No one spoke in the car, not least Micah. He clung to me like he was afraid I would disappear and never once loosened his grip, his arms wrapped around my waist. I had wrapped a blanket around us both and I stroked his soft hair methodically, reassuringly. The truth was he wasn’t the only one who needed us to be so close, for a time there I had been sure I was going to lose him, and the very thought of how close he had come – not necessarily to jumping, but to falling – filled me with utter terror. I was never going to leave him again.
As we pulled up outside the house I tried to pull him away to look at him but he refused to loosen his grip on me. I smiled at Mari, who was watching us both and ruffled Micah’s hair.
“We’re home, baby. Why don’t we go inside and lie on the bed, yeah? Just me and you and we can have that chat.”
“A-are you staying?” he asked, and his vulnerability was so potent it broke my heart. It was just so unlike him.
“Yes, I’m staying. All night, right by your side. It’s really cold baby, let’s go in, huh?”
He nodded somewhat reluctantly and between us we managed to get him into the house. Luca and Kris were sitting at the table and they both jumped up as we came in.
“Micah? You alright, bro?” Luca asked, concerned.
Nic nodded. “He’s okay, just needs to get warm. Jewls, if you and Mari want to get him upstairs I’ll bring a hot drink up shortly, yeah?”
I nodded gratefully. “Yeah, thank you.”
Mari came with me up to the bedroom and between us we managed to get Micah stripped down to his underwear, dried off and tucked up under the thick winter quilt. He watched us the whole time, wide eyed and bewildered as though still not entirely with us, and as I moved around the room his eyes followed me everywhere.
Mari caught my arm and pulled me to her for a warm hug. “I’ll see you in the morning, Jewls. Don’t let him out of your sight, yeah?”
“I won’t.” I promised, and she let go and was gone.
I crawled into the bed beside him and he pulled me straight into his arms.
“Tell me the truth, Jewls. Are you here to keep an eye on me, or because you want to be?”
I shifted on the bed, so my head was on the pillow next to his, our noses almost touching.
“I’m here because I love you. Because I was kidding myself if I ever thought I could live without you. That’s why I’m here.”
“Will you…will you give me another chance? Take me back? I know I’ve already had…too many chances, but…”
“Micah…” I agonised over my answer. Was now the time for honesty or just reassurance? I wasn’t sure. I realised that with the nature of how the evening had gone, I was walking on eggshells with him, and I needed to stop that. We couldn’t move forward unless we got everything out, and with the babies to think about now, I had to be sure.
“I’m gonna be honest with you here, okay? And some of it might be hard to hear, but I need you to understand. You tossed me aside like I meant nothing to you. You asked me to marry you, Micah. So you obviously thought you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. I don’t understand how you went from feeling that strongly to being able to completely shut me out in such a short space of time.”
“If you think it was entirely personal, that you’re the only one I pushed away…you’re wrong, Jewls. I didn’t let anyone near. Only Nic, because…I don’t know why I agreed to Nic. I just did. The reason after that I let my family gradually back in…is because they forced their way in. Eli and Mari in particular, they were not going to let me shut them out. But Jewls…you stayed away. You felt guilty and so you stayed away. And I didn’t have the emotional strength to come after you. We both fucked up here, Jewls. Don’t you see that? Not through lack of love….but lack of communication. And ain't that always been our problem, huh?”
I thought about that carefully. Was he right? Had I done that? Had I been pushed from the relationship, or had I walked? I didn’t know any more. All I knew was the more I thought about it, the less it mattered to me. I just wanted him back.
“We’ve messed about a lot, you and me.” He continued. “But I need you to know, Jewls…that I love you. That I have loved you since the moment I first laid my eyes on you, and I will love you forever. My heart is breaking at the moment; I miss my brother so much it aches, all the time. I don’t know when or if I will ever fully get over that, but I do know that I categorically do not blame you for his death, and I do not want to face this without you. Tell me we have a future, I want that. I want you to marry me and I want a life with you. But…I don’t want you to say it unless you mean it. If you say it…you say it for you, not for me.” He sat up in the bed, and rolled onto his side, rummaging in his trouser pockets and turning back to me with my ring. “Jewls Isobel Dempsey. Will you marry me?”
