Afraid to Dream

by Tianna Xander

  "Thank you for healing her again, Tasha, but that is not why we came. Are you prepared to do a handfasting?"

  She looked between us a huge smile blooming on her face. "A handfasting? That's wonderful." Her smile faded. "Oh, no." She looked up at the man I assumed was her husband. "We don't have the material, do we, Micah?"

  He shook his head, his expression apologetic. "Any knife would do, but we don't have a spell cloth." He brightened and released Tasha. "But my sister does. I'll call her and let her know we're coming. You remember Elisabeth, don't you, Darius?" He glanced at me. "She's wanted to preside over Darius's and the other's handfasting since they met."

  Darius bowed. "I am in your debt."

  "Nonsense," they both said at the same time.

  "Now, we should get going. The ride to Chicago is going to be a long one and we don't know when the last ferry is." Tasha leaned against Micah, a soft smile on her face. "Unless you'd rather take them in the plane?"

  "Plane?" God, not a plane. I was terrified of heights.

  "The ferry is fine." Darius moved to pick me up again. "It will give Lily time to take a nap and compose herself."

  The trip to the ferry passed quickly. I stood by the railing a good portion of the time. I loved the spray of water on my face and watching how the hydrofoil ate up the distance as we flew across the lake. My mind whirred with thoughts and questions. What happens at this hand-fasting Darius keeps speaking of? Then there were the more obvious questions, like where will we stay while we're in Chicago and would we have a honeymoon trip after the ceremony.

  So many things rushed through my mind. Looking back, I came to realize that this was what my life was always meant to lead up to. To this calling and this man. I looked up at him as he watched the horizon. He was always on lookout for danger--always ready to protect me and those around us. Who could resist loving such a selfless man?

  The ferry ride didn't seem as long as I thought it would be, but that could be because Darius did his best to entertain me with stories about his fellow Cartuoteys and others he'd known throughout his life.

  By the time we reached the Blue Moon Café, I almost knew Richard and Elisabeth. When we pulled up outside the gray three-story colonial I thought perhaps we had stopped for dinner first. Who ever heard of a café that stood three stories tall? But the light blue mural on the wall and the sign which clearly showed where we were set aside all my doubts that we'd stopped elsewhere before reporting to Elisabeth.

  The sign on the door confused me. It wasn't something one would expect like hours of operation, or even a menu one could peruse while standing outside. "Welcome to the Blue Moon, where everyone with good in their heart is welcome." I turned to Darius with a frown. "That's an odd saying isn't it?"

  Tasha answered for him. "I thought pretty much the same thing when I saw it the first time. It's a message to all vampires. Vampires can't enter another's residence without permission. It's just about the only old wife's tale that's correct. This tells us that we are welcome as long as we have good intentions. Rogues cannot enter here without a specific invitation. It makes it easier for us to visit and do business with other Cartuoteys who have businesses dealing with the general public. It would be hard to explain why a group of humans can enter, but we have to wait outside for an invitation."

  "Oh, well that makes sense." It did in a weird sort of way. Another sign said closed and I wondered how they made a living by only being open for dinner. Then I remembered what Darius said about his people. They were all rich. This was probably just a hobby for one of them. I'd probably need a hobby, too, in a hundred years or so. I stifled a hysterical giggle at that. Part of me still had a hard time coming to terms with everything.

  Micah reached out and rang the doorbell that was very neatly hidden in the scrollwork next to the sign.

  "Very ingenious. I wouldn't have seen that button on my own. It's hidden right in plain sight." As they all were. They worked, walked, talked and played with humans everyday and still, no one knew they existed unless they allowed it. It was almost like existing in a world within a world.

  The door opened after a few minutes and I stood next to Darius gawking at the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life. Long, glossy black hair fell down her back in long waves. Even though she'd tied it back, long tendrils had escaped the tie and fell around her face in disarray. Sky blue eyes twinkled merrily and nearly filled her heart-shaped face. Her open smile made it easy to like her instead of envy her for her unusual beauty. Even a bit disheveled as she was, she was very lovely. I fought the urge to raise my hands and cover the red welts that I knew still crisscrossed my face.

