He stopped with his hand on the door. “You’re right. I should use the secret passage I came through. No one should see me leaving your room.” As he walked past her to get to the secret door, she grabbed his arm.
“No, that’s not what I meant. Please stay. I didn’t mean to be so abrupt.”
His face was turned away from her, as though he couldn’t bear to look at her. “You’re right. You don’t owe me anything.” He tried to shake her hand free.
“Oh, will you just stop? Please. I’m sorry. I’d like to explain. It’s just that, well, I haven’t talked about this in years. I don’t know where to start.”
He finally turned to face her, his mask still in place. She didn’t like him like this; he seemed a fake shell of his real self. Arianna wondered if that’s what she looked like, as she tried to hide her true self every day.
“Please sit down,” she said softly. He nodded and they both walked back to the chairs and sat down. “I suppose the best place to start is with Huck.”
“Huck?”
“Well, that’s not his real name. That’s just the name he used with me. I don’t even remember his real name anymore.”
“But you remember Huck?”
She sighed. “It’s hard to forget.”
“Tell me,” he said gently and held her hand.
“I met Huck when I was much younger and still at university. I hadn’t had much luck with boys at that point - because of the princess thing - and he was the first one to pay any real attention to me.”
“Were all the boys at your school blind? You’re fucking gorgeous.”
She smiled even though the bad memories were swirling inside her. “Thank you,” she said with a squeeze of his hand. “But when you’re a princess, people automatically think you’re off limits. Since some of my brothers were attending university with me, it made it even more difficult.”
“Did they chase them off?”
“A little bit, but it was more that they were around in the first place. I told you I was the middle child in the family; I always had older siblings and younger ones around me. Don’t get me wrong,” she said quickly. “I love them very much, but they weren’t the best for a girl wanting a social life.”
“How did Huck get past the defenses?”
“We were in the same class, and ended up being assigned to a group project together. We were forced to work together, and my brothers couldn’t say anything about that.”
“He asked you out?”
“Yes, eventually. He became a sort of friend first, and even my brothers got used to seeing us together studying. Once they got to know him better, they didn’t deter us when he finally asked me out.”
She could still remember how excited she was, and embarrassed; not many women had their first dates in college.
“He was my first everything.”
“Everything?”
She nodded. “First date, first kiss, first boyfriend, first lover.” She wasn’t sure why she was sharing this with Finn, but it felt right, and she felt safe with him.
“He took advantage of you, didn’t he?” Finn asked as his hold tightened on her hand.
“Yes. How did you know?”
“I don’t mean this in a bad way, baby, but you looked like an easy target.”
“I know you don’t, and you’re right. I was. Too easy.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“You speak the truth, Finn. It’s one of the things I like about you.” At his startled expression, she smiled. “Yes, I do like you, Finn.”
“That was news to me. Very pleasant news, though,” he said and kissed her hand. “How did he hurt you?”
“He betrayed me, my family, and my country in the end. We were together for about two years. He had even met my father by that point. Papa didn’t approve of him, exactly, but he didn’t force me to break up with him. I wish he had.”
She wondered how much to say about the next part of the story. “About the same time I was with Huck, one of my older brothers, Marcello, began seeing a woman, too. He’d actually gone deep undercover with the woman, who was a secret agent from America named Julia. I can’t give you the details of that. I hope you understand.”
“Of course I do. I wouldn’t want you to be in an uncomfortable position.”
She nodded. “Well, what I can tell you is that Julia betrayed Marcello. She was a double agent, not even working for America, when she sold Marcello out. He managed to make it out alive, and he completed the mission to boot, but he was injured. Only a few of us know about that.”
She paused, gathering her courage for what she had to say next. “It was my fault. I’m the one who almost got Marcello killed.”
“What? How?”
“It was Huck. He was working with Julia, and we never knew. Huck used what he found out about the royal family, palace, security, you name it, and passed it along to Julia. She used that information to position herself as a candidate for Marcello’s dangerous mission. It worked.”
“I don’t understand. What was their end game?”
“Valleria. They wanted to destroy us, though I have no idea why.”
They remained silent for a few minutes, while Finn thought it all through. She knew it was a lot to take in all at once. “How did you figure out they were connected?”
“When Marcello came back unharmed, Huck became erratic and unreasonable. He spent quite a lot of time at the palace at that point, since my duties as princess had increased once I graduated, and our Royal Protection agents found him more than once trying to break into locked rooms and offices.”
“What was his excuse?”
