by Gene Gant
Still, holding Toff’s hand gave me a weird sensation. And especially troubling was the realization that I couldn’t explain to myself why I felt that way.
Walking down the street toward us, a very pretty girl, somewhere in her late teens, looked surprised when she spotted us. As we drew even with her, the surprise in her face settled into a gooey-eyed expression. “Aw,” she sighed, “you guys are such a cute couple.”
A cute guy couple? Where? I turned, looking over my shoulder for the adorable pair.
Toff squeezed my hand proudly.
Oh. Right.
Eek.
THE PATIO behind Paulson’s Deli was shaded by a trellis covered with a thick growth of trailing ivy vines. Potted peace lilies sporting big white blooms were spaced along the outer edges. Soft, relaxing smooth jazz songs flowed gently from speakers mounted on the wall. Mom and Dad often started their date nights here. They said it was a romantic spot.
I just thought it was a cool place to grab a great sandwich.
Toff and I sat at a table in the middle of the patio having a late breakfast of bacon biscuits and orange juice. We were surrounded by couples, including but not limited to: a lesbian pair who’d moved their chairs so close together they were practically sitting in each other’s laps; a grungy looking guy and gal who took turns feeding each other bites off the same tuna salad sub; and an older couple who occasionally reached across their table to hold hands while they drank coffee and ate raisin bagels.
My bacon biscuit was delicious. I’d topped the whole thing off with honey, mustard, and barbecue sauce, which made it perfect. As I ate, I watched a fair-sized bird repeatedly dive-bomb an orange, tigery-looking cat that walked along the fence line at the end of the deli’s property. The feline had apparently gotten too close to the bird’s nest or something. The cat was bigger, but it must not have liked all the squawking and beak jabs; after the bird’s sixth dive, the cat scampered under the fence, disappearing into the alley beyond.
Grinning, I reached for my carton of orange juice and saw Toff staring at me. Like, hard. I froze, my hand hovering over the carton. Did I have bacon or something stuck between my two front teeth? I tried a quick tongue probe but didn’t feel anything. “Uh… what’s up?”
“Nothing,” he said quietly. “It’s just that I like your eyes. They’re sexy.”
“Oh. Thanks.” I scratched my neck. It wasn’t itching. “Toff?”
He leaned toward me. “Yeah, Geordi?”
How do I put this? “Are you sure… you say you’ve had feelings for me for a while now and—”
“A year. I’ve had these feelings for a year. I remember exactly when they started. It was the day after your birthday, and we were hanging at Overton Square with Jess and her friend Taylor. You were wearing those crazy jeans your mom got you, the ones with the big red lip-shaped patch on the butt that said ‘kiss me.’ I kept looking at that patch when you walked. I listened to you talk and laugh, and it was like I was hearing your voice, really hearing your voice for the first time. And it hit me.” He shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know how to explain it, but I got crazy attracted to you. Before you were just Geordi, my friend. You were always there, even before Jess came along, the one person who’s always had my back. And now suddenly I got this big hard-on for you.”
I choked on the orange juice I’d just sipped from my carton. “Sorry,” I gasped, coughing. “That went down the wrong way.”
“You okay?”
“Fine. I’m cool.” I coughed again, finally clearing my throat. “But Toff, have you really thought about this? I mean, just because you think somebody’s sexy doesn’t mean you’re in love with that person.”
“Don’t worry, Geordi, this is real.” Toff reached over and caressed the back of my hand with his fingers. “I know it’s real because there’s this connection between us, like brothers but more than that. You understand me better than anybody else in my life. I know I love you because you mean everything to me.”
“I wish you’d told me this before now.”
“I wish I had too. But I didn’t know you were gay, and my dad….”
“What about your dad?”
“Forget it. That doesn’t matter,” he said emphatically. He took my hand and squeezed it hard. “This is all that matters to me. Us. You and me.”
I still wasn’t clear on just when the “you and me” part came about.
The opening strains of the Star Wars theme bubbled from my pocket, disrupting both the quiet mood set by the smooth jazz and my increasingly awkward conversation with my best friend. That didn’t stop me from wondering, as I pulled the cell phone from my pocket, just where my relationship with Toff was heading now. I carefully extracted my other hand from Toff’s grip and held up my index finger to him in the universal “one second” sign. “Hello.”
“Geordi, where are you?”
