Afraid to Dream

by Tianna Xander

  Thankfully, it was a bathroom. Gleaming rose marble tile covered the floor and countertops. The sinks, polished white, with gold fixtures, sparkled at me. The toilet looked as though it had never been used. The shower was heaven. Twenty-five square feet of pure decadence, the multi-headed shower was a dream. Steaming water shot from just about every angle, soothing muscles I hadn't realized were sore.

  I'm not sure, but I think I spent an hour scrubbing and just plain standing between the many massaging heads. Forced to step out when the water grew cold, I sighed knowing I'd just found the closest thing to heaven on earth. I grabbed a towel from the warmer and vigorously scrubbed myself dry.

  Feeling absolutely decadent, I slid the red thong on and donned the clingy dress. Padding back to the bedroom, I sat on the bed and pulled the boots on. The feel of real leather was, again, decadent. Still I felt guilty about wearing animal hide until I remembered Darius was magic. In fact, he'd probably conjured up the whole closet full of clothes. If that was the case, there was no need to feel guilty about wearing something that looked and felt like animal skin. Selfishly, I wondered if he could conjure up a sable coat.

  I smiled when I opened the door. A familiar runner graced the upstairs hall. I made my way past the upstairs parlor trying not to think of my last experience there on my way downstairs to join Daddy in Darius's kitchen.

  A few minutes later, I walked into the brightly lit kitchen. Even the sunshine streaming in through the large bay windows couldn't wash away the gloom my father's emotions set in the immaculate room. He sat at the table, his elbows on his knees and hands dangling between his legs. He looked like he'd just lost his best friend.

  Perhaps he'd just found out Mom had him declared legally dead and remarried six years ago. Who knew? That was just one more thing in a long line of unforgivable transgressions my mother made. I could never like the woman again, but she was my mother.

  "Eat," Darius said, sitting me down in front of a plate filled with scrambled eggs, hash browns, bacon and a biscuit. "You can talk when you've finished. Your father has news."

  Eating in silence wasn't new to me. I'd done it lots of times before--more times than I'd like to count, in fact. Still, it was different this time. Before, I'd been alone. After about ten minutes, and half of my breakfast passed, I was sick of the suspense. Sliding my plate across the glossy wood table, I sat back, crossed my arms and waited for one of them to start talking. I sat and stared at them both, waiting.

  Daddy fidgeted for a bit then leaned on the table, his gaze never meeting mine. "It's…about your mother."

  Sighing, I sat up straight. I knew this was going to come up sooner rather than later, but a girl can hope for a little respite between controversies, can't she? "Daddy, I came to terms with her and Dick a long time ago. Mom was convinced you were never coming back. And, if it's any consolation, the man is a dick in every sense of the word."

  I didn't add that my mother was one of those women who needed a man around all the time. It didn't take her long to replace him--over and over again. It was just too damned bad the men she'd had her affairs with seemed more interested in her teenaged daughter. As a result, I didn't spend a lot of time at home after he left.

  He shook his head. "You don't understand, Lily. Your mother has been…" tears filled his eyes and my stomach clenched. I finally understood what he was trying so hard not to say. Dread filled me when the truth hit me in the gut. Guilt rode me hard. Part of me was sad that I would never have the opportunity to reconcile with my mom. Another part was glad that I no longer had to pretend around her any more.

  I'd never really forgiven her for what she'd put me through when I was younger and I was relieved that Daddy couldn't try to force me to put our relationship to rights. Still, the woman was my mother and part of me cried that now I would never have the chance, should I ever change my mind. Closing my eyes, I swallowed around the lump in my throat. "How--how did she die?"

  Chapter Thirteen

  "She's not dead, honey." He sighed. "Not yet." Daddy paused then looked at Darius.

  "The incubi took her in retaliation for yours and your father's role in the recovery of the children. Apparently, one of the children they've stolen has come of age and has helped them."

  Great. Just great. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. That was something, at least. I didn't like Mom as a person, but a part of me still loved her. She may be a self-centered bitch, but she was my mother. "So, how do we get her back?" If it was as easy as opening a portal and stepping through, something told me Darius or one of his friends would have retrieved her by now. No. It was more complicated than that. I was sure of it.

  "We wait until they strike again. When they come and attempt to take another child we'll be ready to hold their portal open and go through to get her."

  He made it sound so easy. What would keep them from killing her or doing to her what they did to guides with untapped power? It was unthinkable. I shook off the horrible thoughts and tried to focus on what they said.

  "Rumor has it that they have even managed to open portals to many other dimensions and found creatures that resemble your version of elves and fairies."

  I ignored that last remark. There were too many bizarre things to wrap my mind around already. Fairies and elves were just too much. "Okay… How do you suppose we're going to find her? It isn't as though guide children come up missing every day." My gaze bounced between them. "Do they?"

  "Of course not," Daddy interjected. "They will most likely strike at a large gathering. We took many children from them. They'll most likely feel it's their right to take as many or more back."

  Darius stood and paced the room. "Tasha's birthday party. It's the perfect opportunity for them. She and her friend Shay decided to have their parties together. Shay and Damien will be there along with their children and many other children of Cartuotey and guides. They will think it the ultimate victory to steal the children of guides and Cartuotey alike."

