I stood awkwardly in the doorway watching as Mari did her thing and headed straight for the kitchen and Eli headed to the living area switching the fire on to warm the place through. I didn’t know where to put myself. There were no words to speak, and there was nothing for me to do.
Mari re-emerged from the kitchen holding a big bottle of Jack Daniels, came straight for me, took my hand and led me to the large sofa, sitting me down beside her. Before we could say anything, the front door opened and Lisa came in, followed by Kris and Luca. Eli went to her and I watched as she hugged him in a tight embrace for some time, before kissing his cheek, releasing him and leaving, I gathered to get home to the kids.
Pretty soon I found myself surrounded by the Machvaya clan, a shot glass of whiskey in my hand. I had never drunk the stuff in my life, hated the smell of the stuff but somehow it didn’t seem right to refuse it.
Eli started to speak, cleared his throat and tried again, holding his glass up. “Um…to Marco. Our brother.”
We all held our glasses up and then drank them down together. Again, that hideous silence. It was a surprise to me when it was Luca who broke it.
“Hey, Eli…remember that time we got the call that Marco was drunk in charge of a pedalo? The coastguard had to fish him out of the sea, Nic let rip at him.”
We all sort of half smiled at that, and Eli smirked. “Yeah. He said he was trying to get home, and the police officer who brought him home asked him if he lived in Holland. He’s never been able to handle his drink, though he’s not such a lightweight as Micah.”
Mari scoffed. “I’ll say…too many times to list them all. Uh…when he threw up on the trampoline after deciding to have a bounce on the way in from clubbing at four in the morning…falling through Nic’s twelve foot Christmas tree on New Year’s Eve…” we all laughed a little at that.
“And…” Luca said, “you remember the time you brought him home wearing just his underpants?”
Mari sat up, looking between her brothers, half smiling. “What’s this?”
Eli grinned. “Ah…he was dating this girl, as much as he ever dated anyone, anyway. And he was seeing this other lass on the side. The girl found out and lured him into the public toilets of a nightclub on a promise…and then stole his clothes and left him there.”
Again, we all laughed. It was surreal to be laughing but then when someone dies, it is surreal I think. This, what we were doing there, it was a coping mechanism. The laughter was borderline hysterical and tinged with more than a little sadness.
“I will say this though,” Eli continued, “of all of us…he’s enjoyed life the most and to hell with what anyone thought. Marco…really knew how to live the shit out of every day.”
We all nodded our agreement.
“I can’t believe he’s gone…” Mari murmured and just like that, the melancholy was replaced with fresh grief. As if to confirm this, she broke into fresh tears. Eli pulled her into his arms and held her tight, letting her get it all out.
“We’ll get through this, sis. As a family, I promise.”
“It’s Micah I’m worried about…” Mari sobbed. “He’s lost the other half of himself. I can’t even…begin to imagine what he is feeling right now. Why wouldn’t he let us in, we should all be there, supporting him.”
“And we will be, when he’s ready. For now…he’s injured and he’s poorly and he’s not ready to face us all yet, we have to respect that choice, for now. Not gonna lie to you sis, when they helped him out, he was in a state. And he’s proud. We just have to give him a little time, he’ll come around.” His phone buzzed and he took it from his pocket, checking it and looking at us all. “From Nic, they’ve sedated Micah, he’s gonna be asleep for a while. He’s gonna stay and sleep on a chair. I think we should all try and sleep too.”
Mari scoffed. “There’s no way I’m gonna sleep tonight, no chance in hell.”
“Well we have to try. Cause tomorrow…well, it’s gonna be a hell of a day. And when Micah is ready to let us all in we need to be strong enough to help him. The only way we are going to get through this is together, and strong. And sleep is important. So please sis, try. Huh? For me.”#
Mari opened her mouth to protest some more, but then nodded reluctantly. “I’ll try.” She stood and I reached down, planting a kiss on each brother’s cheek and one on mine. “Um…see you in the morning.”
