by Sarra Cannon
I’m not sure if he expects me to respond to that, so I stay silent and wait for the ‘but’.
“I can’t say that I was surprised at your announcement the other night. We haven’t been blind to the way the two of you are when you’re together. It’s obvious that Leigh Anne cares for you very much,” he says. “When she told us she was moving in with you, we thought it was best not to give her too much grief about it, even though you have to know we disapproved.”
You disapprove of every choice she makes for herself.
My brain is begging for control of my tongue, but I manage to keep my mouth shut and stare straight ahead.
“We thought that over time, once she had a little bit of distance from the trial and the events in Boston, she would realize that she still has a lot of life to live. A lot of adventures to have, people to meet, decisions to make about her future,” he says. “I know you don’t have any parents of your own left to guide you, but we feel that it’s in Leigh Anne’s best interest if we try to help guide her through this tough time in her life.”
The comment about my parents just about pushes me to the edge, and I hesitate to get back into the golf cart with him. Where exactly is he going with this?
“What I’m trying to say is that Leigh Anne isn’t in any position right now to be making such a huge decision about her future.” He stops the golf cart and gets out, carefully selecting a club from his bag.
“I hope you’ll forgive me for saying so, sir, but who else would be in a position to make decisions for her?” I ask, joining him on the grass. “She’s not a little girl, anymore.”
Her father clears his throat and takes a swing. He watches the trajectory of the golf ball as it disappears somewhere downhill.
“I’ve known Leigh Anne a lot longer than you have,” he says when he finally turns back toward me. “She’s not as strong as you think she is. She can be impulsive sometimes, and I’m simply saying she may not be thinking clearly right now. I don’t want to see her make a decision she’s going to regret.”
I shift my weight from one foot to the other before I take my shot at the golf ball. I’m feeling more uncomfortable on this golf course than I have in a very long time, and I take my frustration out on the ball. It goes sailing far into the distance.
“A little to the left and that would have been a nice shot,” Mr. Davis says, shaking his head and smiling, as if he’s happy I didn’t do better.
“Why is it that you and your wife both seem to think that I’m not the right guy for your daughter?”
There’s an edge to my tone, but I’m tired of holding my tongue with this guy. He’s treating me the way my father used to treat me.
“No, now don’t misunderstand me, son,” her father says. He places a hand on my shoulder and squeezes hard. “We like you just fine, Knox. You seem like a real upstanding guy. But Leigh Anne is special. She deserves someone on her level, if you know what I mean.”
I know exactly what he means.
He’s not talking about money. He’s talking about social standing, which is something I simply don’t have in this town. And I’m pretty sure he knows it’s something I’m not the least bit interested in obtaining.
So that’s what this is really all about. They’d rather Leigh Anne marry someone that looks good in the eyes of their friends than someone she truly loves and who loves her.
Mr. Davis hops onto the golf cart and motions for me to get in, but I need a second before I’m ready to join this man for one more minute of a stupid game that I don’t even like playing.
But I’m torn. This is Leigh Anne’s father, and whether I like it or not, he’s going to be a part of my life. That means his judgments and opinions are going to be something I’ll have to deal with for the rest of our lives. No matter how much I want to tell this man exactly what I think of him, I also don’t want to upset Leigh Anne and make things harder for her.
To be honest, though, I’m getting a little tired of having to hold my tongue.
“Come on now, we don’t have all day,” Mr. Davis says. “We still have seven holes to get through.”
I look out across the green grass of the course and grip the driving iron tighter in my hand. This isn’t who I am. I’m willing to do just about anything to make Leigh Anne happy, but one thing I’m not willing to do is compromise who I am to please her father. If he can’t accept me for who I am, that’s his problem not mine.
I can’t stomach the thought of seven more holes of golf right now.
I walk over to the golf cart and slide the club into the bag hanging off the back of the cart. But I don’t get in beside Mr. Davis.
“What is it?” he asks. “You feeling okay?”
“Not really,” I say, squinting against the sun. “I thought it would be a good idea for us to spend some time together, and even though golf wouldn’t have been my first or my hundredth choice, I was happy that you wanted to spend some time with me and get to know me better. But it’s just occurred to me that you didn’t ask me out here today to get to know me. You asked me out here in the hopes that you could somehow either change my mind about your daughter or maybe somehow change me.”
He clears his throat and stares at me as if I’ve just told him I was some kind of alien. I imagine a man like him is not used to being spoken to so directly, but if he’s going to be a part of my life, I reckon he’s going to have to get used to it.
“The thing is, I am who I am and I don’t intend on pretending to be anything else,” I say. “If that’s not good enough for you, there isn’t anything I can do about that. But I’ll tell you one thing, I love your daughter with everything that I am. I love her more than I ever thought I could love anyone or anything in this world, and I’m hoping that over time, you’ll find it in yourself to understand that that’s all a parent should want for their child.”
