by Jessica Cruz
Charlie nodded, completely immune to the nude female body by this point. No one minded him being in the dressing room. He had seen it all a thousand times, and it’s not exactly like any of us was ashamed of being naked. I pulled on a new mask. This time it was black with red outline, making it look fierce. I needed to be a darker girl now, no time to confront any emotions of some dirty old bastard touching my clit.
“Do you need anything?” Charlie asked. “A drink?” I shook my head. “A smoke?” I shook it again. “Blow?”
I smirked, “Have a line ready for me. If this next round goes bad, I might take you up on that offer.”
He nodded, unaware that I was just kidding, and I patted him on the back. I grabbed a corset, fishnet stockings, sequin underwear and knee high boots and pulled them on as quickly as possible. Every minute I spent in here changing, talking, doing whatever was money coming right out of my pocket. I had to get back out there and hustle.
When I got out to the floor, the crowd was still pretty rowdy from that guy getting kicked out. This was the best time for me to make an entrance. I was a hot commodity at the moment, and I had to make some money before they forgot about me.
Some blonde girl was on the stage dancing now. She wasn’t very good, so there wasn’t much attention her way. Charlie just threw her up there to kill time while he checked up on me. Across the room, there was a much smaller stage to the other side where two girls, Sabrina and Lexy, were stripping each other naked. The men loved it though. I rolled my eyes at the poorly acted display of lesbian lust and began search for my prey.
As I walked, a lot of guys looked at me. Hell, why wouldn’t they? I was half naked and within an arm’s reach. I smirked and waved playfully. Finally, I found him. At one of the tables, there was a young guy staring at me, completely ignoring his friends and the two naked girls making out just a few feet away from him. He was enthralled. He was possessed. He was mine.
“You’ve never been here before. Have you?” I asked in a good girl way. I tailored my act to how I thought the guy wanted me to act. This boy was clearly innocent. His friends, a pack of nerds with hard-ons, goaded him and clapped him on the back. He shook his head. “Let me guess. It’s your birthday?”
“No,” he squeaked out, gulping and never removing his eyes from mine. A bead of sweat rolled down his temple to his cheek. “It’s my bachelor party.”
“Oh,” I looked sad, “you’re getting married?” He nodded slowly. “Is your soon-to-be wife as pretty as me?”
“Not at all,” one of his friends laughed boisterously, handing the bachelor a wad of cash. I became more intrigued. That money was going to be mine. “Go have fun!”
“Kelsey wouldn’t want me to go,” he said, finally removing his eyes from mine. “I can’t hurt her like that.”
Fuck, I was losing him. I delicately grabbed his hand, making him stand up and smiled sweetly, “Kelsey doesn’t have to know a damn thing.” His crowd of friends cheered him on. I leaned forward and whispered into his ear. “This is just about you and me, and I’m really good at keeping secrets.”
With some encouragement from his friends, the bachelor followed me to the backroom. We checked in together, and he shelled out the cash for a couch dance. Great, I’d get a good cut out of that. Now, I just had to work on getting a decent tip.
As I escorted the bachelor to an empty couch in the back away from the other girls, I could feel him shaking beneath my touch. He was nervous, crazy nervous. From this job, I had become good at reading people, and from what I could read, he really didn’t want to do this. Good job Kelsey. You found a boy who actually wanted to be faithful to you despite the growing pressure from his drunken friends and the tightness in his jeans.
I sat him down on the couch, ready to play psychiatrist. In front of it was a small round table with a pole in the center. I took a seat at the edge of the table and smiled, brushing his knee with my hand, noticing how he flinched at my touch.
“You don’t want to do this. Do you?” I asked in a soothing voice. I was just loud enough so he could hear me over the pounding music.
The bachelor was pale, still shaking. He gulped, shoved a hand through his mess of red hair, and shook his head, “No, I honestly don’t. Kelsey means everything to me. I-I can’t do this with you to her.”