  "Micah!" she exclaimed and threw herself into her brother's arms. "It's so good to see you. We've been expecting you and I've taken the time to prepare a lunch for all of us."

  "It is good to see you as well, little sister. How are Richard and Amelia?" He glanced past her. "I see you've chosen to rebuild the Blue Moon instead of move."

  Elisabeth grinned. "Richard and the baby are fine. As to the Blue Moon, the neighbors refused to let us close down. They begged us to stay." She gave him a wry smile. "It seems they knew what we were all along." Turning from her brother, she hugged Tasha and then Darius before turning to me. "The Café was literally torn apart by rogues and revenants a little over a year ago." She paused just a bit before pulling me into her arms. "I'm so happy. I'll have a new sister now." She pulled back, her hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes, grinning. "I was afraid there wasn't a woman out there worthy of him. But I can see that you're just as brave and selfless as he is. You'll do." Backing away, she took my hand in hers. "I'm Elisabeth. Tasha, Micah, Richard and I are the closest thing Darius has to family. I hope you'll count us as family as well."

  A lump formed in my throat. How could this woman just welcome me into her life like that when she had no idea what I was like, where I was from? I nodded, not trusting myself to say a word. I'd probably start bawling and embarrass everyone.

  "Come on in. We'll have a bite to eat then have the ceremony." She clapped her hands, excited. "I love doing these. I especially love doing them for family. It's great to see those you love so happy."

  We followed her through the unusual dining area. I couldn't help but stare as we walked through. I'd never seen anything like it before in my life. The arced tables were set with chairs in arcs. They resembled half or quarter moons. Other, round tables I supposed represented full moons. The ceiling, painted dark blue showed off the twinkling fiber optic lights that sparkled brightly in the dim room. No wonder they weren't open in the daytime. It would have to be full dark for you to appreciate the ambiance of this restaurant.

  Elisabeth had slowed and watched me, a knowing smile on her face. "I just love to see a person's first reaction to the Blue Moon. It's hard to believe isn't it?"

  I just nodded. "Yes. It is a bit much to take in. Though, to tell you the truth, I wish I'd thought of it. It's a wonderful idea."

  "Thank you." She said simply and opened a door in the back. It led down a hallway to a flight of stairs. No doubt this was the servant's stairway when the house had first been built. Now it served as the only route to their living quarters. That was my guess anyway. I didn't see any other stairs leading up.

  The scent of new paint and carpet told the story of just how recently the upstairs had been renovated. I gawked at the polished maple floor and the many Persian rugs that gave the upstairs a homey look. Elisabeth led us into a large, eat-in kitchen where a tall, dark haired man stood stirring what looked like some sort of stew.

  He dropped the spoon and took first Micah's hand then Darius's in that strange way all vampires do when they greet each other. He nodded toward me. "Welcome to our home, Lily. I hope you enjoy your visit."

  "I--I'm sure I will." I felt myself blush. I can't imagine that I wouldn't enjoy whatever the ceremony entailed. If it entailed my basically marrying the man of my dreams, what's not to enjoy?

  Chapter Fifteen
/>   Dinner didn't take long and, before we knew it, Elisabeth led us to the living room. I barely stopped myself from gaping at the huge fireplace that dominated the room. Six feet wide and just as tall, I was sure they could fit a whole tree in it. The mantle was large. Over it, hung a portrait of Elisabeth and Richard in eighteenth century garb. I wondered if it was a recent addition to this home or if it had been around a while. Deciding not to be rude, I kept my questions to myself.

  Elisabeth smiled at me then looked at Darius. "Have you told her everything she must know about the handfasting? Remember, she is not one of our kind and must be told everything."

  Darius shifted and stared down at his feet a guilty expression on his face. "I have not."

  Elisabeth sighed. "Then I must. She has the right to know." She turned toward me. "A handfasting joins those who were meant to me joined. If you were not meant to be Darius's mate, no amount of exchanging blood will tie you together."

  I felt the blood drain from my face. "Exchanging blood?" I shot a glare over to Darius. If he thought I was drinking his blood he was crazy.

