What could he possibly expect me to say? He is obviously referring to me in his speech, and I find it meaningful that he ascribes such power to my actions. Mr. Vaden wants me to know he is watching everything on these monitors. He wants me to abandon my search. Despite his insinuation, I do not believe uncovering the truth would lead to the destruction of Securus. Hiding the truth is the real danger. You cannot conceal something important from people and expect them not to search for the answer. Perhaps that is the real purpose of his message. Mr. Vaden knows if I bring to light whatever they are trying to shield in the darkness of The Caves, the people will not be able to forget or ignore it.
What they are doing, I do not know, and to some level I do not care. I just need to know the truth, and so does everyone else. The one confusing part of his speech was the mention of the outbreak. He has to know this disease has nothing to do with me.
“What does the new outbreak have to do with this?” I ask.
“Do you really think the appearance of this virus is a mere coincidence?” Mr. Vaden asks. “You find this new chamber, and as soon as you return, people fall ill. The only ones infected are those who came in direct contact with you, or with one of those who have contracted the disease.”
The blood drains from my head, making me feel faint. He could be right. If I did bring this virus back, the newer patients could have been exposed second hand from the original patients. After all, they did work in the same area. On the other hand, if that were the case, then why has no one from my group of friends shown any symptoms? They would have had the most exposure, and all of them are symptom free. He must be using the coincidence to gain my cooperation.
“I understand,” I say contritely, hoping Mr. Vaden will believe he has convinced me.
“Good. I would hate to have to revisit the subject as I have always found the confines of the Detention Center rather distasteful,” he says, sending a chill through me with his words.
The gentle demeanor Mr. Vaden displayed during his speech now disappears. He leans forward in his chair with malice in his eyes. The coldness of his gaze makes me question my resolve. I am stunned by the power of a single look.
”You may leave now. I trust you remember the way,” he says.
Just like that, I am dismissed. He does not even bother walking me out. What would be the point? He sees me every step of the way on his monitors. I am being watched, and he has made it abundantly clear my life delicately rests on the verge of being extinguished. He has given me a decision to make. Either I continue my search, risking my very existence, or leave it alone and live on in shame for having abandoned my convictions. The path I have chosen was a lot easier to walk when all there was to deal with was clumsy threats from Aamon. The danger then felt more like an idle threat. Now, the peril has become overwhelmingly real.
Alone, I slowly drag myself back to my quarters. On the way, the chill of Mr. Vaden’s stare evaporates once I realize something that did not come to mind before. Something is holding him back. Mr. Vaden could have easily discarded me in the very beginning if he thought I was so dangerous, but he did not. He knows I am up to something, and yet, he has not thrown me in the Detention Center. Maybe Talia has somehow convinced him I am not a threat or at least persuaded him to be lenient. Maybe something deeper is involved I have yet to discover.
No matter what has given him pause, I have some small advantage allowing me to continue. I am not powerless against him, and if I find something of substance, my influence will only grow. By the time I reach my quarters, my resolve has returned as strong as ever.
*
The next few days feel like a blur. Aamon made good on his promise to pull me from the infirmary, but only for the afternoon half of my days. I am kept constantly busy, away from my friends and family except for a few minutes before we sleep. Even then, I am so exhausted I cannot manage many words before lying down for the night. The only positive is so far, no more cases of meningitis have been brought to the infirmary. The outbreak has been successfully contained and casualties were very low for such a potentially disastrous pathogen. Even so, all those infected have succumbed to the disease except for Delvin. He remains in the intensive care unit. Because of the break in the epidemic, our work in the infirmary is easily manageable with the extra help of the understudies, even considering my partial absence.
The Caves remain closed, and our resources are running dangerously low. When I walk through the halls of Securus, the change this has affected can be seen everywhere. The inhabitants of Securus have far less spirit than before. They mostly keep to themselves, not even having the energy to greet their neighbors and friends. Part of the change comes from the psychological factors associated with fear of the outbreak, despite its reprieve. The frightening disease combined with the increasing restrictions Leadership has placed on our free time has taken a toll on us. But the most significant factor is the physical hardship caused by the rationing of our resources. We are simply not getting enough food or water to sustain us for much longer.
My schedule finally eases when there are only two days left before the start of the detail. I have completed all of the required training and am returned to my normal work. For some reason, being back to my familiar routine lends some comfort. When I arrive to the infirmary, as she has taken to doing over the past few days, Kesia waits outside for me.
“Good morning, Kagen. I’ve already restocked our exam room and checked with Trent before he left. There are still no new cases. Even better, Delvin is talking today,” she says cheerfully.
“Excellent,” I respond. “I don’t have any extra lectures today, so I’ll be in the infirmary all day. You’ll stay with me this afternoon.”
In my absence, Kesia had been splitting her afternoons working with Rana and Adara. Judging by her wide, crooked smile, I think the change pleases her. I am excited to see what Delvin remembers. Being the sole survivor of the disease, his input may be of particular help. Especially since the research team has made no progress with finding a better way to fight this disease or in discovering its true origins.