“Now, listen to me, young man, I asked you out here so that we could develop a friendly relationship and spend some time together, but if you’re going to speak to me like this, maybe you should just head on home.” Mr. Davis’s face turns slightly red and he grips the steering wheel of the golf cart
“I think I’ll do that,” I say.
I turn around and start the long walk back to my car across the green, but I only get a few steps before I turn back around and stare this man straight in the eyes, man to man.
“And you’re wrong about your daughter, Sir,” I say. “She’s not weak and impulsive. She’s kind and she’s strong. Much stronger than you’ll probably ever know.”
I don’t give him time to respond. I make my way across the grass, getting looks from guys just like Mr. Davis in their pleated pants and polo shirts.
I’m scared I’ve just made a huge mistake by upsetting her father and putting even more distance between he and I than ever, but at the same time, I know that I’ve done the only thing I could possibly do in a situation like this.
I thought I was willing to compromise and try to fit into whatever life it was that her parents imagined for her, but as I climb into my rusted truck among a sea of shiny luxury cars, I know that all I can ever do is be myself.
I just hope that’s good enough for her.
Chapter Fifteen
“Mom?” I set my wedding binder on the kitchen table and call out to her. There’s fresh coffee, so I pour a cup for myself and wait for her to appear.
She should be expecting me. We said two, and her car is out back, so I know she’s here, but she must be upstairs.
I step into the hallway and call up to her again. “Mom, I’m here.”
After a few quiet seconds, she finally appears at the top of the stairs. She’s talking to someone on the phone, and she holds up a finger for me to wait.
“Well, Myra, that sounds just about perfect. Thank you so much,” she says. “You tell Joel how much we appreciate it. Okay, I’ll talk to you soon. Bye bye.”
“Hey,” I say. “You ready to get started? I can’t wait to show you all my ideas.”
/>
“I’ll be down in just a couple minutes,” she says. “I have one more phone call I need to make, and then I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”
“Okay,” I say, wondering who in the world she needs to be calling right now that’s so important. I only have a couple hours to hang out here before I need to be up at the restaurant to help Jo out for the night. She called earlier to say that a couple of her servers called out with the flu and she’s going to be short if she doesn’t get a little help.
Since I’m not working right now, anyway, I don’t mind picking up a shift for her every once in a while. Besides, Knox is working the bar tonight, so I’ll hopefully get a chance to spend a little extra time with him.
He’s been so busy lately between new restoration jobs coming in and helping out at the bar that he’s hardly been home at all. Besides, I can’t wait to hear how things went with Dad on the golf course today. I really hope they are having a good time.
It’s been two weeks since we got engaged, and we’ve hardly had a night to really sit down and talk. Hopefully the restaurant won’t be too busy tonight and we can sneak out early to spend some time together.
I’m daydreaming about a calm night snuggled in Knox’s arms in front of the fire when Mom finally appears in the doorway of the kitchen ten minutes later.
“Sorry, sweetheart, it’s been a busy morning, but I’m so excited to tell you everything I’ve been working on,” she says.
“Are you finally getting started on that bathroom upstairs?” I ask.
She looks at me like she has no idea what I’m talking about, but realization finally dawns on her and she laughs and pats my arm. “No, silly. I’ve been working on the wedding,” she says. “That bathroom remodel is just going to have to wait. There’s no way I have the time to do that and plan the most beautiful wedding this town has seen in years.”
I stop breathing, and cold chills race down my arms.
“What do you mean you’ve been working on the wedding?” I ask when I can finally breathe again.
She bristles. “I’ve been making calls, getting things set up,” she says. “I needed to find out what days the church is available next fall and make sure that all the best weekends weren’t already booked up. You know, you really have to start thinking pretty far ahead with these things or everything good will be impossible to book.”
Anger bubbles under the surface of what had just been joy a few minutes ago, but I try to keep it together. Making a few calls is not the same thing as booking an actual date. Besides, there’s nothing she could have done already that can’t be changed. It’s going to be okay.
But it’s the fight that I’m not looking forward to. I’m so tired of having to fight for what I want when it comes to my mother. Why can’t it ever just be fun and easy with her?
“What’s that look on your face, now?” she says, sitting back in her chair. “Please don’t start with all the dramatics, Leigh Anne. It’s exhausting.”
I take a deep breath and place my hands on my binder.
“I appreciate that you’re getting on board with this wedding and making a real effort to be excited about it, but Knox and I have our own ideas about what we want the day to be like,” I say. “That’s why I wanted to come over here today, so that we could go through what we want first, before we start booking anything.”
She looks confused. “I understand that,” she says. “Of course you guys have your own ideas about what you want. I was just trying to get a head start on the things you’ll definitely want to be thinking about early. The church is the number one thing. I know you probably wouldn’t think that would be difficult, but there are already several weekends this fall that are reserved, and Myra didn’t think it would be a good idea to try to have two weddings on the same day. It would just be such a hassle to change out the decorations and everything in the sanctuary.”
