“He hasn’t called me since he left two weeks ago, Lei.” I sniff, leaning my cheek on my knee to look up at her. “His texts have been short, if he even texts back at all. How the hell am I supposed to do this long-distance thing with communication like that?”
She frowns, rubbing my back in response.
“What if he’s cheating on me,” I whisper, stomach turning and threatening to forfeit the pizza I shoved inside it earlier. “Oh, God, I couldn’t handle that. I couldn’t.”
“He’s not cheating on you.”
“How do you know?”
“I only had to spend one night with the two of you to see there’s not another girl in this world who has his attention, babe. Just try to relax. He’ll call, and you’ll talk it out, and it’ll be fine. Okay?”
I nod, cheek rubbing against my knee pathetically. “Tell me about your internship. I’ve sucked up enough of the air in the room.”
Ashlei smiles. “It’s been amazing so far. I feel like I’m really standing out…” Her voice fades off a little, a slight blush hitting her cheeks. “The CEO knows my name, so I guess that’s saying something, right?”
“Uh, yeah. That’s amazing. I’m so proud of you! What’s it like, being an intern?”
“Thank you,” she says, and then blows out a short breath. “And it’s exhausting. The other interns are pretty slack-ish when it comes to the account we’ve been assigned, but I don’t want to be just another intern, so I’m busting my ass to stand out.”
“You always stand out,” I say, nudging her. “Why do you think you’re my best friend? I don’t just let any basic bitch have that title.”
Ashlei scrunches her nose with a grin right as my phone vibrates, and I panic, tossing the covers off the bed until I find it hiding underneath.
“Oh, my God, it’s him.”
“Answer it. I’m going down the hall to Ex’s room, just come get me when you’re done.”
I nod, not even taking my eyes off the screen with his name and a picture of us on the beach filling it. When the door closes behind Ashlei, I take a deep breath and answer.
“Hello?”
“Hey, babe,” Jarrett says on a breath. “God, it’s good to hear your voice.”
I flop back into the sheets, head hitting my pillow with a poof. “Jarrett, where have you been? You haven’t called in two weeks… and you’ve barely been texting me.”
“I know,” he answers with a sigh. I imagine him running a hand over his smooth head, his elbows propped on his knees. “I know. I’m so sorry. Jenny and I got assigned to a project as soon as the wheels on my plane home touched down and we’ve been drowning in work ever since. I’ve barely had time to sleep.”
I try to swallow but come up dry, my stomach twisting.
“Jess?”
“Yeah,” I croak, fighting the tears pooling in my eyes. My emotions are more unstable than an alcoholic at an open bar.
“Talk to me.”
“What am I supposed to say right now?” I ask, sitting up in bed. “Two weeks ago you were telling me I’m everything you want, and then you go back to New York and you’re so busy with Jenny that you can’t call me or answer a text with more than one word?” I try masking the pain in my voice, but I know it’s ringing out loud and clear. “I mean, what is there to even say?”
“Please, try to understand,” he begs, exhausted. “This job is important to me, to my career, and yes, I made a choice to throw myself into this project and do it right. Just because I was busy for a couple of weeks doesn’t mean I love you any less.”
“You’ve been spending every hour of every day for the past two weeks with another woman,” I point out. “How would you feel if the shoe was on the opposite foot? What if I said I’d been too busy studying with Bear to call you.”
“I’d say, ‘Bear studies?’”
“Not funny.”
Jarrett sighs. “Jenny is just my co-worker, Jess. I’m going to have to work with females sometimes, and your jealousy doesn’t make this distance thing any easier.”
“Wow,” I say with a click of my tongue.
“What happened to what we talked about when I was there? Where’s the trust? Where’s the belief that we can make it?”
“Belief is like a flower, Jarrett, and mine hasn’t been watered for two weeks.”
Jarrett’s voice is muffled, as if he’s running a hand over his mouth before responding. “I can’t do this. I don’t have time for it. I’m stressed out, I’ve barely slept, I don’t even have time to eat right now, unless you count coffee as a food item.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose, shaking my head as we both sit silent on the phone. He can’t do this. It’s over. We’re done.
