by Cutter, Leah
Back and forth they went, the crab approaching the scorpion and the prize from oblique angles, but always being repulsed at the last moment. It touched the ribbon once, but was pushed aside by the scorpion before it could grasp it.
Finally the scorpion got enough leverage and flipped the crab over onto its back. The crab struggled to right itself, but there was nothing for it to grab, nothing it could gain purchase on. The contest was over. The crab had been subverted.
Xiao Yen sighed as she watched the victorious Fat Fang fondle his latest prize. He had quite a collection in his room. As did Long Yen. Xiao Yen had a pitiful few. Why couldn't she animate a creature that could win?
She'd tried the boys' tactics, ramming straight ahead. That hadn't worked. She'd tried a woman's tactics, things that Wang Tie-Tie or Bing Yu or even Fu Be Be would have approved of. That hadn't helped either. What kind of tactics did she need for herself? What would work for her?
She reached up and rubbed her lucky amulet. If only she could call on her luck. But her luck only came when she wasn't expecting it, not when she counted on it.
Rubbing her amulet harder, it occurred to her to try to trick her luck. Pretend that she didn't need it. Xiao Yen took a deep breath and rolled her shoulders. She closed her eyes and thought about that first big contest, when she'd danced with her crane. How good it had felt to move to that unheard rhythm that had filled her head. The wonder of her crane's glorious flight as it leapt toward the sky. How proud she'd felt when Master Wei had first called her a paper mage.
Xiao Yen imagined her mind as a clear jade bowl. It filled with the essence of whatever creature she folded. Then she poured it out, poured all her thoughts and feelings and knowledge into her creation, leaving nothing behind. It was like a meadow, flooded with moonlight at night, with no traces of that silver light left in the morning.
Xiao Yen didn't notice what she'd folded until she'd finished. She was a bit dismayed to find she'd folded a mouse. What good would a mouse do against the snake Fat Fang had folded?
Again, Xiao Yen turned her thoughts away from defeat, and toward happy times.
The contest was short. The mouse stayed shaking at Xiao Yen's end of the arena while the snake leisurely made its way across. Then, just before the snake struck, the mouse darted away, sprinting toward the other end. The snake couldn't glide back fast enough. Xiao Yen's mouse had the prize in its mouth before the snake returned.
Fat Fang huffed out loud at Xiao Yen's victory. He obviously hadn't expected her to win.
Master Wei congratulated Xiao Yen, saying, “You see? You just needed to find yourself.”
Xiao Yen disagreed, but she didn't say anything. Though she'd been more relaxed, more herself, the real reason she'd won was because of her luck. She'd pretended she hadn't needed it, so it had come.
What would happen if she ever lost it?
Chapter Seventeen
On the Trail
Xiao Yen stayed swaddled in her silence. She didn't look up when the giggling women came into the room. Two stayed in the corridor with the soldiers. Once the door closed, the women's casual attitude disappeared. One pulled an underjacket; another, a pair of pants; and a third, an outer jacket from under their own clothes. Two others urged Xiao Yen up and stripped her “wedding” gown off before she'd realized what was happening. They concentrated on dressing her, not wasting a look at Vakhtang.
Xiao Yen rubbed the back of her left hand, hoping that some luck remained there.
Then they were out in the corridor, walking away. The guards were so involved with the women entertaining them that Xiao Yen wondered if they'd even seen the group leave the room.
The smell that greeted them in the women's quarters made Xiao Yen wrinkle her nose. She still swam deep inside herself. The silence she'd sought after Vakhtang's death wouldn't let any words slide out.
Kai Ju, her braids undone and her hair hanging loose down her back, bowed low to Xiao Yen as she entered the room.
Xiao Yen returned the bow. She'd done what she said she would do. How to live with it though? She turned to Kai Ju, curious about the smell, still unable to ask about it.
“Hope and miracles, little one. That's the smell of hope and miracles.” Kai Ju laughed, a younger laugh than Xiao Yen had thought the older woman possessed. “Come,” Kai Ju said. She led Xiao Yen to the baths.
There, Udo soaked in a tub. The sun had been taken from his hair. His skin was pale and sickly. The lines around his mouth held pain. Dark circles lay underneath his closed eyes and the lids were smudged, as if a child had drawn them on with charcoal.
