by Ellis, Eliza
“Hmm?”
“We need to talk.”
A less enthused sigh. “Okay, what about?”
“You and school.”
“Not now, please, Keke? I’m tired.”
“All you have to do is move your mouth. Tell me why you haven’t finished school. What happened?”
Bertie huffed. “I’m…just tired, that’s all. School is a lot of work. It’s not for everyone.”
Keke crossed her arms, even though her friend couldn’t see her. “Bertie, you always got straight As in school without even trying. You lived and breathed studying.”
“So?”
“So, your argument makes no sense!” Keke hissed. “How come you can’t tell me the truth? Rule number two, remember?” Keke wouldn’t bring up how Bertie had consistently lied to her for more than a year. We were supposed to graduate at the same time.
A few moments of silence passed, and then Keke heard the bed above her squeak. Then the ladder groaned underneath Bertie’s weight.
Bertie sighed. “Scoot over.”
Like they’d done many times during sleepovers at the Headley house, Bertie and Keke shared a bed where they could whisper and trade secrets. Keke leaned in close. “When did you drop out?”
“After sophomore year.”
“Two years ago!”
“Shh!” a number of voices ordered.
Keke put a hand over her mouth. “Two years ago, Bertie? You’ve been lying to me for two years?” Boy, Keke felt like an idiot. Had she been so self-absorbed that she couldn’t see the signs when they FaceTimed? Either that, or her best friend was adept at lying, something Keke wasn’t sure she could appreciate even though she’d used that tactic recently with her own family.
“I know, I know. I have a good reason, promise.”
The seconds ticked by as Keke waited to hear Bertie’s reason. “Well?” she insisted after it appeared Bertie was content to leave Keke wondering for eternity.
Bertie shrank back. “It’s not my secret to tell. I shouldn’t even be saying anything because I promised.”
“Spill,” Keke instructed.
Bertie let out a moan of frustration, as though Keke was twisting her arm. “Okay, fine. It’s my mom…”
Keke shivered against the chill that came over her. The way Bertie said “my mom”… Keke held her breath, silently praying it wasn’t as bad as the ominous feeling that stole over her soul.
“She has cancer,” Bertie finished.
Keke swiftly put her hands over her mouth to hide the sound of her gasp. Cancer! “Bertie…” she whispered through her fingers. “Bertie, I’m so sorry.” She could forgive Bertie for lying now. Nothing mattered much against cancer.
“It’s not good either. Not even Dad knows.”
Keke struggled to recall how often she’d seen Mrs. Headley here this week. Only on a couple of occasions. Mr. Headley always lurked around, probably to keep an eye on what his kids were doing. “I haven’t seen her…”
“She spends a lot of time ‘away’ pretending to be working, but she’s actually at home or at the doctor’s. They don’t think she has very long now,” Bertie said quietly, emotion weighing her voice.
Keke struggled to comprehend what she was hearing. Mrs. Headley was…dying?
Keke stared at the side of her friend’s face. Bertie focused on the bottom of the bunk above them. Keke couldn’t imagine the pain her friend must be going through. Bertie and Mrs. Headley were close. Not like me and my mom, Keke thought glumly. Keke envied her friend the relationship she had with her mother.
“She didn’t really look…ill,” Keke said in disbelief.
Bertie shook her head. “It’s one of those things. You can look perfectly healthy on the outside, but you’re dying on the inside.”
“That’s it? There isn’t any treatment?”
“She’s been getting second and third opinions for a year now. At first, she was misdiagnosed with lupus, and I left school to help around the house and with the camp since she was always so tired. But now…”
“Why doesn’t your dad know?”
Bertie groaned. “Do you think he cares about anything other than this campground? Or advancing our careers—to help this campground? Ugh!” Bertie slammed her fists on the bed. “He was more mad than consoling when he thought Mom had lupus. She couldn’t bear to tell him the truth when the doctors confirmed it was cancer. If he knew she was sick, he’d probably blame it on her for trying to get out of running this camp.”
