by Nisioisin
“No, no, I am. I’m so much her master that it’s almost like I’m not. She’s constantly there, waiting upon me.”
“…”
Ononoki looked at me like I was some sort of dangerous character.
Yeah, I could see why.
“It’s not like I can stop her from napping… Something tiring happened to her the other day. She’s probably sound asleep right now.”
“Hm. So even a vampire like her gets tired… That’s surprising.”
Well, Shinobu, too, would get tired after traveling through time again and again. It might’ve been a different story had it been her at her peak…
“I don’t think a half day’s worth of sleep will be enough to recover from all of that fatigue…” I said. “But either way, all that needs to happen is for her to wake up and then everything will be solved. No matter what that Darkness is.”
“I wouldn’t be overconfident if I were you. Whatever elite schooling that vampire received, there’s no one in the world who knows everything about every aberration.”
That also goes for my sister and Mèmè Oshino─added Ononoki. While it sounded like her opinion owed in part to her dislike for Shinobu, I could see some sense in it.
If aberrations are something birthed by human cognition, then an infinite number of them could be born into eternity.
“True,” I conceded, “there’s no guarantee that Shinobu knows what the Darkness is… But Ononoki, it doesn’t matter even if she doesn’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because she eats aberrations─regardless of the identity of that unidentifiable thing, she can just gulp it down. We’ll take emergency measures to escape this crisis for now, and we’ll ask Hanekawa or someone later about the mystery behind the Darkness.”
“Hane-kawa? Who’s that?”
“Someone who knows everything.”
In fact, I might have called Hanekawa right then and there, but having skipped our start-of-school ceremony made me reluctant.
I could almost hear her reply: Okay, I’ll tell you, and you can even touch my breasts as much as you want, but could you please never talk to me again?
“I don’t know about that,” Ononoki said. I thought she was talking about my fantasy, but I was wrong. “I don’t know about relying on someone for everything like that.”
“I don’t think I rely on her for everything.”
“You mean you’re supporting each other? They say no man is an island─but you’re no man at all, are you, kind monster sir?”
“…”
“Nor is that vampire, of course… I ought to warn you, the only person you can count on when it really matters is yourself.”
Though it’s not for me to say when I went and saved you, qualified Ononoki.
True, I had no idea know what would’ve happened to me if it weren’t for her, so it did feel like a ridiculous self-contradiction.
“By the by, I, Yotsugi Ononoki, shouldn’t be here doing this,” her tone suddenly turned expository as she stood up. “I told you yesterday that I’m in this town for work, remember?”
“Did you?”
Yeah, I didn’t remember.
So much happened afterwards… I’m not exaggerating, it was so much. You could even say my current situation wasn’t too bad compared to that experience…
Seeing how I found myself in this situation immediately after resolving that one, I did seem to be living a jam-packed life.
What did I ever do?
Well, a lot, I guess.
And as far as the time travel, that was entirely me sticking my own head into it.
“You’re busy, huh, Ononoki?”
“Of course I am. Unlike you, I’m no happy-go-lucky fellow who needs to do nothing more than go to school and have fun. I have to work to live.”
“I wouldn’t say that all I need to do is go to school and have fun…”
“You didn’t even go to school today, did you?”
“Well… Stuff happened.”
“Stuff happens to everyone. Don’t make it sound like you’re some special victim.”
“…Okay.”
I got scolded by a tween girl.
And I didn’t have any excuse or retort, either.
Moreover, I was sitting there in just my underpants as a tween girl stood above me and took me to task.
Not bad at all. Scold me, scold me!
“I feel disgusted for some reason.” Seeming to sense something, Ononoki began to walk off.
When she passed by my side, she ground her feet in my shadow in an obviously intentional way. She did this, of course, knowing that Shinobu was snoring away inside of it.
This went deep…
“I’ll be going, then.”
“Then… What? Back home?”
“Not home, really… Back to work.”
“You’re not staying by my side for the rest of my life to protect me?”
“Where would you get that idea?”
“I’m joking. I do appreciate your protecting me even once. Actually, I haven’t thanked you, have I? Thanks. I promise to repay this favor to you somehow.”
“Muscles?”
“No, with something other than muscles…”
If she insisted, maybe I could gouge one pack out from my six and give it to her… It’d heal later, given my vampirism… But such an exchange seemed to run afoul of ethical and humanitarian considerations in various ways.