She left, followed by Luca and Kris and I sat awkwardly beside Eli for a minute. It was pretty clear that he didn’t know what to say to me either. I was toying with the possibility that this was all some awful dream, and hoping I would wake up soon. One thing I definitely did not feel like doing was sleeping. And I had never felt more out of place in this house.
“Um…” I started. “I’m gonna go back to my flat, I’ll get a taxi.”
“What?” Eli interrupted with a frown. “Why?”
I shrugged uncomfortably. “It just…doesn’t feel right being here without Micah. I can’t sleep in his bed without him and I just…”
“Please stay Jewls,” he implored, “when Mari wakes up in the morning it’s gonna hit her all over again and I’m not so good at the…emotional stuff. Nic usually does that. I need your help, Jewls. I know you’re upset about Micah not letting anyone else in but really, I promise you…it’s just his way of trying to protect you. He loves you, he asked you to marry him.” he thought about that and frowned. “Was that really just this evening? My God…”
“Yeah…”
“Hard to believe.”
“Yeah. And anyway…he’s not even gonna remember he asked probably. It’s cancelled out. You think he can…get through this? You saw what I saw; you know what it did to him. He felt him die, Eli. He physically felt him die.” I felt my own grief rise to the surface, a great lump of it in my throat, raw and painful. “No one would have needed to say Marco was gone. I swear Micah couldn’t feel any of his own pain from the burns, all he could feel – all he could think about – was Marco, getting to him, helping him.” I stood up and walked over to the window, looking out into the darkness and let out a sigh. “You know what they’re like. Shared everything. Micah knew he was in trouble and he knew when he had died. That sound…that cry he made, it chilled me to the bone. It was like…” I turned back to him, tears streaming down my cheeks and shook my head. “Like when Marco died, he tried to take Micah with him. Like one can’t exist without the other. And the most terrifying part for me is…I don’t think he can, Eli. I don’t think Micah can live without him.”
And at last, I broke down. I couldn’t help it. I just stood there and sobbed until I couldn’t catch a breath, and then I cried some more. Eli rushed to me, and just put his arms around me, allowing me to let it out. He was a man of few words at the best of times, and he said nothing. He just held me, recognising that I needed to cry and allowing me to do so.
I decided that Nic was wrong. Eli was not a robot, Eli had feelings too, he just didn’t always know how to show it. He was strong in his own way, and dealt with things differently, but he felt it too, that much was clear.
And aside from the grief, the same grief we all felt, he was battling something else too.
Guilt.
~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~
Jewls
I stood in the doorway of Micah’s bedroom, just staring at the bed. I was physically exhausted and emotionally spent but the thought of even one night in that bed without him…I wasn’t sure if I could do it.
Everything was as we had left it this morning. Micah’s side of the bed impossibly neat, everything as it should be, my side a little messy and haphazard.
He had made the bed as he always did, sitting between the two top pillows a stuffed owl he had won for me at the park, holding a heart that proclaimed Twit-twoo, I love you!
My pyjamas were folded neatly on the chair by the window, and I changed slowly, my mind and body numb. Micah’s soft dressing gown caught my eye, hanging on the back of the door. I hesitated and then slipped it on
, wrapping it around me and inhaling deeply.
My senses were overwhelmed with the comforting smell of Micah; simultaneously soothing my soul and breaking my heart in one go.
I crawled into the too-big bed, and snuggled down under the covers, smelling him but not feeling him and cried myself to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~
Jewls
“Jewls.” I woke with a start to find Eli standing over me. “I just got a call from Nic.”
I sat up in bed. “Is Micah alright?”
“No change, although he’s breathing a little easier. It’s not that…he had a call from the fire investigation team. They have an idea of how it started.”
“Oh…” I said, unsure what else to add. “Um…so…?”