Bertie looked at Keke, a sad smile on her face. “That’s the reason why I asked you to come. She can’t do what she normally does, and we desperately need the help. Especially when Peter goes to Cornell. It’ll be just me and Dad.” She sighed and then sniffed. “This week is especially hard because it’s her last round of tests and she has to be off-site.”
“Of course she does,” Keke agreed quickly. “Nothing else matters.” She lay on her back and stared at the bottom of the bunk above her. Scratched into the wood were the various names of girls who had slept in this bed over the years. Mrs. Headley had been a favorite of the girls, so bright and welcoming. And now she was…dying?
“Anyway, that’s why I left school. I knew she would need a lot of help. She’ll probably…she’ll need it now more than ever when her body…”
Keke hugged her friend close. As a dancer, she knew what the body was capable of. The thought of it deteriorating and not being able to function scared Keke right to her core. Her eyes stung at the sound of Bertie’s soft sobbing.
“Don’t worry…” Keke stopped herself. Of course her friend would worry. Her mother was slowly dying in front of her eyes. What could Keke say to help soothe the pain?
“Whatever you need, Bertie. I’m here for you.” Even if it meant staying here. Missing the audition to help with the camp. Her best friend needed her support, and that was more important than winning a part and staying out of Springfield.
Bertie sniffed and wiped her eyes. “Thanks, Keke. I’ve been preparing for this for a long time now. All I need you to do is keep it to yourself.”
“Right. Your father shouldn’t know. He’s already high-strung.”
“No,” Bertie said insistently. “Don’t tell Peter.”
Peter didn’t know? Keke was silent. How could Pete not know his mother was dying?
“Mom doesn’t want him to worry. She wants him to get out of here and live his dreams.”
“You know about the app?”
“I do, yes. Mom probably does, but I know Pete’s keeping the details to himself in case it doesn’t pan out. He doesn’t want to give our dad any more ammo to push Cornell. To tell you the truth, I want Pete to go to Cornell.”
“Why? Pete isn’t excited at all about school.”
“I know, but it’ll set him up in the long run. Anyway, it’s less about school and more about how he’s on the verge of living his dream and Dad wants him to go in another direction—the one he didn’t take. Either way, if Pete found out about Mom, he wouldn’t do either.”
She believed that. Pete wouldn’t leave his mother’s side. “No…he’d be a terrible son.”
“He would stay here,” Bertie continued. “Stay here and waste away for who knows how long. The pressure our dad puts on us… Pete’s so sensitive, the guilt would eat at him. He might not have the courage to leave after…after Mom…”
Keke squeezed her friend’s shoulder. “Don’t think about it. I’m sure your mom wants you to be happy.”
“She does, but it’s not possible. I know the truth. Other than you, I’m the only one sharing the burden. It’s more work pretending nothing’s wrong than crying my eyes out, which is what I want to do all day long.”
Keke leaned over the bed and pulled out her shower caddy. She felt around for the travel-sized tissues and handed Bertie one. Bertie blew her nose, which prompted a few giggles from the girls still awake.
“Kids,” Bertie muttered. “They’ll laugh at anything.”
“Forget about them for a second.”
“I’ve forgotten about a lot of things. I barely eat now… But I’m trying my best to shield Pete. That’s why I…why I don’t want him to be hurt by anyone over anything.”
Keke figured she meant by her. She had no plans to seduce Pete and had worked to get him ready to date other girls. It disappointed Keke to think Bertie would believe her to be malicious in her pursuit of men—especially Petey.
She wouldn’t purposely break his heart.
No, she couldn’t guarantee it wouldn’t be a natural progression during their relationship, but that’s only because Keke had other plans than to stay here in Springfield. Even Pete was going somewhere—Cornell or wherever that gaming company was located.
“Pete’s still a timid, emotionally fragile guy. He can’t get our father’s approval for anything he does on his own. Dad only recognizes achievements he’s missed out on in his own life.”
“I understand,” Keke answered softly.
