by Laura McHugh
“This is for you,” she said, her face puckered like she might start crying. “Some of your mom’s things, just some clothes and such. I was thinking they might fit you now. Your dad had me take it all way back when. I think it hurt him too much to have it around. I saved it for you, though, most of it.”
“Thanks,” I said. I hadn’t known there was anything left besides the photo albums. My mom hadn’t had much to begin with.
“I just— I look at you now, and it’s eerie, almost, like I’m seeing her.” A few tears broke through.
“God, are you going through menopause?” Bess said. She turned to me. “I swear, if she’s not high, she’s crying.”
“I gotta get to bingo,” Gabby said, wiping her nose and heading for the door.
“Good luck,” I said. We heard the car start up and drive off in the rain.
“I really think she’s losing it,” Bess said. “You know what she told me? She said that box had been sitting in the same spot on her closet shelf for years, and then the other day, for no reason, it fell off and spilled all over the floor.” She nudged the box with her foot. “You gonna open it?”
I shook my head. “Just pick a movie. I don’t care which one.” I didn’t want to open the box in front of her, in front of anyone.
“What’s that?” Dad asked when he came to pick me up. He smelled like beer and smoke, but he wasn’t drunk.
“Just some clothes,” I said, climbing into the truck with the box on my lap.
“We’re gonna have a problem if you start dressing like Bess,” he warned. A deer stepped into the beam of our headlights then, and he swerved around it, tires crunching gravel in the ditch and diverting his attention away from me and the contents of the box.
Chapter 10
Lila
A week had passed since I made dumplings at Carl’s house, and I’d started to look forward to him showing up at Dane’s every night for dinner. It was the one part of the day I could count on not to suck. I found myself smiling when I thought about him, and I felt a little silly about it, but I didn’t care. Unfortunately, things weren’t getting any better with his brother. Crete had me doing split shifts at the restaurant and working at the farm in between. Maybe he thought if he worked me hard enough, I’d change my mind about sleeping with him. I didn’t know. He was holding a grudge longer than I’d expected. His bad mood put Ransome on edge, and she crabbed at my every little mistake.
“Cheer up, darlin’!” Gabby said when I showed up for my shift. “It’s fixing to be ninety degrees today, and we’ll surely die of heatstroke before we have to serve a single plate of food.”
I couldn’t help but smile. Gabby was the closest thing I’d had to a girlfriend since Crystal. “You’re happy today,” I said.
“Well, yeah. I’m seeing somebody new. I love the honeymoon phase, before they start farting in bed.”
“Wow,” I said. “Hope it lasts.”
When Carl came in for dinner, he was carrying a bouquet of lilies tied with a ribbon. Gabby clamped her hand over her mouth, trying to keep all her comments stuffed inside.
“Hi,” he said, holding the flowers out to me. “These made me think of you.”
His gesture was sweet, but it made me feel a little sad. The last man to give me flowers had been my stepdad, after a piano recital in which I’d butchered “Für Elise.” I’d kept the roses on my dresser long after they dried, and packed them up when the house was sold, impractical as it was to move dead flowers. My cousin must have thrown them away, as I’d been sent to foster care with what fit in my suitcase and never saw any of my other belongings again.
Carl sat at the counter until closing time, when Gabby told me not to worry about finishing the side work. “Enjoy yourselves, lovebirds!” she called after us as we left Dane’s.
“I hope you don’t mind if I don’t take you straight home,” Carl said. He was beaming like a child trying to keep a secret. “I wanted to take you someplace special tonight.”
I was tired but in no hurry to get back to the garage. And I wanted to be with him more than I wanted to sleep. “I’d like that,” I said, cradling the flowers in my lap. I rested my head against the seat as we drove, and had nearly drifted off when he stopped the truck in a sweeping valley rimmed with trees.
“This is my old family home,” he said proudly. “Dad built our house on Toad Holler Road before he and Mom married, but my grandparents lived over here until they passed on. Me and Crete used to play out here all the time when we were kids.”
