In three weeks’ time, The Wall was going to lose power. The grid was going to come down for the first time in nearly a century. The Sanctuary would be exposed to the city it once ostracized—and all of its inhabitants. It was then that the rebels were going to launch an attack, with the Ministries’ forces divided and weakened.
My selfish anger had only allowed me to set my sights on The Minister, but the rebels weren’t just looking for an assassination. They wanted a complete culling of the government. They were taking down the beast, not just cutting off its head, as I had once preached. Still, I wasn’t sure they understood what their freedom might cost them.
I studied each person in turn. Some of the faces I had seen on other nights at the dinner table but tonight there were several I had not seen before. Among the familiar were Mae, Inessa, Ryker, and a man who reminded me very much of Doc Porters.
One light-haired male was tall and lean, with thick hands and a slow steady manner about him. His fingers were calloused, knuckles raw. My mind automatically ran through the labor-intensive jobs required by The Sanctuary. He was certainly manual labor.
A dark-haired female about my age sat next to Ryker, her head bent, her shoulders curved in slightly. Her fingers were thin and nimble, but her hands steady. She caught me staring and surprisingly held my gaze before returning to the conversation at hand. Not a soldier, but not a manual worker either.
An older man with peppered hair and dirt under his nails—groundskeeper. A man with flaming red hair and matching raw skin up to his elbows—chemical laundry services. A flighty woman with tapping fingers—computer systems engineer. A middle-aged woman with severe posture and a stern face—soldier.
My brain mechanically clicked over each person. Click, click, click, click… A sensation of dread washed over me. It seemed my mind had finally begun to turn back on. A part of me was awake again. And it didn’t like the math.
Four soldiers. Eleven civilians.
Eleven liabilities.
Rebels surrounded us, but there were only four trained soldiers among them. A shocking reality hit me. This wasn’t Tartarus. These people hadn’t had to fight for their lives. To kill or be killed. They were repressed, scared… and if they started a war, they might just die that way. I wanted The Minister dead. That was my end game. I didn’t care about politics or running a city. After his death I could walk away. I could protect Mouse. Maybe even learn to live with Triven by my side. But what of these people? Killing The Minister meant nothing to them. They wanted to overthrow the entire system. But opening The Wall would be like unleashing hell into Eden. These people were innocent and naked with their naivety. If the Ministry fell they would be nothing more than lambs for slaughter. The Tribes were not a weapon that could be easily controlled. Once their part in the plan was complete, there would be no forcing them back into Tartarus. You can’t just release the Titans from their cage and then expect them to go quietly back in.
My mind roared with thoughts, Ryker’s voice barely carrying over my internal din.
“The Minister knows the rebellion is growing in strength, but thanks to Zeek and Fiona his mark is way off target. Currently soldiers are rounding up civilians at random, people of suspicion, relatives of those previously involved.” His bright eyes fell on Triven pointedly, and then shifted to Inessa. “I fear some of us are at higher risk than others.”
Inessa held her head high. “We knew the risk when we joined the rebellion.”
“Do you? Do you really know what you’re risking?” My voice was barely above a whisper, but the subsequent silence confirmed it was heard. Every head but Triven’s turned to stare at me.
“Of course we know—” Mae began, but I cut her off.
“I’m not sure you do.” I shifted behind Triven, glaring at each person in the room as I spoke. “To ensure the death of your government, you are willing to unleash hell and all its demons upon your city. You may be able to overthrow the Ministry, but how many innocent lives are you willing to sacrifice to make that happen? How many of your women will be defiled? How many of your children will be slain before you achieve your victory? Tens? Hundreds? Because in the end their blood will be on your hands, not the Ministry’s.”
Several rebels looked away in shame, only Ryker and the other soldiers held my gaze.