“So… you’re breaking up with me?”
“What?” Jarrett laughs. “No, God, no. Are you breaking up with me?”
“No!” I cry quickly, letting the tears run.
Jarrett sighs into the other end. “I wish I could hold you right now. I’m sorry, Jess. Look, what about this…” His voice trails off and I hear the clicking of keys in the background. “Come see me for Thanksgiving. We can do the holiday in the city, and you can meet Jenny and everyone else I work with. I want you to be a part of this journey, too. I want you to understand, and to feel comfortable.” He pauses. “And more than anything, I want you to see that even when I’m gone, even when you’re not with me, I never stop loving you.”
I choke on a sob, smiling through it. “I love you, too. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I promise to call you more. I owe you that. I know this is hard.”
“I don’t want to be the needy girlfriend,” I say with a sniff. “I don’t want to stress you out more than you already are. Just… I don’t know, send me a text while you’re pooping.”
He chuckles. “I can do that.”
“And book that plane ticket.”
“Already done. I’ll forward you the itinerary.”
I wipe my nose with the back of my wrist, heartbeat settling back to a steady rate as I pull the covers over my legs. “Sorry I’m such a hot mess.”
There’s a soft laugh on the other end, and I’m comforted by the sound, by the clarity the phone call has brought me.
“As long as you’re my hot mess, you’ll never hear me complain.”
“I JUST HEARD TWO GIRLS reprimanding their drunk friend in the bathroom because she admitted to spitting instead of swallowing,” my Little, Josh, says as he stumbles back up to the bar at Ralph’s.
“What a time to be alive.”
“I poked my head inside and tried to get her number.”
“Which one?” I ask, sliding him his beer and shot gloss to continue power hour. One shot of beer every sixty seconds, cued by the DJ changing the song playing.
“Honestly? Whichever one answered.”
I laugh, cheers-ing my shot glass full of beer toward him as the song changes before throwing it back.
It feels good to be at Ralph’s, surrounded by my brothers who are all trying their best to make our probation situation not suck. They seem to have really listened to me when I went off about keeping our letters alive. Ever since then, we’ve all been focused on doing what we can for our philanthropy, showing support at other Greek functions even if we can’t participate, and of course, partying anywhere and everywhere we’re allowed to. Ralph’s is basically the Omega Chi house now, and on power hour night, anything can happen.
Josh whistles, his eyes on someone over my shoulder. “Damn, Skyler. How are you going to show up looking that fine and not let me take you out?”
I turn, smiling at my best friend as she rolls her eyes and slides onto the barstool next to me. Her long chestnut hair is down and straight, eyes framed by dark shadow and thick mascara, and legs on full display in the tiny ripped-up jean shorts she’s wearing. She paired it with a Guns N’ Roses t-shirt cropped at her midriff, and I don’t blame Josh for wishing she’d give him a chance.
Skyler is a catch. Any ma
n with eyes can see it. Even me, which is probably why I drunkenly made out with her on a roof in Pittsburgh a month ago before we both burst into hysterical laughter. We’re just too close to fuck, and I didn’t even know that was a thing until her. I’ve never been genuine friends with a girl, but with Skyler, it’s effortless. I love her, I care about her, and I want to be around her all the time. But for the first time, we crossed that line into something more, and we both found out quickly that it just isn’t us.
We’re best friends — just friends — and I love that about us.
I don’t have to pretend with Skyler, and she doesn’t have to pretend with me. I don’t know what I’d do without her.
“You’re seventeen minutes behind,” I say, sliding a shot glass toward her and pouring a fresh beer from the pitcher. “Time to catch up.”
“Is that a challenge?”
I just raise my eyebrows in response, throwing my hands up like the decision is all hers. And of course, because she’s Skyler Fucking Thorne, she chugs the full cup before refilling it again, just in time to throw back a shot when the song changes again.
