First Lies (The Second Life Series)

by Jessica Cruz

  After I picked through the food, I excused myself, and somehow ended up out here. This was good though. It was private, and I needed time to think. These past couple months have been draining. I was thoroughly tired of being a puppet, yet here I sat with metaphorical strings attached to my arms and legs.

  The door to the balcony pushed open, spilling light into the dark space. I didn’t turn around. Whoever it was clearly had his heart set on making my life hell. Why welcome it? I’d rather continue my gaze, pretending to find peace on my own. Besides, in the back of my mind, I knew he’d come find me. I knew it from the moment he spotted me.

  “There you are,” came the deep voice of my visitor. “Jesus, aren’t you freezing out here?” I was standing in a midnight blue, strapless gown, barely receptive to the cold air after a night of rigorous drinking. “What are you doing out here anyway?”

  For the first time, I looked up at my visitor. He was dressed in all black, a black suit, black dress shirt, black tie. It contrasted beautifully with his golden hair, a startling dissimilarity. A look of concern crossed his forest green eyes as he stared down at me. It made me laugh to myself. Ironically, I’m pretty sure that was the first time in months that someone looked at me with something other than judgment or repugnance in their eyes.

  “Thinking,” I answered as the vodka danced in my head, stirring my thoughts. He removed his jacket and draped it around my slender frame. It was so big on me that it felt like I was wearing a tent. “Thinking and wishing I had a sled to ride down that hill…I’ve always wanted to do that.”

  “Isn’t this your mother’s home?” Garrett gestured to the grand estate. I nodded a response. “You’re telling me you never took to that hill when you were a kid?”

  “I didn’t live here as a kid,” a shiver passed through me. I pulled the jacket tighter around my body, grateful he’d given it to me. It was still warm from when he had worn it. It was stained with his glorious scent. “My mom’s only been married to Dennis for less than six years, and besides, I grew up at my dad’s house.”

  A cold breeze pulled at my brown hair, sending another shiver chattering through my bones. Garrett took a careful step towards me, assessing my reaction. When I didn’t kick him in the groin, he stopped only a foot away from me, rubbing his massive hands up and down my arms; the friction warmed my skin. Although he was a tall, bulky man, he had such a gentle way about him sometimes. It was nice. It was welcoming. It was missed.

  “You’re so cold,” he noted in a soothing voice. Flurries of snow began to fall from above, landing and melting in our hair. Garrett looked up to the sky and smiled. It was the first time tonight that he appeared jovial to me, and it was surprisingly attractive. “We should go inside. It’s only going to get colder.” I was hesitant. I didn’t think it was a good idea going inside with him, alone, especially when I had been drinking. “Please? We should talk.”

  Well, it was better than standing out in the snow in a dress and heels. I nodded my head, and he took me by the hand, leading me through a set of double doors. The balcony in the back was massive. There was access to it from three different entrances, including my bedroom. It didn’t occur to me until now that Garrett must have specifically and determinedly been searching for me in each room in order to have found me outside by myself.

  I shut the doors and clicked the lock. Immediately, I felt better. It was so much warmer in the house, and yet the people downstairs were so cold. I wondered if anyone even noticed that I was gone, but then I caught Garrett staring at me from several steps away. He noticed I was gone. He noticed, and then, he came to find me.

  “I’m sorry about you and Wes,” he breathed. “It was only recently that I realized I never said that to you.” Pain shot through me like a lance through the heart. Just hearing his name did impossible, violent things to me. “My brother can be extremely selfish at times. It’s not exactly one of his better qualities, but I’m sure you know that.”

  “Believe it or not, I didn’t go upstairs to throw myself a pity party,” I hissed at him. He grinned and nodded. “Where’s Michelle?”

  Garrett shrugged, taking a leisurely step towards me. I was hyper aware of every movement he made. He said, “I don’t know where she is, but she’s not here.” He exhaled long and slow. “Michelle and I are in the middle of a divorce. I haven’t even told my family yet.” A touch of sadness echoed in his eyes. It was almost nice to see this giant, bear of a man show some emotion. “It’s difficult for me to finally confront myself with the fact that I am no longer in love with the woman I married seven years ago. It’s even more difficult because she’s pregnant with my second child.”

  “How long have you not been in love with her?” I asked mostly to distract myself from staring into those familiar eyes.

  He shrugged, “I’m not sure. Maybe, it’s been a year or two. Shelly kept pressuring me for another baby. Finally, I gave in. I think she sensed our relationship wasn’t what it was anymore. I think she wanted one more chance to give Jade a sibling before we let go.” The way he spoke was like he was giving me an explanation for his past actions at the bar or perhaps in the lobby of the Hollander, like he was defending himself. Albeit, it was nice to have some sort of a justification.

  I didn’t know what to say to that though. Hell, I didn’t know what he expected me to say to that. Silence captured the bedroom, and finally Garrett said, “He never told me why you guys ended it. Can I guess?” My heart constricted in my chest. I remained quiet, willing my emotions to give away nothing. He leaned towards my ear and whispered. “Does Jersey have anything to do with it?”