“I’m not here to show you a bad time,” I answered honestly. Hell, that’s the exact words Charlie used when he hired me during my audition. Whether the client wanted a friend or a fantasy, my job was to show him a good time. “We can just talk. I meant it when I said I was good at keeping secrets. Nothing has to happen between us, and when we walk out back to the table, I’ll tell your friends whatever lie or truth you want me to tell. I promise.”
The bachelor seemed to visibly relax. He started laughing from relief. He said, “Thank you. I really appreciate it.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I just can’t look that way in front of my friends, but I also can’t hurt the girl I’m getting ready to marry.”
“You’re a good guy,” I answered honestly, crossing and re-crossing my legs. Sometimes I preferred guys like this, the ones who were just as big of pretenders as me. Every now and again, I’d get a guy who’d just want to pick my brain or take me somewhere private to look good in front of his friends. We’d just talk. I’d get an even bigger tip than the guys I actually had to dance for, and then, I’d feel like I actually helped someone in a positive way during my shift.
“When are you marrying the lucky girl?” I asked, trying to distract him from the fact that my boobs were spilling out of my top.
“Friday,” he answered with a smile. He looked away from me, but his eyes must have landed on another naked woman because he blushed and ripped his gaze away. He continued to ramble on about his plans. “We’re taking a plane out to Hawaii in a couple days with our closest family and friends and having a small ceremony. She was born in Hawaii, so it means a lot to her.”
“Are you nervous?” I asked with genuine curiosity. I had never been in a serious relationship with a guy before. No one had cared to show me that type of interest in my whole life. The concept of marriage seemed so foreign to me, not when I couldn’t even master the art of a casual relationship. My mom said it was because I hadn’t met the right guy.
“Terrified,” he croaked out. “I just don’t want to screw up my vows. Kelsey’s going to do great. I just don’t want to mess up her day.”
“That’s sweet, but you can’t mess up her day. It’s about unity not reciting a couple lines perfectly,” I glanced at a clock, timing how long I’d been back here. I’d have to escort him out of here soon. “Besides, I always thought it was sweeter when couples weren’t so robotic during their vows. It shows their sincerity. It’s charming.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he narrowed his brows, staring straight into my eyes. I hadn’t felt so exposed all night. It made me uncomfortable, causing me to be the first to break the eye contact. “Why are you here?” I hated that question. I knew what he was getting at. My cheeks heated. “You don’t seem like the type of person who’d be doing this.” He looked around at the dancers and men throwing their hard earned money at them. We were automatically judged as dancers. Others were surprised to find out we were real humans with real feelings and lives outside of taking off our clothes.
“Unfortunately, this job doesn’t have an exact type. You’d understand better if you ever worked in a place like this,” I stood up, taking his hand in mine to follow my lead. “Now, did you have a good time…or a really good time?”
The bachelor examined me with his endless eyes. He gulped and handed me the rest of the cash his friend had given him, “A really good time.”
By the end of the night, I had made decent money. I changed into my loose fitting sweats, took off the mask and met up with Lou at the door. I gave him a peck on the cheek, “There’s my knight in shining armor, my protector. Thank you for earlier.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he blushed. He pushed open the
door and walked me to my car. “How was tonight?”
“Not bad after getting molested on stage,” I shrugged with a sense of dry humor. “I don’t get it. It was kind of dead when I got here, but by the end of the night, it was crazier than I’ve ever seen this place.”
“You don’t know?” Lou chuckled. “When Jersey’s in the house, all the boys want to play.”
“Yeah, something like that,” I gave Lou a hug and climbed into my car. As I drove through the city streets back to my apartment in Center City, I couldn’t get the bachelor out of my head. I was alone in my car, and it still felt like he was looking into my eyes. Fuck, what did he see in me that flourished such curiosity?
I glanced down into my Michael Kors bag at the large, banded stack of cash. Fuck it. It didn’t matter what was in those eyes. At the end of the night, no matter what anybody thought about me, I still had bills to pay, I still had a job to do, and that’s all that mattered.