I sensed his hesitation and sure enough he let out a sigh. “Look…why don’t you come down for a coffee, I’ll get the others up and we’ll...”
“Just tell me, Eli. Please.” My heart leapt into my mouth as a horrible thought crossed my mind. “Oh my God, was it me? I was the last one in the kitchen, did I knock something or…or…”
“No, Jewls. Nothing like that.” He groaned and sat on the end of the bed. “This is what they know so far. The fire didn’t start in the kitchen. It started in the main restaurant. And some sort of accelerant was used. Like…like petrol.”
My eyes grew wide, and I leapt out of bed. “Arson? Someone started it deliberately?”
“It looks like it. The police are investigating.”
“Fuck…” I muttered and Eli nodded.
“That’s more or less what I said. Listen I’m gonna wake Mari and head on up to the hospital, if you wanna come…”
I nodded eagerly. “Just give me ten minutes.”
~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~
Micah
I blinked awake, again, to physical pain and emotional heartache. Nic was smiling down on me, and next to him stood a nurse, also smiling.
“Hey, bro…Eli is on his way, bringing Mari and Jewls. Thought you might like to…”
“We’ll have to change your dressings soon, love.” The nurse said. “I’m afraid it won’t be very pleasant, we are giving you pain relief but it can still be…uncomfortable. We can do it now, or…”
I nodded eagerly, figuring the sooner they did it, the sooner it would be over. Had I known the agony it would entail, I probably wouldn’t have been so enthusiastic.
“Okay, is big brother going to stay or…?”
I glanced at Nic, who was nodding questioningly and I frowned. He looked worried, really worried. What did he know that I didn’t? What was he holding back? I would have asked him, but it felt like I had a throat full of razor blades. I hesitated and nodded slowly.
“Okay, we’ll start with your face, where the least of the burns is, then your shoulder and finally your hands. If you need me to stop at any time, shake your head and I will, immediately. Okay, are you ready?”
With no other options presented to me, I reluctantly nodded my head.
And the torture began.
~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~
Jewls
I don’t know what I expected when I arrived at the hospital, but to hear Micah not just sobbing, but borderline screaming was not it. Instinctively we all ran to the sound, and I guess Nic saw us coming because he ran out to us, somehow managing to hold us all back. I looked desperately over his shoulder into the room.
Micah was writhing on the bed, seemingly trying to fight the nurse off and I suddenly understood why. She was wrapping his hands in fresh bandages. I could only imagine the pain was excruciating.
Even though I knew, I still found myself asking, “Nic, what’s going on?”
“It’s okay, Jewls…it’s gonna be okay. They have to change his dressings every few hours, it’s not pleasant but when it’s done he’ll feel better.”
“I should be in there!” I protested.
“I understand, but it’s pretty fucking hard going and he doesn’t want to upset you, any of you. Please guys…wait here for ten minutes and I’ll come talk to you. I need to be in there with him, okay? Please, I’m sorry. Go get us all coffees, yeah? Please Jewls he won’t thank me if I let you and Mari see him like this.”
I hesitated a moment longer and then reluctantly nodded. He left and went back in, closing the door behind him and shutting the blinds on us. It was damn hard to walk away when I could still hear Micah crying, but somehow I managed it, storming off down the corridor with Eli and Mari following after.
~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~
Jewls
We sat for a while in the relatives’ room we had been in the night before, not speaking, just waiting anxiously. Eventually Nic came in, looking exhausted and I gathered he had gotten very little, if any sleep. I wasn’t surprised in the slightest.
“Sorry about that, guys. It’s just…”
Mari shook her head. “It’s okay. How is he now?”
“Resting. This is gonna take some time, they reckon his breathing is getting better but it’ll be a while before he gets better with his injuries and a while before he’s out of hospital. We can’t do the funeral until he’s out, and anyway…they’re wanting to do a post mortem to find out cause of death.”
“I would have thought it was obvious how Marco died.” Eli said.