Xiao Yen wanted to ask Kai Ju about Udo, but she couldn't force the words out of her deep waters. Kai Ju answered her as if she'd asked anyway.
“He appeared in our midst, cloaked from prying eyes by Our Lady. He's had some rough treatment. He was hung from his arms for a while. Then from his feet. But neither his shoulders or his hips were dislocated. He was made to roll in his own refuse, but he wouldn't eat it, so he was filthy, and starving, when he appeared. Our Lady instructed us to care for him.” Kai Ju beamed at Udo, as if he were her own son. “If he can be rescued, a foreigner, then surely our own men can be too?”
Had Jhr Bei come back from the dead? Why would she rescue a foreigner first? The answer came before Kai Ju could continue. Bei Xi entered the bath chamber, her sweet perfume banishing the foul odor of the prison. Even Udo opened his eyes.
Xiao Yen turned, hoping for absolution from Bei Xi's lovely face. She wanted assurance that she'd done the right thing. She'd killed a man. Would he haunt her now? Must she burn incense night and day to appease his angry ghost?
Bei Xi's entrance prompted the women bathing Udo to get him out of the tub, dried and clothed in a matter of moments. While they worked, Bei Xi instructed them in a low voice, building alibis for them. They hurried from the room. Finally she turned to Xiao Yen.
“Little Sister,” she said, taking Xiao Yen's hands. “Can you ever forgive me? I would never have sent you had I known what was going to happen. I know that jade must be polished to become a thing of beauty, but even jade can crack. Please, please forgive me.”
Silent tears rolled out of Xiao Yen's eyes. Of course she forgave Bei Xi. It wasn't Bei Xi's fault that the guards touched her. Xiao Yen pushed the thoughts away, sinking them deeper inside herself than where she'd been hiding.
Xiao Yen struggled to speak, to tell Bei Xi she was all right, but she stayed locked in her silence. She couldn't swim out of her river of calm. All her life, all her time at school, her silence had comforted her.
Now it threatened to drown her.
Bei Xi wrapped her hands around Xiao Yen's head and pulled it to her chest. Heat from the goddess burned through Xiao Yen, melting her glass walls. She popped up above the water and took a gasping breath.
“It is still my privilege to call you ‘Little Sister.'“ Bei Xi's words floated down, through Xiao Yen's hair, into her ears.
Xiao Yen hadn't realized she'd longed to hear those words until she did. She drank them down like steaming hot tea on a cold day, feeling their warmth seep into the quicksilver core of her soul. Bei Xi accepted Xiao Yen for who and what she was, no matter what had happened to her, what she had done. A tiny seed of pain lay at the bottom of her soul, where she'd buried it. Her silence no longer trapped her.
“Thank you,” Xiao Yen said as she pulled away.
Bei Xi motioned for Udo to join them. He walked slowly and swayed a little when he stood. His exhaustion emanated from him, like Bei Xi's perfume flowed from her.
“You must go, and ride through the night, toward the east,” Bei Xi said slowly and carefully in Udo's language so that Xiao Yen could understand. “Ehran travels with another merchant. You'll find him there. Vakhtang's body won't be discovered until morning. The soldiers won't come after you for a long time. If ever. Vakhtang's second in command is ambitious. He'd thank you for taking Vakhtang out of his way before he killed you.” Bei Xi laughed softly, with little ac
tual mirth in her voice.
Then she turned to Xiao Yen and added seriously, “He'll attack Bao Fang soon.”
Xiao Yen drew in a quick breath. Attack her home? She told Bei Xi, “Then I must go to Bao Fang. Wang Tie-Tie's sick. And if the city's going to be attacked—” Though Fat Fang had always teased Xiao Yen about doing a man's work, he'd listen to her and mount a defense for the city. He had to.
“No,” Bei Xi said. Now she spoke rapidly in the language of the Middle Kingdom. “You have to ride with Udo to the coast first. The king of Turic will break the treaty they signed with Emperor Dezong soon. The horsemen's raids against the border towns are just a start. War is coming, war I can't prevent. And Udo and his brother must be gone before it starts. They must go home. They'll be trapped—and killed—if they stay.”
“But Bao Fang!”