“We have some free time until we get a patient. You can use the internet interface if you like. There’s a lot of good information in there. Only, you have to figure out what’s legitimate and what isn’t. I have some links set up to the more reliable sources,” I say.
“Okay, what’re you gonna do? In case I need you,” she asks.
“I want to go talk with Delvin. Unless Rana already beat me to him,” I add, knowing she probably has.
Once inside the intensive care unit, my suspicion proves correct. Rana sits next to him already engaged in a conversation. Without privacy, I cannot ask all the questions on my mind, but at least I can say hello.
“Look at this guy!” I say to Rana while reaching out to shake Delvin’s hand. “Hi, I’m Kagen, another one of the Healers.” We have never actually met before, at least not while he was cognizant of his surroundings. Despite this, his eyebrows furrow slightly when he sees me, as if he recognizes me.
Chapter 17
Delvin does not give away his thoughts. He simply shakes my hand while flashing a brief smile through his thick beard.
“What did I miss?” I ask Rana.
“Unfortunately, Delvin’s memory remains quite very hazy. He cannot recall anything out of the ordinary that could’ve led to his exposure,” she says.
Delvin groans as she reminds him of his difficulty. He wants to help but cannot. I know that feeling all too well.
“But at least he’s doing well,” she says, looking at him with empathy.
“That’s what matters most,” I add, wanting to reassure him.
I leave them to finish talking. I will come back another time to jog his memory with some of the details from my forbidden excursion.
The rest of my work day feels amazingly normal. Very few patients cone in today, so I spend the time lecturing Kesia on various diseases. I am unable to distract her long enough for any privacy throughout
the day, including during lunch. Hadwin and Sayda have become used to her presence, so they take it in stride.
That evening, my spirits are high enough I do not even mind the persistence of the same bland food, if the sludge can even be called that. Even my nagging rib injury is feeling a lot better. When I get to bed, I fall asleep instantly. Might as well enjoy it, with the detail so close, I will not be sleeping so lightly soon enough.
*
Today is the day before my Solar Panel detail begins, and as our tradition dictates, my entire day has been designated as free time. Despite this, I still wake up to the sound of the morning alert. The persistence of that revolting device never relents. I get dressed as usual and slowly make my way to breakfast with my mother and Arluin. We all want to pretend this is merely another day, but the growing tension shows with the terse conversations we force. During breakfast, Arluin waits until he has a chance to pull me aside to speak alone.
“Kagen, I’ve been watching Balum, and I’m completely confused by his behavior,” he whispers.
This is interesting, I think to myself. Arluin usually has such a good feel for people. Balum must be acting really odd to throw him off.
“What’s he doing?” I ask.
“Well, Balum is being… nice,” he says. “He’s never like that. And it’s not just to his friends. He’s being nice to everyone.”
“Sometimes when people are forced to consider their own mortality, they reevaluate how they treat others. Maybe this experience is helping him to mature,” I suggest. Even as the words come out, they do not feel right. “But, I doubt that’s what you’re thinking.”
“You’re right. I don’t think that’s it at all. I would’ve bought him changing if he didn’t seem so genuinely happy. It’s like he can’t wait for the Solar Panel detail. I would even understand him trying to have a pleasant goodbye if he was actually worried about the possibility of dying. But he doesn’t seem worried at all,” Arluin says.
“I don’t know what that means either. I do know he isn’t as much of a sophisticated thinker as you are, so his psychological defense mechanisms may seem foreign to you. But, whatever’s going on, I’ll keep a close eye on him while we’re up there.” I give Arluin a firm pat on the shoulder to thank and reassure him.
After we finish breakfast, I find myself in a disturbingly unfamiliar position. I have nothing to do and nowhere to be. I could return to my quarters, but sitting in there alone for the entire day would bore me to the verge of insanity. Instead, I decide to go to the infirmary despite not being scheduled to work.
I leisurely stroll through the endless halls of Securus. Why hurry through these barren paths when there is no schedule for me to keep? Taking a long route to get to my destination, I watch the different people scurry about performing their daily duties. One thing strikes me as I really look at those around me for the first time in a while. They are beyond weary. The people passing by are not slowed by the fog of the early morning. They are being diminished by the fatigue caused by the continued lack of adequate nutrition. Unless something changes very soon, we will slowly atrophy into oblivion.
Despite what Mr. Vaden said, this affliction is not my own doing. Since our conversation, I have done nothing to give him reason for concern. Yet, for some reason he feels this restriction remains necessary. Maybe this is meant to be a continued reminder to me, reinforcing his words. Or maybe there was something else that really led to the closure of The Caves and he was merely using it as leverage. Either way, our people desperately need The Caves to be reopened.
I go completely unnoticed all the way to the infirmary. Back in the intensive care unit, Adara sits alone at her small desk, completing what looks to be patient charts. I scan the room, fearing my trip to see Delvin is too late. He is not here. Did his condition really spiral down that quickly? He looked so good yesterday.
