by Jody Holford
Shay. Why the hell had he avoided her yesterday? Because he’d thought too much about her and wanted to maintain some measure of control. Though, he had a feeling, where she was concerned, control was an illusion. Admitting to himself, and to her, that he wanted to explore things had opened a floodgate of other desires and Wyatt didn’t know how to channel them all. His brain was overflowing with thoughts of Shay. He stopped at the red light, his fingers tapping on the wheel. “I’m going to ask you something. I want an answer, not a lecture…and no commentary, either.”
“Okay. That doesn’t sound ominous at all. But go ahead.”
“If I was making up for being a little distant and sort of closed off for no reason, what would you suggest?”
“What? You? Distant?”
His fingers tightened on the leather of the steering wheel. “What did I just say?”
Abigail laughed. “All right, fine. Do something nice for her. Something she wouldn’t expect. And talk to her, like really talk. Stop keeping yourself crammed up in an untouchable box and open up to her. You like her. I could tell when I saw the way you looked at her. You won’t talk to anyone else, so choose her. Let her be the person you open up to. Let her see you and trust her to care anyway. When you’re not being a jerk, you’re quite lovable.”
Wyatt pressed the gas and was glad his sister couldn’t see his smile. “Was that a compliment?”
“You wouldn’t take it if it was. I get that you had a hard time undercover, Wyatt. But you’re not there anymore. We’re all here, and we miss you. Stop hiding. Come back now.”
His gut clenched hard. Had he made his family feel that way? He’d shut them out so his bad moods that felt impossible to shake off didn’t affect them. But maybe it had anyway, just by keeping them at a distance.
He turned left and headed for the store. “I’m sorry.”
“I know. Come for dinner next Sunday.”
He started to say no. He was in the middle of finding a way to nail Jake’s supplier, plus he had all of his other cases. And Shay. “Okay.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Bring Shay.”
“One step at a time, Abby.”
“I love you.”
His heart pinched. “Love you, too.”
He got everything he needed from the store and headed for home. He felt more connected to Shay after spending one night next to her than he had with any woman he’d taken the time to pursue. He hadn’t had a lot of relationships because he poured himself into his work, but he knew that attention to details mattered. If he wanted her to take the risk, he had to be just as willing.
Wyatt might be rusty, but it wasn’t like he’d never romanced a woman. Maybe not one who mattered the way Shay seemed to, but he wasn’t incapable. While he chopped veggies and sautéed chicken, he thought about Maria. He thought he’d fallen hard, but looking back, with perspective and time on his side, he realized that a lot of what he felt was adrenaline, the rush of the situation, the forced intimacy of feeling like she needed him. Like he was saving her. All the while, he’d been getting played. What he’d felt when it was over wasn’t heartbreak—it was humiliation.
He’d stayed away from Shay because he didn’t want to make a fool of himself again. But Shay was nothing like Maria. For one thing, she definitely did not want to be saved. And clearly, if today was any indication, she didn’t need him. She was independent and strong.
And beautiful and sweet.
“One step at a time,” he told himself while he let the food cook and set the table.
He’d expected to have to chase her down, maybe wait by her door. He had dinner warming in the oven, and he’d changed his shirt twice. He hadn’t texted again because he figured why bother if she was avoiding him. When someone knocked, he was so sure Shay didn’t want to talk to him, he was stunned to see her.
“Hey, neighbor,” she said. She was dressed in black slacks and a light blue sweater. Her socks matched her sweater but had little checker marks on them. Her blond hair was parted a bit to the side and flowed over one shoulder more than the other. Her eyes were happy. She looked adorable and sexy at the same time.
“Hey. I thought you were giving me the silent treatment,” he said. Might as well be honest.
She tilted her head to the side. “Is that what you were doing yesterday?”
He didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but he wasn’t lying. “Maybe a little. I kind of panicked every time I realized how badly I wanted to talk to you and kept making myself wait. Then the day was over and…I didn’t. I’m sorry.”