For the first time since the semester started, everything finally feels okay. Sure, it would be better if we weren’t on probation, but for what the situation is, everything is pretty great. And when Lacy walks through the door at the end of power hour, I can’t help but feel like my lucky stars are all aligned.
Josh is nearly passed out on the bar, talking to a pineapple cup that some freshman girl on her first social left behind, and Skyler is dancing with her sisters near the DJ. Lacy eyes me when she walks in, smirking in my direction, but of course she doesn’t come to me first. No, I’ll be her stop at the end of the night, which is exactly how I want it.
That is, until another girl catches my eye.
Suddenly, the room is spinning, and it takes every ounce of willpower I have left not to throw up. I wish it was the beer making my stomach turn, but it’s the pair of bright green eyes framed by dark glasses staring at me from across the bar.
Shawna’s violet hair is twisted into a messy knot on top of her head, the way she used to style it after we’d fucked for hours under the sheets. She’s dressed simple in a tight, short black dress — one that hugs her curves, highlighting the barbells of her nipple piercings through the thin fabric. My balls ache at just the slight view I have of them across the dark room, and the fact that she still has an effect on me makes my jaw clench.
With a shake of my head, I down the rest of my beer, slamming the plastic cup on the bar before making a beeline across the dance floor for Lacy. Her friend points over her shoulder at me, and she turns just in time for me to catch her mouth with mine.
She’s surprised at first, hands frozen at her side, but when I slide my tongue inside her mouth and pull her body flush against mine, she relaxes, wrapping her arms around my neck. Alcohol swims in my system, mixing with the adrenaline and anger, stirring up a dangerous concoction as Lacy bites my lower lip between her teeth.
I slide my hands down her small back, cupping her ass and pulling until she grinds against my leg. She shudders at the friction, a breathy fuck escaping her lips before I silence her again. And when I kiss down her neck, my eyes find Shawna again, satisfaction flooding through when I see she’s still watching.
She grabs her purse, saying something to the group of girls she’s with before eyeing me like a homeless puppy again. I push Lacy back, standing tall, not taking my eyes off Shawna as she pushes her way through the crowd toward the door.
Lacy watches me confused, but when her gaze follows mine, she shakes her head before facing me again. “Un-fucking-believable.”
She slaps me hard across the face, which zaps my attention back to her, but luckily Shawna is already gone and doesn’t see the aftermath. I stretch out my jaw, rubbing it with one hand, heavy eyes finding Lacy again. I wish I cared. I wish I was sorry.
“Look, I’ve been cool with our arrangement. You want to fuck at two in the morning and not have to wake up to me the next day? Fine. But that,” she says, motioning to where Shawna just disappeared out the door and back to me. “That’s not okay. You may like to fuck me like I don’t have feelings, Bear, but I’m still a goddamn human.”
She eyes me like a rodent, shaking her head before turning on her heel and stomping away, and I’m left watching the door and knowing only two things are true in this moment.
One, I am an asshole.
And two, I’m not over Shawna Ballentine. No matter how much I want to be.
OCTOBER IN SOUTH FLORIDA is a funny thing.
Most days it still feels like summer, the sun hot, the air like a wet blanket slapping you in the face when you step out of the blessed air conditioning and onto the sidewalk to walk to class. Coffee shops are selling pumpkin-flavored lattes and football season is in full swing, yet it’s still impossible for it to feel like fall in Florida because the weather hasn’t changed.
But some days, some years, a miracle happens, and a “cool front” blows in after an afternoon shower, giving Florida residents a few days of weather just cool enough to wear jeans and a light scarf or sleeves past the elbow.
Today is one of those days, and Jess and I are taking full advantage, sitting outside at one of our favorite brunch restaurants just off campus, both of us wearing designer boots that hit our knees and drinking warm coffee — without sweating.
“I wish this weather would last,” Jess says with a sigh, crossing one leg over the other as our waitress tops off our coffee. “It finally feels a little like fall.”
