Afraid to Dream

by Tianna Xander

  We pulled up outside my building and Darius put his truck in park. He turned and gave me an unreadable look. I opened the door, a part of me hoping he'd stop me from leaving. No such luck. He just sat staring straight ahead in stony silence when I got out and looked back at him. "Thanks for the ride." I shut the door and waited for his reply. Silence. I sighed. "Thanks…thanks for helping me get my father back."

  He just nodded once, stepped on the brake and put the truck in gear. As hints go, that was a doozy. I backed away from his truck and headed toward the entrance to my building. He didn't need to hit me with a brick wall. It was obvious he didn't want me anymore. He'd gotten his piece of ass and now he was through with me. What a shock.

  It was difficult, but I actually made it into my small apartment before I fell apart. I'd just thrown myself onto the couch and surrendered to heart-wrenching sobs when my bedroom door burst open and slammed against the wall with a loud crash.

  "Ah… There you are you little bitch. I knew we'd find you sooner or later. There are only a handful of guides who put out the same vibrations in the cosmos that you do." The gravelly voice alarmed me more than the open portal in the doorway. "You're going to pay for what you've done."

  The acrid stench of rotting flesh and sulpher filled my nose and I gasped. Fear bloomed in my chest as I looked up and saw more creatures through the open portal. Some of them were heading my way, content to meander slowly to the gate. Why should they hurry? This gate would be nearly impossible to find inside the way it was. I lost count at twenty when they moved together in a bunch. How many of those things were there? By the looks of it, we hadn't even made a dent when we killed so many earlier in the day.

  After a split second of complete and utter terror, I got pissed. I was sick and tired of these damned things ruining my life. They thought they owned the universe. Not only did they take my parents from me, they stole my childhood as well. And one of these inter-dimensional assholes just murdered my mother in front of my eyes. I gritted my teeth and fisted my hands at my sides. It was time for retribution.

  Snarling, I jumped from the couch and made a mad dash for the kitchen. I didn't have any guns, but I had great butcher knives. I'd developed a love of cooking from my dad and I wasn't about to face those monsters empty-handed. Grabbing the sharpest knife of the bunch, I drew on every fighting technique Cassie and her brothers taught me. I threw myself at the incubus. He'd just helped a friend through and I did my best to welcome them both into my home by doing my best to sever their heads from their bodies.

  Claws raked my head and shoulders. Pain lanced through me as I held on to the creature's back. I'd be damned if I gave up without a fight. The deep gouges in my flesh burned like acid. I jammed my knife further into its neck and the creature fell to the floor as blood spurted from the fatal wound. I felt the knife sink a bit further into its neck and gave it one last twist for good measure.

  My mind sought Darius for just a moment and then I growled, closing off my mind. I blocked him from feeling my pain as he blocked me from feeling his. Besides, I refused to call out to him, to ask him for help. If he wanted anything to do with me he wouldn't have left me here to deal with my mother's death alone.

  The second incubus continued to claw at me from behind, digging large furrows into my back and arms. I felt myself growing weaker, succumbing to the loss of blood and grinned, knowing I would not die in vain. I may die this day, but I knew I would take at least one of these stinking bastards with me.

  A pained howl stung my ears and I wondered if it was my own cry of pain as the second incubi sank its sharp teeth into my shoulder. Splashes of light and color danced before my eyes and I knew I was going down hard and fast. A large black wolf lunged toward me, snarling. I screamed and knew no more.

  Chapter Fourteen

  I woke up in the same room where I'd woken before. I was in Darius's house. I stretched, wondering how I'd gotten here. The last thing I remembered was fighting the incubi in my apartment. I remembered getting clawed and losing consciousness, but not much else. Turning my head, I noticed Darius dozed on the chair next to the bed and frowned. He was always taking care of me, always pulling me out of some mess I'd gotten myself into. It wasn't any wonder he'd decided to wash his hands of me.