“That he’d left something inside or got the wrong door. It was always something. He made one of these excuses in front of Marcello once, and that was all it took. Apparently, Julia had used the exact same phrase during their undercover stretch. He made the connection.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“So was I. I still am, really. I still blame myself.”
“Your family can’t blame you for that.”
“They don’t, but they should. I was completely clueless. Two years we were together and I never knew.”
“What happened to them?”
“He’s in maximum security prison in Valleria. So is Julia, though they’re kept in separate prisons. Marcello told me they’ve both been interrogated numerous times, but they’ve never told anybody who they were really working for. I suppose at this point, we’ll never find out.”
“And this is why you feel like you need to marry Henry? To redeem yourself with your family who doesn’t even blame you for what happened?”
“I blame me,” she said, tearing her hand from his. She stood and walked to the other side of the room, stopping in front of the dresser.
“Why? Why are you torturing yourself for something that happened years ago?”
She looked up, her vision locking with his in the mirror atop the dresser. He was now standing just a few steps behind her. “I don’t know. I just feel useless, I suppose. I’ve never done anything good.”
Finn closed the distance between them and whipped her around to face him. “How can you say that? You’re everything that’s good and decent in the world.”
She just shook her head. “I know I’m not a bad person. I meant I haven’t made a difference like my parents or siblings had. They’re all amazing at something. I never found out what I was good at. When I met Huck I thought maybe that was how I would leave my mark, as the first to marry and have children.”
“There’s no shame in that. Being a mother and wife is a very important job and you’d be wonderful at it. But there’s so much more to you. Don’t you see it? Look,” he said as he turned her around again, and forced her to look in the mirror. “You don’t see yourself. Look, please,” he pleaded.
She looked in the mirror, and locked eyes with herself. For the first time in a long time, she really looked into her own eyes. She’d looked in
mirrors to check her makeup or put in earrings, but she hadn’t really used it as a chance to look at herself.
Her eyes were wide, the caramel color even darker now that they were filled with emotion. Her lips were trembling slightly and, she noticed, so were her hands.
“Finn,” she started, but wasn’t sure what to say. What did you say when you were truly faced with yourself for the first time in years?
“Shhh,” he said as his hands slipped down her arms and locked with hers, holding her steady. “You’re worth so much more than you think you are. Don’t you see? So many people love you, and want you to be happy. But that doesn’t matter if you don’t want that, too.”
“I do,” she said almost desperately. “I do want to be happy.”
“When was the last time you were happy, Arianna?”
She turned to face him and his arms wrapped loosely around her, giving her the choice to step away or hold on to him. “The last time I was happy was with you, Finn.”
“Arianna.”
“It’s true. Today, with you, was one of the best days I’ve had in a very long time.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. I want you to be happy.” His hand came up to cup her cheek, his thumb idly brushing her soft skin. “If Henry will make you happy, then do it. But don’t agree to his proposal out of some misguided notion of your worth. You’re worth everything.”
The mention of Henry had reality crashing back to her. She still wasn’t sure she would agree to Henry’s proposal; the need to help her brother and country still warred with her personal needs. If she did end up marrying Henry, then she and Finn would have no other time together but tonight.
“I want you, Finn.”
Finn tensed and his hand fell away. “What do you mean?”
“Stay with me tonight?”
Finn let out a breath and Arianna wondered why sadness was in his eyes. “You want me for the night. Arianna, I didn’t come here tonight to seduce you.”
“I know. I know you didn’t. This is about me, and what I want. I want you.”
“For a night,” he said turning away from her.
What had she said wrong? Before she could ask, he was turning back to her. “I’d never deny you anything you asked for, Arianna. If you want me, you’ve got me, for however long you want.”
“Finn,” she said stepping towards him, but he held his hand out to stop her.
“Just a minute. I want you to know, you can stop at any time. You say the word and I leave. You’ll never have to see me again if you don’t want to,” Finn said, choking on the last few words.
Arianna stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him. “Thank you for that,” she said and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. “Thank you for today.” She dropped a kiss to the other cheek. “Thank you for tonight.” She pressed a chaste kiss to his lips.
Finn pressed her tighter against him and deepened the kiss. She moaned as his demand grew and her mouth opened, as eager to taste him as he was her.
Her hands, slightly unsteady, were fisted in the lapels of his jacket. His hands, warm and steady, were plastered against her spine, and began shifting upwards. He buried them in her hair, tugging loose pins while directing her mouth into another angle.
