“I’ll tell you soon, I promise, but first will you tell me what it is that frightens you so much about your father?”
“No.” She shuddered and wrapped her arms round her torso.
Felix realized that he’d grossly underestimated the extent of her fear. Her voice trembled, her hands were unsteady, and if she could have taken flight and run from him, he didn’t doubt she would have done so.
“We have plenty of time and there’s no one to overhear us.” He waved his arm in a circle to emphasise their solitude. “But if you would prefer me to return you to Riverside House, if my questions are causing you distress, you need only say the word.”
Saskia stood up and stared out to sea, wondering what she was doing here with this man, a virtual stranger. More to the point, she wondered what madness was causing her to even consider confiding in him. But something about him compelled her. Oh, not just his beauty or the commanding figure he cut. She could see beyond those things. It was something more basic than that.
Suddenly she understood what it was. She trusted him. She had no idea why he was here, what it was that he wanted from her, but she instinctively knew that he had only her best interests at heart.
It was enough. She would tell him, at least some of it. God alone knew, it was time she told someone. He would be gone from here in a few days, taking her secrets with him, and perhaps she would feel better for having talked her problems through.
“My mother died when I was fifteen,” she said, turning back to face him. “I loved her very much, and so did my father. We were all devastated by her untimely demise, but life had to go on. My father had always been a strict disciplinarian, but he changed after her death. Without Mama’s restraining influence, his desire to dominate and control everything and everyone was free to run riot, for there was no one else who would dare to try and reason with him. I confess that I was a little scared of him even then, although I always fared better than my two brothers when they were boys; he would routinely beat them at the slightest provocation.
“Anyway, about a year after my mother’s death, when I was sixteen, my father informed me that he wished me to marry.”
“And you had no say in the matter?”
“Heavens, no! That was how it had been for my brothers, and I’d always known it would be the same for me. Mr. Eden was twenty years older than me and owned a cutter which my father wanted to include in his fleet. I was the bargaining point in their negotiations,” she said calmly.
“But did you like Eden? Was he kind to you?”
“Not really to both of your questions, but fortunately I saw little of him. He was at sea for much of the time, and six months after we were married his ship foundered and was lost with all hands, including its captain.”
“I’m sorry.”
“There’s no need to be. He was a brute of a man, and I won’t pretend I wasn’t glad to be free of him. I was but sixteen, Mr. Beaumont, and completely innocent in the ways of the world, with no mother to advise me of what to expect. Mr. Eden didn’t care, though, and forced himself on me every night when he was at home.”
Saskia was silent for a moment, relieving those dreadful days. Days when he would enter her room night after night, his breath smelling of stale tobacco and port. He would leer at her and, without any pretence at tenderness, bluntly order her to do her duty. She shuddered with distaste. God, how she hated the very sound of those words! She remembered how she felt as she lay there trembling and praying that, just for once, he wouldn’t come that night. He always did so eventually but sometimes only after she dared to allow a glimmer of hope to surface. To imagine that he might be intoxicated, or embroiled in a game of cards with her father. It was almost if he had understood her fear and fed upon it, enjoying the power he wielded over her, emphasising his total domination over every aspect of her life.
“He brutally took his pleasure, hurting me so much that sometimes I couldn’t prevent myself from crying out. That seemed to encourage him, and I soon learned to bite my tongue and suffer in silence. It lasted for less time that way.”
She stopped speaking and looked at Felix for the first time, aware of the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes but refusing the let them fall.
“Oh, Saskia!”
He slipped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her toward him. She was crying gently, giving vent to emotions that had lain dormant for far too long. When at last her tears were exhausted, he passed her his handkerchief, watching her as she mopped her face. A sophisticated man like him probably thought she was making a big fuss about nothing, and so when he kissed the top of her head with infinite tenderness she looked up at him in bald surprise. He repeated the gesture, and her body reacted with a violent tremble.
“You are cold?” He removed his coat and placed it about her shoulders.
