by North, Cara
“Wait.”
She kept them closed longer. Her heart was thumping hard in her chest and she found it near impossible to keep her eyes closed. He shifted her hair and the weight of an earring being pushed through and secured did crazy things to her insides. He treated the other lobe to the same attention. He was insanely romantic and erotic to her. The hair was shifted back and he said, “Okay.”
She opened her eyes. She refused to look at the bracelet first. She looked at him, into him, the cool blue ocean of emotions that remained unsaid but shown. His hand slid to hers and he lifted the arm with the bracelet and looked at it. She finally looked. Her knees were weak. Surely it was borrowed.
“Jed.”
“I had it made for you,” he said and her knees really did get wobbly. “See this black diamond.” He started at one side of the clasp. The bracelet was filled with black diamonds that were spiking through white ones in a pattern that she had never seen before. It was grossly expensive. By far the most expensive thing she owned besides her house. “This was my heartbeat before I met you. He traced the flat row until the first spike. And this is after.”
Tears stung her eyes. The first time she sniffed he dropped her hand and took a step back. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I just…wanted you to know that I… And now I’m fucking it up.”
She had done this to him, made him so afraid to do or say anything too nice. He wasn’t a pleasant sort of fellow to begin with. The fact that he wanted to be so kind and affectionate towards her left no doubt in her mind that she was special to him. She took a deep breath, dabbed at the tears with her hand and took a step forward. She whispered, “Jed.”
He looked up at her, more vulnerable and innocent with his bare face. She lifted her hand to her chest and began turning a lock on a phantom safe to the left, then right, then the left. She made a great display of how heavy the door was when she pulled it open. She reached in and pulled her imaginary heart out. She extended her hand to him and he enclosed it with both of his. He looked as though he might have been holding back his own surge of tears. He opened his hand slowly, looked at the phantom gift, stroked over an imaginary heart, and in one swift move, he lifted his hand to his mouth as though he ate it. She was surprised by the gesture, but then he said, “May I never be hungry again.”
She stepped closer, put her lips to his. As they kissed, she wrapped her arms around him. He carefully embraced her. She leaned back and said, “This isn’t my night, but I feel like a princess.”
“Darling.” He nuzzled his nose to hers and said, “You are my Queen.”
***
Jed got out of the limo and held his hand out for Shay. She took it and the moment she stood to her full height on those heels, in that black sequined dress that looked almost liquid, as it draped every curve and angle to perfection, everything stopped around them. She had her long brown hair in old Hollywood waves. One of the diamond earrings could be plainly seen. The other was hidden under the long waving hair she had pulled over her left shoulder. The entire family was at the premiere. This was one of the agreements his parent’s had made. Since they had both moved on and both had dates, it was a lot easier for them to support one another publicly.
The line was supposed to move towards the entrance. He watched as his mother broke from her date to walk back towards them. Then his sister noticed, and then his brother. Everyone was moving back towards the vehicles rather than towards the doors. His father was apparently in the limo behind them.
“Oh,” Shay said suddenly as the flashes of light from the cameras began. “I can’t really see.”
“Just smile.” The attention had brought other photographers to the scene. He heard his dad call his name as he approached. He extended a hand to his dad and said, “Congratulations.”
Other people continued to get out of the cars and move through the press line. The Gunner family had come to a complete halt.
“Thank you, son.” His dad pulled him closer and into a hug. Jed was sure his family was reacting to the fact that he had shaved his beard. They had seen it as a sign of mourning. It might have started out that way, a young man not concerned about his looks anymore, a man in hiding, but it became a part of his identity and he just left it alone. Everyone around them probably thought they were gathering for his father so he tried to make it less obvious his family gathered about him, and the cameras were all about Shay and that dress.
He shaved it for Shay, so she didn’t walk down her first red carpet with him looking scruffy beside her. Alex had reminded him to do the right thing and he knew what it meant. If he was going to be involved with her, he had to play the part she needed him to play in public.
