“Well, I should let you all get back to work. You’re coming to my dinner tonight, aren’t you?” I ask Rana. Part of the tradition of being selected for the Solar Panel detail is having a dinner held in your honor the night before the detail begins. The dinner serves as a chance to say goodbye to friends and family in case you do not make it back. Leadership treats this as a special night since it only happens once a year, unless an emergency forces an additional detail. For this night only, people are allowed to move their dinner designation to other halls in order to be with the ones they care for.
“I wouldn’t miss it,” she assures me.
“We’ll be there, too,” Kesia cheerfully offers.
“Okay, I’ll see you all then,” I say while turning to leave.
Since a fair amount of time is left for the afternoon work session, I need to find a way to occupy myself until Hadwin and Sayda are finished for the day. After everything that has happened today, I cannot sit alone in my room with nothing but my thoughts. That would be like torture, so I keep walking. My legs carry me down through an endless maze of identical hallways and numerous flights of stairs.
I find myself walking into a familiar space, nearly identical to my dinner hall. Inside stands the same arrangement of tables, a food distribution area, and high vacant walls. Looking around, a subtle difference catches my attention. On the back wall are images of some of the Deep Vent’s machinery along with a list of names. I recognize the memorial and realize where I am. The list is a tribute to those who have lost their lives working in the depths of Securus. I have been here once before and had not returned until now. My father’s name is on that list.
“I didn’t expect to have company so soon,” a voice calls out, startling me from my thoughts.
Nyree sits alone at one of the tables of to my right. My preoccupation with the memorial blinded me to her presence until now. She looks different than before. The tension and annoyance always present during our required training courses has been replaced with a calm acceptance. This is the first time I have seen her relaxed.
“Me neither,” I respond, while walking over to sit with her. “I didn’t see you over there.”
“Yeah, I noticed that,” she laughs. “What brings you down here?”
“Honestly, nothing. I was just wandering around, killing time,” I say.
“Weird, isn’t it? I always complain that we don’t have enough time to ourselves because of the hectic work schedules, and now that I do, I’m bored out of my mind. I guess we’ve become so used to our routine we don’t know what to do without it,” she says.
As we talk about nothing, I notice something else different about Nyree. Despite her brutally honest affect, she has kindness beneath her hardened exterior. Down here, she is comfortable enough to let her guard down.
“Okay, I have to ask, what was that about with Mr. Vaden the other night?” Nyree asks, intently awaiting my response.
“Let’s just say I’m not on Mr. Vaden’s list of favorite people,” I say with a wry smile. “Especially since his daughter was with me the night of the incident in The Caves.”
She raises her eyebrows with hearing that. “Funny, he didn’t mention Talia’s involvement during the announcement. How convenient for her,” she says sarcastically.
“It’s not Talia’s fault. She actually tried to take the blame for me, but Mr. Vaden didn’t like me endangering or distracting his daughter.” While explaining, I notice a camera in the corner of the ceiling watching us. So I leave my story at that.
“Ah, I get it now,” she says with a beaming smile.
“No, it’s not what you think,” I say, guessing what is behind her smile.
“Sure, keep telling yourself that, but you can’t hide from the truth. I see it in your eyes and your red cheeks,” Nyree says with her smile getting even bigger.
“Anyway,” I say, changing the subject. “Do you know Kesia Pack? I think her family is from this area.”
“Yeah, I’ve seen them around, but I’ve never spoken with any of them. I tend to avoid Leadership members. Why do you ask?” she answers.
“Kesia was recently assigned as my understudy, so I was just curious,” I say. “Do you know where her father works? It would be interesting to meet him.”
“Good luck with that. It’s not easy to get a meeting with such a high ranking Leadership official. Then again, you’ve had private meetings with the Vaden’s, so it shouldn’t be a problem for you,” she jokes.
“Thanks,” I say. “I think I’m going to walk around for a bit, you wanna come,” I offer, hoping she does not accept.