I smiled through my tears and without a moment’s hesitation nodded as he slipped it back on my finger.
“Yes,” I said, “yes, I’ll marry you.”
~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~
Jewls
The next time I woke it was still beginning to get light outside on another cold, grey winter morning. I glanced at the clock at saw it was already nearly nine.
Micah slept soundly beside me. I don’t know if Nic had ever actually made a hot drink, but if he had it had been wasted. After Micah’s second proposal, we had settled down in the bed and quickly fallen asleep curled up together.
The heat of his body had been wrapped around me all night, and his need of me had been overwhelming and empowering at the same time.
Now his head lay on my chest, his arm lay across my chest close to the babies he didn’t yet know were in there yet.
It occurred to me then that in other circumstances he would know something was different about me. He knew every part of my body intimately and he would have just known. As it was, he was completely unaware as yet that he was going to be a father.
My phone vibrated on the bedside table and I carefully reached over for it, opening the message from mum.
Morning sweetheart. I hope everything is ok and you sorted stuff. Just wanted to remind you that your apt. is at half ten. Have you told him? How did he take it? I love you. Mum xx
I sighed and typed a quick reply;
We are okay. We will be. I’m sorry mum but I won’t be leaving. Not just because he needs me and I need him, but because we love each other and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters. No, I haven’t told him. I will jump in a taxi in half an hour and come by for you, be ready. I love you too xx
It’s okay sweetheart I understand. I love you xx
I sighed. What to do? Did I wake him or not? Did I tell him now, or wait? I managed to slip from his grip, telling myself if he woke up and asked where I was going, I would tell him everything.
He didn’t wake.
I dressed quietly and carefully and snuck out into the hall. The house was quiet, everyone still asleep, or so I thought. I made it to the top of the stairs before,
“Where are you going?”
I winced and turned to Mari. “Um…I just gotta…”
“Is everything okay with you two? Oh, please tell me you’re not leaving, he’ll-”
“No, I’m not. Well I am, but I’ll be back. I just have to go somewhere, he’s still asleep, he’s okay, we’re okay…” I rummaged in my bag for my purse, and was so preoccupied I didn’t see the piece of paper fall out until Mari picked it up. She looked at it and her eyes grew wide as she turned it to show me.
“Is this…are you…holy fuck Jewls, are you…?”
I thought about saying no, but what would have been the point? The damn thing had my name on it. “I found out yesterday, I didn’t know before then. I had a scan, but they couldn’t determine the sex so I have to go back this morning.”
“Does Micah know?”
“Not yet…”
“But you’re gonna tell him?”
I smiled a little. “Of course I am. If I’m going to marry him, he
might notice when the babies pop out in five months’ time.”
“You’re getting married, you’re really back together? Oh Jewls, that’s – wait – hang on, babies? As in more than one? And you’re how pregnant?”
I rolled my eyes. Her voice was rising with her excitement. “I’m sixteen weeks pregnant. With twins.”
“Oh J-!” I clamped a hand over her mouth to stop her squealing and grinned.
“Like I say, he doesn’t know yet! I’m going this morning to try and find out the sex and hopefully get a better scan picture. Then…I’ll tell him, alright?”
“Why don’t you take him with you? Tell him now and let him come to the scan?”
“Because I want to take my time telling him. He’s asleep and exhausted, Mari. I don’t want to overwhelm him. There’ll be other scans. Please don’t say anything. I’m gonna be late, I gotta go…”
I moved to leave and she caught my arm, pulling me back into her arms briefly. “You text me the minute you’re out and coming back. I wanna know what the hospital says, you hear?”
I pulled away nodding and smiling. “I will, of course I will.”
