by Anita Oh
I wrinkled up my nose at him.
It was nice to hang out, just the two of us. Sam was so easy to be around when I didn’t have to worry about girlfriend stuff. Every time I reached out to try to touch him, he got that puzzled look again, so I stopped trying.
When we finished eating, I sat there awkwardly, waiting for him to bring out the pendant. When it seemed that he wasn’t going to, I pulled out the picture from my bag.
“I’m sorry it’s not wrapped,” I told him. “I know we didn’t talk about presents, but I wanted you to have this.”
A genuine smile broke out on his face when he looked at the picture.
“Is this the day we went to the beach?” he asked, looking up at me.
I nodded.
“We’re so young! Hamish is still a baby! You got so sunburned, remember?”
“I’ll never forget,” I said. “Those were practically third-degree burns!”
“It was a good day,” he said wistfully. “Thank you for this.”
He cradled the frame in his hands for a moment, then carefully placed it in the picnic hamper, arranging things around it so it would be safe.
“I actually have something for you, too,” he said.
I opened the box and took out the pendant, my eyes filling with tears. I blinked them back. If I lost control now, I wouldn’t be able to get through the day, and I had to do everything perfectly.
I could do it, I told myself. I’d had enough practice. I just had to not think about what would happen later, not wonder if this was the last time Sam and I could be like this — not just as a couple, but as friends and packmates. I’d lost Sam once before, and I’d thought it was the worst thing that could happen, but now I was going to lose everything.
“This is so thoughtful, Sam. I always loved this necklace.” I pulled my hair back and let Sam fasten it around my neck. “I’ll take good care of it.”
“Of course you will,” he said. “That’s why you’re the only girl I could ever give my plastic heart to.”
Where are you? Tennyson asked, right on cue. You’re late.
For a moment, I thought about not going to the assembly and just staying there with Sam. It would be nice to hang out for that extra half-hour. But I had to do everything properly, and this time, I was determined to listen to everything Assistant Head Noel said, no matter how boring it was. Any little clue that might drop could help, especially once I was behind enemy lines.
We’re on our way, I told him.
“Tennyson?” asked Sam. “You’ve got that vagued-out look.”
I nodded. “There’s some special assembly. Did you get a message about it?”
Sam shrugged. “I didn’t check. I suppose we should get going.”
We packed up the picnic, but before we left, I caught him by the arm. “Thank you. This was all super thoughtful.”
On the first day, I’d kissed him on the cheek, but today he was holding the picnic hamper between us in the crook of his elbow, and it would’ve been horribly awkward to even try.
“I’m glad you liked it,” he said, hurrying out the door as if he was afraid I’d try something.
There was no Katie waiting for me by the fountain. No Katie anywhere. If I’d just listened to her on that first day, none of this would’ve happened.
We made it to the assembly hall just as Assistant Head Noel started speaking. It was the same as every other time: the picture of Hannah, the hushed crowd. We were too far from Tennyson and the others to sit near them, so we hung in the back. It was hard to stay focused on the speech. He really said a lot of words without saying anything. But my efforts were rewarded.
“…Body found on the coast near the town of Portsea…”
Portsea. That was where Katie and I had gone on the day we snuck out of school, where we’d met up with the other kids whose parents worked with ours. It had only been a tiny town, but I remembered the sign as we rode in. There was no way that could be a coincidence. Even if it hadn’t really been Hannah’s body, it had been somebody’s body, and it was connected to my father’s work.
“Are you okay?” Sam whispered.
I forced a smile and nodded. I couldn’t think about it right now. It was my father’s corporation that had planted the body, that was trying to stop anyone from looking for her. It wasn’t the Others at all. This was something important, something I’d need to think over carefully from all angles, and I couldn’t do that just yet.
When the assembly ended, Sam went off to class, but there was something else I had to do first.
“Fatima!” I said, pushing through the crowd to get to her. “Wait up.”
When she saw me, for a moment she hesitated, as if she was going to pretend she hadn’t seen me right to my face. But it was only for a moment. I pulled her aside into a little alcove.
“Don’t believe any of that,” I whispered to her. “It was all lies. Hannah is alive. Don’t look at me like I’m crazy, I have proof. She’s alive, and I’m going to find her.”
Fatima looked torn, but then she sighed. “This is one of those weird things that happen here and nobody ever talks about, isn’t it?”
I nodded.
“Well, I don’t want to be involved in it, whatever it is. But thanks for telling me. I hope you’re right and that you find her.”
She gave me a tight smile, then turned and rejoined the crowd. It hardly seemed as if she cared one way or another, but I figured that was just her way. She was always super abrupt, but she was honest as well.
I hurried to get to history class, and this time I aced the test. I sat through algebra, and at lunch I ate the curry and listened to Althea and Nikolai talk about the dance. It was all so normal that it made my heart ache.
In biology, I took notes so diligently that Tennyson thought I was angry with him, and I had to spend the last half of class convincing him that I wasn’t.