Bei Xi held up her hand to stop Xiao Yen from continuing. Bei Xi put her head to one side, listening to her other voices, before she said, “Bao Fang is safe until next spring. I make that promise to you Little Sister. You have time to go to the coast, see the brothers on their way, then make your way back to your home and prepare your defenses.”
Xiao Yen bit her lip. She wanted to fly back to her home, see Wang Tie-Tie, warn Fat Fang. If Bei Xi said Xiao Yen must do other things first, Xiao Yen would acquiesce. Bei Xi was a goddess, after all.
* * *
Udo and Xiao Yen rode through the night, silently, determined to put as much distance between them and Khan Hua as possible. They took a short break at dawn. Udo's exhaustion overtook him as soon as he lay down. Xiao Yen didn't want to set up any defense; they were stopping for less than an hour. She'd planned on staying awake and keeping watch, but her own tiredness betrayed her.
Xiao Yen didn't sleep long. A silent Vakhtang, still in his silver jacket and green pants, awaited her in her dreams. He wouldn't approach her, or say anything. He just stared at her. Xiao Yen couldn't determine the expression on his face. Resignation? Remorse?
Xiao Yen forced herself away from Vakhtang, out of her sleep and back to the empty plain. She woke Udo, and soon they rode again.
“Please tell me about your travels. Why are you here?” Xiao Yen asked Udo. Udo had gathered strength as they'd gained distance from Khan Hwa, and the short break had helped, but he was still exhausted. Xiao Yen decided to keep him talking so he'd stay awake.
Brilliant morning sunshine made the dew in the short grass sparkle, and warmed Xiao Yen's face. They rode straight east, and hoped to catch up with Ehran on the main trade route before nightfall.
“Ehran and I are banished from our land,” Udo said.
Though Bei Xi had already told Xiao Yen this, she couldn't stop herself from blurting out, “You unlucky. Like me.”
Udo paused before he replied. “No, not unlucky. We've seen cities with domes of beaten gold, statues carved out of mountains, black people, yellow people, red people. We haven't been unlucky. A man makes his own luck, and ours has been good.”
Xiao Yen didn't know what to say. How could you make luck? She could never force her luck. Then she remembered Wang Tie-Tie saying, “If you grasp opportunity as it passes, you don't need lucky dreams.” Was that what Udo meant?
A high-pitched whoop sounded ahead and to the left of them. A sienna-colored pika stood on its hind legs, watching them approach. It whooped again then scuttled back into its hole. Xiao Yen heard other creatures rustling in the grass, and saw two brown streaks run in front of the horses. She pulled up her reins, giving the pikas time to get to their homes. Udo stopped too.
“Careful here, many holes,” she said.
“Yes, we don't want to hurt these beauties, do we? Let's go around,” Udo replied, leading his horse to the right.
At first Xiao Yen had thought Udo was concerned about the horses because they represented money. Finally she realized he treated them like how she'd treat Gan Ou's children.
Udo sat with his hands loosely holding his reins, relaxed. He swayed a bit in his saddle. They'd have to stop again soon. Xiao Yen looked over her shoulder again, checking to see if they were followed, but no one was behind them.
The silence grew between Udo and Xiao Yen. Normally Xiao Yen enjoyed time for her own thoughts, but twice now, she'd been forced to retreat into her silence to protect her sanity. Once with Vakhtang, watching his dead body grow cold, surrounded with thoughts of killing and death, and before, with the guards.
“Why you banished?” she asked. The embarrassment of asking inappropriate questions was less painful than her memories. Plus, it was possible Bei Xi hadn't told her everything.
“It's a long story,” Udo stated, his voice trailing away at the end, not finishing his sentence.
“And?” Xiao Yen asked, prompting him.
Udo laughed. “Curious, eh? I like that.”
Xiao Yen's cheeks grew hot, followed by a warm glow that went all the way through her center.
“My story, well, it's hard to know where to start.” Udo paused again.
Xiao Yen looked at him expectantly.
Udo smiled at her, and began. “I was promised to marry Frauke,” Udo said.
“Frauke?” Xiao Yen asked, rolling her tongue over the new name. This was something Bei Xi hadn't mentioned. She wondered if the goddess knew Udo's story. Bei Xi had only showered her attention on Ehran.