  "Yes. During the handfasting I shall cut the palm of each of your hands with a small knife. Then we tie your hands together. As the blood mixes, the…powers of the universe, for lack of a better term, decides if you are his true mate. If you are, you will become like us. If you are not his true mate, you both shall be free to seek another." Her face softened before she continued. "It will also bind your lives together. If one dies, the other will also die." She glanced at Darius. "You have a right to know that because he will continue to fight the incubi. He could die tomorrow and you with him."

  "Oh." I stole another glance at Darius. "Technically, I should be dead already. Darius has saved my life twice. I don't fear tying my life to his." What worried me was what would happen if we weren't meant to be? The thought nearly brought me to my knees. I didn't know what I would do if I lost him now. Part of me just wanted to back out of the whole thing and keep our relationship just the way it was. At least this way I still had him.

  We are meant to be, courimeo. Remember I have never felt for another woman what I feel for you. It can only mean that we are meant to be together.

  God, I hoped he was right. As much as I would want to, I didn't know if I could stay with him knowing that he belonged to another. It would be too much like being the other woman. I frowned, my fighting personality coming out. Then again, I saw him first. Could I really be like my mother and give up without a fight? I cast a glance his way. Uh, that's a big no.

  Elisabeth looked between us. "Have you chosen Darius as your mate?"

  I nodded. "Yes. I choose to bond with him regardless of the outcome." I closed my eyes and prayed it would turn out the way we both hoped it would. He was right not to tell me before. I would have chickened out. I couldn't have made that decision yesterday or even earlier today. Everyone looked at me expectantly. I couldn't very well tell them I had cold feet now.

  Still smiling, Elisabeth turned and took a large box from the mantle. She carried it over to a card table that stood next to the wall and lifted the lid. She turned to me, her hand out. "What is your full given name?"

  I placed my hand in hers because I thought it was what she wanted. "Lily Marie Grubowski." God I hated my last name. Hopefully Darius's would suit me better. My face burned at the thought when I realized I didn't even know his last name. I cast my gaze downward, staring at my feet. With luck, no one noticed my mortification.

  Turning my palm up, Elisabeth looked at me and smiled. "Lily Marie, have you chosen?"

  She knew I did. I already told them all that. But still, they all stood looking at me in anticipation and I realized this must be a part of the ceremony, so I answered her, hoping my voice wouldn't crack with nervousness. "Yes, I have chosen. "

  Still holding my hand, she pulled it closer to herself. "Since you have already made your choice and voiced it, it is time you must recite the words of the chosen. Please repeat after me." Gripping my hand tighter, she pulled my fingers back, stretching my palm tight. "My blood to your blood. With the gift of my blood, I offer my life into your safekeeping. By taking your blood, I accept the offer of your life. Our blood blends, mixes and changes us. It creates one life in place of two. We shall become one new, complete being with one heart and one soul. Together we are one. I have chosen Darius Rejar Allegheri."

  I braced myself as she took a knife from the large box and positioned it over my skin. Closing my eyes, I kept myself from watching and pulling away like a baby, and waited for her to cut my palm.

  Darius placed his hand on my back and I turned my head and opened my eyes, planning to lose myself in his loving gaze and repeat the vows. "My blood to your blood. With the gift of my blood, I offer my life into your safekeeping. By taking your blood, I accept the offer of your life. Our blood blends, mixes and changes us. It creates one life in place of two. We shall become one new, complete being with one heart and one soul. Together we are one. I have chosen Darius Rejar Allegheri."

  I wondered what was taking her so long to make the cut, was she trying to make me lose my composure? My eyes widened when I looked down. A red line marred the center of my palm and Elisabeth released me and turned to Darius.

  Holding the knife above his palm, she waited for his nod and began to make her cut. He didn't need prompting to say the words, they came easily for him. I loved the way they sounded in his deep baritone.

  "My blood to your blood. With the gift of my blood, I offer my life into your safekeeping." He waited until she'd made her cut before he continued, his voice strong and sure, without reservation. "By taking your blood, I accept the offer of your life."

