisley and talks so quickly, her lips come out as a blur. She’s probably just as nauseous as I am, but she’s stronger than me.
If anything good has come out of everything that’s happened to her—happened to us—it’s that she’s able to bite the bullet and do what is needed. And here I am crying in the fucking woods. I squeeze my eyes shut just before Hayley folds Aisley into her arms. I can’t bear to look at it.
I walk off into the woods and force myself to hunt. I scale a tree about a hundred yards away from the two girls. I can still see them through the branches, and I whistle to let them know that I’m still here. I hear three claps, probably from Hayley’s hands, as a response to my whistle. I scan for movement—the outside world seems hushed.
I breathe out when I see it; a fawn about 25 yards to my left inching through the forest noiselessly. The arrow is out of my crossbow before my body knows it. Enough time on the road will do that to you. I climb down the tree and let out a whistle. I skin and gut the fawn being careful not to lose any of the entrails. We’ll need those for bait down the road.
“You got something,” Hayley’s voice asks from behind me.
“Yeah. Looks like we’ll be eating good for these next
couple of days.”
She squats down next to me and helps bag the entrails. “Great, I’m starving,” she whispers.
I reach for her hand but spot the blood on them and decide against it. “Is she all right?”
“Yeah,” Hayley answers after a brief moment of silence. “I walked her back to the car. She didn’t feel like shooting anymore.”
I nod my head and grab the deer by its front legs. Hayley follows me by grabbing the rear legs and we carry it through the forest, closer to the car.
“I can start the fire for you,” Hayley says flipping open a lighter. “She wants to talk to you right now. I’ve done everything I can to calm her down, but she kept asking where you were.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat, and I feel bile push past the knot in my gut. I filet the skin from the meat and begin tying the fawn and its meat to a branch nearby.
“Build the fire here—” Hayley presses her finger against my lips.
It’s to shut me up, but my lips still finish the sentence. She knows how to make me stop just as easily as Cassie did.
“Go,” she says and pushes me towards our car.
I try and loosen the tension in my shoulders, but I think they just strain more. I open the passenger side door and climb in the car. Aisley sits behind the steering wheel stretching her legs out as far as she can. Her face is streaked with wetness, and her eyes are brimming with tears. She grips the steering wheel tight and turns it back and forth.
I try to come up with something to say that won’t sound dumb. But all I can think about is what my father would have said—what the hell you cryin’ for boy? Obviously, I can’t say that to this nine-year-old. I would never speak like that to my daughter.
My daughter? Hayley and I are practically her parents now. Did I just adopt Aisley subconsciously? Huh, go figure.
“My dad said he was going to teach me how to drive,” she says breaking the silence. I nod my head and wipe away the straggling tears that fall from her eyes. “Can you teach me?”
I smile and nod. “Of course I can, Aisley.”
“I knew my parents were dead,” she whispers. “Thank you for not telling me right away and letting me deal.”
It came out so easy, like she really has been going over the fact that she’s an orphan for the past couple weeks we were running. I know Aisley was smarter than any other nine-year-old I’ve ever met. But this world made her old, made her grow up too fast. I could hear it in her voice, like I used to hear it in mine.
Years of tough love from my father and losing my mother made me a littl
e more than rough around the edges. I had been beatt on more than one occasion and my mother would sit crying in a corner of our house somewhere. So I turned hollow. I turned into a pit and became nothing when I was home. Maybe that’s why my two best friends were girls.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I can’t explain the shock and pain that I feel. I reach over and hug her. “We’ll look out for you, Aisley. I promise.”
“Thank you, Xavier,” her tiny voice whispers. “I don’t know where I could go.”
Twenty Days Since Drugged
“Xavier, let me drive for a while,” Hayley says climbing into the front seat.
My eyelids ache. The road is completely bare, and I’ve been drifting here and there. “I’m really ok,” I respond.
Her hand reaches out and she rubs the back of my neck. My eyes close involuntarily. “That’s what I thought,” she laughs. “Pull over, Xavier. I’ll drive.”
I let my head fall in defeat. Hayley laughs at my dramatic gesture. The car crunches over glass and gravel on the shoulder. Both of us climb out of the car and meet by the trunk.
“You know, I’ve been thinking,” Hayley says leaning against the window. “Maybe we shouldn’t go to Fort Ticonderoga.”
I’ve been waiting for her to say that for a while. I know I’ve been thinking it since the broadcast turned to static. “We’re only a day’s worth of driving away—”
“But what if we get there and it’s a lost cause?” she says cutting me off. “I mean—yeah, it would be great. I want more than anything to be safe again—to stop running. But the broadcasts are static, we haven’t heard anything coming from Fort Ticonderoga, and we have Aisley now.”
I peek in the back window and see Aisley curled up in the blanket with her mouth parted halfway open sound asleep. Even if having Aisley with us causes me to hunt longer, I can’t help but consider her family. And Hayley has almost turned into a mother for her—we’re together until whatever we meet at the end.
Burn Our Houses Down [Book One] Page 10