  I bit my lip and made a face. I didn't do parties. I wasn't invited to many as I grew up so I felt uncomfortable in such a situation. But the children's safety came before my childish fear of not fitting in. "When is this party and how do we get invited? We need to warn everyone of this possibility before those sick bastards pull it off."

  "It is today. Now in fact. And we have already been invited. We are still here because you have been ill."

  "Well, crap. We need to get moving then, don't we?" I stood and hurried to the door waiting for Darius and Daddy to join me. I may not like my mother a whole lot, but those damned incubi already took too much from me. By taking my father, they took my mother, too. She'd never gotten over his disappearance. For the first year, she sat by the front window, staring out into the street, convinced he would walk around the corner and back into her arms at any time.

  It was hell to see the light leave her eyes, to see her flirting with other men, sleeping with other men. She doted on those men, hoping they would stay and keep her in the manner in which Daddy had kept her. She never found satisfaction or happiness with any of them. Ultimately, her clinging to them drove them away and she would find another and another, not bothering to fight to keep any of her lovers by her side.

  I gritted my teeth, ready to do battle. Thankfully, I wasn't like her. I was more like my dad. I refused to give up on her without a fight. Besides, there was no way she could keep denying the existence of those inter-dimensional beings now. She had no other way to explain what it was that kidnapped her and held her prisoner and I wanted my apology, dammit.

  "Well?" Giving them what I knew to be an impatient look, I waited half amused as they both stood and rushed to the door. Men! They were all predictable and very easy to train if you knew how. Thankfully, I'd acquired that particular talent rather young. Apparently, the years spent living with my mother weren't a total waste. We all climbed into Darius's dark blue pick-up--we all wouldn't fit into either of his little sports jobbies--and headed out.

  "We
should be there in no time," Darius answered my unspoken question.

  It's no wonder. He's driving like a frickin' maniac. I narrowed my eyes at his soft chuckle when a turn plastered me against his side. I knew I should have insisted we take the sedan. I could be comfortable in the back seat right now. My hand brushed his crotch and I pulled it away as fast as I could. It wouldn't do for daddy to see me touching him like that. Stop doing that! My Dad is here for crying out loud. I scowled at his too handsome and smiling face. The jerk was doing that crap on purpose. I felt the illusory sensation of his arms encircling me. I immediately relaxed and rested my head on his shoulder.

  Daddy paid both of us little mind. He just sat and stared out the window, his reflection pensive.

  After what seemed like two minutes, but was most likely at least ten, we pulled into a long, tree-covered driveway. Another few minutes brought us in sight of a huge house. An old two-story colonial, sprawled over about a half acre of land. We stopped in front of the house and opened the doors. The sound of children's laughter reached our ears. It came from an open window and I sighed, relieved. The children were obviously safe indoors. Now if we could just keep them that way. The thought had barely taken shape in my mind when the front door burst open and about thirty kids, ranging in age from two to ten ran screaming from the house.

  I heard several high-pitched voices saying the same thing, "I'm gonna find more prizes than you are", as each of them rushed around the corner of the house and headed for the backyard.

  "Oh, crap!"

  "My sentiments exactly," Daddy muttered in agreement.

  Darius just stood there, a resigned look on his face.

  "Well, hell. What do we do now?" I asked with my hands on my hips.

  Darius gave me a push toward the wraparound porch. "You go inside and warn the others. This is a perfect opportunity for the incubi to strike and steal away many, if not all of them. Do not worry, your father and I will watch the children."

  "Okay." I rose up on my toes and gave him a kiss. "Be careful." I looked at each of them in turn. "I don't want to lose either of you. Oh, and just a heads up…I have a bad feeling about this." Bad feelings were something I'd gotten used to a long time ago. For me, they came part and parcel with being awake. "Watch the tree line. I can't shake the bad feelings I have about it."

  Giving them each a quick peck on the cheek, I headed for the house. I refused to put much thought into that rare semi-public display of emotion. It amazed me how I went from no men in my life to two in such a short time. It was strange to realize that everything life threw at me wasn't always bad. I hurried up the porch steps, past the huge pots of purple mums and knocked on the still open door. "Hello." My voice echoed in the empty foyer. Everyone was most likely partying in another area. The house was huge. They could be anywhere.

  Humming nervously, I stepped into the entryway, closed the door behind me and listened for the sound of voices. I marveled at the naked oak floors and the huge stairway that led to the second story. The polished stairs, about four and a half feet wide, led to the second floor in a sweeping arc. The mahogany banister gleamed in the bright light that shone through the skylight above my head. I secretly coveted those beautiful stairs and this gorgeous house as I strode through looking for its inhabitants. I could imagine children sliding down the banisters, laughing with joy. I've only seen one other house as beautiful in my life. Darius's home was even more stunning than this one.

  I'm glad you like it, courimeo. It has grown on me these last few years, but I would move if that is what you want.

  That sentiment touched me. You don't have to move. Besides, I don't remember agreeing to live with you. I felt his smug smile all the way down to my toes.

  You will, courimeo. You will.