  Elisabeth pulled a blood-red embroidered silk scarf from the box and, placing our palms together, bound them with the scarf until our two cuts bled into one another.

  "Our blood blends, mixes and changes us. It creates one life in place of two. We shall become one new, complete being with one heart and one soul." Pausing, he smiled down at me and brushed the hair from my face with his free hand.

  I wish I could be so sure this would work.

  "Together we are one. I have chosen Lily Marie Grubowski."

  He gazed into my eyes, no doubt making sure I saw the love I had for him reflected in his eyes. I was a pushover pure and simple. I'd sworn off men and it had only taken this one guy to get me tripping to the altar. I sighed. It could have been worse. At least he's easy on the eyes.

  I told you that you liked me.

  Oh, shut up. I smiled up at him to let him know I was just playing before I looked down at our joined palms. "It itches." The strange sensation inched up my arm until I began to feel dizzy and lightheaded. Ha! So much for it making me like him. I started to cry. "I'm sorry, Darius. I thought I was the one meant for you. But--but something is happening, I think I'm dying." It felt more like I was drunk off my ass, but either way, I wasn't gaining strength, I seemed to be losing it.

  Darius and Tasha carried me down a long hallway to a bedroom. I imagine he was just as disappointed as I was, but at least he wasn't dumping me like a hot potato. He was taking me to bed. That was a good sign, wasn't it?

  I felt Darius's blood crawling through me, making my head spin. It felt strange, like it was alive and I felt different.

  Finally, everyone left the room but Darius and me. It was a good thing, too. I was about to jump his bones. I don't think I've ever been so horny in my life. The huge bed, I think it was a California king, was covered in blue satin. It beckoned me, inviting me to fall onto it and have my wicked way with the man locked in here with me.

  Curling my toes into the cream carpet, I gave Darius a come-hither look even an idiot couldn't misunderstand and climbed onto the bed the best that I could with our hands still joined. He followed me down onto the thick comforter. He didn't have much choice as our hands were still bound together, and would probably stay that way for quite some time.

  I stared at him in all of his naked glory and frowned. Whe
n had he taken off his clothes? I looked down. When had I taken off mine? It was as though they disappeared into thin air.

  I looked at him again and grinned. Who cared where our clothes went? He was all mine, for tonight anyway. I inspected his perfect form, practically licking my lips at his hard penis straining to say hello. My body burned. My nipples pebbled to hard nubs. I needed him now. I needed Darius more than I've ever wanted or needed anything in my life. Reaching out, I took him in my hand, felt the weight of his straining erection against me. My fingers delved lower. I fondled his sac and he moaned. I needed to touch him, feel him and taste him.

  Roughly pushing him back against the cool blue covering, I leaned down and took him into my mouth. We both groaned as my lips closed around his hard shaft. My tongue darted out, laving the pearl of fluid at the tip. He bucked his hips and growled. I would never feel weak with this man. He may be larger than me, but I still held power over him. A power that I'm sure he'd be loath to eliminate.

  After a few minutes, he grabbed my hair and tugged lightly, bringing my head up to his. He kissed me deeply, his tongue surging into my mouth. Taking control, he branded me as his. I wanted this. I wanted him. All of him. Opening my mind to him, I shared my thoughts, my feelings. I begged him to come within me and make me his. Forever.

  My free hand wandered over his body. Pulling him closer, tugging at his short hair as he pressed fevered kisses to my lips. His mouth was magic as it slanted over mine. Already it had been too long since we last touched, kissed, became one. I needed this as I needed him. I was hot. Desperate. Lusting after him as he gently moved between my thighs. Had he ever needed me like this?

  "Yes," he murmured against my lips. "I need you like this, every minute of every day."

  My mouth opened when his lips covered mine. I waited for the gentle stroke of his tongue against me, the insistent thrusting of his hips. He wanted me at least as much as I wanted him.

  The scarf that bound us together loosened, untied itself and snaked to the floor like a living thing. We were free! I had two hands with which to stroke him, pet him, drive him mad as he did me. My hands roved over his skin. Like satin over steel, he was hard all over. His muscles bunched and flexed, some jumping with anticipation as I caressed him everywhere I could reach.