His dad looked at Shay and said, “Congratulations to you. She’s…”
“Yes, she is.” Jed smiled. He cut his dad off before he called her beautiful.
His dad smiled wider. He was obviously glad to see him with someone. He could have brought a bag lady to the premiere wearing a paper sack and his family would have been pleased. Looking at Shay, they were fooled by her outward appearance. They were not just pleased, they were overjoyed. They thought she was normal, but he knew the truth, she was as messed up as he was. And he loved her for it.
His mom was next. He hugged her. Then she surprised him because she looked at Shay and said, “My God, that dress is amazing.”
“Thank you,” Shay beamed. “I made it myself.”
“Hey,” he said as everyone else came together. “Let’s get a family photo so it looks less obvious something unexpected is happening over here.”
Jonas called to a photographer who was followed by as many paparazzi that could get to the rail to take the photograph. Shay started to tug away from him. He looked at her. “You want a family photo with your parents and brother and sister. I can step off to the side with Frankie and Buddy.”
“No.” He held her firm. He whispered in her ear as different pho-togs snapped pictures and others tried to give them direction to get the best group shot, “See, they are getting in here too. My parents are standing with their dates. If you left me, I’d be here alone.”
“Shay, that dress makes me feel a little lesbian,” Frankie whispered.
Jed quirked a brow at her.
Jonas said, “I’m really uncomfortable with that.”
Frankie laughed.
Shay admitted, “It’s an inside joke.”
The family disbanded and they began the walk in the proper direction this time. He could hear people say, “That’s Jed Gunner.” And “Who is he with?”
They stopped in front of press outlets he was comfortable talking to and Shay gripped his hand tight. She was nervous. To look at her no one would know, but the grip on his fingers told him she was scared to death. He remembered those days.
By the time they made it inside she was a wreck. He had talked her up, told them she designed the dress herself, she would be a star for one reason or another, but he wanted it to be for something she did and not because her presence got a rare shot of him. She took her seat and asked, “Did I do okay? They asked a lot of things I wasn’t prepared for.”
“You did great,” he smiled. She would make the Harvey Agency proud. “Now tell me the inside joke.”
She smiled a real smile at him and leaned in to whisper, “Frankie and I went to high school together. We were best friends and we…practiced. We never made it past first base so don’t look at me like that. From then on if one of us looked really good, had a cute shirt, haircut, you get the idea, we would say that.”
“Well,” he winked. “I’m glad she’s not that bright.”
“She’s actually really smart,” Shay whispered.
“Not if she had you and only felt a little lesbian.” He leaned in and placed a brief kiss on her full lips.
His brother-in-law and sister were sitting directly in the row behind them. Frankie and Jonas were to the left of Shay. His mother and her date sat next to Janice behind them. He wasn’t making out with her, but his brothe
r-in-law, Buddy, took the opportunity to bust his balls anyways.
Buddy cleared his throat and said, “AhGeeze, Jed. Get a room.”
Jed laughed. He placed another kiss on her cheek and held her hand in his. He understood how much nicer these events were with someone there beside him. He wasn’t nearly as aggravated as he typically would have been. He was also proud that he only smoked one of the cigarettes before she arrived. He was a mess. He hadn’t seen his own face since he was eighteen. He was shocked to see the man looking back at him. He was relieved to see that she was pleased, but not so much that he couldn’t grow his beard back.
***
The pictures of her and Jed were everywhere. Shay was nervous, but she was happy. Excited, but anxious as the pressure to do everything she said she always wanted to do became real. She looked at the man lying in bed next to her and stroked his soft cheek. The stubble was already growing back. He rolled to his back and looked up at her.
“I have to go.” She leaned over and kissed him. She didn’t have to leave right away, but she was anxious and she was trying to avoid shopping. If she waited any longer there would have been shops open between where she was and where she needed to be. At this hour she only had to fear the add-ons at the coffee shop. “I’ll call as soon as I can.”