“No, I’m not cold.” She offered him a watery smile. “It’s just that I’ve never spoken about my husband before and was wondering why I should choose this moment to speak of it, especially to you?”
“Sometimes it helps to talk to someone who’s unlikely to be falsely judgemental. But tell me how you felt when you knew your husband was gone forever.”
“Relieved, may God forgive me.” She looked him squarely in the eye. “It’s an un-Christian reaction but no more than the truth. The only thing he gave me that I can’t regret is the twins.”
“Ah, the twins.” He smiled at her. “They are indeed a blessing.”
“You like my children?”
“Indeed I do. They’re engaging company, and I can’t imagine anyone disliking them.”
“Mr. Fothergill would likely disagree with you.”
“Fothergill’s an idiot.”
“The twins are quite besotted with you, and it irritates Mr. Fothergill excessively.”
“What of their mother?” he asked, tilting his head to one side and focusing his eyes on her in a most disconcerting manner. “Dare I hope that she’s just a little besotted too?”
He pulled her a little closer, tilted her chin upwards, and placed a very delicate kiss on her lips. She made no objection, neither responding nor drawing away. He clearly interpreted her passiveness as encouragement and kissed her again, a little more firmly this time, probing a question with his tongue. Saskia felt panic welling up inside her. She’d miscalculated. He’d promised not to flirt with her, but here he was kissing her. She had no idea that a simple kiss could create the maelstrom of emotion currently churning deep within her core, as though something inside her was stirring into life. Something she had no idea existed. Powerless to help herself, she sighed and leaned a little into his broad chest, feeling safe and protected. Never wanting this madness to end.
But it did end. Suddenly and without warning he pulled away from her.
“I’m sorry, Saskia,” he said in a husky voice. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“It doesn’t matter, Mr. Beaumont.”
“My name’s Felix.” His arm was still draped loosely around her shoulders, and he flashed an intimate smile. “Will you tell me what happened to make you estranged from your father?”
She lowered her head and shook it against his shoulder. “I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ve never told anyone, not ever my aunt. Because it’s shocking, and I would prefer to forget all about it.”
“But you can’t forget it, can you? Not when you’re living so close and he’s doing everything he can to ruin you and your aunt. If you were to trust me, to confide in me, it would at least make you feel better; I can promise you at least that much. It may also put me in a position to be of service to you, but I can’t know unless you tell me it all.”
“Very well,” she said softly. “I’m not convinced that it will do any good, but I will tell you anyway.” She drew a deep breath and began her narrative. “I realized my condition very soon after my husband died, and was glad that I would have a child of my own to love, even if Eden was its father. It was d
uring that time I first noticed a deterioration in my father’s behaviour. I’m sorry to say that he was adding debauchery to his growing list of unsavoury habits. He started taking…well, liberties, with some of the housemaids. One didn’t appear to mind, but the other was quite distraught. She couldn’t tell me why she was so upset, of course, but I guessed. I felt dreadfully sorry for her, but could do little of a practical nature to help. I could scarce confront my father, and the girl couldn’t risk telling me the truth for fear of being discharged without a character.”
“Regrettably, things like that do sometimes happen,” Felix said.
“Yes, I suppose so, but you have yet to hear the worst of it.” She drew another fortifying breath, but her next words were a long time in coming.
“Go on,” he prompted.
“I have two brothers, Mr. Beaumont, er…Felix. My younger brother, Gerald, contracted scarlet fever when he was young, and we feared that he might die. Happily he survived, but it left him permanently debilitated. He’s small in stature and has little physical strength, but what he lacks in brawn is more than compensated for by his agile brain. He keeps my father’s paperwork most efficiently.”
“You’re fond of Gerald?”
“Oh, yes. He’s five years older than me, but we were always close. He’s married to Henrietta, the youngest daughter of a shipping magnate whom my father was keen to cultivate. She’s perfect for Gerald, and they’re very happy together in spite of my father’s constant interference in their affairs. Henrietta is an expert botanist. She can tell you anything you wish to know about the flora and fauna hereabouts. She and Gerald had one daughter before I left home, and have since been blessed with another. I regret, though. that I’ve never seen the new baby.”