He led me around the homestead, nostalgic about the sagging buildings and rotting landmarks. He told stories about his relatives, some dull, some unbelievable. His grandfather briefly served as mayor when the real mayor died from an untreated snakebite. His grandmother’s cream pies were the pride of the First Baptist bake sale. I remembered barely listening as my grandma repeated family stories I’d heard a hundred times, thinking I’d hear them a hundred more. Now they were fuzzy and disjointed, and I wished I’d paid more attention.
At the end of the tour, Carl led me to the main house, where a quilt covered the plank floor in front of an old stone fireplace. The roof was gone, but portions of the walls remained, and it was at once spooky and beautiful.
“I don’t mean to scare with you this setup,” he said, gesturing at the quilt. “I just wanted you to see this place as I remember it, get a sense of who I am. I thought we could lie here and watch the stars and get to know each other better. “
He lit candles in the fireplace, and it took me a moment to realize what he was trying to say. That he hadn’t brought me out here to take advantage of me. The thought hadn’t crossed my mind. Not for a second had I worried about being alone with Carl.
We lay side by side, talking and listening to the rise of night sounds as the sky settled into full darkness. After a while, the haze of the Milky Way was visible against the black. Carl propped himself on his elbow. “What do you want most in this world?” he asked.
I didn’t need time to consider an answer; I’d spent years thinking about it. “I want to have a family again.”
He nodded soberly. “Family’s the most important thing,” he said. “Your blood, your kin.” Which, for him, included Crete. I couldn’t forget that.
“What do you want?” I asked.
His expression softened, and a smile lit his face as he got up from the floor. “To dance with you.” He pulled me to my feet and twirled me around, nearly knocking me down. “Sorry.” He chuckled. “That went smoother in my head.”
I put my arms around his neck—as far as I could reach, anyway—and he drew me close and swayed the way you do at junior high dances. His embrace was warm, protective, and I leaned in to him. There was something about him that made me feel safe, at ease, and I hadn’t felt that way in a very long time. Later, as we lay there talking, I leaned over him, my hair falling in his face, and stole the first kiss. I expected it to be sweet and gentle, like him, and it was, but I could feel him holding back. I kissed him again, harder, and he began to let go. We couldn’t get close enough to each other. Our kisses deepened, and the heat between us grew, but he made no move to take it further. This wasn’t how it had been with other men, and I was starting to feel frustrated. I knew he wanted me. Then an overwhelming sense of clarity cut through the fog of desire. This was my choice. He wanted it to be up to me. I pulled away from him and stripped off my clothes, standing naked in the starlight in the ruins of the house. His gaze drifted over my body and came back to meet my eyes. He looked at me like there was nothing else in the world worth seeing. He held out his hand and I went to him. I knew there would be no regrets.
On the way home, Carl told me he’d taken work on a construction project in Arkansas that would keep him away for a month. The news snapped me out of my dreamy state. I wasn’t sure I could deal with Crete without Carl there. Without meaning to, I’d become dependent on h
is presence, a bright spot in my day, an antidote to his brother.
“Do you ever think of leaving this place behind for good?” I asked. “We could just keep driving. Not go back.” It sounded a little desperate, asking him to run away with me, but I didn’t care. Dread weighed me down as we neared the garage.
“I like the part about being with you.” He squeezed my hand. “But my life’s here in Henbane, my family, the land. I can’t leave all that, ditch my job.”
“I could go with you to Little Rock.”
He smiled. “I wish you could. But I don’t think Crete would appreciate me stealing you away at the busiest time of the year.”
“I can’t picture him getting mad at you,” I said. “You always put him in a good mood.”
“Not all the time,” he said. “I can tell you, you don’t wanna see him ticked off. It’s not pretty.” He parked in front of the garage and kissed me. “I’m sorry I have to run off right after … you know. I wish I didn’t have to. I’d rather be here with you.”