You know, like we couldn’t come back from crossing that line.
And anyway, wouldn’t my gift of muscles disappear once I healed?
“I’ve never actually been repaid by anyone promising to ‘return this favor somehow’ or ‘repay this debt without fail’… In fact, for someone like me, who might disappear from the world at any given moment, the standard for favors and debts is immediate repayment.”
“Immediate repayment… Then is there something I can do right now?”
I really did feel indebted to her.
Now that I thought about it, bragging to her about Shinobu, whom she disliked, after being saved like that might’ve been rude.
Could it have spoiled her mood and made her suddenly say she was leaving? Even if that wasn’t it and she really was leaving because she had work (asking what it might be certainly wouldn’t get me an answer), I still wanted to do what I could.
“Something you can do right now? Hmm. Well…”
“There’s only so much I can do, but tell me what you want. At least tell me.”
“Hm.”
Ononoki took a step back toward me for some reason.
She came back and stepped on my shadow.
…Could she stop doing that on purpose?
“Kind monster sir.”
“?”
“Look this way, smooch.”
She stole a kiss from me.
Out of nowhere.
It couldn’t be described with a cute expression like “she kissed me” and really felt like she’d stolen something. A surprise attack, like your wallet being taken without you even noticing─I’d been shown a brilliant magic trick.
Wait, I was the victim!
A victim!
“Wh-Whuddryuh…”
What’re you doing, I tried to ask, but I was tongue-tied.
I was just impressed that I didn’t manage to bite my tongue. Who knew, she might have even stolen that, too.
“Wuhddidih,” Ononoki played dumb, with no sign of guilt or shame. “Uh oh. Cheater, cheater! Kind monster sir, you’re scum.”
“?! ?!”
What was this kid saying?!
What was she saying with her expressionless face?!
I wasn’t positive, but it felt like she was saying something really scary!
“Trusting relationships, that sort of thing? Well, I just wanted to teach you how easily they can crumble. I guess I’ve done you another favor instead of being repaid… Why, with all those favors, you could hold a party. But I suppose I do feel a little bet
ter,” Ononoki said, turning her back on me as if I was a toy she’d lost interest in and tossed aside and not even bothered to put away.
It seemed like her “cheater” bit wasn’t about my relationship with Senjogahara, but rather, my ties with Shinobu.
So she was getting back at Shinobu…
Young girls are scary!
“Well,” said Ononoki, “do your best to survive this game you don’t know the rules to.”
“This isn’t a game.”
“Then what is it?”
With that, Yotsugi Ononoki left the ruins, and I wouldn’t say reluctantly. She’d gone back to work.
006
I’m offering no excuses for kissing a tween girl.
It was my fault for letting my guard down, that’s all.
While the “cheater” stuff Ononoki went on about was almost entirely a false accusation whether you looked at it from Senjogahara’s point of view or Shinobu’s, I wasn’t sure I wanted to report it to them.
It seemed like the faithful thing to do between lovers, between partners, but also like I only wanted to in order to make myself feel better… If confessing my crime (?) was going to force the burden of forgiveness on them, maybe it was better to keep it locked in my heart.
There’s no proof! And I’m the victim here!
…Putting it that way made me sound so shameless. Gosh, I had to deal with a fresh volatile situation now, of all times?
Ugh, I wished I could die.
The Darkness could swallow me and I could die.
Just kidding, but still.
“Hm?”
That’s when I noticed my new predicament.
Yet another, arising from Ononoki having left─spine-chilling!
Dammit, Hachikuji and I were all alone!
In a dim room in an abandoned building, at that!
Plus Hachikuji was unconscious!
“…”
Oh no, things were starting to get exciting!
Hushing my breath, I glanced at the girl on the bed of desks who had yet to show any sign of waking up, who’d been revealed to be weak in the face of adversity, Mayoi Hachikuji.
“If she’s asleep, doesn’t that mean it’s okay for me to do anything?”
I approached her as I made this precarious remark.
Umm, what was my rationale here?
Why would I be touching Hachikuji?
I was saving her life? Yes! Of course.
Being unconscious for a long time could be risky, she could be in danger, and I needed to do something to wake her up!
I was obviously the one in need of a wake-up call, but the absence of a straight man made this a sealed room, not a single factor existed to restrain me─
“’Tis thee who needs the wake-up call, dunce!”