“Your brother doesn’t visit you at Riverside House?”
“Henrietta used to, until my father forbade it.”
“I see.” Felix pursed his lips. “But what of your older brother?”
Saskia’s expression darkened. “Charles is ten years my senior. He has little intellect and is a gamester and imbiber besides. He has all of the physical strength which Gerald lacks, and is my father’s heir in every sense of the word. I do not, as you must by now have surmised, like my elder brother.”
“Evidently, and with good reason, it seems.”
“The only person Charles will defer to is my father.”
“Is your elder brother also married?”
“Oh yes.” Saskia pulled a face. “To the daughter of a prominent squire in Weymouth. Unlike gentle Henrietta, Elsbeth is an impossible flirt. She’s well aware that she’s handsome, and flaunts herself at every man who crosses her path. I don’t like her, either.”
“Do they have children?”
“No. When my mother died, Charles and Elsbeth had already been married for five years, but the union was childless, which was a great disappointment to everyone. My father is most anxious for his elder son to produce a son, you see.”
“I suppose he has a right to such expectations.”
“Perhaps, but not to pursue them in such a personal way.”
“What do you mean?”
Saskia blushed. What folly occasioned her to tell this sophisticated stranger her darkest, most shameful secrets? Without stopping to consider the wisdom of so doing, she forged ahead.
“One day I chanced to walk past Charles and Elsbeth’s room in the middle of the afternoon,” she said, looking at the sand beneath her feet as she spoke. “The sounds I heard from within could only be interpreted in one way. I thought it strange, knowing that Charles was away on business for my father, but assumed he must have returned that afternoon. I was soon to find out my mistake,” she added, after a pause, “since the door opened and my father came out of the room.”
“Ah, I see. So your father was making free with his son’s wife?”
“Yes, and much as I disliked Elsbeth, I own I felt a moment’s sympathy for her, since once my father sets his mind to something, few people have the courage to stand up to him. I thought he’d forced himself upon her, you see.” Saskia sighed. “But I soon discovered just how wrong I was. She followed him to the door, threw her arms around his neck, and begged him not to leave her.”
“Dear God!”
“Yes.” Saskia recalled the scene as clearly as if it had occurred just yesterday and shuddered. “My father chuckled, grabbed at Elsbeth’s body in the crudest fashion imaginable, and told her she now knew what it felt like to have been bedded by a real man. Elsbeth still clung to him, and my father pulled her into his own chamber, where he claimed there was less chance of their being discovered.”
Saskia studiously avoided looking at Felix, aware of the disgust he must now entertain toward her entire family. She didn’t doubt for a moment that he would now leave Riverside House at the first opportunity and want nothing more to do with her. She ought to be relieved; she recalled their earlier kiss, and instead felt bereft. What in God’s name was he doing to her?
“You poor creature,” he said gently, lifting her chin with his forefinger and forcing her to meet his gaze. “You shouldn’t have been exposed to such debauchery. If your father was determined to do such a thing, he should have been more discreet.”
“Yes, perhaps. I can only assume that their liaison continued, for Elsbeth’s whole attitude changed after that. She knew me to be my father’s favourite, and we had until that time maintained a polite charade, even though we didn’t like one another. But after I witnessed that scene, Elsbeth kept chipping away at my role as my father’s housekeeper, countermanding orders I gave to the servants and grasping every opportunity to undermine my authority. She was becoming increasingly familiar with my father in public as well, pushing herself forward to the point where it became embarrassing. My brother was powerless to do anything about it, and took comfort instead from the bottle.”
“He knew, then?”
“I’m sure he did, or at least he suspected, but he’d never have the courage to confront my father. Anyway, a few months after she and my father first became intimate, Elsbeth jubilantly announced her condition. She’s given birth to three daughters over the past six years, two of whom didn’t survive, all of whom I suspect are my father’s.”