I nodded, biting my lip.
“Hey,” he said, tucking my hair behind my ear. “Don’t worry. I’ll be back before you know it.”
I wanted to tell Carl what Crete was doing, how he was holding back my pay and acting cold, but I wasn’t sure how to bring it up. Something gnawed at me—the thought that between the two of us, he might choose his brother. No matter how he felt about me, I wasn’t blood. I wasn’t the one he had loved for his entire life.
When I walked into work the next morning, Gabby took one look at me and knew something had changed. “Looks like somebody had a late night,” she said.
I tried not to smile. “Yeah.”
“How was it? What’d you guys do?”
“We talked and … stuff. It was nice.”
“How nice?” She wiggled her eyebrows.
“Gabby!”
“Sweetie, your face don’t hide nothin’.” She shook her head. “You’re lucky. Single guys like that are in short supply around here—good-looking, hardworking, from a decent family, got him some land. He don’t have money, like Crete, with the store and all that, but still. Don’t know how he made it this long without getting snatched up.”
“I know he’s had serious girlfriends,” I said. “We talked about it last night.”
“Yeah, lots of girls’ve tried to latch on to Carl, like ticks on a coon dog. Then you show up, don’t even try …” She laughed a little, stacking the menus she had just wiped off. “You kinda lit him up, you know? I could see it that very first day.” She lowered her voice. “I think you should know, it’s got some folks talking. They’re just bitter, hear? Jealous. Don’t want to admit you’re good for him, maybe you and Carl got some things in common. They been saying you put some kinda spell on him to get him wrapped around your finger. You know, like a witch.” Gabby lowered her gaze as though embarrassed to be telling me.
“They think I’m a witch? For real? They really believe in that stuff?”
Gabby nodded, biting her lip. “Some do. I think most are just talking, you know, trying to make you look bad. But some of ’em, the older ones, they believe it. There’s lots of superstition ’round here. They don’t trust strangers.”
I laughed. “That’s great. If I were a witch, I’d zap myself the hell out of here. No offense.”
Gabby was relieved I wasn’t upset. “Don’t pay it any mind. Most of ’em wish they were in your shoes, half as pretty as you and seeing Carl. He’s in deep, you know. I haven’t seen him like that with anybody since his high school girlfriend, Janessa Walker. He tell you about her?”
“Is she the one that cheated on him?”
Gabby nodded emphatically. “They were practically engaged. Till she went and slept with Crete.”
“Really? He didn’t say who the other guy was. Ouch.”
“I know,” she said. “I mean, Crete’s a charmer and all that, but with ten years between him and Carl, it was the first time they really fought over a girl. Crete told everybody; he was bragging about it. It was quite the scandal around town, Crete being so much older and her being a Walker. Everybody was on Carl’s side, even the Walkers—they’d been ready to welcome him into the family, and they were all embarrassed. Carl was pretty heartbroken over it, smashed Crete’s nose in a fight and didn’t want anything more to do with Janessa.”
A customer walked up, an old guy with a cane, and Gabby hurried over to help him, addressing him by name like she did practically everyone who came in the door. Janessa’s story made me nervous. What would Carl think if he knew what had happened between me and Crete? I hadn’t slept with his brother; I’d had a lapse of judgment that thankfully hadn’t gone very far, and I’d straightened it out with Crete afterward the best I could. And Carl and I hadn’t been involved at the time. But I was well aware of how bad it could look and how Crete could spin it if he wanted to, especially since he was already pissed at me. Work didn’t distract me from my worries, though thoughts of the previous night kept seeping in. I’d been with plenty of other guys—boys from school, foster brothers’ friends, a cook from IHOP in the walk-in freezer—and never once had I thought it was serious. With Carl, I wasn’t so sure. With him, in the ruins of the old house, nothing around us for miles but trees and stars and wind, I felt something I’d never felt before.
