"This is fine," she said as I handed her the glass. "Ms. Carlisle, I can't tell you how very sorry I was to hear about Ms. Rubio. I feel like it was my fault."
"It's no one's fault, Sarita. She wanted to help. Just didn't quite work out the way we thought it would."
We drank in awkward silence for a few minutes.
"Look, Sarita, I don't know why Kyle is here. If you and Cate think this is going to lead to some kind of instant parental bonding, you're wrong."
"I don't really know what I expect, Ms. Carlisle."
"Just Jo, please."
"Okay, Jo. You see, I love Kyle very much."
"Even a fool like me can see that," I said with a smile.
"But he's become restless and distant since he began researching this story, and I don't know how to bring him back."
I leaned against the counter and took a long drink of my tea. "I've made some monumental mistakes in my life, Sarita. I used to be consumed with my work, too, so if you're planning a life with Kyle, you should know that he won't let anything stand in the way of a story. Not even you. He's got a big story on the line now, and like a junkie looking for a fix, the next one will have to be even bigger. Although I'm sure he loves you very much, he'll love the story more. Shit." I laughed. "I started the same way. As long as the big stories keep coming, he'll keep chasing after them until, in the end, he'll leave you in his dust, sweetheart."
"Is that what you did?"
"I've been shot three times, Sarita, and with every bullet my prestige as a journalist grew. I became addicted to the thrill, the danger. I loved it," I said. "But you know what? When I got to the top and looked around, there wasn't anyone there except me. There wasn't anyone to share it with. I had a career that I loved, but I had to give up a hell of a lot to get it. I hurt a lot of people, including Cate and Kyle, along the way. You're a nice young woman. I wouldn't want to see Kyle hurt you and leave you alone the way I did Cate."
"You don't blame her for leaving you then?"
"Hell, I was surprised she waited so long."
"She must have loved you very much."
I looked at her and blinked hard. "I like to think she loved me as much as I loved her. But eventually she knew she couldn't depend on me to be there for either of them. I loved her enough to let her go."
"Maybe you didn't really know what love was."
I smiled at Sarita. "Maybe I still don't." As I raised my glass to my lips, I saw Cate standing in the kitchen doorway and wondered how long she had been there. "I see you got comfortable," I said. "Want some tea?"
"I can get it. Why don't you get out of that suit? It's nice, Jo, but it's really not you." She smiled.
"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea," I said. "Excuse me, ladies."
I went upstairs to my bedroom and peeled out of the suit. As I hung it in the closet, I wondered if I could return it to the store. Chances were good that I'd never wear the damn thing again, I thought as I slipped on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. Taking my old desert boots from the closet, I sat down on the bed to tie them before wandering into the bathroom and splashing water on my face. As I was drying my face and hands, I looked out the bathroom window and saw Kyle walking toward the barn. I knew Cate and Sarita expected me to talk to him, to reach some kind of working arrangement about his story, but I was in alien territory. I had never really worked with anyone in my life and didn't have a clue how to go about it. What can you say to someone you haven't seen in fifteen years, someone you knew hated your guts and wished you'd never resurfaced. Maybe there wasn't anything I could say. Maybe I could give him advice on a professional level, one reporter to another. If he rejected it, too bad. He could learn to take his lumps the way I had.
I threw the towel over the shower door and went back down the stairs. A familiar smell from the kitchen stopped me as I went toward the front door to confront my past. When I looked in the kitchen, Cate and Sarita were standing at the counter, talking and laughing together like old friends.
"What are you two doing?" I asked.
"Cate told me you like enchiladas," Sarita said.
"I do indeed," I said.
"It won't be long until they're ready," Cate said.
"Well, I think I'll get some fresh air while I wait," I said, recognizing the opening she had left for me.
Leaving the house, I walked to the barn but didn't see Kyle and guessed he'd wandered off somewhere. I rested my arms on the gate in front of Jack's stall. I missed him walking up to me, waiting to run across the open pasture between the barn and the treeline, running until he lathered up and breathed heavily from the freedom and sheer exhilaration.
"I'm sorry about your friend," Kyle said, interrupting my thoughts.
"Did you look over the information she found?" I asked without looking at him.
"It was pretty sketchy."
"Good enough for someone to get killed over," I said as I turned my head toward him. "If I find anything else you can use, I'll mail it to you."
"Your housekeeper's death is part of the story now."
"Obviously, but I'm only interested in finding whoever killed Lena, not some story. There'll always be another story, but dead is forever."
"Is that what you think? That I'm just after some story?"
"It's what I would have gone after when I was your age."
He sneered. "I'm not you."
"You're probably closer than you think, Kyle." I smiled slightly.
"You don't know shit about me," he said, his voice rising slightly. "You never bothered to hang around long enough."
"I know you got a woman in there who loves you. I wouldn't want you to shut her out and hurt her the way I did your mother."
"It's too damn late for you to be resurrected like Christ and appear in the mist giving me advice about how I should live my life."
"You're right," I said as I turned to face him. "And you're wrong. You're more like me than you think, but you don't have to make the same mistakes I did. Just make sure when you move on that you don't leave anyone behind. You'll regret it more than you can possibly begin to imagine. Believe me, I know."