“I’ve tried telling Dad that Peter is a different man, but Dad won’t listen. He doesn’t have…”
Heart. The man was heartless.
And Keke didn’t believe he’d be the best nurse during his wife’s final months. No, Bertie was right to leave school to be here for her mother. She was the only one strong enough to handle the burden.
Tears flowed down Keke’s cheeks. Bertie was…amazing. Could I do the same for my mother? Keke harbored bitterness against the woman who refused to stand up to her husband when he was emotionally abusive to her children.
No. The answer was no. Keke wouldn’t be able to care for her mother.
And part of her felt sorry about it. And guilty. And maybe a little shameful.
What she could do was honor her friend as she eased her mother through her final months. “I won’t say anything,” Keke promised.
“Not even to Peter?”
Keke hesitated. She didn’t think it was right keeping the secret from him. Even if it ruined his life. Pete should have the choice to make that decision, and it was being taken away by those closest to him, those who wanted him to succeed the most.
“Keke?”
“I’m thinking,” she whispered quickly.
“About what? It should be easy.”
“No, it isn’t.” Keke sighed, frustrated. “I know what it feels like to not have a choice. Peter’s going through that right now. You know that! To take this away from him… To not tell him about his mother. You don’t think he’ll regret not spending these last moments with her? He could be taking them for granted because he doesn’t know the truth.”
Bertie looped her arm around Keke’s. “It’s not about choice, though. Not really for me or Mom. It’s about protection. It’s about freeing him from Dad.”
“And what about you? Will you ever leave? I’m sure your mom doesn’t want you to be a captive for the rest of your life. She’d want you to pursue your dreams.”
Bertie shrugged. “I…I don’t know. Maybe… I can’t even think about it. I only have enough emotional strength to think about her needs right now.” She squeezed Keke’s arm. “Please, Keke. Think about Peter. Think about what he wants. Think about what’s best for him and how he’ll feel once he’s free. Remember how you felt.”
Keke did. It had been as though shackles had fallen away from her legs and she could dance any way she wanted.
And it made the words come easier. “I promise.”
Chapter 14
The next morning flew by. Keke couldn’t tell what had happened if asked. She’d barely slept the night before. Bertie’s confession about her mom’s cancer gnawed at her from the inside. Her heart ached for both Bertie and Petey, while her subconscious guilted her over the promise she had made not to tell Pete about his mother.
Keke made a point to sneak away from the kids at every opportunity to hunt down Mrs. Headley. She wouldn’t reveal that she knew the truth. Keke only wanted to help the woman, however she could. But Mrs. Headley was nowhere to be found. When Titus asked Keke if she’d seen his wife, Keke lied and said she was inspecting a trail. Keke figured Bertie would want her to keep up the subterfuge.
She barely noticed Pete’s permanent grin. He seemed more at ease, with a pep in his step. As he entered the office, he walked with more confidence, which only made him sexier. Last night must’ve been a success.
He flicked a marshmallow at her from across the office. When she gave him an annoyed stare, he only grinned.
“You know ants live out here, right? You can’t be throwing sweet things around.”
“So, eat it, or throw it away,” he said smoothly. He leaned back in the chair and put his feet up on the desk.
“What’s gotten into you?”
He shrugged, hands behind his head. “Happiness.”
Oh, great. Now she really couldn’t tell him about his mom, even if she had decided to go against her word. Keke had never seen him this…happy before.
“Nice walk, huh?”
“Mmm-hmm.” He chuckled. “We talked and held hands. It was…easier than I thought.”
“It always is when the person likes you,” Keke said dryly.
“I know, but you have it easy. Us nerds don’t. You’re beautiful and could get any guy. Unless we figure out how to harness the power of hot people, we’re doomed to live a life of solitude in loserdom, usually in our parents’ basement.”
Keke snorted and then laughed. “Only if you choose to. I’m a firm believer in people making their own choices. You get the life you choose.”
Pete crossed his arms over his chest. “I disagree. Some people don’t choose what happens to them. We don’t choose our parents or where we grow up. We don’t choose…illness, for example—unless it’s preventable.”