After class, I went back to my room. It seemed strangely empty without Katie there, even though I’d been avoiding her for months before the loop. The first time, I’d gathered up things I might need for the dance, but this time, I packed the things that I couldn’t leave behind. A picture of my family. Tennyson’s old hoody. Nothing that would make my father suspicious, but things that would remind me of what I was leaving behind, why I was doing this. I couldn’t guarantee I’d ever be back here, so I had to prepare.
I was just deleting my browser history when a Skype call came through. It startled me so badly that I whacked my leg on the edge of the desk. It was my brothers, a call from outside the loop. This meant that it was truly over. My father had kept his word.
“You guys…” I said as my brothers’ faces appeared. I’d never gone so long without talking to them before, and now they were right in front of me. “Look at you guys.”
They exchanged a glance that I’d seen a million times before, their “Lucy is crazy” look. I’d obviously gone crazy with missing them, because I found even that adorable.
“We need to talk to you about something,” said Liam.
I dropped into the chair, remembering what the call had been about on the first day.
“About Sam,” I said.
Liam nodded.
“You’re a big stinky liar, Lucy!” said Hamish. He grinned at me.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that Sam was still alive,” I said. I braced myself for their reactions, but I had to tell them the truth. The time had finally come. “Sam’s family – they were mixed up in something very dangerous, and I didn’t want our family involved. But you have to listen to me.” I met Liam’s eyes, and he leaned forward in his seat. “Our father was involved too. He still is. I understand if you want to stay in contact with him, but you need to be careful. Don’t accept anything from him. If you meet him, do it in a public place with a lot of people around. Don’t let anyone into the house until you hear from me again unless they know the code word, even if they’re someone you know. The code word is…” I tried to think of something meanin
gful but random. “The code word is Constantine. If they don’t say that, lock the doors and call the police right away. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
Liam stared at me for a long moment and then nodded.
“I think so,” he said.
“We’ll be careful,” said Fletcher.
“Tell Tennyson, where is my bike!” said Hamish. “I need a bike!”
“I have to go, and I don’t know when I’ll be able to contact you again,” I told them. “If you don’t hear from me after a week, contact Tennyson. I’ll send you his number. He and the others will look after you if anything happens to me.”
“Anything like what?” asked Liam. His eyes looked panicked, like he’d just woken up from a nightmare. “What’s going on?”
“I have to go stay with our dad for a while,” I said. “I don’t know how long.”
“Tell him I want a bike too!” said Hamish. “Two bikes! And a puppy!”
“I’ll contact you as soon as I can,” I told them. “And just because I’m gone is no excuse to eat burgers for every meal!”
I hung up before they could reply. It felt awful to worry them like that, but it was better that they be worried and cautious than ignorant and dead. I shut down my computer, took a last look at my room, then left so I would have time to stash my bag near the lighthouse before getting ready for the dance.
Everything was all in a flurry when I got to the Golden House. Nikolai was running around shirtless, singing to himself, and Althea was buried under a pile of dresses. This time, she dressed me in a pale silver dress that was so light and floaty, it seemed as though it was made of moonbeams and flower petals. She pinned up my hair with delicate little pins that sparkled when I moved. For herself, she chose a vintage beaded golden dress that swished when she walked and had apparently been worn by some old Hollywood actress at some iconic moment. She had a long wrap to match and white gloves and pearls, and with her hair curled and her makeup done, she really looked as if she could’ve stepped out of some old movie.
Nikolai had gone for the top hat and monocle look again, which suited him the best of all the outfits I’d seen him in. Tennyson and Sam both looked perfect, even though their outfits never changed. For the first time, I actually felt filled with anticipation about the dance.
“Tonight is going to be perfect,” I said as the five of us headed out.
“Of course it is,” said Nikolai. “I organized it.”
I was pleased that he’d waited for us instead of going ahead as he did sometimes. I liked it best when the five of us were together. As the music filtered through the gardens toward us, that night in the tower came rushing back to me, particularly the feeling of Tennyson holding me so close. That would never happen again, not after what I was planning to do.
But I was wrong.
Because this was the last Friday, I danced with Sam. I danced with Nikolai. And when Althea pushed us together, I danced with Tennyson. I stood rigid in his arms for a moment, terrified that he would remember. I didn’t know enough about that kind of magic to know if once the loop was broken, all the effect it had had on him would be gone too. But if he did remember, he didn’t show it at all.
If you don’t want to dance with me, don’t, but it’s a little ridiculous to just stand there.
“Sorry,” I said, and started moving.
Of course it was a slow song, though less haunting than the one in the tower had been. This song felt bittersweet.
A light flashed in front of us, and Tennyson let out a low growl.
“For the yearbook,” said the person behind the camera, leaving again before our eyes could adjust.
It seemed so bizarre to me suddenly that a moment in time could be captured like that, held frozen forever.
You seem strange today. Not yourself.
There was a lie on the tip of my tongue. Tell him I’m upset about Hannah. Tell him something else. Anything but the truth. But I never wanted to lie to him.
I think it’s just that I’ve finally started to realize what it means to be part of a pack.
He smiled. A real, actual smile. Such a smile that erased all the others from the tally I’d been keeping in my heart. It lit up his entire face, made him glow. That smile was like sunshine. And it was for me.