Chapter Seventeen
THERE WASN'T A lot of conversation over dinner. Cate and Sarita managed to discuss the weather, recipes, and a dozen other topics of no consequence. Occasionally, they would toss a question at Kyle or me but were generally unsuccessful at eliciting much comment.
Periodically, I would glance at Cate, and even though I tried to fight it, I couldn't help but wish I had been around to watch her grow older. There was a maturity and grace about her now that I found incredibly desirable.
The enchiladas were some of the best I'd ever eaten, and we didn't have any trouble finishing them off. It was already dark by the time we finished eating. I told Sarita to leave the dishes and I would clean them up later, but she insisted on leaving the kitchen the way she had found it. Cate made coffee, and she and I went onto the porch.
"Sarita's a good cook," I said.
"Yes, she is. She'll have to teach me how to make enchiladas like that."
"I thought you didn't care for Mexican cuisine," I said with a smile.
She laughed. "It's an acquired taste. I wouldn't want it everyday, but occasionally I just sort of crave something hot and spicy."
"Well, if hot and spicy starts to get to you, I have some antacids somewhere."
"I heard what you said to Sarita this afternoon, Jo. I hope you're wrong about Kyle."
"So do I. Sarita doesn't deserve what I did to you, Cate. Hell, no one deserves that."
"Do you think she believed you?"
"Who knows? I don't know anyone who really wants to hear the truth. I guess we all have to make our own mistakes before we learn."
"Do you ever have regrets, Jo?" she asked, turning her face toward me.
I smiled slightly without looking at her, wondering if she had an inkling of the regret I had already realized. "About a half dozen times a day, but there's not much we can do to change th
e past," I shrugged, raising my cup to my mouth. "It's already dead and buried."
"Does that mean you think mistakes can't be corrected?"
"If they could, I would, Cate," I said. "But I can't."
When I finally I looked at her, I didn't know what to say. There were a thousand things I wanted to say to her, but despite the fact that we had both made a living using words, when we were together, the right words never seemed to come. I didn't want her to leave. I wanted her to stay. But what would be the purpose in that? The light from inside the house was enough that I could see the profile of her face clearly. She must have sensed that I was looking at her because she turned her head toward me again and smiled.
"What are you thinking about?" she asked.
"You," I said. Realizing how sophomoric that must have sounded, I laughed. "Now there's an original line you don't hear every damn day."
Cate laughed, too, and the light caught the blue in her eyes, their effect on me unchanged by the years I'd lost. I touched the softness of her hair, pulling her toward me to kiss her forehead. She didn't seem surprised by my touch, and her eyes remained focused on my face. She leaned slightly toward me, and an impulse I had been fighting since she came back into my life surfaced as I leaned forward and kissed her. It wasn't a passionate kiss, but it was comfortable and familiar. Taking her face in my hands, I leaned toward her again, and her lips smiled as they parted to greet an old lover.
As I felt myself being drawn into everything Cate's lips were offering, I was snapped back to reality by Kyle's voice. "Making up for lost time I see."
We separated immediately, like two teenagers caught in the act by their parents.
"Sorry," I said. "We didn't hear you sneak up on us." There was irritation in my voice and Cate touched my arm.
"It's time to go, Mom. That is, if you think you can manage to break away from this romantic interlude."
"This would probably be a good time for you to shut up, son," I said.
"You don't have the right to call me son."
"You're right. And now that you've embarrassed your mother, I think you should just apologize and leave it at that."
"Or what?" he challenged.
I shook my head. I couldn't believe the incredible stupidity I was hearing. "Kid, you don't know..."
"That's enough, Jo," Cate said.
"No, it isn't, Cate. The kid has a shitload of anger inside. Unless I'm mistaken, it wasn't long ago that you told me how bad it was to keep your feelings inside. That sooner or later they were going to ooze out. Well, guess what, baby, they're oozing all over the fuckin' porch here, so butt out. I wouldn't want him to suffer any more psychological or emotional trauma than he already has because of me," I said as Sarita came onto the porch.
"Sarita, please take Kyle back into the house. We'll be leaving in a few minutes," Cate said.
Sarita stepped toward Kyle, and he cast her a glance that would have frozen water in midair.
"Come on, kid. You know you're dyin' to tell me off. What're you waitin' for? This is your big chance. Do it!" I demanded, taking a step toward him.
"Stop it, Jo. You're not mad at him. You're mad because of what happened to Lena. Don't take your anger out on your son," Cate said.
"Why don't you and Sarita go into the house and let me and 'my son' work this out?"
To my surprise, Sarita went to Cate and took her by the arm. "I think that's an excellent idea, Cate," Sarita said.
I looked at Kyle and said, "You got a keeper there, kid. Don't fuck it up the way I did and maybe you won't lose her." I went down the steps of the porch and stood on the lawn. "I'm waiting, Kyle. What's it going to be? Are you as pissed off as I am right now?"
He came down the steps as Sarita and Cate went into the house. Taking his jacket off, he threw it back toward the porch. "Stay away from my mother," he said, glaring at me.