Keke bit her lip. His mother didn’t choose her illness. He had a point, but she wouldn’t concede out loud.
She stared at his handsome face. Although contemplative, it still had a glow of confidence and happiness she couldn’t destroy.
But she had to do something. An overwhelming urge to comfort him made her arms ache to hold him.
“You two,” Titus barked from the front entrance. “There’s a fire pit near station seven that needs cleaning. And clear the path around there. We’re going to have a small group of children coming for a day trip tomorrow, and we can set them up there.”
Keke jumped from her seat, while Pete took his time rising. Maybe his newfound confidence lessened the effect of Titus’s intimidation.
Keke and Pete walked in silence to station seven. Keke groaned at the sight of the fire pit. The last group didn’t bother to clean away the garbage. Even the grill was crusted with soot and charred food.
Keke yanked a plastic bag from the belt she’d looped it around. “This is going to take forever.”
“Look at it on the bright side, we get to steer clear of my father for a little while. He’s been on the rampage today.”
“I hadn’t really noticed.”
Pete gave her a curious look. “You haven’t? He’s been stomping around the site all morning.”
“He was looking for your mom earlier.” Keke silently chastised herself. Was she trying to break her promise?
“Yeah, I think that’s part of the problem. She’s been M.I.A. and he’s not happy about it. Wish I had whatever excuse she was using.”
Keke ordered her lips to stay shut. She scraped off the blackened gunk on the grill with a tool Pete had handed her.
“Tell me about last night?” Keke asked to keep herself from casually bringing up his mother and breaking her word to Bertie.
“It was great, like I said.”
“Yeah, but what does that mean. Did you kiss her?”
Pete’s neck turned bright red. He continued to clean the pit.
“I’ll take that as a no,” Keke answered for him.
“Wasn’t the right time.”
“Are you kidding? A moonlit stroll is always the right time to kiss a girl. Yo
u need to watch some romance movies.”
“Okay, so I’ll do it on some other night.”
Keke cocked her head to one side and studied Pete’s face. Whenever she moved strategically to see all of him, he angled himself away.
Did he think opportunities like this come around every day? Obviously not for him. Where was the urgency? “What other night? You have to make your move when you get a chance.”
“’Cause us nerds don’t get many chances?”
Keke slammed the scraping tool down on the dirty grill. “Okay, time for your third and final lesson.”
“Oh?” He didn’t bother glancing up.
“Yes, ‘oh,’” she drawled. “The kiss.”
That got his attention. His head snapped up. “What do you mean?” he asked cautiously.
Keke marched over to him, took him by the biceps, and yanked him to his feet. “I mean, I’m going to teach you how girls like to be kissed.”
He sputtered and giggled.
Keke rolled her eyes. “You see, that’s evidence right there that you think you know, but really you don’t.”
Pete shrugged. “I think I can manage. How hard could it be?”
Keke slammed her hands to her hips and pinned him with a narrowed glare. “How hard could it…ugh!”
Pete crossed his arms, effectively putting distance between the two of them. “You just put your lips together and—”
“Nope!” She tugged his arms down and didn’t let go after he half-tried to pull them back. “There’s an art to it. And no, it’s not shoving your tongue down her throat over and over and over. If you want this girl to be ride or die, then you have to make her legs turn to jelly. You do all of that with a kiss—done right.”
Fear flitted across his eyes. Keke smiled. “Okay, first. You look deep into her eyes, like you’re doing now. No, not like you’re scared of her.”
Pete chuckled, dropping his gaze.
Keke shook his arms and said in a chastising tone, “Come on. You want this girl to like you?”
He hesitated. “Yes,” he said softly, but his eyes held something Keke couldn’t decipher.
“Right. Okay, so after you look into her eyes, you reach for her waist. Like so.” She wrapped his hands around her slim hips. “Now, draw me in. Nice and steady. Be confident, or she’ll think you’re terrible at this.”