He tightened his arm around my waist. I’m glad, he said.
I was glad too, even if it couldn’t last.
Chapter 14
I made an excuse when everyone was distracted by Nikolai starting a conga line and slipped away. I’d be cutting it close to meet my father on time, but the thought of leaving had been so unbearable that I’d had to summon up every last bit of resolve to drag myself away. I had to do this, for my family and for my pack. There was no choice.
The forest had never looked so dreary, and the night air was chilling. I tried to trick myself into thinking this was nothing out of the ordinary, just some foresty hijinks, but with every step, my heart grew heavier. The more I tried to think of some way out of this, the more impossible it seemed. I had no idea what would happen once I met up with my father. The last time he’d taken me away, it hadn’t gone well. He’d drugged me and tried to have his creepy science experiments done on me before I managed to escape. This time, I couldn’t even try to get away, not without endangering my family. It was like one of those traps where the more you struggle, the tighter the ropes pull in around you.
I came out of the forest near the lighthouse. It shone out into the night like a symbol of the steadfast and true, calling home the lost. In reality, it had been nothing like that for me. It had always been a place of woe. Nothing good ever happened there. I’d been kidnapped, betrayed and cursed. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing that I was leaving the school. It hadn’t exactly been a walk in the park.
As I approached the cliff, something grabbed me from behind. I yelped, not even able to get out a full scream before the familiar woodsy scent overwhelmed me.
Tennyson.
His strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me in to him, my back pressed against his chest. I closed my eyes. Just for a moment, I forgot everything else. Why I was there, why he had come after me, all of it. I just let the moment be. He was so warm, so strong. I could rest there, inside his arms, and everything would be fine.
But that was a lie.
If I stayed there, it would destroy us all.
“I know what you’re doing,” he said quietly, so close to me that the words rumbled against my skin. “You’re going to your father. You’re leaving the pack.”
“You can’t stop me,” I whispered. “I have to do this.”
He tightened his arms around me. “There has to be another way.”
“There isn’t. We’ve tried everything.”
“I remember,” he said quietly. “I remember everything.”
“You have to forget,” I told him. “There’s too much at stake here. The pack. My family. You. I can’t risk all that. You have to let me go.”
I had to leave. I couldn’t keep my father waiting. But there was no way I could pull away from him.
I turned in his arms, holding on to the lapels of his jacket and looking up into his face. Even though my own misery was reflected in his eyes, I thought he’d never looked more beautiful.
“I told my brothers you’d watch out for them, if I can’t come back.”
He nodded. “Of course.”
My father said there were men watching them. I gave them a code word so they know who to trust. Constantine.
“I’ll make sure they’re safe,” he said, his voice low.
“I’m going to destroy him,” I whispered. “If it’s the last thing I do.”
Tennyson shook his head. Just come back, he said.
I closed my eyes and leaned in to him, my forehead resting on his chest. I wanted to memorize every detail of this moment. I didn’t know when or even if I’d see him again, and even if I did, nothing would be the same. We wouldn’t be pack. If my father had his way, we might n
ot even share our bond.
The thought of the bond being severed was so terrifying to me that I couldn’t think about it, not if I wanted to function. So, I focused on his warmth, his smell, the softness of his jacket under my fingers, his hand on the back of my head. If I could, I would melt into him, become a part of him, then nothing could ever take me away from him again. He was more to me than pack. More than family. He was something there was no word for.
I breathed out a shaky breath and then pulled away.
“Portsea,” I said. “The town where they found the body they claim was Hannah. Katie took me there to meet some others whose families are involved in my father’s company. I’m not sure if that’s where they’ll take me, but there’s definitely something there that needs to be looked into.”
He nodded but didn’t say anything.
“Once I leave, I’m not sure how long until…” I shook my head. I couldn’t say it. “You may not be able to sense me. I probably won’t be able to communicate with you. It’s safer if you don’t look for me.”
He grabbed me by the shoulders, shaking me lightly. “You know I can’t promise that. Wherever you are, whatever he does to you, I will find you. I won’t stop until you’re safe.”
“There’s no point in me doing this if you’re just going to get yourself killed,” I told him. I stepped away from him, smiling. “Idiot. Go back to the dance. Have fun. Forget about me.”
I turned, picked up my bag from the bushes, and walked away from him, but before I got to the edge of the cliff, he called out my name. I turned back hesitantly, not sure I’d be able to turn away a second time.
“You’re like the moon tonight,” he said. “You’re beautiful. You’re glowing, and you changed me.”
I had to turn away so he couldn’t see the tears shining in my eyes. I turned away, and I vanished over the cliff.
Chapter 15
It wasn’t my father waiting at the bottom of the cliff, but two people dressed all in black with hoods pulled low over their faces. They didn’t speak; they simply directed me into a boat and sped me away from the island. I sat silent, numb with cold and fear and misery. I had no idea where I was going or what would happen when I got there. I only knew what I was leaving behind. Tennyson’s words echoed in my head, and I clung to them like a talisman.