“No thanks, I want to sit here and relax for a little while,” she says. “I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow.”
I exit the hall and again am alone with my thoughts. So, Kesia’s dad is a high ranking member of Leadership. That is not quite in line with her sob story of wanting to restore her family’s standing and them being stripped of all Leadership privileges. Will this day and its constant revelations never end?
Chapter 19
Kesia’s lie was a clever ploy. Most people would not ask much about her father since the story she told me involved the Detention Center. I would have never questioned the tale myself if it were not for Abira’s admission and warning. Now, I know who else Aamon has spying on me. The only question for me is do I confront her or use this knowledge to my advantage? I can already feed Aamon false information through Abira if need be, so I must evaluate what further use Kesia could be.
Whether or not I decide to confront her, getting past my anger from her deceit will be nearly impossible. Especially since the fabricated story was obviously meant to generate sympathy from me. Even worse, it worked. I really did feel for her and her family’s situation. Now, the truth has revealed her as a fraud. The more of the truth I discover, the less I like it. But that is exactly why I must continue. I no longer have the time or luxury of worrying about how these things affect me.
I want to find Hadwin and Sayda, but right now they will be busy at work. With nowhere else to go, I head to the dinner hall early. The room is empty except for the few workers preparing the food. Though tonight’s dinner is meant to be a celebration, no decorations are hung on the lifeless walls. I prefer it this way because celebrating the likelihood of my impending death does not interest me. The large, plain, steel box room seems an appropriate place for what could be my last evening. A depression thought comes to mind. Anything I do now could be the last time I ever do it. Thinking like this does not help. I need a distraction.
Arluin and my mother are the first to arrive. Both of them try to keep a strong front, and they both fail. We exchange hallow reassurances. Oddly, our words feel like they are more for their sake than mine.
“I’m sure you’ll be fine. After all, even when you injure yourself, you always seem to be able to avoid anything major,” Arluin offers.
“Thanks, I think,” I say, giving Arluin an awkward stare. “More than anything, I just want to have a semi-normal dinner tonight. I don’t want to worry about tomorrow until I have to, okay?”
“Of course, plus we don’t have anything to worry about. Arluin’s right,” my mother says, getting in one last comment before granting my request.
Soon, my table is filled by family and friends. I am joined by my mother, Arluin, Sayda, Hadwin, Abira, Rana, and Kesia. Of course I did not want to invite Kesia, but there was no inconspicuous way to keep her from coming. I have decided not to say anything about her father for now. That can wait. Besides, what good would it do unless I actually survive the detail?
Our food is served to us for this night. Having others do for me what I am more than capable of doing myself feels weird. Since this is tradition, I do not fight it. Being the honoree for the night affords me a double ration of food. Normally this would be a treat, but with the gruel we are forced to endure now, the extra food almost feels like an added punishment. I have to repeatedly remind myself that this is much better than having no
food at all. Unlike the gruel, the extra water is something I eagerly enjoy. The constant mild dehydration is draining on my body and emotions.
Despite having such a large group, my table stays relatively quiet. Even Hadwin is not his usual boisterous self. No one is cheerful in times like these. At the end of the meal, I reluctantly prepare for my next task, the goodbyes. Even though the average is one death per detail, making it five times more likely you will return than not, the goodbyes are treated as our last. I am set up with a private table in the corner of the hall. Those who wish to speak with me come one at a time. Since they will see me in our quarters tonight, my mother and Arluin do not get in line. Rana is the first to come to speak with me. As she does, the hall turns silent. Everyone holds their conversations out of respect for ours.
“Rough day, huh?” she says.
“Even more than you know,” I respond.
“Remember to always keep your calm and focus. You’ll need them for whatever challenges you may face. I’ll be anxiously waiting for your return. You can’t leave me with them alone,” she says, motioning to Jace and Kesia.
I smile and thank her for her words. Looking to the next person in line, somehow Abira has managed to get in front of Hadwin and Sayda. As Rana gets up, Abira starts walking toward my table. Before she reaches me, a late arrival cuts her off.