“Do you want to go out after work?” Gabby asked as we sponged the counters. “Figured you might be lonely since loverboy’s gone.”
“I’m kind of tired,” I said. “Crete’s probably coming to pick me up anyway.”
“I can give you a ride,” she said. “I have to pass that way to get to the tavern. And maybe on the way, I can convince you to come with me.” She pinched my arm playfully. “Lemme call Crete for you, tell him you got a new chauffeur.”
Gabby’s hatchback was a mess, discarded lottery tickets and empty pop cans littering the seats and floor. She told me more about herself as she drove. I’d thought she was fresh out of high school, like me, but she was twenty-two, and in all those years, she had never spent a night away from Henbane. She had a little camper at an RV park by the river where fishermen stayed, and she got to live there for free in exchange for managing the place.
“Tomorrow night,” Gabby said, popping a cassette into the stereo, “I’m going to a party at Old Scratch, if you wanna come. It’s this creepy old cave out in the woods.”
“A party in a cave?”
“C’mon, they don’t have cave parties in Iowa?”
“Um, not that I know of.”
“Old Scratch isn’t pretty like Bridal Cave or Meramec, those tourist ones with the little trains you ride through. You go in too far, there’s bat shit two feet deep. Passages every which way. People get lost in there every once in a while, fall down a hole and can’t get out. A guy from the conservation department drowned in there a long while back. But there’s a big open room right inside called the auditorium. Cool place for a party.”
“Sounds like fun,” I lied. It sounded scary. The sun was down by the time Gabby dropped me off at the garage, and I went straight to bed. I dreamed of a cave, a big dark mouth swallowing me up, and someone pounding on the wall of the cave, trying to get me out. The pounding went on until I was no longer dreaming; the sound was real, someone knocking at the door. When I stumbled across the room, half-awake, to see who was there, the door wouldn’t open. I switched on the lamp, and that was when I saw the window had been boarded shut.
Chapter 11
Lucy
It was a long ride to Daniel’s, east along Ridge Road, which curved and dipped like a roller coaster. The handful of houses in Crenshaw Ridge were spliced into the hillside with sloping shale yards. The bare planks of his mother’s house blended into the surrounding trees. A narrow porch spanned the width of the house, with firewood stacked to the eaves on either side. Near the front door sat two rocking chairs, each occupied b
y dozing cats.
Daniel’s mother was waiting for us in the kitchen, a crooked room that had been tacked on to the back of the house. The wall behind the kitchen table was lined with shelves, and on the shelves sat a hundred or so old canning jars filled with seeds, dried herbs, wild mushrooms, feathers, moss, roots, tree bark, and plenty of things I couldn’t distinguish through the glass. Mrs. Cole came forward and took my hand in hers, a soft smile on her face. Her dark hair was streaked with gray, and her bangs were uneven, as if she’d cut them herself.
“Glad to meet you,” she said. “I’m Sarah. Go on and sit. I made sassafras tea.” I could smell the roots boiling in a kettle on the stove, a sweet, earthy smell like root beer. Sarah smacked an ice tray on the counter to loosen the cubes and parceled them into three mugs, then spooned in sugar and poured the tea. She sat down across from me and Daniel.
“I’ve got everything ready for Mrs. Stoddard,” Sarah said, stirring her tea with a tarnished spoon. “I wrote the directions down, just be sure and follow ’em right close.”
“Okay,” I said.
She nodded and sipped her tea. “Daniel, fetch a box, would you, from the shed? Get this all packed up for Lucy?” She waited until he left the room and we were alone. “I was right about you,” she said, her gaze moving over my hair, my eyes, my hands. “I told your mama, and lucky for you, she listened.”
“You knew her?”
“Yep. That’s why I made Daniel bring you here today, wanted to see you in the flesh. Make sure. But I knew then, when you were a speck in the womb, and I knew when my boy started talking about you. I can sense things.”