  I moved gingerly, not wanting to start the bleeding all over again. I had no idea how long I'd been unconscious. I knew it had been a while, but how long was a complete mystery to me. I could have lain here for hours or days. Carefully, so as to not wake Darius, who looked rather exhausted, I sat up to assess my injuries.

  Tears filled my eyes when I noticed the long furrows in my flesh. I didn't dare reach up to touch my face. The stinging on my cheeks told me the incubi had managed to gouge me there as well. I was scarred. I'd never been beautiful, but at least my skin had been near flawless, it was the one thing I had to be proud of. Now, I didn't even have that.

  My stomach churned when I thought about what that would do for my love life. Hell it hadn't been great before. Well, not until I met Darius. But that could have been a fluke. We'd only made love once after all. I sighed, closed my eyes and let the tears come. The salt in the streams that fell from my eyes stung the deep furrows I knew were on my cheeks. He should have let me die. I couldn't live like this and I could never take my own life. Now I was stuck here in this existence, mutilated and ugly.

  Strong arms wrapped me in a warm embrace. I knew it was Darius. It could only be him. He used his mind to give me comfort. It would have hurt too badly if he'd really touched me.

  "Don't cry, courimeo. It will be all right."

  Ha! Don't cry? Who the hell was he kidding? I was a monster now. Mutilated. It was a wonder he could sit here with me without gagging.

  "Please, Lily. Don't be ridiculous. You are just as beautiful as the day we met."

  "You're a horrible liar, Darius."

  He sighed. "I am not lying."

  There was a pregnant pause. He was quiet for a moment and I forced myself to look up at him. I didn't want to see the pity I knew would be in his eyes, but I also couldn't stand not knowing what was on his mind. "Don't tell me you find this…attractive."

  "I find you attractive. That is a part of you. But…" he paused. "There are ways to heal you, to make you whole again."

  "I don't have that kind of money, Darius." Especially now that I knew Daddy was alive. So much for my inheritance paying the bills. Still, I'd rather have my dad and be homeless. Though I knew Daddy would never allow me to live in the streets. I stole a glance at Darius, wondering how he fit into all of this.

  "You don't need money. Bond with me, Lily. I have more money than we will ever need. Our people have learned to share, to help one another. We all have enough money to help anyone who is brought over into our world." He took a deep breath before dropping the bomb I'm sure he thought would be irresistible. "If you bond with me, you will heal without a scar. Even those you received when you were a child will disappear. My people do not scar on this world." He gave me a crooked grin. "Why do you think we are in no hurry to go home? On our own world we have health and longevity, but if we are injured we heal slowly if at all and any cut or scratch leaves a scar."

  "I don't want you to think I bonded with you just to heal myself."

  "I don't care why you bond with me, Lily, just so you do." Leaning forward, he gently took my hands in his. "I love you. I know you love me. There is no doubt in my mind that you do." He kissed my knuckles, his tongue gently laving the back of my hand. "When I felt your pain, when you reached out to me for that split second, I thought I would die."

  He looked up at me, his gaze filled with torment. "When I realized you were being attacked, when I should have been there for you, I wrecked the truck. I burst through the windshield while still driving about thirty miles per hour." He sighed and shook his head. "It was just a good thing I was on a relatively deserted stretch of road. I couldn't think of anything but getting to you. When I got here and found you holding on to that incubus t
wisting that knife into its neck while the other ravaged your body, I lost my mind for a minute." He ducked his head. "You won't be able to live in your apartment for a while. I destroyed it, attacking and killing the incubi while I waited for your father to arrive and seal the gate."

  I groaned. I'd forgotten about that. A sealed gate in my apartment? Damn, we were going to have to rebuild the wall to hide it, along with rebuilding a whole lot of other things. I sighed. When did my life take this turn to the worse, or had it always sucked? "And you held me to you until a healer arrived, didn't you?"

  He nodded. "Of course. How could I do any less? You are my life, Lily. I don't want to exist without you."

  "There would be others." I don't know how I knew that, but I knew he'd been in love before, wanted to bond with a woman before. Once. A very long time ago.

