Maya felt her heart pounding in her chest. He’d never asked her to go anywhere outside of work before. Then she despaired because she had her British Literature class tonight. “Can I take a raincheck for tomorrow night? I have class at six tonight.”
Michael thought for a minute before he smiled. “That would be great. I’ll warn you, though, it’s going to be a slasher flick.”
“A horror movie? I thought you wanted to reduce my stress?”
Michael’s smile morphed back into his smirk. “How else am I going to get you to cuddle up with me? We clearly can’t do that here.”
Maya balked at his boldness. It didn’t matter because their manager called him to go get shopping carts from the parking lot. Maya watched him walk away and wondered if was going to become harder to fight off her reservations. But, before she could dwell on it longer, a customer came with a huge order, and she had to focus on something else.
*****
Maya sat down in the lecture hall at SUNY Albany, about a thirty-minute drive from her hometown of Whitney. They were supposed to be discussing the final part of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. Maya was relieved because as much as she loved to read, she could not fall in love with this particular old English tale. She quickly tried to scan the story one last time so that she would be prepared for the class discussion.
She didn’t look up from her work when someone slid into the chair next to her. All semester she’d been sitting next to this guy named Ian. They had a whole lecture hall to choose from but every Tuesday and Thursday they would pick the same seats together.
“What’s the next book on the syllabus?” Maya asked aloud, still glancing over Sir Gawain.
“Moving onto some good old William Shakespeare,” Ian replied, glancing at his paper, still in immaculate condition despite it being half way through the semester. “Some Sonnets and then Hamlet.”
“God, I love Hamlet,” Maya replied, genuinely looking forward to the change. She shut her book and smiled at her seat neighbor.
“Who doesn’t?” Ian replied as he pulled out a notebook and tore out a page for her. Maya felt her face go hot as she took in his handwriting. He’d written down notes for her to use during the discussion; not only were there plot lines and character names, but he’d put symbolism and other literary elements on there too.
“You didn’t have to do this.”
“I wanted to.” He replied simply.
Ian was an intellectual. He soaked up every bit of information that he learned at college like a sponge. He was a full-time student but still commuted despite this. Maya had discovered early in the semester that they both came from Whitney, but he’d gone to a private school which is why she didn’t know him before this British Literature course. He had a 4.0 GPA and had plans on being a college professor once he had enough education.
He had coppery red hair and blue eyes and he sometimes wore dark-rimmed glasses. He was kind and encouraging. He was like Michael back in town. She wondered if, by the end of the semester, he would be asking her out. Why else would he be helping her with her British Literature grade?
Ian had asked her on multiple occasions if she had a boyfriend and she’d never really given him a straight answer. There was a six-foot-two brunette that made her heart race at home, but they weren’t exclusive. But there was something about Ian that was like how she felt about Michael as well like there was something holding her back.
Ian gave her his notes and she let him copy his homework because a few days a month he was not in class. He told her that he couldn’t go into much detail but that it was a family commitment that could not be changed. Maya would tape record the lectures for him, but it reminded her so much of Michael’s situation that it was borderline unnerving. She hadn’t known Ian as long either, and she hadn’t kissed him like she’d had that moment with Michael.
Maya found her cheeks flushing at the thought of Ian wanting to kiss her. It would probably be a sweet and gentle kiss, and she found herself wondering if there was something wrong with her. Was she that selfish that she couldn’t pick one man to commit herself to?
“Hey, I don’t know if you are free tomorrow night,” Ian said quickly as the professor had finally arrived and was getting ready to begin. “But they are having this really awesome promotion at a local bookstore.” He explained. “Maybe we could get coffee and buy some books that aren’t for school.”
“I’d love to,” Maya assured. “But I have plans with a friend after work tomorrow.” She smiled at him warmly, trying to give no indication that this “friend” might actually want to date her. “Maybe Friday?”
Ian nodded, beaming while he entered the date on his phone. “Absolutely. It’s a date.” Then he winked at her and Maya felt her nerves making her both giddy and nauseous at the same time.
The discussion of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight began and Maya fond her head swimming with thoughts of chivalry and loyalty, and of two young men that reminded her of each of these traits. Ian was as noble and well-intended as several of the nights of the round table, and Michael had been loyal to her for years, letting her vent to him about her life that wasn’t always easy. It seemed impossible to pick only one and yet she knew at one point that she was going to have to make a choice or lose them both. Maya found her voice trembling as she spoke during the discussion, not because she was anxious about the class, but because it should have been an easy decision. Ian or Michael. She couldn’t do it because there were those foggy unknowns that she couldn’t figure out and was too afraid to ask.
When the class was finished, she quickly gathered her things, waved goodbye to Ian and headed to her car. As she drove home, she had to turn up the radio because what the DJ was saying seemed completely absurd.
“Take caution if you live anywhere near Whitney New York. There are multiple reports of people going missing in the woods and surrounding areas. Police think that there are packs of wolves causing what are most likely fatalities. Stay safe everyone.”