The austere-faced female soldier spoke in a terse tone. “We are aware of what the Tribes—”
“Really? You are aware of the Tribes? Are you aware of how they hunt? That they play by no rules but their own? That their only desire is to survive and they will do anything to see that happen? How many of you have set foot outside of your precious Wall? How many loved ones have you witnessed raped and maimed? How many allies have you seen bleed out before you?” My voice pitched with a bit of hysteria. Triven’s shoulders tensed, but he remained still, keeping his face forward. I forced myself to calm down and closed my eyes to fight back the onslaught of memories. I took a deep breath. Steady…
“I want nothing more than to see The Minister and everything he stands for fall—preferably at my own hands—but to involve the Tribes? The Ravagers are in the Minister’s pocket for now. But regardless of their current alliance, once you open The Wall there will be nothing stopping them from turning on the entire Sanctuary—Ministry and rebels alike. This Tribe—these savages—will stop at nothing. And the other Tribes are equally unpredictable. It won’t just be The Minister fighting a battle from all sides. You will be in the center ring beside him, a gun pointed at you from every direction.”
Mouse’s tiny hands took hold of mine, steadying them. I hadn’t even been aware they were shaking.
Ryker spoke with the cool air of a military official. “Pre—Phoenix speaks the truth, as did Triven before her. The Tribes are not a weapon that can be honed for use. They are deadly and unpredictable, but still, enemy of thy enemy is thy friend.”
I didn’t like where this was heading.
Ryker continued. “The rebels have come to an agreement. While we know little of your world outside our walls, you know less of ours within. We will take care of our end, if you take care of yours.”
I narrowed my eyes. “What exactly are you getting at, Ryker?”
Triven shifted in his seat his muscles flexing with tension. This was what he had really been holding back from me. His words were like a weight crashing down on my chest.
“He wants us to unite the Tribes.”
17. DOUBT
I SLAMMED THE door to our room with such force the metal frame was still reverberating. I wanted to punch something. To scream. To take off and let all of these morons die in their own self-righteous stupidity.
“What the hell are these people thinking?!” I was practically screaming. “Unite the Tribes? Unite the Tribes?! Does he have any idea how insane that is? Or that we spent the last two months pitting them against each other in an all-out Tribal war?”
I paced the room, prowling the small space and finding nowhere to escape. Both Triven and Mouse were watching me carefully. Mouse was perched on our cot, her skinny legs just barely reaching the floor.
The meeting hadn’t ended well.
One thing that hadn’t changed inside of me was my temper. Triven’s words had hung in the air like tiny daggers waiting to drop. I had felt the blood rushing to my cheeks, the rage searing its way to the surface. When Ryker had confirmed Triven’s proclamation, I exploded. I didn’t really remember much after that. Several threats had been made on both sides and at some point my chair managed to get thrown across the room. Inessa said something motherly about giving me time and the word hero was vaguely pitched around a few times.
Evidently, my face had become the rallying point for the rebels, even before they knew I was still alive. The video of my insolence and then Fandrin’s abuse had become a beacon for the resistance. They had all watched it upon recruitment with the same shock and horror that I had just felt on the roof. It was all part of their plan. The video would go live to the entire city ju
st minutes before The Wall goes down. They were going to use me to show citizens exactly who their Minister really was. Since the rebels now discovered I was alive, they had wanted me to be the face of their rebellion. A living accolade to everything the rebels stood for. The hawk-nosed female solider even had the gall to promote our mission as if being given this death sentence was a blessing. “You would be considered our liberator, our hero.”
I understood what they wanted. If I died trying to unite the Tribes, then I would be a memorialized hero and if I miraculously managed to succeed, then I would be the warrior hero for their people to follow. Dead or alive, I was of value to them. Whether I wanted to be or not.
That’s when I had left. I vaguely remember flashing a few rude hand gestures before exploding from the room shouting, “Go find someone else who has a death wish to be your damn hero!”