“You are going to have to wait a couple more minutes,” Talia tells her sharply, before turning to me and sitting at my table. Surprised by Talia’s arrival, Abira reluctantly returns to her place in line. I was hoping Talia would be able to come, but had already resigned to her absence since it was getting so late.
“I didn’t think you were gonna be able to make it tonight,” I say, my smile too large to hide. The timing of her appearance seemed deliberate, especially with her tone being so harsh to Abira.
“I wouldn’t have missed it,” she says. “I’m going to be in the Control Room as much as possible during the detail, in case you need me.”
“Thanks, that actually does make me feel a little bit better,” I say, knowing her presence will make things harder on Aamon. He cannot be too obvious if he is being monitored.
“You were right about that guy you mentioned. I’ve been watching and he’s definitely up to something. He hasn’t given his secret away yet, but I’ll figure it out. I know you wanted this kept quiet, but my father needed to know. Don’t worry, your name was never mentioned,” she says.
“You were always so stubborn,” I say, already forgiving Talia for telling Mr. Vaden. She had no way of knowing what is really going on, especially since I have been keeping her in the dark. Talia was only doing what she felt needed to be done to help. “If things work out, I may soon have everything you need delivered to you. But I need you to keep an open mind,” I tell her.
She scoots closer to me and lowers her voice so no one else can hear. “Be careful, Kagen. I need you to come back.”
“You can’t get rid of me so easily,” I reassure her.
Sitting here, looking into her angelic almond eyes, I become lost in them. Without thought or reason, my arms reach out for her. Before realizing what is happening, I pull her closer to me. I feel the delicate silkiness of her lips against mine while stealing a kiss. When the reality of my action confronts me, it is already too late to stop. To my surprise, Talia does not resist. If am going to die, I might as well do this once, I think to myself. Besides, I doubt Mr. Vaden and Aamon could be any more upset with me than they already are. Even if this infuriates them further, any punishment they could administer would be worth it.
The surprise on Talia’s face is nothing compared to the shock of those who were watching nearby. Rana seems to be the only one who does not look surprised at all. The room may have been quiet before, but now it has been overtaken by a deafening silence. Not only did I steal a kiss from one of the highest ranking and most important women in Securus, but also broke a deeply imbedded taboo in doing so. It took the harsh reality of facing my death to give me the courage to acknowledge my true feelings for Talia. Now everyone knows. I wonder if Mr. Vaden was watching the whole thing on one of his many monitors. If he was, I bet he fell out of his chair. I lean back and again look her into her eyes.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t plan to do that. I, I just…” my words trail off. The kiss has left me slightly lightheaded from the swirling emotions, and unable to compose a rational though. Talia waits for me to continue. “I can’t lie to myself about my feelings for you anymore,” I finally get out. “Even though I tried to fight it, you’ve always been the only one in my heart.”
Talia looks at me from behind her usual stoic exterior. I cannot tell if she is angry, happy, or anywhere in between. She was always hard to read and right now she is impossible. I brace myself for whatever is in store for me. Then, without a word she reaches out, pulling me in for another kiss. This time I am as surprised as everyone else. For a second, all of my worries dissipate. Nothing matters except the warmth of her embrace. When she lets go, Talia finally breaks her silence.
“I think we’re both in trouble now,” she says with a mischievous smile. “You make sure to take care of yourself and come back to me so we can figure this out together.”
Talia rises from our table and walks away. No one moves or speaks until she has left the hall. When Talia is gone, Hadwin breaks the silence.
“High five!” he yells out to me with his hand raised above his head. Sayda stands next to him, shaking her head at his joke.
After this, the rest of my visitors are less eventful. Abira and the others come over to give tearful wishes for my safe return. By the time the goodbyes are over, I am exhausted from the flood of emotional conversations. Even so, more is still to come. I have yet to tell Hadwin and Sayda of the rest of the day’s events. When the majority of the crowd of people has dispersed, we excuse ourselves and head to Hadwin’s quarters.