“Yeah, well…it could have been burns, or…smoke inhalation, and with it looking like the fire was deliberately set-”
“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that,” Eli said, “and I don’t get it. Who would do that, and why? We keep ourselves to ourselves, got no enemies that I know of. Are they sure it was arson?”
“Yeah, they are. The CCTV system was damaged in the fire but they’re looking at it anyway, to see if they can salvage anything.”
“Does Micah know it was deliberate?” Mari asked and Nic shook his head.
“No, I haven’t talked to him about the fire at all. He slept through the night on the morphine and there hasn’t been time this morning. I don’t think he needs to know just yet.”
“No…no you’re right.”
“Yeah. Jewls? Are you okay?”
I nodded slowly. “Yeah. Um…I’m just gonna go…look at him. I won’t let him see me, I promise. I just want to be as close as I can be.”
“Okay, just…remember he’ll get better, yeah?”
I nodded absently and left, taking a slow walk back down the corridor, stopping at the window to Micah’s room and forcing my eyes to look up and inside.
He was lying on his back in the seemingly huge bed, looking lost and somehow...deflated. Dressings covered random parts of his body where he had been burned to varying degrees. A large dressing over his right shoulder, a small one on his upper left arm and one on his right forearm. A dressing over the right side of his face down the side, and both hands were completely wrapped in bandages.
My mind's eye kept conjuring up the image of Micah stumbling out of the burning building with the firemen, and behind him the firemen with Marco, flames still licking around them both. Micah letting out a wail of grief mixed with fear as Marco breathed his last, Micah coughing and gasping for every dry, scratchy breath.
Knowing I would never, ever forget it. I could only thank God that Mari hadn't been there to see the horror that was her self-confessed favourite brother being carried from that building, followed by his twin from the gutted family business.
I looked back at Micah, at his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm as the machine pushed fresh, pure oxygen into his charred, smoke filled lungs. His face and arms were black and filthy. As I watched, he opened his eyes and blinked a couple of times, looking around, though at nothing and no one in particular. I felt a little piece of my heart just...crumble. The whites of his eyes where bloodshot, completely red and looked incredibly sore.
I debated just marching in there, to hell with what he wanted. He was trying to protect me, I understand that, but I didn’t want protecting, I wanted to be there for him.
Chapter
Twenty-Two
~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~
Jewls
We stuck it out at the hospital for most of the day, although really there was no point in us being there with only Nic being able to go in and sit with Micah. It just felt like the right thing to do, to be as close to him as he would allow, and I suppose a part of me hoped if he knew I was there, he might change his mind.
As the evening drew in, we decided to head home. I told Eli and Mari in the car that if they didn’t mind I needed to go back to the flat for clean clothes and I might stay there that night. They both pretty much insisted that I needed to be at the house where Micah would want me, but Eli agreed to drop me off, and I told him I would walk over to the house later that night. He told me he would go get pizzas for us all and then be back to pick me up. Sensing ‘no’ wasn’t an option, I agreed.
I waved idly at them as Eli pulled away from the curb, and unlocked my front door. I had to force it open past the pile of letter and pizza menus accumulated on the mat, scooped them all up and headed up the stairs.
I stood for a moment in the living room and let out an exhausted sigh and with it a couple of tears.
A matter of months ago I had stood here with a huge smile on my face, because even though it was just a basic flat, it was the first place I had ever lived in that was just mine, just my space and it felt amazing.
Now? Now it just felt like an empty space with no emotion in it whatsoever. I immediately felt a surge of loneliness.
I flopped on the sofa and began sifting through the pile of mail, throwing the rubbish in the bin and flipping through the remaining envelopes.
One caught my eye almost immediately, mainly because the envelope was handwritten. It simply said Jewls. Frowning, I opened it up to find a picture of a white lily, and the words With Deepest Sympathy.
Gypsy Kiss: Book 1: Micah (The Gypsy Kiss Series) Page 34