Now, in hindsight, my reaction had been a little over-the-top. But honestly, what the hell were they thinking. That Triven and I would just skip off merrily to do their bidding because they had saved our lives? They weren’t just asking us for support. They were sending us on a death mission while using us as martyrs to start a war. They wanted us to do the impossible—to unite the Tribes and worse, they wanted me to be some kind of hero to their people. It was better when the Subversive thought I was the enemy.
I stopped pacing and clutched my head in frustration. I stared at the barren concrete wall looking for answers. “I’m not a hero!”
I could hear the bedsprings creak, but didn’t turn to see who had moved. Mouse’s fingers pulled gently at my arms, forcing me down to her level. Her hands were steady as she signed.
“You’re my hero.” Triven’s voice caught a little while reciting the translation.
She looked at me with warmth and pride. Signing again. This time I understood her.
They need us.
I couldn’t meet her eyes anymore. “I know, Mouse. I know we should help them, but what they are asking is too much. I can’t risk your lives. I can’t risk you and Triven. I thought I lost you once already and it nearly killed me. You can’t ask me to go through that torment again.”
Mouse and Triven spoke over each other.
“And would you ask the same of us? We can’t let you sacrifice yourself again.”
Together.
We both looked at Mouse. Triven let out a heavy sigh. I knew he was thinking the same thing I was. She was too young. It was not her choice. Not yet. But he was right about his say in the matter. I couldn’t make him stay if I chose to leave on this suicide mission. I couldn’t ask him to suffer my loss anymore than I could endure his.
I fell back into a seated position on the floor and rubbed my head. Mouse settled herself in front of me. She was sitting ramrod straight, with her hands folded delicately in her lap. Her large brown eyes were intent as she stared at me. She touched the scar on her throat, then leaned in and grazed the one on the back of my head. She nodded once before signing again, her hands moving slowly so I could understand.
He can’t win.
My heart twisted. I leaned forward and gathered Mouse to my chest, kissing the top of her head. I could feel my father’s watch still hanging from her neck. “You know, for someone who doesn’t speak, your words are very loud.”
She pulled away grinning at me, but faltered when she saw my face. Mouse was my lifeline, my compass. She was right we should help the rebels. But it wasn’t just help they were asking for, they were asking the impossible. Impossible was usually my forte but now… I was unsure of my capabilities.
I shook my head staring at the floor in shame. “I’m scared and for the first time in my life I don’t know how to overcome it. I feel paralyzed. I have always been in control—of my body, my mind, my future. Even when the Subversive took me, I still had the upper hand. I knew more about the city, more about the Ravagers. But here… I feel like I’m in the dark. I have no jurisdiction—I can barely control myself anymore. We came here to start a war on our terms, only to find it has already begun and we are just along for the ride.”
Triven crossed the room and folded himself down beside us. “Everything has changed. To be honest, as well planned as we were, we weren’t prepared for any of this. None of us were equipped for it—not you or I, nor the rebels. I don’t think they ever expected you to come stumbling back into their world. Or for any of us to survive out there for that matter.”
Mouse put her hand on his arm shaking her head. She tapped her chest and nodded her head. We both stared at her. They had expected her to survive.
My temper rose again as I thought about how they had sent her out into the city on her own. How stupid could they have been? No one was safe in Tartarus. No one. Mouse could sense the change in my emotions and touched my hand, her eyebrows rising in question.
I took a deep breath to calm myself before answering her. My heavy exhale ruffled her hair. “It still makes me so angry to know that they sent you into Tartarus and thought you would be safe. It only proves my point that these people know nothing of what’s out there—”
Mouse interrupted me by holding up her hand. She signed quickly, looking at Triven impatiently for a translation.
He smiled gently at her, only a slight trace of sadness in his eyes.
“But I was safe. I found you.” Triven nodded to me as he finished her words. A hundred emotions flashed in his eyes. Pride. Fear. Longing. Frustration. Anger.
I saw and understood every one of them.