Chapter 2
I woke up to my alarm screaming at me. Crap, I hated that noise. I slammed my fist down on the button and struggled to emerge from my bed. It was two in the afternoon, but if I didn’t put on my alarm, I’d sleep the whole day away. That’s what stunk about working nights. I felt like a vampire.
After a quick shower, I sunk into the couch and started flicking through the channels on TV. Last night I had dreamt about the bachelor. I had never let anyone’s thoughts or opinions in the club get to me before, but for some reason, his words and that look on his face stuck with me. They haunted me. Perhaps, it’s because the lies were truly stacking up and beginning to get to me as well. There was this double life I was living. By day, I was Adriana Ward, daughter to a respected surgeon and twice-married alcoholic, former Brazilian beauty queen. By night, I was Jersey, infamous, nude dancer disguised by a mask and absurdly, huge ego.
My parents and brother all thought I was a bartender at a local club in the city. That’s why they never questioned my late hours or breast augmentation. Actually, my mom was ridiculously and inappropriately supportive of that. I was never nervous about them catching me because neither of my parents would be caught dead in a strip club, and my brother avoided New Jersey and the surrounding states like a plague. When I took the job, it was out of sheer desperation, desperation for control. I pulled a pillow into my body and thought closely about those first couple days at the club…
Freshman year had just ended, and I was happier than I’d been in a while. Summer was starting up, so I decided to celebrate with a little, fatty and fried foods like I had been doing all year long. I was at a restaurant eating with some friends when Gloria walked in. It was before her new boobs had been installed, but she was still absolutely gorgeous from head to toe. She was cousins with one of the girls I met in my accounting class.
The whole evening, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She commanded the room. She was witty and comical. Men stared her down, and she acted as if it was nothing, the norm. I remember she was wearing this dark blue halter dress that screamed sex appeal. It made me look down at my jeans and baggy t-shirt, which was hiding the gut I had developed over the year, with self-loathing.
After dinner, Gloria pulled me aside and asked if I’d want to get drinks with her later. For some reason, I felt completely mortified at the idea of being out with her. She’d make me feel insignificant by comparison, but I agreed. There was no turning down such a girl.
That evening we met at a bar on South Street. We drank shots, and I started loosening up. We were instant best friends, and I stopped caring about all the men watching her. I just had fun and was grateful for it.
Gloria came to stay at my apartment that night. We talked for forever. I never had such a connection with anyone else before, perhaps because I had been so sheltered. She asked me what I did, and I told her about school. When I returned the question to her, she grinned a response. From there, she told me all about Lux, a club she worked for as a dancer. I sat in awe as she described her long nights and big pay. Her sex appeal, her command of a room, it all made sense now, but she was still the most amazing person I had ever met. How could that be? I was raised to think strippers were dirty whores, barely a step up from prostitutes. It was kind of ironic considering where I came from. Back at home, no one would judge you for marrying for money. It was this unspoken acceptance, so how was that better than what she did for a living?
We talked some more, and she told me about Charlie. Lux was so popular in the city because the dancers were actually happy there. They were treated with respect and as business women. Charlie, the manager, made sure of that. She said he was like a big brother to all of the girls or maybe more like a mildly creepy uncle.
“You’d be an amazing dancer,” she told me as she played with my hair. “Your legs, those curves, they’re to die for.”
My world came to a halt at the idea of grinding on a pole and pushing my breasts into a man’s face. My cheeks burned bright red, so she dropped it. For weeks, Gloria and I hung out almost daily. She didn’t bring up the idea of me dancing again, but out of nowhere, one day, I said I wanted to come to the club and watch her perform.
Gloria was excited and made sure I had the best seat in the house. When she danced, it was hypnotizing. She was gorgeous and desirable. Men threw cash from every direction, and by the time she was done, my jaw completely dropped. I knew I could do what she just did. I just had to get the courage.