Maya scowled. She’d lived in Whitney her entire life and never once had she seen a wolf or heard of an attack. She shook her head and changed the station, convinced it was nonsense.
*****
That night Maya had a dream. It started out as bursts of images. She saw a full moon, someone thrashing through the woods, packs of wolves. She saw Whitney policemen, she heard a girl screaming. Once more she saw wolves, except this time there were two that stood out.
One wolf was black as night, his coat shining in the moonlight. He stood on the edge of a clearing, eyes focused on something across the open field. On the opposite end stood a reddish-brown wolf. There was something almost regal about the way that he stared back at the black wolf, his eyes boring into him, almost as if daring the dark wolf to make a move. There were more bursts of images and noise to the point that Maya felt like she was trapped in a storm of information. It was like she was being spun into a cyclone when she found herself standing in the middle of a dark room.
The only light was coming from the waning moon; it was no longer full or as bright as it had been with the wolves in the clearing. Maya gasped when she noticed both Michael and Ian standing there. For a brief moment, Maya’s subconscious made the realization that she must have been feeling guilty that she couldn’t decide which one she preferred. But then the dream took a turn, something that she wouldn’t have been able to force herself to wake from if she tried.
“Are we really doing this?” Michael asked, walking towards her.
Maya found herself nodding. “This is what I want.”
Ian had stepped behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. “Then who are we to refuse?”
Once more Maya’s subconscious reeled as she took in what was happening. Ian pulled off her clothes while Michael guided her to the ground. Soon they were touching her in ways that one man had never touched her, let alone two. Maya found herself moaning as one touched her breasts and the other explored her womanhood. The dream version of herself
wanted to reciprocate these feelings of pleasure and rose up to her knees while she took Michael in her mouth and Ian in her hands, giving each attention before she would switch to pleasuring the other in the opposite way.
Maya didn’t have much experience in regards to fooling around with men. She’d lost her virginity at the end of high school, but it hadn’t been like this. She hadn’t lusted over the boy that had made her a woman like her dream-self needed to be pleased by these men. She’d never felt powerful when she’d stroked his member. In this dream, she felt like royalty as she made Ian and Michael moan and become practically putty in her hand, based on what she could do with her body.
Maya woke up just getting onto her hands and knees. Michael about to enter her from behind and Ian standing before her, hand on his penis, ready for her mouth to wrap around it once more. Maya gasped as she sat up in bed, drenched in sweat as she tried to catch her breath.
“What’s the matter with you?” A voice exclaimed in the darkness and Maya could have died. Maya and her sixteen-year-old sister shared a small bedroom and apparently, she’d woken her up. “You were moaning in your sleep, and not like you were scared that’s for sure.”
Maya’s face flushed as she continued to hyperventilate. “It was just a dream, go back to bed Gabriella.”
She could hear the girl rolling over underneath her covers and grumbling about how she wished she had her own room. The girls had shared a bedroom since Gabriella was old enough to not need her mother in the middle of the night. Maya covered her face with her hands as she heard her sister’s breathing become deeper. She’d fallen back to sleep, but Maya knew that she wouldn’t for a long time.
She tried to make logical sense of it all. All the things she’d seen in her dream had been on her mind. She’d heard about the wolves on the radio, she’d been worrying about her feelings for Michael and Ian for days. Still, she couldn’t believe that she would dream about being with them both at the same time. If it weren’t for Gabriella being woken by her moans of pleasure, she probably wouldn’t have felt embarrassed at all. Her body throbbed at the thought of them both touching her and making love to her. What did that say about her? Maya thought back to an earlier idea, where she thought she was selfish for not being able to choose. Was it wrong that she could picture herself in that situation and loving every minute of it?
Maya shook her head, vowing to herself that she would make a choice this week. She had plans with both men, and she would find out once and for all who she wanted to become involved with. The stress of the situation would disappear, and she wouldn’t have dirty dreams like that anymore. That thought made Maya despair a bit, because suddenly, a threesome didn’t seem that taboo. If anything, it made her more curious than ever.
Eventually, she fell back asleep and experienced nothing else. Ian, Michael, and even the wolves were all absent. She woke up the next morning and was relieved to see that her sister had no recollection of what had woke her in the middle of the night. She changed into her work uniform and packed clothes for going out later. Her heart fluttered as she chose a flowing top and tight skinny jeans that made her feel confident and sexy. Tonight she was going out with Michael and she needed all the courage that she could get.
*****
The Funhouse was literally one of the worst movies that Maya had ever seen on the big screen. She figured it would have a great future on the science fiction television station once it left theaters. Not only where the actors’ performances subpar, but the movie was gory for the sake of being disgusting. Though as she leaned her head on Michael’s shoulder she decided that the plot wasn’t too bad. Criminally deranged psychopaths probably would hide out in carnival fun houses. Wouldn’t people notice if people were dying, though? Every time some cheerleader or carny was slaughtered in a disgusting or painful way, Maya would turn her head away from the screen, and she could feel Michael laughing at her reaction.
Finally, when the psychopath was destroyed and what was left of the cheerleaders were heroes, the movie ended, and Maya and Michael sat for a moment while the credits played.