I had a straight man, after all.
Actually, I’d been hit.
By a blond girl who came flying out of my shadow, and her fist.
“Vampire Punch!”
Treated to a solid punch with my guard all the way down, I went into a tailspin and flew through the air before crashing right into the wall.
“Hmph!”
Once I crashed into it, she followed up with a low kick.
A barefoot preteen girl’s low kick.
While it felt good, I also felt like I might die.
“Wh-What’re you doing, Shinobu?!”
“I ought to be asking thee that, fool! Why must I be forced to play the role of thy conscience? I can’t even take a nap! And sheesh, ‘while it felt good’?”
Her criticism couldn’t have been more sensible.
I never thought I’d be lectured in a sound manner by a vampire, who lived in a domain far removed from human ethics and morality…
“I’m sorry, it was just an impulse…” I apologized quite pathetically. “But I haven’t done anything yet!”
“Of course ye have not. Had ye, that low kick would’ve targeted thy family jewels.”
Shinobu looked around as she spoke those terrifying words─and confirming the precarious situation, whereby Hachikuji and I had been alone in the classroom of an abandoned cram school, she sighed.
“Agh. ’Twas a close shave, indeed. It seems I chose the right time to wake up.”
“The right time, huh?” I looked out the window. It was far from dusk on the other side of the broken glass, and it seemed that the sun was still beating down. “Have you actually only slept for two hours?”
“And ’twas a restless sleep. I couldn’t slumber soundly, at all. I am as tired as when I went to bed,” Shinobu grouched, cracking her neck. I couldn’t tell if she was grouchy because she couldn’t sleep well or because she was appalled by my stupid behavior… Well, it was probably just both. She asked, “What happened?”
“Hm?”
“As I have told thee─since thou and I are mentally paired, thine agitation is communicated to me. Whether I hide in thy shadow or slumber, it makes no difference. I can only assume that my sleep was so restless because something happened to thee…”
“Oh… Well.”
The Darkness.
It was because I was chased by it─no doubt.
Our senses were shared (technically they weren’t, it was a one-way street running from me to Shinobu), but not our memories, so it wasn’t as if she already knew about all of that.
Hm?
Wait, really?
Given her present demeanor, Shinobu certainly hadn’t witnessed the Darkness─but what about after that?
Specifically, the act Ononoki and I engaged in─was Shinobu still asleep then? Or was she already awake… Which?
Just as Ononoki hated Shinobu, Shinobu wasn’t partial to Ononoki, and if she’d been awake at that point, she’d likely have interfered… But then, maybe she was only half-awake and in a haze.
“By the way,” Shinobu said.
“Uh… What is it?”
“Is there not something ye ought to say to me?”
…
Um. Why was I feeling this pressure?
Could it just be my imagination?
Was my sense of guilt making me feel pressure when none was really there?
Was the thing I ought to say simply, “Thanks for reining me in”? Was she just demanding my gratitude?
“Mm? What’s wrong?” asked Shinobu.
“Uhh…”
I couldn’t tell.
In contrast to Ononoki’s expressionless face, Shinobu was wearing a truly gruesome smile… But it was still a smile, which tended to be difficult to read.
Hmm.
Maybe I’d try tricking her into telling me.
With a perfect question, I’d pin down the moment she woke up─but Shinobu wasn’t going to fall for any regular trick.
I decided to be roundabout.
“Hey, Shinobu. You can adjust your hair to be however long you want, right?”
“If ’tis thy kiss scene with the shikigami girl thou art wondering about, I saw it.”
“You’re too good at piecing things together!”
I’d attempted a detour, but she’d taken a shortcut and grabbed me by the scruff of my neck.
I looked at Shinobu.
She was grinning.
Grinning with her fangs exposed.
“Um. Miss Shinobu?”
“What, an apology? He’ll apologize? I cannot wait to see how this man will apologize. For leaving me, his life partner, to the side and doing this deed with the little shikigami girl from who knows where.”
“…”
Now she was just annoying me.
She was openly enjoying it… She looked like an eight-year-old child at the moment, but she was five hundred, or as I recently found out, closer to six hundred, a vampire vamp as mature as they came.
I had heard before that they live to be about two hundred on average, so even by that standard she had a lot of life experience (not that she was exactly alive).