  I ignored his remark and continued to search for the party. The place was as silent as a tomb. They must be a pretty boring bunch if there was a party going on in this house because I sure as hell couldn't find it.

  I was about to give up, when a door opened down the hall and a woman with long dark hair asked, "Can I help you?" She smoothed her hair back and glanced behind her.

  That one nervous gesture made me think about how I was prowling around a house I really didn't belong in. My face heated. "I'm--I'm with Darius." Surely the woman knew him. "He sent me inside to find you all. We think the children are in danger."

  The words had no sooner left my mouth than a large explosion rent the air. The sound of children's high-pitched screams reached our ears and the woman rushed past me. More adults came running from the room and the woman turned, opened a door off the hall and screamed at the others. "The children! Someone's attacking the children!"

  The others moved as one, pushing me along with them through the open door and out onto a huge back porch. I berated myself for even noticing the thing while a huge portal stood open on the back lawn. It gaped open. A huge monster on the other side held tiny women in its paws. They must be the fairies or elves Darius spoke about. I ignored them as they seemed to have their situation in control as they fought the creature with their own weapons.

  A group of children huddled together, moaning in fear, as the incubi attacked the adults in an effort to get to them. Several shots rang out as Matt and Mark came running with rifles. The wounded incubi staggered back through the portal, leaving more whole creatures in their wake.

  Matt and Mark only shot at the creatures that weren't close to the other guides or Cartuoteys. Others took on monsters in hand to hand combat. Darius and his people had a huge advantage, of course. Their magical natures served them well as they alternated between throwing fireballs and ripping the beasts to shreds with their bare hands.

  Something caught my eye through the thick otherworld mist and I saw Mom edging toward the open portal. I shook my head screaming as everything seemed to move in slow motion.

  "Mom! Get down!" My warning came too late. The monster threw one of the tiny women it held and swiped at her with its large claws. He brushed her neck with the razor sharp talons and she stopped, her eyes wide. Her hands flew to her neck in an effort to stop the spurting blood and I dove for her, needing to get her out of there. She couldn't die there. She needed to see Daddy.

  I pushed an incubus out of my way as he dove toward me. I screamed again and lunged for the open portal. I fell to the ground just out of reach. Something grabbed me and brought me up short. Pressure around my middle had me looking down to see a muscular arm around my waist. Mom fell into the dirt on this side of the portal and Daddy rushed to her side.

  "You cannot help her now, Lily. You cannot help either of them. Let them make peace with each other."

  Tears streaked down my cheeks as I watched Daddy tenderly push the blood-soaked hair from Mom's face. He nodded then leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips. I couldn't bear his anguished expression, but I couldn't look away until he gently laid her head on the ground and dropped her limp hand. The action told me she was gone and my knees buckled.

  Only one child was taken, though it was still one too many. The only consolation was the child wouldn't come of age for seven years. Fortunately we'd have some time to retrieve him. At least we'd managed to stop them from taking them all. We lost two lives. A guide I didn't know, Bruce Berman, and my mother. Guilt wracked me as I stared down at my mother's still form. She'd died and I hadn't forgiven her. I wasn't sure I was capable of that. I loved her though. I hope she knew that. I hope she could see it on my face.

  "She did, Lily." Darius pulled me close. His lips grazed my neck and he wrapped his arms around me. "I took the liberty to read her last thoughts should you care to know what they were."

  He merged his mind with mine. He didn't know my mother. There was no way for him to know what her voice sounded like. Yet, I heard her voice.

  I'm so sorry, Lily. I wanted to make things up to you. You were right. There are things here beyond our knowledge. I love you. Don't come for me. Please, God, don't let her come for me. I can see it in her eyes. A
fter all these years, she still loves me. What have I done?

  He withdrew from my mind then. Because of him, I was left with the memory of my mother's love. It was something I hadn't expected. "Why?"

  "Because even though I know you don't believe me, I love you. I knew how you felt about your mother. I also knew there was every possibility that she could die and I was afraid you would never forgive yourself. I listened to her thoughts, hoping I could help give you peace. She would have wanted that, don't you think?"

  I did. She wouldn't have wanted me to feel guilty. "We both wasted so much time. If only one of us would have reached out. Things may have turned out differently."

  "You can't know that. It may have been different, but had you been getting along with her, we may not have met and you may not have saved the children. Your father would still be in another dimension and the incubi would have their secret weapon."

  "They do have their weapon. They just had to wait a day or two longer for it. We changed nothing as far as that's concerned." I scrubbed my face with my hands. "I'm beat." Closing my eyes, I tried to think of better, happier times. My life was constantly filled with turmoil and I needed a rest. "Would you mind taking me home?" I looked up and Darius gazed down at me, his expression solemn.

  "Let's go."

  I sat in the passenger side, feeling sorry for myself. I'd found my dad and lost my mom almost at the same time. It wasn't until we turned down my street that I realized he was taking me back to my apartment. Hell, I hadn't seen the place since before I got sick and I really wasn't in a hurry to go back. When I asked him to take me home, I somehow assumed he'd take me back to his house. I didn't want to go back to that lonely existence. Yet, here I was.