She nodded. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
Taking a deep breath, she clasped her hands together. “I won’t chase you. Because if you don’t want me, there’s no point. I’m not looking for that. But I’m not looking for games, either. I didn’t text you back today because I was in a couple of meetings, shopping, and having a pretty kick-ass day. I was trying to compartmentalize, sort of like you did yesterday, I guess. But I came here as soon as I got home because…I missed you. I missed seeing your face and talking to you yesterday.”
Wyatt’s heart was beating like a sledgehammer. All he heard was I missed you. He took her hand and pulled her close. “I missed you, too. And I want you. So much it worries me.” But he’d rather worry than deny the truth anymore. He took her hand and pulled her into the apartment, shutting the door with his other hand. Before he could say or do anything to screw this up, he did something he never let himself do: he followed his heart.
Wyatt closed the distance between their mouths and poured everything he felt into the kiss. His hands couldn’t touch enough of her at once as they slid to her shoulders, down her arms, and around her waist without breaking the kiss. She tasted like the sweetest dessert he’d ever known. She tasted like Shay. It was a delicious combination. Her sharp gasp when his hands gripped her ass and pulled her up against him made his heart pound uncomfortably. Boosting her up, he growled into her ear as her legs wrapped around him. Hell. There was no way they were getting out of this unscathed, but as she ran her mouth down his neck, kissing and nipping, he no longer cared.
She was like air—refreshing and necessary. Like sunlight—so bright it nearly blinded him. She was absolute perfection, and he probably didn’t deserve to wrap himself up in her but that was exactly what he planned to do. She was small enough he could hold her against him with one hand. He used the other to move her hair back from her face so he could trail kisses up her neck, to her jaw. When he touched his tongue to the delicate skin where her neck met her collarbone, she squeezed him tighter. She was so soft it made him ache everywhere. Somehow, he got them to the bedroom without banging into anything. He didn’t bother with the light. The moon shone through the thin window coverings, illuminating them both. When he lowered her onto the bed, she didn’t loosen her grip around his waist or his neck.
It scared him how much he didn’t want her to let him go. All he could do was feel. Her. Him. Them. And he couldn’t get enough.
His laugh was strained when he tried to pull back a little, and she clung tighter.
“Let go for a second, baby. This works better without all the clothes in the way,” he said. He pulled her arms from around his neck, held her wrists with one hand, and leaned back. With her legs still around his hips and him kneeling on the bed, her back was arched, and he could see the outline of her breasts pushing against her shirt. His breathing faltered as he stared down at her. He spread the fingers of his other hand wide on her flat stomach and slowly inched upward. His eyes went to hers when she sighed.
Shay’s cheeks were flushed, and she watched him with so much trust and affection it nearly choked him. He’d never wanted to deserve either of those things more than at this moment. His hand moved up, over her breast. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and continued to stare. With his fingertips, he traced her collarbone, marveling at the silkiness of her skin. He loved that spot on a woman, and hers was so delic
ate.
Releasing her wrists, he leaned over her again, pressing his body against her as he cradled her face in his hands. The flowery scent of her hair consumed him. “You are so damn beautiful.”
Her eyes closed, and she shook her head.
“Look at me,” he said, his voice hoarse.
She opened her eyes, her lip still between her teeth. His heart tumbled, actually knocked against his chest repeatedly.
With his thumb, he tugged her lip free then ran the rough pad across. He kissed her jaw, right under her ear. “You.” He kissed her chin. “Are.” He sucked lightly on the skin under her other ear. Then her mouth. “Perfect.”
Her eyes shone, and the wetness in them should have scared him. Tears made him feel helpless. But with her, it made him want to pull her tighter and tell her everything would be okay. He didn’t even know what the “everything” was but he wanted to make the promise. He kissed both eyelids with a tenderness that came from some deeply buried place inside of him.