“What happened to Delvin?” I ask Adara.
“He was transferred back to his own quarters,” she says happily. “He needs more recovery time, but all our testing shows his immune system has cleared all remnants of the virus. So, he was deemed safe to leave the infirmary.”
“That’s great news,” I say. Not only is he making strides toward his recovery, but now I can speak with him in private. “Where are his quarters located? I wanted to talk with him a bit.”
“Level 18, hallway 12, number 8,” she says, backing away from her computer while continuing. “And, Kagen, good luck tomorrow. Hurry up and get back in here, we need you.”
“Thanks, Adara,” I say while turning to leave.
While walking down the hall, I hear Rana speaking with a patient in my exam room. Not wanting to interrupt, I continue out of the infirmary and head toward Delvin’s quarters. There will be more than enough time to see her later today. The hallways are devoid of life on my way down. I walk through multiple identical corridors, all with the same bare steel walls. The only way to differentiate them is by looking for the identifying number system painted in plain white symbols near each formal entrance. Now standing outside Delvin’s door, the area is eerily quiet. I knock and call his name.
“Come in, it’s open,” he yells back.
I enter his quarters and greet him, “Hi Delvin, it’s me, Kagen, from the infirmary. I wanted to come by to talk a bit and see how you’re doing.”
“I was hoping you would,” he says, appearing genuine. “Adara filled me in on everything that’s been going on since I’ve been in there.”
“What made you want to speak with me about it?” I ask, stepping back toward the door with suspicion.
“I didn’t tell them the entire truth. I've been able to remember some things, but it wasn’t until after they told me about you and your punishment that it triggered my memory. You were the one in the lounge that day at lunch. I didn’t think anything of it at the time. I wasn’t even sure it was you until you came to the ICU yesterday. You were there when you weren’t supposed to be, why?” he asks gruffly.
So, he was paying more attention than I thought. Curiously, he has kept this information to himself. He already knows there is no good explanation for my presence in the lounge. With him waiting for my answer, I do not have the time to fabricate a reasonable excuse.
“There were things I needed answers for. Those answers could only be found in The Caves,” I answer honestly, knowing that concealing the truth now would not make a difference. If Delvin decided to tell Leadership he saw me in the lounge, that alone would be more than enough to condemn me. If Mr. Vaden found out someone else in the colony knew of my trip, whatever is holding him back would not be able to save me.
“Even when Leadership expressly forbade you. Interesting,” he says, pensively scratching his thick beard.
“There are some things more important than the whims of Leadership.” I instantly regret my words as they come out. I need to be more careful.
He looks at me quizzically for a moment, before flashing a knowing smile. “That’s exactly what I was hoping to hear.”
“Why is that?” I ask, baffled by his response.
“Because I may know where the virus came from, and I can’t tell just anybody. Not if I want to stay alive, at least,” he says. “I suspected there was more to the story when I heard about your punishment, and even more so when I realized you were disobeying Leadership’s orders. Whatever’s going on, it has you at odds with Leadership. That makes you my ally.”
“You’re not saying what I think you are, are you?” I ask, afraid of the answer. That cannot be it. He has to be delirious from his infection still. Even if the virus is gone, he could have some residual inflammation around his brain, causing him to become intermittently confused. Only, he is not confused. He looks to be in complete control of his faculties.
“I don’t know for sure; it’s only a suspicion. I thought it odd at the time when Trent came down to administer updated vaccinations instead of setting up the usual appointment for us to come to the infirmary,” he says. “That was the on
ly abnormal exposure I recall prior to becoming ill. Though, for the life of me I cannot think of any reason why Leadership would want to introduce a virus like this into Securus.”
“I can,” I say and then stop myself before revealing too much. The thought stirs up the anger inside of me.
Trent, I should have known. My muscles ache to go and beat the truth out of him. First, he covered up for Leadership in The Caves, now this. I always knew he was more than a little insensitive, but this is outright heartless. Now that I think about it, while the act itself is atrocious, releasing this virus was also a deceptively clever action by Leadership. What better way to close off access to The Caves without being questioned? Now they are free to hide all traces of whatever they are up to out there.
The explanation makes sense, but I do not want to believe it. How could anyone be so callous as to inflict this kind of suffering not only on those infected, but also on those forced to cope with the withdrawal of the resources from The Caves? Even more frightening is, what could be so significant for them to go to these lengths to hide it? Delvin has been watching me progress through a mixture of emotions, and waits for me to regain focus before speaking again.
“I know how you feel because I didn’t want to believe it either. I was hoping this was only my imagination, but seeing your reaction tells me otherwise,” he says. “Can you share with me what you think is going on?”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t,” I say. “When the time is right, everyone will know the truth. That’s all I can offer you for now.” I cannot risk telling him anymore because, even though it is unlikely, this could be an elaborate ruse to get me to reveal what I know.
The Death Detail (The Securus Trilogy Book 1) Page 16