Two weeks later…
Shay didn’t care if it didn’t technically look right with what she was wearing. She hadn’t seen him in person in over a week. She put the bracelet on her wrist and looked at herself in the mirror. She was tempted to put the diamond earrings on too, but decided against it. She was wearing a fitted t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers. Jed didn’t dress up without a good reason, and they were only going to Jonas and Frankie’s house. Just family, no one else, she had learned to ask from the last time.
The doorbell chimed and she bounced down the stairs with the bracelet on her wrist and the hoodie he had given her in her hand. She swung the door open and jumped onto him. He had a beard again, but not a full one, it was shorter, made him look younger. He was still sexy as sin. His lips still the softest she had ever kissed. His arms still the strongest she had known around her.
He looked deep into her eyes and kissed her again.
As he sat her to her feet she said, “I missed you.”
“We don’t have to go,” he said as he stepped her backwards into the house and shut the door. “They will understand.”
“Are you sure?” she asked. She didn’t want his family to think badly of her. She was sure they were happy she was in his life, but if she started taking his time away from scheduled gatherings they might not remain happy about it. Frankie definitely would not be happy since this was the first time Shay had been invited to their house.
The moment he locked the door, she knew he was sure.
***
Shay made a compromise, she took the edge off his lust with a blow job and then they headed to dinner at Jonas and Frankie’s house. He liked spending time with his family, just not as much as he liked spending time with Shay.
Frankie pulled Shay away from him the moment they entered the house. He walked with his brother to the kitchen where his brother-in-law was just pulling out a beer from the refrigerator. Buddy asked, “Want one?”
Jed nodded and caught the bottle as it sailed through the air at him. The two of them looked at him expectantly. Jed opened the beer and took a sip. “What? Why are you both gawking at me like I have a dick growing out of my forehead?”
Buddy laughed and said, “Well, you may as well have. I mean I’ve know you for years and I have never seen you this…social.”
“It was her idea to come. I tried to talk her out of it, but she didn’t want you guys to think she was the reason I wasn’t here,” he admitted. “I didn’t have the heart to tell her she is the reason I have showed up to the past two events.”
“Hey,” Jonas said. “One of those events was my wedding.”
Jed smiled, “And she was there like I was hoping she would be. You invited everyone from the movie and that included her. I didn’t know then that she and Frankie were a little lesbian, and knew each other, did you?”
Buddy choked on the beer he had just taken a swig of.
Jonas blushed and grumbled, “Yes. I knew. Frankie doesn’t keep secrets from me.”
Jed watched his little brother work up the nerve to say it. Once he knew Frankie and Shay were as close as they had been he suspected Frankie knew about the video Shay had made. If Frankie knew, Jonas knew. If Jonas knew, it was possible Buddy knew. It didn’t matter to him who knew. She hadn’t done anything wrong, and even if she had fucked everyone on the set, he wouldn’t let it stop him, he loved her.
Jonas took a sip of his beer and asked, “How well do you know her? I mean I know you are fucking her. Frankie’s worried that Shay might actually have feelings for you. I don’t know a whole lot about her other than what Frankie has told me. She wasn’t to be trusted. This is the first time she’s been to our house.”
Buddy looked awkwardly from Jonas to Jed and back again before saying, “Jonas, what the fuck man? I thought we were having a nice family dinner.”
“I want to have a nice family dinner. You don’t know what it was like when…”
“Don’t say it,” Jed warned. When they were kids and he scared them. He had enough guilt over that.
“You are really in over your head aren’t you? God, this is worse than I thought. Jed, I’m not the only one worried here.” Jonas sat his drink on the counter and huffed as he crossed his arms. He was still such a spoiled little brat sometimes. Jed smiled at his little brother knowing that he was part of the reason Jonas had turned out to be such a brat in the first place. Jonas softened and said, “We don’t want to lose you.”