This time when he pulled away to remove his shirt, she didn’t stop him. Instead, she watched every movement—smirked when he tossed it to the floor—and then took her time studying his chest, his abs, and lower. His hands shook as he released the button on his jeans. Need to be with her clawed at him from the inside. She sat up and went to her knees when he stepped back to the bed. Her hands were cool and his skin was on fire.
Imitating him, with amusement crinkling the corners of her eyes, she kissed his neck. “I.” His chin. “Have.” His nose, which made him laugh. “Never.” One shoulder. “Wanted.” The other. “Anyone.” The corner of his lips. “The.” The other corner. “Way.” She traced his lips with her tongue, and he gripped her hips, clenching his fingers. “I.” She nibbled on his bottom lip. “Want.” Her lips touched his, opened, and took their time kissing him. “You.” The last word came out as a whisper.
They stood there, kissing, hands running over each other, his over her shirt, for so long that Wyatt felt like he couldn’t breathe. He’d never wanted someone the way he wanted her and yet, he didn’t want to rush it. Rush her. As he pushed up her sweater, tugged it over her head, he saw the color move from her cheeks to her neck. Her eyes darted down and he used his hand to tilt her chin back up so she had to meet his gaze. Knots tightened in his stomach, and his fingers trembled with the thought of touching her.
“Shay. I want you. More than you could possibly imagine.”
Her eyes widened, and her cheeks flushed a deeper shade of red, but the words seemed to settle her nerves. Her smile made him feel like he’d won the lottery, made his heart beat like a drum.
You’re mine. The thought stunned him and slowed his movements. His hesitation must have showed because she covered her chest with her hands.
“Tell me you’re not pulling away again,” she whispered, her tone laced with pain.
Wyatt shook his head, taking another look before he yanked her against him. “You make it hard to breathe. ”
Neither of them had the best track record when it came to trust, but he needed to see this through. He couldn’t hold back, waiting for her to break the piece of his heart she’d captured. If he was going to get his life back and pull himself all the way out from under the weight of his failure, he wanted Shay by his side. If he wanted that, he had to stop closing himself off.
Shay yanked him down so he fell on top of her. He grunted, but she merely smiled. “Stop thinking. You can think after.” Then stunned him again, by setting out to make sure he could think of nothing but the two of them together. So much for staying in charge. When her lips traveled over his chest and worked their way down, for once he didn’t care who was in control, as long as they didn’t stop.
Wyatt’s brain had shut down. All he could do was feel. The sensation of Shay’s warm body pressed against his still-tingling skin and the sigh of satisfied pleasure from her lips were possibly the two best things in the world.
“I thought I’d imagined it,” she whispered.
“What?” His fingers were tangled in her hair. It was redeeming to know she sounded breathless as well.
“The chemistry between us.”
He gave a rough laugh and looked at her, saw she was watching him. “I tried to deny it completely. We make a great pair, don’t we?”
Her smile was shy, almost timid. “I think so.”
Wyatt hated the look of doubt hiding in her eyes. He kissed her gently, refusing to let either of them put up barriers. He deepened the kiss, hoping to erase any doubt she had. When she pulled back, she put her hands on his chest, levering herself up a bit.
She smelled like vanilla and sugar. It made him hungry and reminded him he’d made them dinner.
“What are you thinking, baby?” A small smile hovered on her lips when he used the endearment. It felt natural and right, like she did against him. With her index finger, she drew circles in the smattering of hair that covered his chest. Her eyes tracked the movement.
“The thing is, I don’t want to go back and forth. If you have to work, I get it. And I try not to be needy because I don’t want to be. But I don’t want to feel like every time I don’t hear from you, it’s a strategic retreat.”
He nudged her chin up and cupped her cheek with his hand. Her skin was like rose petals, perfect and soft. “It won’t be. I don’t want to play games, either. I just want you. If you’ll have me.”
Her lips tipped up as her arms slid around his neck. “I’d be very happy to have you. Again.”