After a couple weeks of coming in to work early with Gloria, learning tricks on the pole and practicing, I finally decided I was going to do it. I told Charlie to expect me in that night, ready to work. He already welcomed me into the family; seeing Gloria as one of his best dancers, he respected her judgment calls.
Although the spot was mine, Charlie made me audition just like everyone else. I got up on stage and danced the way Gloria had taught me. Charlie sat, stone-faced, as a one man audience. When I was done, he told me to smile more. He said he couldn’t concentrate on anything else because I looked like I was thinking too hard, and that was unattractive. I thought it was the worst critique ever, but then he told me I wasn’t here to show the client a bad time. How could a client be happy if I wasn’t? I took the note to heart and kept it in my thoughts as the hours ticked away. That night, like Gloria, I’d be a dancer.
The club was packed that night. There were a couple birthday parties and a bachelor party going on simultaneously. I stood in the doorway from the backroom staring, watching as the dancers each took their set. That’s about when I met Lou for the first time.
Lou’s a huge guy, a giant teddy bear though. He peered down at me with the biggest smile ever, “You’ll do good out there. Everybody’s going to love you.”
Something about the way he looked at me made me believe him, and the butterflies just disappeared. Viv came over the microphone. The room full of men cheered, and she announced the new comer, Jersey Girl. Lou laughed and told me he suggested the nickname as a joke and that he didn’t think Viv would use it. I was grateful though. I had never thought far enough ahead to pick out a stage name.
With all my courage gathered, I exhaled and was ready to go, but right before I took a step onto the stage, I stopped dead in my tracks. There, in the front row, was one of my dad’s business partners and close friends. I couldn’t let him see me!
I spun around, ready to run, but Gloria stood in my way. I told her I couldn’t do it, ignoring Viv’s second announcement for me. The crowd was getting antsy. I could hear them as a faint noise registering in the back of my mind. Gloria rolled her eyes and shoved some sort of mask in my hands. I pulled it over my face, and she pushed me out on stage. All eyes were on me. I could feel them burning into my exposed flesh. The room grew eerily quiet. I must have looked like a deer caught out in the headlights.
“There she is! Let’s get this party started!” I heard Viv’s voice boom over the speakers. She started playing my song, and my set began.
For the first few seconds, which felt like an eternity, I
just stared at Chad, my dad’s business partner. He licked his lips in response, and I cringed. He’d been a family friend for years. In fact, there was a picture in my dad’s living room right over the fireplace of him holding me at my first birthday party. I shuddered at the thought.
Suddenly, something in me clicked. I was dressed in a see-through white blouse with most of the buttons undone, a black push up bra, a plaid tie, red pumps, one of those tiny school girl skirts, and the masquerade mask Gloria had given me. My long brown hair was tied up into these two pig tails with these absurd bows in them. When I first put the outfit on, I felt ridiculous, but here, with the music blasting in my ears, I felt right.
I started shaking my hips and dancing to the sultry sounds of Britney Spears. I grasped the pole in my hands and took a couple of extremely safe spins since I was still a beginner. I was so proud of myself for not falling.
The beat picked up, and I started dancing faster, wilder. The men seemed to be really getting into it. I could hear their cheers in what felt like the far distance as they watched me like an animal on display, performing at the zoo. I became lost in the music. I tore off my top. Men cheered. I unhooked my bra and let it fall to the floor, still cupping my breasts in my hand, so they still hadn’t technically seen me. They cheered more, urging me to expose myself. Money flurried around me as they coaxed me to complete the show.
I remember making eye contact with a man up front. He was lost in my beauty, mesmerized. I had seen that look somewhere before, and then it hit me. The first night that I had ever met Gloria, all the men were looking at her the same way. All that control and lust was finally mine. From that point on, I was addicted. I dropped my hands, exposing myself to the club and danced like I had never done before.
At the end of the night, I had made a lot of money. Charlie offered me a permanent spot, and of course I accepted it. He said I remembered to smile; I looked like I was having a good time up there. Gloria was thrilled. She said I was a natural, and it was true. I felt like I had been doing it for years.