  He nodded. "Yes. There could be others. But how many more years will I have to wait?" He looked at me, his gaze searching. "I am not like you. I cannot procreate with just anyone. I have to feel the same spiritual connection with another that I feel with you. If you only knew how rare that is for my people. You are a miracle to me."

  I bit my lip. Pain shot through me at the action. How many scratches were on my face anyway? I shuddered to think about it. Taking a deep breath, I let it out on a sigh. Hell, at least I know he wasn't asking me to do this out of pity. He'd mentioned it enough before I was attacked for me to believe that. And now at least I knew he wanted me for more than my looks, not that I'd ever been a beauty. "How--how does this bonding thing go? Does it hurt?"

  He shook his head, hope lighting his eyes. "No. It won't hurt a bit. I can block the pain of the cut for you."

  "Cut?" As if I wasn't gouged up enough and he wanted to cut me?

  "It will heal, along with your other injuries before you know it." He paused, looking uncomfortable.

  "What?" I narrowed my eyes. "Look, I don't know how much more of this suspense I can take. Spill it all or I'm just going to heal like this and take my chances with the circus."

  He grinned. "Sorry. I'm nervous."

  That was a miracle, in my opinion. "And?"

  "There is a ceremony, much like a marriage. We call it a handfasting. We will stand together in front of witnesses and recite vows."

  "That sounds rather painless. But what about the cut?"

  He sighed. "It's a small cut in the palm of your hand. I would block the pain for you as I am blocking most of your pain now. You would also heal faster."

  I looked down at the gouges marring my skin and realized that they should have been more painful than they were. I just didn't think about it until then. The healing faster part was tempting. Especially now.

  He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to my lips. "I'm going to get you something to eat. Think about it while I'm gone. But know this--nothing you can do will drive me from you. I will not leave you again, no matter how acerbic your demeanor."

  He left me to my musings. I wasn't sure what to do. I knew Daddy wanted to see me protected. He always did. That's why he left me his journal and other things to teach me how to protect myself when he couldn't be here. I tried not to think of my mother and her recent death. I wasn't sure I could deal with that, my new injuries, deciding on handfasting and giving my life over to Darius.

  I looked down at myself. Part of me wanted to look in a mirror and see exactly how bad it was, but I didn't have the courage. Closing my eyes, I sighed. I should have died in my apartment, but Darius somehow entered my body or mind and locked my spirit to his so I wouldn't expire. It dawned on me then that he'd done it before, when I'd held the portal open so long. He was my dragon. It surprised me that I didn't figure that out a long time ago. It was then that I decided I could love him unconditionally. I already did. I just didn't know it.

  Would living my life with him be such a burdensome task? Would it really be so bad to belong with him, to him, heart and soul? I shook my head. No. I still may not trust men in general, but I trusted Darius. He'd been there for me time and again, knowing I would spurn him repeatedly. Still, he waited for me to get to know him, taking my rejections and insults in stride. Who else would be so patient, so loving with me? Who else on this Earth needed me more?

  My mind made up, I sat back against the headboard and waited for him to come back. Secure in the knowledge that I made my decision for all the right reasons, I wrapped my arms around myself and smiled.

  I had no idea how long I'd known Darius. So much time had passed and it seemed that a lot of it had been spent with me unconscious. I didn't even know what day it was anymore. But I knew one thing. Somehow he'd managed to find a way to wriggle into my heart. I loved the big goon and it was about time I admitted it, at least to myself.

  Darius walked in carrying a tray and I waited until he placed it in my lap. I couldn't possibly eat a thing, not now. I took the tray and set it next to me on the bed.

  "What's wrong?" He sat down beside me and lightly pressed his hand to my forehead. "Do you feel all right?"

  "Stop worrying. I feel fine." I tilted my head and smiled. "I need to tell you something."

  "Can't it wait until you eat? You need to build your strength back up."

  He always thought about me first. That was one thing I loved about him. It wasn't the only thing either. It may have taken me long enough, but I finally realized I loved everything about him. No. This has waited long enough."