The tone of her voice sent fire through his veins, and it took effort not to pull her close and make love to her again. Instead, he arched up and kissed her soft and slow until she was moving against him, weakening his resolve. He pulled back and nudged her away from him. She moved aside with a frown on her face. Wyatt laughed at her expression, then got up and grabbed his boxers. He pulled on the shirt he’d been wearing and grabbed a T-shirt from his drawer. Tossing it onto the bed, he winked at her. “I made you dinner. Unless you’re okay with eating naked, which is perfectly fine with me, put that on.”
Shay froze, blankets clutched to her chest. “You what?”
Heat that wasn’t lust-induced crept up his neck. “I can cook, you know.”
Her smile made his heart beat faster. “I didn’t know, actually. Give me a minute to clean up.”
He nodded. “Meet you at the table.”
Before she rose from the bed, he forced himself to leave the room. If he didn’t and she stood in front of him to dress, he’d never get her fed. Walking into the kitchen, tension unfurled in his gut. This felt better than good. It felt right. He wasn’t used to the sensations swirling inside of him. They felt a lot like genuine happiness.
Shay wiped her mouth with a napkin and set it on her plate. “That was delicious. You really can cook.”
Wyatt scooped up his last bite and shot her an amused glance. “You don’t need to sound so surprised. I’ve lived on my own since I was twenty.”
Pushing her plate forward, she picked up her wine and sipped it. He didn’t want to make a big deal of it, but it made him happy she’d enjoyed the meal. It made him happy to share it with her. Shay had filled him in on her day and her meeting at Southside College. He was impressed with how many contacts she was making. He’d told her that his suspicions about Jake were correct but didn’t fill in the details. The less anyone knew, the better. Things had a way of flying apart when too many people were in on the specifics. Plus, she was hot and he wanted her, but she was still a civilian. He needed to treat her like any other one in terms of the case.
“Who hurt you?”
Wyatt stopped mid chew and stared at her. Shit. He had not seen that coming. Not that directly, anyway. He swallowed his mouthful and bought more time by taking a long drink of his wine. Shay waited patiently, her eyes never leaving him.
He stood and held out his hand. She took it, and he led them to the living room. The gas fireplace had warmed the room nicely, and he’d turned the lights on dim.
The moon glittered through the open patio blinds. Sitting on his couch, he pulled her down next to him.
“She didn’t hurt me so much as she conned me.”
Shay winced. “Probably not an ego boost for a man like you.”
He ran his fingers over her hand but looked up to meet her gaze. “A man like me?”
“Take charge, in control, likes to know exactly what he’s dealing with. For someone to deceive you, I can imagine you took that as a personal affront to your own…abilities.”
Wyatt tapped her on the nose with his index finger. “Aren’t you perceptive? Maybe I should just talk to you instead of the department shrink they keep hounding me to see.”
She didn’t smile. “You can. You can talk to me. I won’t deceive you, ever. Because I know how it feels. But there’s nothing wrong with talking to a professional, either. It doesn’t make you less in any way.”
He nodded, torn between embarrassment and relief at the idea of telling someone. “I’m working on it.”
“Start with me.”
He pulled her close, and she lay her head on his chest. With the scent of her shampoo wafting around him, he was able to relax his shoulders a bit and just hold her.
“I was undercover pretty deep. There’s a lot of stuff that happens when you’re on an assignment, and you have no control to stop it. Not if you don’t want to blow your cover. You have to let some things go to get to the end zone. I made it into the inner associate circle of a known dealer. A big-time dealer. I met this woman. We…well, we connected.”
The room felt too warm now, and he shifted. Shay leaned up, her hands pressing against her chest. “It’s okay if you’ve had sex before.”
He laughed and the tension eased again. “All right. We had sex. But I thought it was more. She led me to believe she wanted out of the life. That she was tired of being surrounded by criminals and needed a way to break free. She asked me to help her. As a cop, it was ideal because she started feeding me intel and some of it led to some important arrests. But I stayed in character because I wanted the head guy. When I mentioned him, she said she knew him well.”