  I pulled away and stared wide eyed with shock. I had no idea it was even possible for him to betray me even more than he already had. I snarled, “He told you about that. I can’t believe he fucking told you.”

  “Calm down,” Garrett cradled my cheek with his hand, like he had in the past. I felt too exhausted from the intense emotions of my recent past to slap it away. He rambled on. “I knew. I mean, I’ve known for as long as he has.” He gulped. “I was there that night at Lux with some friends and my brother. I couldn’t take my eyes off you all night long, but you looked in every direction but mine. You were absolutely gorgeous, enchanting really, and then, something happened. Wes came to your rescue, and from then on, you belonged to him…until now.”

  “You saw me at Lux that night?” He nodded in response. I thought back to how high and drunk I was, a lethal combination, so lethal in fact, that I had a seizure on stage. Wes came to my rescue, but I should have known even then that super heroes only exist in comic books and movies. “So why are you here?”

  Garrett shook his head, almost in disbelief at how painfully obvious it was. He was still rather close to me from when he had whispered in my ear. He breathed, “I guess I’m still enchanted by you.”

  For a long few seconds, we both stared at each other, thinking or not thinking; I’m not really sure. Some part of me was absolutely desperate for this. Everything had gone downhill so fast once I got to Boston. Now, for what felt like the first time in ages, someone was accepting me for me. He knew my dirty little secret, yet he was still looking at me like he was mesmerized by every curve of my face, every inch of my body. Even though I knew I shouldn’t, it was hard to deny this. I needed this feeling.

  It was my addiction.

  Slowly, he ran his hand through my hair down to the small of my back where he pulled me impossibly closer to him. My eyes never left his. I became lost in them, lost in their want. In the darkness of my bedroom, it was just me and Garrett, and as much as I wanted to deny it, I couldn’t help but be reminded of him. It was in Garrett’s touch, his eyes, his expressions. My body ached for the memory of those beautiful qualities, the qualities of a man whose name I refused to even think. The clear memories of his existence tore at my heart, and if for only one night, I was allowed to pretend that it was him looking at me like this right now.

  Garrett leaned down, capturing my lips with his. He
kissed me hard and deep, pressing his massive body to mine. Fuck, this felt so good. He wanted me. He didn’t lie about it or run in disgust. He just wanted me, the way I was, the way I am.

  He pulled away and trailed a series of kisses from my jaw down to my neck where he sucked and bit at my skin. I groaned a release of pleasure, ready to fall apart. He used to kiss me there, and Garrett worked just as expertly with his mouth.

  Reluctantly, I pulled away, staring after the sexy man. All night long, women drooled after the suited Hercules with his blonde hair and muscular build. His looks were only trumped by his charm and demeanor. He could captivate a crowd like only one other person I knew, and for whatever reason, he chose to go after me.

  “Am I going too fast?” He asked in a dark voice. “I can slow down, Adriana.” He delicately caressed my face and kissed my cheek, back to my mouth, slowly pressing his tongue between my lips. He ran his free hand leisurely down my back, cupping my behind and squeezing it gently.

  Garrett sat down on the bed, keeping his eyes locked on mine. He trailed his hands down my frame and then back up under my dress, making access through the slits on either side. With a little pressure, he sat me down on his lap. He pulled me closer to him, so my legs were straddled around his waist. His hands squeezed my bare bottom.

  “You’re not wearing any underwear,” he purred into my ear.

  My heart picked up its pace at the sound of his voice. He must have sensed my wariness because he pulled away and looked me over as if he was just now realizing I hadn’t spoken a word since he first kissed me. Everything changed.

  He demanded, “Tell me what you want. We can end this. I can get up, go back downstairs, and act like this never happened. We can pretend like I never touched you, kissed you. We can do that, or we can keep going.” I remained silent, frozen in his hold. He leaned his forehead against mine and closed his eyes. “I want you. You know I want you. I want you so fucking bad it almost hurts…but I’m not going to make this decision for you. We do what you want. All you need to do is tell me what that is.”

  “We do whatever I want?” He nodded.

  It was such a loaded question. Lately, I never knew what the hell I really wanted. Everything had changed over the past six months. Every two months, it seemed like I was at a different point in my life, so how was I supposed to determine what I really wanted now when it could affect me in incomprehensible ways in the future? One lesson that I had learned from my past was that what’s good for now isn’t necessarily good for later.

  Well, I guess I had to start somewhere, and that was with Garrett.

  There was something in that Holden blood that made them so divine in so many ways. These brothers were so different and so similar. Their similarities I loved, I missed, I yearned for, but it was their differences that made this interesting. Perhaps, I missed one enough to indulge the other, and perhaps, Garrett was different enough where I wouldn’t relapse back into depression. Perhaps, in Garrett’s arms, I would find happiness, peace, serenity, everything that I craved to bring me back to sanity. Perhaps, his touch would free me from the confinement of these walls I built around myself. Perhaps, it only took one time to get back everything I wanted and more, and…

  Most importantly, perhaps, Garrett’s touch could make me forget his.

  Table of Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17