The ends of her hair tickled her bare back as it fell, and she felt her earrings tug as they became tangled in the flowing strands.
“Wait,” she said in a husky voice.
He pulled back, searching her eyes. “Change your mind, Princess?”
She shook her head. “My earrings. I need to take them off. They’re a family heirloom.”
“You can still change your mind if you want to,” he said, his hands still buried in her hair. “You’ve been through a lot tonight. I won’t take advantage of you.”
“I thought I was taking advantage of you.” She kissed the inside of his wrist as she pulled his hand away.
“Baby, you can take advantage of me any time you want. Just make sure it is what you really want.”
“I’m not sure about much right now, Finn. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. Maybe it’s reckless what we’re doing, maybe we should wait or not be together at all. I just know it feels right to be with you tonight. I don’t know much more than that.”
“Arianna,” he said with a tortured groan. “How am I supposed to resist you when you say things like that?”
“You’re not,” she said simply. “Unless you’ve changed your mind.”
“I haven’t. I couldn’t even if I tried.”
“Then let me take this jewelry off first.”
“Let me,” he said, his voice dropping lower. His able fingers began to massage her ears and she closed her eyes against the sensation. When his fingers shifted down to her lobe, he undid the clasp one-handed. She shuddered thinking about what else his nimble fingers could do.
As he slid off the earrings, she felt the heavy weight of them disappear and sighed in relief. She sensed him place the earrings on the dresser behind her.
With her eyes still closed, she gasped in surprise when he touched her again. This time, his mouth was soothing her sore lobe. Her head tilted back to give him more room.
His lips trailed down her throat until he reached the jeweled band of the dress around her neck. He continued kissing her while his hands undid the meager clasp. The heavy weight of the band caused the top of the dress to fall easily away, leaving her breasts bare. Finn took her mouth again, this time slow and steady while he pushed the dress over her wide hips, causing it fall in a soft swish to the floor.
Her nipples tingled as she felt a flush of cool air against her skin, and Finn’s hands rubbed idly along her back, warming her up. “How are you, Princess?” he asked as he gazed into her eyes. She was clad only in miniscule panties, stockings, garter, and high heels, but his eyes never left her face.
“I’d be better if I wasn’t the only one naked.”
A sly smile lit across his face. “You’re not naked, not yet anyway. Why don’t I rectify that?”
She squealed when he unexpectedly lifted her up and tossed her softly on the bed. She landed spread eagle, and lifted herself up on her elbows to see him. This time, he wasn’t looking at her face.
Just one look from Finn set her body on fire. Her nipples were already erect and her breasts seemed to grow tighter. Her curves, which stayed no matter how much she exercised, didn’t make her feel unattractive. Instead, she felt voluptuous and desired. With her legs spread apart, she had no doubt he could see everything through the thin lace of her thong, and it aroused her even more.
He walked around the bed to the front, now facing her. Her breath was already shallow and they’d barely even started. The raw heat in his gaze was enough to make her panties wet and she moaned and fell back against the bed. She’d never felt so wanton in her life, not even with Huck.
As the hot bite of shame washed over her, she turned away from Finn and curled up on her side. Finn was sitting behind her on the bed barely a moment later.
“What’s wrong, Princess?” His hand was caressing her back in soft, soothing motions. How he could go from raw sensuality to searing gentleness was beyond her.
“I’m sorry.”
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. What are you thinking about?”
She picked at a nonexistent spot in the bedcovers. “Do you think there’s something wrong with me?”
His hand gently pushed her shoulder so that she was lying on her back, and her gaze caught his. “What are you talking about? There’s nothing wrong with you.”
“You don’t think I’m wanton or anything?”
He chuckled. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh. I’m absolutely not laughing at you. Even if you are wanton, who the hell says there’s something wrong with that?”
Her forehead crinkled. “But I was getting aroused just from the way you looked at me. We barely know each other and here we are.”
“Don’t we know each other, Princess?” he asked as he brushed
back a lock of her hair. “You know me better than anyone else ever has. Don’t we recognize something in the other, something that makes this attraction impossible to ignore?”
There was truth in his words. From the first sensually-charged moment they’d met, she had been drawn to him, despite herself.
“Let me ask you something,” he said. “When was the last time you made love with a man?”
“Not since Huck, almost five years ago.”
“So, you’ve only had sex with one person before this in your entire life, and even the last time with him was five years ago? And you think that makes you some kind of ‘loose’ woman?”
Arianna & Finn (Royals of Valleria #3) Page 12