“It must have been torture for you to live with such an awful secret and have no one in whom you could confide your fears.” Felix pulled her a little closer and smiled sympathetically into her eyes. It was almost her undoing. The desire to lean against that solid wall of chest and allow him to shoulder her burden was compelling. “I suspect, however, that’s not why you left your father’s house.”
“No, indeed. I was still my father’s favourite, and that infuriated Elsbeth, for no matter what she did she could never see in my father’s eye one-tenth of the love for her that he entertained toward me. When I gave birth to the twins, giving my father his first grandson in the process, I thought she would go demented with jealousy.”
“What happened then?”
“My father used to come to my chamber every evening after dinner and talk to me. I was most embarrassed, as you can imagine. After all, it hardly seemed an appropriate location for a conversation, but I didn’t dare ask him to leave. I wasn’t even sure if I was being too modest, for I had no way of knowing if his behaviour was any way out of the ordinary. I’d never seen him more relaxed than at those times. He was almost back to the way he’d been when my mother was alive. He would talk to me about her, telling me how much he missed her still, and how proud she would have been of me and the twins. He was full of plans for their futures, especially Josh’s. I’d never known him to speak with such compassion before.”
“It sounds as though the birth of the twins brought him back to his senses.”
“Yes, I thought so, too, but when the twins were three months old my father came to my room, as usual. On that particular night he went on endlessly about how attractive I’d become, how motherhood suited me, and what an asset I could be to him. Then he said he had a Mr. Be
nson coming to dinner the following evening, and that he could be very helpful to him. I was to wear a new gown he’d just bought me and be pleasant to the man. I though it rather improper, since I was still in mourning for my husband, but didn’t dare to refuse.”
“What happened?” Felix appeared to force the words from between clenched teeth.
“Well, Mr. Benson must have been sixty if he was a day. He was a small, wizened man who never stopped leering at me the whole evening. He made outrageously suggestive remarks, but my father simply laughed and didn’t once rebuke him. Even Elsbeth’s overt flirting didn’t seem to register with Mr. Benson, and it was obvious from the first that he was enamoured of me.” Saskia faltered and fell silent.
“Go on.”
“That night, when my father came to my room, he said he was very pleased with the way I’d behaved at dinner, and told me I was to be married again. To Mr. Benson.”
“The devil he did!”
“That was precisely my reaction. If Eden had been bad enough, he was nothing compared to Benson. Well, something snapped within me at that moment. I wasn’t prepared to be used in that manner a second time and said that I wouldn’t do it.” She offered him a fleeting, humourless smile. “I can still see the surprised look on my father’s face. None of us had ever dared to defy him before, you see, and he appeared momentarily nonplussed. But, unfortunately for me, that was only a temporary condition. He attempted to reason with me, telling me that Benson was exceedingly rich, and well-connected in the maritime business, and that I would want for nothing. But still I refused.
“Then he got angry. I’ve never seen him half so mad before — at least not with me. He told me there was no place in his household for undutiful children. I tried to make him understand how I felt, but my continued disobedience just seemed to fuel his anger. He grabbed hold of me, put me across his knee, tore away my under-garments and beat me with his leather belt until I bled.”
Felix drew a sharp intake of breath. “Whatever did you do?”
Saskia’s gaze was fastened on the horizon as she relived the shame and humiliation of the moment. “Then he told me it was my fault, I only had myself to blame. I should know better than to go against his wishes and to flaunt myself in front of him. He said he had promised me to Benson, I would marry him, and that was the end of the matter. If I still refused, the same thing, or worse, would happen to me every night until I came to my senses and remembered where my duty lay. I understood then what he meant. I suspected what had occurred between him and some of the maids, and knew for a certainty that he and Elsbeth enjoyed an intimate relationship. I could also see how much beating me had excited him.” She looked up at Felix through eyes rimmed with tears. “I wasn’t prepared to marry that old man, and was too scared to remain beneath my father’s roof — ”
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