~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~
Micah
I woke up with the headache from hell at ten o’clock, turning over expecting Jewls to be by my side, and I frowned when my hand reached out and found an empty bed.
I sat up suddenly, panic gripping me in spite of myself. “Jewls.”
Nothing.
No. No way.
I leapt out of bed, running into the hallway and straight into Mari. “Whoa! What’s up?”
“She left, Mari!” I blurted desperately. “We talked; I thought we sorted it, but…she’s fucking gone. She didn’t mean a word she said! I can’t believe this, after all we talked about, I wake up and she’s gone!”
I paced up and down, running my hands through my hair furiously, feeling my panic deepening.
“Micah, stop. You don’t know where she is. I’m sure – no, certain – she hasn’t left you. Relax and just wait, she’ll be back.”
“You don’t know that!” I protested. “I knew it, she only said what she said to get me down, she didn’t mean a fucking word of it! I can’t believe I could be so stupid! She was humouring me!”
“No, she wasn’t!” Mari yelled back at me.
“How the fuck do you know!” I yelled.
“What’s going on? Why are you shouting at your sister?” Nic asked, emerging from his bedroom.
“Jewls has left me, again!” I shouted at him. “She’s gone, bro. And Mari, ever the optimist, is trying to tell me otherwise.”
“She hasn’t left you, Micah!” Mari said, “Please just trust me on that!”
I stopped, studying her carefully. “What do you know that you’re not telling me?”
She hesitated and groaned. “God damn it, I promised I wouldn’t say anything. But fucking hell I will not sit by and watch miscommunication split you two up again! She’s at the hospital!”
I frowned. “What? Why? Is something wrong?”
“No,” she said wearily, a final moment of hesitation. “She’s having a scan. She’s pregnant, Micah.”
I raised both eyebrows, for a moment too stunned to respond. Jewls, my Jewls…pregnant.
Holy fuck.
“How?” I blurted stupidly.
Mari rolled her eyes. “You need a diagram, Micah? She found out yesterday, just didn’t know how to tell you. She was going to tell you when she got back. Her appointment is at half ten, if you stop flapping and get dressed you might make it in time to see your babies.”
“Babies?” Nic interrupted. “Did you say babies?”
Mari groaned again. “Fucking hell I am on fire. She will never trust me with anything again. Twins, Micah. She’s expecting twins. She’s at the hospital today trying to find out the sexes.”
“But that must mean she’s pretty far along…” Nic said. I still didn’t know what to say, I couldn’t find any words to describe how I felt.
Joyful. Scared. Stunned. Scared.
“Sixteen weeks. Because it’s twins they might be able to tell already what they are.” She turned to me. “So are you gonna stand here swearing at me, or are you gonna get dressed and go and support her, huh? Time to step up, Micah.”
I nodded eagerly, and smiled my first real, genuine smile for weeks. “Can you drive me, brother?”
Nic grinned and nodded. “Be at the car in three minutes flat. We can make it.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~
Micah
My tee-shirt was inside out, and I was wearing jogging bottoms I usually wore for bed. I hadn’t tidied my beard for….God, weeks, and done nothing with my hair, which was squashed on one side from sleep, sticking up the other side. My hands stung furiously because I had forgotten my pain meds.
I didn’t care one bit about any of that. I ran through the hospital like the devil was chasing me, through the corridors with no real idea of where I was going, skidding to a stop at the sign that read Anti Natal Ultrasound and turning to the receptionist, out of breath and trying to get my words out.
She smiled at me, puzzled. “Can I help you?”
“J-Jewls…” I breathed. Nic and Mari had finally caught up to me, standing beside me. “Jewls Dempsey, his girlfriend. She’s here having a scan. Can he go through?”
The receptionist looked at me, considering me. “You’re the father?”
“Yes, I am. She hasn’t told me yet she’s pregnant, she was going to surprise me but I accidentally found out, and I’d really like to be there to support her. Please. Please.”