So there it was. The fear that if he loved Shay and she broke his heart he would do what he didn’t do when Dana died. Jed sighed and said, “I know you don’t understand what happened then. Imagine if something happened to Frankie, Jonas. Now imagine those feeling you have now, at the age of seventeen. Imagine the devastation of it. I loved Dana. I didn’t have the luxury of age and wisdom to help me deal with it.”
Buddy stood quietly soaking it all in. He wasn’t born into this mess, he was married into it. He knew about Jed’s past, but from Janice and her spin on the whole thing.
“I’m worried,” Jonas said and shrugged.
“Fair enough,” Jed said and nodded. “I was worried about you and Frankie. I didn’t think you were making a good decision. I didn’t want you to end up with heartache, or her end up hurt by the public. I was worried about Janice and Buddy. I knew he was a good man, he loves our sister, but I never wanted either of you to feel the pain of loss like I felt. You have both been very lucky that the ones you love have returned that love to you and have decided to stay and fight for their place beside you. I didn’t have that.”
“But you do now,” Buddy said quietly. “You can see it in her eyes when she looks at you.”
“You don’t know that,” Jonas said to Buddy.
Buddy looked at Jonas and said, “Yes, I do. Just like I knew about you and Frankie. The first time I saw you two together I knew it was over before it ever began. Doesn’t mean it was going to be easy. Hell, Janice wasn’t easy either, but I knew we were meant to be together.”
“I’m glad to know my little sister wasn’t easy,” Jed said as he heard her approaching with Buddy Junior.
“Awe,” she said to Buddy as his son ran across the room towards him. “You guys are in here bonding and you still protect my honor in front of my brothers. How sweet. I was so easy, Buddy and you know it. I took one look at you and…”
“I don’t want to hear this,” Jonas said.
“I agree,” Jed laughed.
They all looked at him. “What?”
“Nothing,” Janice said as she slid into her husband’s extended arm. “I’m just so happy to see you happy, Jed. I mean, you smile, you laugh, and you shaved, though by the looks of it I don’t think
you have since.”
“She likes it,” he said with pride. “I don’t have to change anything about me for her. I am here because she doesn’t want you all to hate her. I’m here because you need to know, no matter what you think of her, I’m not letting go.” He looked at Jonas pointedly and said, “So you need to get on board and deal with it.”
***
Shay barely had time to register anything about Frankie’s home before she was secured in a room and asked one question, “Does he know?”
“Know what?”
“About the…”
“Yes,” Shay nodded and gave her practiced smile. “You didn’t watch it did you? You saw the first few moments and then assumed the worst of me. Frankie, you don’t know what you think you know.”
“Shay, I am very pregnant. I don’t have the energy to sugar coat this. I am worried because my husband is freaking out about his big brother and his relationship with you. He said that Jed is not emotionally stable. He said that he almost killed himself when he was younger. His whole family is worried about him, but I am worried about both of you. I’ve never seen you like this before. I don’t want either of you to get hurt.”
“Frankie.” Shay stepped closer to her and wrapped her arms around the very pregnant woman and said, “I love you. I never deserved you as a friend. You have always been there for me and I always let you down. I disappointed you with my words and actions. I know that. I know you didn’t understand why I had to leave college, why I did any of the things I did. I hated myself, Frankie. I wanted you to hate me too. But you wouldn’t. You didn’t, until you finally did. Do you know what happened after that day?”
“No,” Frankie said quietly.
Shay moved into the room and took a seat. Frankie followed her. As she sat, Shay talked, “I walked past the place the next day. I had called and vented about eight messages to your phone including a sobbing plea at the end for you to call me back and forgive me. I got about a block away before I stepped down a side street and vomited my guts out. I was crying. I was a mess. I knew it was real. You hated me. The last person to have any feeling for me was gone. And then this car stopped. An old man got out and asked if I was okay. I told him I was never okay. I would never be okay. He laughed and said, ‘I’ve seen worse than this, kid. Come on, I’m Milton Harvey, of the Harvey Agency, and you doll face might just be my final project.”