I chuckle. “We don’t get a fall. We get two to three months between summers where it’s slightly less miserable. And usually that’s January into March.”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong,” Jess clarifies, dumping two spoonfuls of sugar into her fresh coffee. “I love Florida weather, especially in the spring, but it’s nice to break out the cute winter clothes from time to time.”
“Well, you get a whole fourteen days combined of that in a year, I’d say. So enjoy.”
“At least we don’t have to worry about it not being warm enough for the Alpha Sigma Halloween party,” Jess says. “I can’t believe they stepped up. I guess when Omega Chi is suspended, someone has to.”
I nod. “Yeah, and Adam has had something to prove since he rushed as a freshman. Between the concert that’s now one of the biggest fall events and all the parties he’s been throwing to supplement the O Chi’s being out of commission? He’s definitely making a name for the fraternity.”
“What are we dressing up as? We need to get creative, since it’s a boat party.”
“Mermaids?” I suggest, taking a sip of my black coffee.
“Nah, everyone will do that. Too obvious.”
“Skyler and Bear are doing Baywatch.”
Jess rolls her eyes. “Of course they are. And those hot fuckers will actually be able to pull it off, too.”
“We could do beach Barbies.”
She scrunches her nose, holding her cup of coffee to her lips again. I watch the steam rise while she contemplates.
“Oh!” She snaps. “What if we did like the Chiquita banana girl? You know, we could all wear different color swim suits, like I wear orange, you yellow, Ashlei pink, Cassie green, and then we make cute head wraps with fake fruit the same color. We could pick all that up at the craft store.”
“I’m pretty sure Cassie is doing a couples’ costume with Grayson, but I’m in! And I’m sure Lei would be, too.”
“Ugh,” Jess groans. “Cassie and Grayson are disgustingly cute.”
“Don’t you hate them?”
“So much.”
I laugh. “But you and Jarrett are pretty gross, too.”
At that she smiles, stirring her coffee with her eyes on the spoon. “Yeah, I just wish we could be gross more often.”
“How’s that going? The long distance?”
Jess sighs. “It’s fine. We had a rough patch after he left. He got caught up in a work pr
oject and it was like pulling teeth to get him to text back or call me for a couple of weeks. But we talked it out and he promised to be better at communicating, which he has been. And he’s flying me up to see him for Thanksgiving.”
“Oh, my God! Thanksgiving in the city!”
“I know!” Jess squeals. “I’m so excited. And he’s going to introduce me to his whole team, too. I can’t wait.”
“It’ll be here before you know it,” I say, my stomach twisting with a strange but familiar longing. It never fails to surprise me when Kip Jackson pops into my head, especially because it’s usually at the most peculiar of times. Like now, hearing about Jess and Jarrett, wondering if Kip and I could have made it long distance if I wouldn’t have gone completely batshit crazy.
I loved him. I know that now, and I think I knew it then, but it was my first time being in love. I was fresh out of high school, on my way to college, and I was so insecure that thoughts of him cheating on me or leaving me overtook every other rational thought I had. I would go through his phone, scream at him when he didn’t come over when he said he would…
We were just kids, and the first two months of our summer affair had been absolute bliss. He was working for my grandparents on harvest in Kansas and I was there visiting. It was almost too perfect, right out of a country song or a rom-com movie.
But then I’d ruined it.
And now, I’ll never know if what we had was real, if it could have survived had I nurtured it instead of torched it with a flame thrower.
The loud purr of an engine shakes me from my thoughts and Jess and I both turn in the direction of it, our smiles falling when we see who’s responsible for the noise.
Landon pulls into a parking spot at the pizza place next door in a brand new Corvette Stingray, his brothers crowding him with whistles and cheers. I swallow, eyes narrowing as Jess scoffs.
“Looks like someone’s overcompensating.”
“Clearly.”
Jess stirs her coffee again, taking a sip before settling her eyes on me. “What ever happened between you two, anyway?”
Palm South University: Season 3 Box Set Page 12