“I know you wanted to get Talia’s help, but I didn’t think that was how you planned to get it,” Hadwin laughs the second we are safely inside his quarters.
“If you didn’t have enough attention from Leadership before, I’m sure you fixed that now,” Sayda scolds me, being less amused than Hadwin. Her words are not out of anger. Knowing her for as long as I have, it only shows her protective worry.
“I didn’t plan that, it just kind of happened,” I explain. “Not that I regret it, especially after the day I had.”
“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about you going up there all day too,” Hadwin says, pointing upward. Sayda does not say it, but the pained look on her face tells me she has been thinking about the detail as well.
“Unfortunately, that’s not the worst part of the day,” I say.
“What happened?” Sayda asks, nervously shifting her position.
“It started with the news about Trent. Rana’s looking for the only possible link we have to prove his involvement, but that isn’t the only thing I discovered today,” I say.
“What else could there be?” Hadwin asks.
“Sayda, promise you’ll listen to my whole explanation before you do anything?” I ask before continuing, anticipating her reaction.
“Spit it out, Kagen,” she snaps.
“Aamon has two spies keeping tabs on me. I only found out because one of them was coerced into watching me, and couldn’t take the deception anymore. She didn’t reveal anything of importance to him. Now we can use her to our advantage by feeding Aamon false information if we need to,” I say.
“Who is it?” Sayda trembles from her spiking anger.
“She also warned that Aamon may be planning something for me real soon. Most likely when I’m on the Solar Panel detail,” I continue, avoiding the name of the spy.
“Who is it, Kagen?” Sayda repeats her demand.
She will never relent. I have to tell her. “Abira.”
Hadwin nearly has to tackle Sayda to prevent her from sprinting out of the room to find Abira. We cannot have Sayda pummeling Abira because then Aamon
will know we are on to him. I think Hadwin knows the advantage of keeping Abira on our side. Sayda will too, as soon as she calms down.
“I have an idea of who the other spy is, but haven’t had a chance to confirm it yet. Since I know you won’t let it go, Sayda, it’s Kesia,” I finish.
“That’s one messed up day,” Hadwin says. “No wonder you lost your mind.” He slumps against the wall, as if it was the only thing keeping him standing.
“How about the tracker you made for the equipment?” I ask Sayda, hoping the change of subject will calm her.
“It’s in place,” she says looking at Hadwin. “But the pickup isn’t scheduled until tomorrow.”
“If I don’t make it, I need you guys to tell Arluin everything. He’ll drive himself crazy if he doesn’t know,” I say.
“Don’t talk like that,” Sayda says, interrupting me. “You have to make it back.”
“We’re gonna finish this together,” Hadwin adds, struggling to sound confident, though he fails miserably.
With nothing left to say, they both hug me tightly. We all fight back tears, knowing this could be the last time we ever see each other. Before I go, they both remind me to be careful, and give me tips they gathered from survivors of prior details they recently sought out.
The walk back to my quarters seems like a never ending trek. When I do arrive, Arluin and my mother are patiently waiting for me. There have been so many tearful goodbyes already, I cannot take another. Thankfully they know me well enough to see this, and like when Merrick died, we embrace silently.
*
The night passes rapidly in my sleep. A special alert disturbs my rest before the others are scheduled to rise. It is surprising I slept so well considering what this day has in store for me. I dress as quietly as possible, not wanting to disturb my mother and Arluin from their sleep, but am unsuccessful. They both wake up in time to see me off. To my surprise, when leaving my quarters, I do not feel sad or frightened. Inside me is only a sense of determination. I am not helpless. I have the ability to control my fate, but only if I remain focused. In a weird way, for the first time in my life, I feel truly free. The regimented life of Securus and the will of Leadership no longer control me.
The Death Detail (The Securus Trilogy Book 1) Page 18