“Well, that’s exactly what I’m talking about,” I say. My stomach fills with butterflies. I shouldn’t have to be worried about telling my mom that I don’t want what she wants, but I always feel so guilty when I know I’m going to disappoint her. “We don’t want to wait until fall, first of all. I told you we were thinking more of a spring wedding. Early May, maybe, but we haven't picked the exact date yet, because I wanted to make sure you and dad didn’t have anything planned.”
“Spring?” she asks. “But it’s already late September. May would only give us six months to plan the entire thing. That’s not enough time, Leigh Anne. Besides…”
Her voice trails off, and she looks away. I don’t even encourage her to continue, because I’m scared as hell she was about to say that getting married in a year gives me plenty of time to change my mind.
“Six months is plenty of time to plan this wedding, but that’s why I wanted to get started right away,” I say. “Secondly, we were hoping to have an outdoor wedding at Knox’s family home.”
Her eyes widen, and she makes a strangled sound deep in her throat. “Out on the lake? With all the bugs and everything swarming around? And just think about the nightmare of people trying to get down that awful dirt road. Leigh Anne, you haven’t thought this through.”
My jaw tightens. That’s exactly what she said about getting engaged in the first place. Why does she seem to think I don’t have a mind of my own?
“It never even occurred to me that you wouldn’t want to get married in the church you’ve been going to your entire life,” she says. There are actual tears in her eyes, and she places a hand on her chest. “Ever since you were a little girl, I’ve imagined what you would look like coming down that aisle.”
She sighs and stands up, placing her hands against the corner of the sink with her back turned to me.
Is she crying?
A ball of guilt forms in my stomach. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but I need her to understand that regardless of what she wants, this is still my wedding. Shouldn’t it be about Knox and I?
“Mom,” I say, standing and placing my hands on her back and shoulder. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to disappoint you, but just think about how beautiful it will be out there in the spring. The leaves will be so green and gorgeous. We can put loads of flowers out there and get married under a canopy of trees. I know you guys only came out there once before the house was even finished, but you won’t believe how much it’s all been transformed. Knox worked really hard to completely restore that house, and it’s breathtaking.”
She swipes at the tears that have fallen on her cheeks and sucks in a breath. “I’m sure it’s beautiful, sweetheart,” she says. “And of course, I just want you to be happy, but you have to see this from my perspective, too. I’ve been dreaming of this since the day you were born. You’re my only little girl and this wedding means just as much to me as it does to you.”
I try to swallow, but the guilt is stuck in my throat. Maybe she’s right. I do understand how important this wedding is to her and how much she’d been looking forward to this. Maybe a little compromise wouldn’t be such a bad thing.
I sigh and stare longingly at the beautiful binder on the table.
“Let me talk to Knox,” I say, a sinking feeling in my stomach. “Maybe we could still have the wedding at the church and then go out to the lake for the reception?”
Mom perks up, her shoulders straightening. “I think that’s a great start,” she says. “Oh, Leigh Anne, it’s going to be beautiful. I still think fall colors would work much better with your skin tone, but if your heart is set on spring, then I guess we can try to make it work. Let’s not make any decisions about the date just yet. Maybe we can talk about some of the other things first. Is this your binder?”
She sits down, all sadness from a second completely wiped away as she opens the binder and starts flipping through the pictures and ideas Penny, Jenna and I came up with a few days ago. She criticizes nearly every choice I’ve put down on paper, but for now she’s happy, because she’s gotten what she wanted.
But deep inside, I
wonder just how much of what I wanted is going to have to be compromised just to keep her happy. How much am I really willing to let go of in order to make that happen?
Suddenly, Knox’s idea of eloping to Vegas doesn’t seem like such a bad idea.
Chapter Sixteen
The weeks fly by as the wedding plans get under way for real.
Knox wasn’t excited about the idea of getting married in the church since he’s never really been one to attend church himself, but he seems to understand how important it is to my mother, so he’s willing to go along with it.
“As long as we still get to have the rehearsal dinner at Rob’s,” he says. “And as long as Jo gets to cater the reception.”
We’re standing in the foyer of his latest project in downtown Fairhope—a house that had some minor fire damage a couple weeks ago when the dryer caught fire.
“Of course,” I say. “I wouldn’t dream of having it any other way. Surely Mom can’t argue with that.”
He sighs. “She can argue with just about anything,” he says. “She’s taking over with this whole thing. Honestly, I don’t care what you want to do, as long as at the end of the day, we are husband and wife. Just make sure you’re happy with the choices you make.”
“I’m happy,” I say, giving him a kiss. “I need to get going, everyone is going to be waiting for me.”
“Have fun,” he says. “Stop back by afterward if you get a chance. I’m sure we’ll be here late today.”
“I will,” I say. “But don’t ask me what I decided on, because this is the one thing I want to keep secret.”
My wedding dress.
I’ve been looking forward to this day since I was a little girl, and butterflies dance around in my stomach as I drive over to Amanda’s Bridal Shop on Main Street.