Mouse had become the child, the sister I had never wanted and now so desperately needed. I hated the rebels for sending her out into the city, but that also brought her to me. My whole life had changed for her. And despite the torture, despite the pain and anguish, the change had been for the better. I stared in turn at both of them. My people. The Sanctuary had taken one family away from me. But they had also given me another.
I huffed out an aggravated breath.
“Try not to be so hard on these people, Prea. It’s me you should be mad at, not them. I should have told you sooner. But the timing was never right.” Triven made a sound halfway between a sigh and a laugh. “Is there ever a right time to tell someone to go on a suicide mission?”
Mouse patted his arm in comfort, shaking her head.
He touched her cheek and then looked up at me. “You don’t remember what it was like here before, but I do. And I fear it’s only gotten worse.”
“And how much have you seen outside of what they have shown you? Outside of these walls?” I wasn’t accusing him, I was asking.
Mouse’s brown head twisted as she followed our conversation. Her dark eyes intent.
“Admittedly, not much. But you know as well as I do, as well as Mouse does, what’s happening out there is wrong. My father—your parents—didn’t die for nothing. The Minister is a terrible man, leading equally terrible people, and he has to be stopped. Mouse already said it, he can’t win.”
Mouse nodded gravely, touching her neck again.
“I know! Don’t you think I know that? I know that better than anyone else!” Rubbing my temples for a moment, I then lowered my voice. “All I wanted was to exterminate that evil old man and suddenly we are being enlisted into the rebel army. This is different that it was with the Subversive. I don’t feel like we have a say here. And what they are asking of us is insane.”
“Completely,” Triven agreed.
The room was silent as we pondered our own thoughts. The three of us were standing at a precipice. If only I knew the right choice. Jump? Or turn and run. Either way could cost us our lives.
Triven seemed to be thinking along the same lines. “It seems to me, we have two choices. Hang on and try not to get killed while waiting for the outcome. Or, we can get on board and control what is within our power. This war is going to happen whether we help them or not.” He paused, scratching the back of his head before continuing. “I know what my heart wants and what my head is saying, but it doesn’t matter. Not this time. I have already
made some rash decisions here. Besides, this is not my choice to make, Prea. You are the only one the Tribes might listen to. So this choice is yours. And whatever your decision, I will support it. I know you, Prea and if anyone has a chance in hell at uniting the Tribes it’s you. You are the most resilient person I know and you understand their world better than any of us. The girl I saw in the library, the girl who took on a Ravager hunting party and saved Mouse. The girl who saved my life in the alley… You are already a hero. The only one who doesn’t see it is you.”
Mouse’s head bobbed in agreement. Her expression was stern.
His words stung, their confidence in me only amplified my self-doubt.
“I’m afraid I’m not that girl anymore—that I left her back in the cell with Fandrin. I get glimpses of her but she’s changed.” I met both of their eyes, pleading with them to understand.
“I know.” He touched my cheek and I let him. “No one expects you to be unchanged by what happened. I take the blame for that. You’re human. As much as you hate to admit it, you are not indestructible. Physically or emotionally. None of us are.”
I lowered my eyes. I hated being weak. I hated admitting that I hadn’t been strong enough to come out unscathed.
Grabbing my hand, Mouse then reached out taking Triven’s other free hand in hers, joining us into a tiny circle.
Triven stroked my jaw with his thumb. “I have an idea… but you’re going to have to trust me.”
18. INSTINCTS
I LET MOUSE stay in our room that night, but not without precautions. I made sure she slept securely beneath us—away from my reach. And while Triven was confident my violent outbursts could be controlled, I still took one of the sleeping pills Ryker had given me. Despite my better judgment.
When I finally awoke, I was groggy and slightly unnerved. It felt as though I had just closed my eyes. I couldn’t remember dreaming or moving. The pills had done their job. They had let me sleep. But they had also buried me under a thick veil. The world could have exploded around me and I would have never known. With great effort, I forced my leaden eyes open. Triven was already awake, watching me carefully.
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