  He stiffened and his expression froze. He was obviously prepared for the worst. If I was a cruel person, I could have drug it on, making him suffer. Instead, I put my hand over his and looked up into his eyes. "I--I love you and I want to bond with you."

  "You're sure?" He looked like he could barely believe his ears. He probably couldn't, considering the look he'd given me before.

  I gave him a wobbly smile. "I'm sure. But…" I looked down at myself. "If I heal with scars you said they'd go away?"

  "Yes, love, but you're not going to heal with scars." He leaned down and scooped me into his arms. "We'll do it right now." He paused, looked at me and raised his brow. "Unless you're having second thoughts."

  I shook my head with a smile. "No. No second thoughts. I'm only glad you dressed me in a nightgown this time or I'd be exposed to the world right now," I said with a giggle as he stepped out onto the front porch. I couldn't believe how fast he'd carried me downstairs and out the door. He couldn't be afraid I'd change my mind. He already asked if I had.

  Darius carried me to the garage and put me in the little red sports car I liked so much. Using his magic, he fashioned a thick cushy blanket to wrap around me. It kept the seatbelt from rubbing against my wounds and I loved him even more for his thoughtfulness. It took longer than usual to reach town because he drove slower than he ever did before. Every few minutes, he would glance over and ask me if I was okay. It was kind of endearing in an annoying sort of way. We stopped outside Tasha and Gabriel's house and he looked over at me, his expression solemn.

  "You're sure you want to do this? There is no going back once it is done."

  I nodded. "I'm sure Daddy would like to be here."

  He grinned, unfastened his seatbelt and turned to face me. "He can attend the wedding. The handfasting is something that is difficult for a parent to attend. You will understand after the ceremony."

  My stomach did a little flop and I coughed. "Um… We don't do it naked, do we?"

  He laughed out loud.

  It was the first time I'd ever heard him do that. The sound was deep and rich and I vowed to make him laugh more often. He helped me from the car, swung me up in his arms and I gasped though not from pain. Apparently he was still blocking the pain for me. Darius dressed me in a blink. I wore an emerald green silk sarong that I barely felt covering my ravaged skin. My feet were still bare, no doubt so he would have a reason to carry me. I would have let him anyway, since I was still a bit weak.

  He took the steps up to the front porch two at a time and I heard the muffled sound of the doorbell from the othe
r side. It never failed to amaze me that he could do so many things with his mind. I planned to make him teach me every single one of his tricks.

  And I will love to do so, courimeo.

  "What does that word mean anyway? I've always meant to ask you that, but never did."

  "It means my heart in your language."

  "Oh." I didn't have time to say anything else. The door opened then and the woman from my dream smiled at the two of us.

  "Hello." She beamed at us as if it was an every day occurrence to open her door to a man holding a wounded woman in his arms. "I'm Tasha." She stepped to the side and opened the door wider. "Come in. Please."

  Darius carried me inside. Walking into the room to the left of the foyer, he set me down on a dainty Louis XVI sofa and knelt at my feet.

  Gently, he cupped my face in his hands. "Are you all right? You're not tired?"

  I smiled at his attentiveness. If he got any more considerate I might just scream. "I'm fine."

  "You do look much better than you did the last time I saw you."

  I remembered she was the healer for the Cartuotey. "Are you the one who healed me?"

  She nodded with a smile. "Yep, that's me."

  "Thank you. Twice, I think."

  "Yes it was twice." Tasha laughed. "You're welcome. I'm glad to see you made it. I had my doubts this last time. You were very torn up. I can usually heal wounds completely. But yours…" She paused then shook her head. "That your wounds still look so angry is proof of how badly you were injured." She gave me a thoughtful look and reached out to me with her hand. "Do you mind?"

  "No. Of course not." I held out my hand and she took it. Warmth immediately shot up my arm and I felt my wounds tingle. The longer she held my hand, the less my wounds burned.

  "Enough, Tasha. I don't want you to overdo again."

  I didn't see the man walk up behind her. He took her into his arms and pulled her away. My wounds felt better. The sting was all but gone and nothing was left of them, but angry-looking red welts.