“Frauke. We were friends from childhood. She's always been the only woman for me,” Udo commented, almost to himself. He took a deep breath then seemed to force himself to continue.
“I was the eldest son, the only son, supposed to inherit my father's farm,” he said, watching his hands holding the reins. They were no longer loose.
Xiao Yen was puzzled. “But Ehran? He your brother?” she asked.
“Yes, but he's a bastard.” Udo said with a sigh.
“Excuse me, what is ‘bastard?'“ Xiao Yen asked, guiding her horse around another pika hole.
“A son born to an unwed woman.”
“So not concubine or second wife? But unwed girl?” Xiao Yen asked, surprised. Wang Tie-Tie would never have let the brothers hire her if she'd known Ehran's true status.
Udo smiled. “Yes. Does that happen here?”
Xiao Yen bit her lip before she replied. “It happens here. It is a shame on family, a shame on girl. Often she kills herself.”
They rode in silence a short while before Xiao Yen asked, “So what happened with Fra . . . Fro . . . The woman you marry?”
“Frauke. When my mother died, my father brought Ehran's mother to our farm, and Ehran. My father had been, uh, friendly with her for years, ever since my mother had taken ill. I didn't know Ehran then, but I could see right away that he was a gambler and a spendthrift. Yet my father treated him like his second son. It made me so mad I left the farm. I traveled to the capital of Charlemagne's empire, Aachen, with one of the local cloth merchants, supposedly to make enough money to marry Frauke, but mainly to get away.”
Xiao Yen didn't follow everything Udo said, but she caught the gist of it. They rode for a while in silence. Shrubs now dotted the plain. The edge of the forest was no longer a splotch on the horizon. Xiao Yen smelled pine mixed with cooler air, air that came from the shade, up ahead.
“What happen, you come back?” she asked, hoping that was the right question.
“When I returned, everything had changed. Ehran had helped my father run the farm, been responsible, probably for the first time in his life. He'd changed, for the better.
“But my father expected me to come back and take my old place, the place Ehran had been filling. I was so happy to be home, I didn't think about Ehran. So he went back to gambling.” Udo paused.
“And the woman you marry?” Xiao Yen asked.
“Frauke was being intimidated by Habel, a bully who had terrorized me, and everyone, as a child. He was blackmailing her, saying if she didn't marry him, he'd force her family off their land.
“I went to see him one night, to talk sense into him. Ehran had gone see
him that night as well. Habel had tricked him into gambling away our father's farm. It wasn't legal, but Habel, well, he was a powerful man. He could have made it legal. Do you understand?”
Xiao Yen replied, “I understand.” Bei Xi had told her this part of the brothers' story. Corrupt officials lived everywhere.
“Habel wouldn't change his mind. Ehran got angry. There was a fight. I don't think Ehran meant to kill him, but he did.” Udo fell silent.
Xiao Yen shivered as they passed under the shade of a tree. Ehran was such a barbarian. A sudden thought made her catch her breath. What right did she have to judge Ehran? She'd killed a man too. Her guilt darkened the morning.
“I got there too late to stop him,” Udo continued after a moment. “In addition, someone saw us leave. Both of us were charged with the murder. Though Habel was powerful, he wasn't well liked. We were just banished, not executed.”
When Bei Xi had first told Xiao Yen the brothers' story, she'd been shocked that the whole family hadn't been punished. Now, she almost understood why foreigners only punished the perpetrator of a crime. On the one hand, Wang Tie-Tie and her family were responsible for everything Xiao Yen did, because they'd laid the seeds for her soul. Now Xiao Yen herself, was responsible for how those seeds had grown. It was a strange thought for her.
“And Frauke?” she asked, putting the thought to one side, for a while.
“I told her to marry someone else. I guess I expected her to vow undying love for me, like in the poems. She agreed it was best to stay. I heard later that she married someone else within the month.” Udo laughed his biting, barking laugh.
“Can you ever go back to your village?” Xiao Yen asked.
“If we had enough silver, and put it in the right hands, I think we could. That's why I wanted the treasure from the rat dragon's cave.”
“Not make money close to home? Why come here?”
Udo laughed again, gentler this time. “I've thought about that a lot. I think I kept pushing us to travel because I needed to run away. To forget about Frauke.” He turned and looked at Xiao Yen.