“Next time we are watching the mushiest romance movie; I mean gag inducing.” Maya pinched him for making her sit through such a horrible movie.
Michael grabbed her hand laced his fingers through hers. “Next time?”
Maya looked up at him through her eyelashes. “I think I’d like that.”’
He smiled at her before he leaned down and whispered in her ear. “I’d kiss you, but I think the usher wants to clean the theater.”
The pair finally left the theater and made their way back to Michael’s car. He had offered to drive when they’d gotten off work. Michael was going on about getting something to eat at the twenty-four-hour dinner when something on the radio made Maya turn it up and told Michael to be quiet.
“Two more hikers have gone missing in the Whitney area. That brings the total to five people missing or found dead in the woods. Residents are reminded to limit their time outdoors and to not feed or approach wolves. Authorities may start searching the forest for vicious animals.”
“What the hell?” Maya asked, remembering what she had heard on the radio the night before. “Five people? Are they sure they just aren’t getting lost in the woods?”
Michael suddenly became very serious. “What do you think about the wolves in Whitney?”
Maya was surprised by his demeanor; Michael was never somber about anything. It made her uneasy. “Uh…I don’t know. I thought wolves were afraid of people.”
Michael kept his eyes on the road gut shook his head. “Nope, there are some wolves that aren’t afraid of anything.”
“How do you know?” Maya thought that his response was odd. Granted she didn’t know much as she would like about Michael, maybe he was an expert on wolves, or his parents studied them or something.
“I just know, okay?” Michael replied with a tone that made Maya know that the conversation was over. “You still want to get something to eat right?”
After Maya and Michael split an order of fries and had a piece of blueberry pie each, he brought her back to her car at Catskill Grocery. Maya was disappointed that the night was coming to an end. She reached for his hand, trying to make it last as long as possible.
“This is one of those moments where I wish I had my own place,” Maya said. “I’d invite you back to my place.
“Gabriella needs a boyfriend,” Michael replied with his smirk.
“She’s sixteen,” Maya replied.
“I know people,” He said. “Catskill Grocery people.” He looked at his hands. “Forgive my boldness, but it’s late…we could do something here, in the car.” He cleared his throat.
Maya found her stomach doing flip flops at his offer. She thought of her dream she had the night before, of all the thing she’d done to him in that alternate reality. Add the thrill of being out in public and Maya was trembling.
“Look, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable…”
Maya found herself climbing over the console as Michael pulled the seat back. She straddled him and put her finger to his lips. “You make me feel like I going insane, but no I’m not uncomfortable.”
Michael smashed his mouth against Maya’s, and she just let her inhibitions go. She ran her fingers through dark wavy hair and kissed him along his neck and jaw line. She let him unbutton her shirt and arched her back when he grabbed onto her breasts. Maya thought of her dream and wondered if she would experience that feeling tonight, but just as soon as the passion began, Michael was staring up at her, a cross between disappointment and adoration on his face.
“What’s wrong?” Maya asked, cupping his face in her hands.
“As much I would like to take this all the way, I want it to be special. I want for us to…” His voice trailed off. Maya knew what he was thinking: I want us to be together.
Maya kissed him before she returned to her own seat and collected her things. She wished that she could just tell him that he was every
thing she wanted in a man, but she couldn’t, not yet. It was too complicated for her to begin to explain.
“So I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asked, his voice despondent. Maya felt the guilt washing over her.
“Of course, 9-3 like usual.”
Michael gave her a wary smile before he leaned over and kissed her gently. “Good. Goodnight Maya.”
She got out of his car and watched him go. Maya stood there in the Catskill Grocery parking lot in the autumn air wondering once more if there was something wrong with her. She didn’t understand how she could let someone like Michael leave without telling him what she truly thought of him. She knew it was the copper-haired man that she was going to see soon. He was one of many things that held Maya back.
*****
Maya had expected things to be extremely awkward at work the next day, but Michael was still pretty much his mischievous, joking self. The only thing that gave away his pain were his eyes. Sometimes she’d catch him watching her from across the room, and she knew that she’d hurt him the night before. He’d put his emotions out in the open, and she’d done nothing.
When she’d punched out for the day he was waiting for her by the exit and Maya found herself bursting with nerves at what he was going to say.
“What are you doing tomorrow night?”
Maya didn’t have the heart to tell him that she was going on her bookstore date with Ian, so she did just as she had done with her red headed suitor. “I’m hanging out with a friend from college. How about you?”
“There’s this huge party up in the woods. There’s supposed to be all kinds of alcohol, a band, I was seeing if I could convince you to come.” He paused as if contemplating. “You could bring your friend if you wanted. I don’t know the guys who are running it, but it sounds like everybody’s welcome.”
She smiled at him, hoping to make him feel a better about how the previous night had turned out. “I will definitely try to make an appearance.” She punched Michael in the arm before she left Catskill Grocery for the day so she could focus on getting ready for her British Lit class.
THE HEALING HEART: Military and Pregnancy Romance Page 37