She narrowed her eyes and nodded. “Room four.”
I nodded gratefully, flashing her one of my trademark sparkly-eyed smiles, and I ran in the direction of room four, stopping dead outside.
The door was open and Jewls was lying on the bed, her top exposing her round, neat bump.
Christ, how had I not seen that before? How utterly self-absorbed, and oblivious had I been to not see what was smacking me in the face. She was pregnant, but not just pregnant – obviously pregnant. I was the worst boyfriend in the world.
My eyes travelled to the screen, and instantly filled with tears. I only vaguely heard the nurse talking.
“Okay…baby number one. Can you see what I see, Jewls?”
“A boy…” Jewls whispered, her voice filled with emotion.
“That’s right. The second one…a little harder to tell, but I feel confident enough to stick my neck out and say…that’s a girl. Although if another boy pops out don’t hold me responsible, alright?”
Jewls laughed at that, and then her eyes shifted to the door and she finally saw me. “Micah…”
I opened my mouth to try and speak, but nothing came out. “Um…uh…”
She looked surprised to see me, but her expression quickly changed to the brightest smile I had ever seen on her. She was glowing and she looked beautiful. I fell in love all over again.
She held her hand out to me in invitation. “I’m guessing Mari opened her mouth, huh? Are you gonna come in or stand there?”
I looked behind me at Mari and Nic. Mari was smiling at Jewls apologetically and Nic was grinning.
My feet began to move, almost beyond my control and I went in, sitting on the edge of her bed beside her, putting my arm over her shoulders.
“So these are our babies, huh?”
She nodded happily. “Yeah. Are you happy?”
“Am I happy…?” I repeated and pulled her to me, holding her tight and kissing the top of her head. “I’m over the fucking moon!”
“Told you he would be!” Jewls’ mum said, “Congratulations, you two.”
I smiled and winked at her. “Thank you.” I frowned. “Oh God…you uh…you must not have a good impression of me…last night…”
She shook her head knowingly. “On the contrary, Micah. You saved my daughter’s life. And I know that you love her, properly. That’s g
ood enough for me. You pass the mother in law test. Now…when are you gonna marry her, huh?”
“Tomorrow, if I could!” I said, and I meant it. “As soon as. We’re gonna be a family.”
“Yeah…” Jewls said, snuggling into me. “A family.”
~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~
Jewls
APRIL
“Come on babe, you can do this, you can so fucking do this, you’re so fucking amazing!”
I couldn’t help but smile in spite of my agony. Micah was so excited he was bouncing up and down in his seat.
“I can see the head, Jewls. You’re doing brilliantly. One more push and the first baby will be here!”
I took a deep breath in and pushed down with every ounce of energy I could muster.
“Oh my God, babe!” Micah squealed.
I felt the shoulders slide out, and let out a sob, more of relief than anything. “Which one?” I puffed, “Which one is it?” as if it mattered.
I watched as the midwife handed the first baby to me, settling it on my chest. The emotion overwhelmed me and I burst into tears.
“Congratulations, you have a beautiful little girl! Does dad want a hold? Only I hate to say it, but her brother is coming fast, we don’t have much time.”
Micah took Hope from me and held her close to his chest, grinning from ear to ear. “My God, she’s so fucking beautiful. Well done, baby.”
“Okay, Jewls. Are you ready?”
Was I? Not even remotely. Did I have a choice? Not even remotely. “Yeah…” I said regardless.
“Okay, good girl. Now push! Good Jewls, well done! Now take a breath, relax and I’ll say when you need to go again.”
I glanced over at Micah. He had given our daughter to the other midwife, who was cleaning her up and weighing her. Micah was standing with mum, their arms linked, waiting anxiously.
“Now, Jewls! Push!”
“I am fucking pushing!!” I snapped angrily. “I can’t do it!”
Gypsy Kiss: Book 1: Micah (The Gypsy Kiss Series) Page 42