"Shit!" I laughed. "If I could've done that to begin with, we wouldn't be here having this lovefest right now. My problem was that I couldn't stay away from her."
"Looks like you're still having a problem with that."
"In case you haven't noticed, your mother is a damned attractive woman," I said with a smile.
"She deserves better than you."
"Won't argue with that."
"Then why were you coming on to her a few minutes ago?"
"I didn't plan it. It just happened. You know, full stomach, moonlight, all that crap."
"What would you have done if I hadn't come onto the porch?"
"I don't know, and, frankly, I'm a little pissed that I won't be finding out."
Taking a deep breath, I glanced at the house where I knew Cate and Sarita were watching us. I finally decided that this verbal sparring wasn't getting us anywhere and turning toward the house, I began to walk away.
"We're not finished!" he yelled.
"You can stand there all night thinking about it if you want to, but I'm finished."
As I walked toward the steps, he grabbed my arm and spun me around. When he looked at me, I saw the hurt and anger of a child in his eyes.
"I'm sorry, Kyle," I said. "I never meant for you to be hurt. I thought I was doing the right thing and still do. Your mom did a great job raising you and she didn't need me for that."
There was an irony in the way he suddenly laughed. "What she doesn't need is you climbing back into her bed for a quick fuck."
I clenched my hands into fists, trying to restrain the rising anger I was feeling. Taking a step toward him, I said, "I don't ever want to hear you talk like that where your mother is concerned again."
"Why? Isn't that what you were doing tonight? Sniffing out a bunkmate?"
"Never crossed my mind," I said as calmly as I could.
"Bullshit! Why don't you just admit that you still want her?"
"Because I've already hurt her enough. Unless you can learn something from my mistakes, you're letting your hatred for me run your life. Right now, you're carrying around a shitload of emotional baggage and not really living your life. So why don't you get Sarita and your mother and go on home before you throw away everything you love, too."
I turned back toward the house and was halfway up the steps before he spoke again.
"She still loves you," he said bluntly. "She's always loved you even though you didn't give a shit about her."
I turned my head and looked at him without speaking and continued into the house. Sarita and Cate were standing in the middle of the living room as I passed through and climbed the stairs to the second floor. I needed to regain control of myself. Kyle was right. I did still want Cate, but he was wrong about her still loving me. I washed my face quickly before going back downstairs. Sarita had her arm around Kyle's shoulder and was whispering to him.
"Y'all drive careful now, ya hear," I said. "And thanks again for the enchiladas, Sarita."
She looked at me and smiled as she nodded.
"Take my car and find a place to stay in Kerrville for the night," Cate said to Kyle. "There's a Holiday Inn on the highway. I still need to talk to Jo for a few minutes."
Turning to me, she asked, "Will you take me to town in a little while?"
"Of course."
I was as surprised as Kyle by what she said. He frowned at her. "We can wait outside."
"No, you go ahead and get rooms for us."
"You're not planning to do anything...stupid, are you?" he asked.
"If I were it certainly wouldn't be any of your business," she replied in a cold, controlled voice.
Kyle looked at her over his shoulder as he and Sarita left the house. Cate left the living room and went into my office. When she returned, she was carrying the small bag she had brought with her.
"Before you and Kyle began your heart to heart, there was something I had to show you," she said as she removed a large envelope from her bag. "And thanks for not slapping him. I heard what he said, and I know you wanted to."
"I'm sure whatever you have there is important, but wou
ld you mind if I grabbed a cup of coffee before you tell me about it?"
"Bring me one, too."
She seemed to be absorbed in her mysterious envelope by the time I returned with our coffee.
"I could have told you about this Saturday, but I wanted to check a few things first."
"What?"
"About ABP," she said, handing me a small stack of papers. "I went to the office Saturday night as soon as I got back to Austin. I don't know how much they will help you, and I could lose my license if anyone knew I gave them to you. It does breach attorney-client privilege."
I looked through the papers for a few minutes while she drank her coffee.
"How long has ABP been a client of your firm?" I finally asked.
"They were Susan's client when I came on board. I haven't done any work for them personally, but I know she bills them for quite a few hours every month."
"She does their taxes?"
"Yes. There's a name on the last page that might interest you."
Flipping to the last page, I scanned it until I saw what she was talking about. Felix Camarena was listed as a legal consultant for ABP.
"I think I met him once when he was with Susan," she said.
"But you don't handle any of their work."
"No. I took these files from her office. Actually, they're just copies, but it still causes an ethics problem."
"You know anything about Camarena?"
"Uh-uh," she managed between sips. "If he's licensed in Texas, I can get some information about him through the Texas Bar Association though. I can check when I get back to work tomorrow afternoon."
"No, I'll check. You've already bent the rules far enough."
"If you call, ask for Carole Hutchinson. We went to law school together. Give her my name, and I'm sure she'll look up whatever you need."
I leaned back and read over the material more closely. I don't know shit about taxes except that they're too high, so I wasn't even sure what I was reading. The next to last page was a listing of corporate expenditures. "What are miscellaneous expenditures?" I asked.
"Could be almost anything, but it's generally things that are too small on their own to merit an itemization."
Pipeline Page 11