“I’m at the deli with Toff, Mom.”
“Is everything okay?”
No! “Uh, yeah, everything’s fine. Why?”
“You said you’d be back in an hour. That was three hours ago. It’s fine. I just wanted to make sure nothing had gone wrong. Have fun with your friend, honey. Dinner’s at five. See you then.”
“Yeah, okay.”
She hung up. I sat there with the silent phone to my ear.
“That was your mom, huh?” said Toff.
I nodded and shoved my phone back in my pocket.
“Everything okay?”
“Uh, she wants me home. Now.”
Toff looked worried. “You’re not in trouble or anything, are you?”
“No. No. She just wants me to do some stuff. Make up my bed—”
“You always make your bed first thing. You do that before you brush your teeth or take a shower in the morning.”
“Well, I didn’t make the bed today. I was… in a rush to get to your place. Yeah, that’s it. And I also have to clean out my closet, clean out the garage, and clean out some other stuff.”
Toff laughed. “Do I need to send your mom a copy of the child labor laws?”
I laughed too, only mine sounded totally fake. “Ha-ha. No, man. You know how my mom is about pulling my fair share around the house.”
“Yeah. Let’s finish our breakfast, and then I’ll go home with you.”
“I’ve got a lot to do, man. You’ll be bored out of your skull at my place when you could be doing something fun.”
“I just don’t want to let you go right now.” He leaned toward me again. “Let’s go out later. You and me. It’ll be our first date.”
“First date. Yeah. Okay.” How can you turn down someone who’s looking at you with big, innocent, lonely puppy dog eyes?
“After dinner. Six o’clock. I’ll come by your place. We’ll play some miniature golf.”
“That sounds good.”
We finished our meal, discarded our trash, and started our walk home. Toff didn’t hold my hand on the return trip. That turned out to be a good thing. When we started down Tanglewood Street, we spotted Jess sitting on the front steps of her house with Caitlin. They were huddled close together, talking and giggling in that secretive, intimate way only girls can pull off. Jess saw us as we passed and waved. Caitlin waved too. Their smiles seemed friendly enough, but I got the distinct impression neither of them wanted Toff and me to stop for a chat.
“Well, those two can’t seem to get enough of each other,” I said once we were well past the Sanchez home. “They spent most of their time at my party hanging out together.”
“You know how Jess is when she makes a new friend,” said Toff. “She gets really clingy sometimes. She was that way with Taylor.”
“Whatever happened to that dude anyway? For a while there, he and Jess were practically dating.”
“Ha. I think they were having sex.”
“Maybe they just grew apart. My mom said that happens to people sometimes.”
“Well, that’s not gonna happen to us.” He took my hand.
> We rounded the corner onto Toff’s street, and minutes later we were standing face-to-face on his front porch. Mr. Toffler’s car was still gone.
“Thanks for breakfast, Toff.”
“Thanks for walking me home, Geordi.”
We stood looking at each other. In the silence that followed, something heated passed between us, a current of emotion that made me so embarrassed I turned away. Toff caught my shoulder and turned me back to him. He leaned in, closed his eyes, and kissed me softly.
“Man, I can’t wait to see you again,” he said.
“Yeah. Same here.” If I stood there, I knew Toff would start up the kissing again, and then I might not get away at all. I needed to think over what was happening between us and try to figure a way to put things back to normal without hurting Toff. “Later, dude.”
Despite the hot, humid afternoon, I headed home at a full run.
HALF A block from my house, the Star Wars theme started up in my pocket. I pulled out my phone. “Hello.”
“What up, dude?”
The voice was completely unlike any of my friends or relatives—suave and glib. “Who is this?”
There was a quick, surprised sigh on the other end. “Damn. I think my feelings are hurt. It’s Jake.”
Ohmigod! Ohmigod! I stopped in my tracks. “Jake! Sorry, man. I didn’t recognize your voice. How did you get my number?”
“I had my dad call your dad and get it for me. Whatcha up to?”
“I was just hanging out with a friend. I’m headed home now.” Jake went out of his way to get my number. My number. Sweet! “What’re you up to?”
“Right now I’m talking to you. I was thinking it would be cool to hang with you sometime.”
Oh wow. “Hey, that would be awesome.”
“Glad you think so. How about later this afternoon?”
“This afternoon? Oh. Sorry, I can’t. I’ve already got something planned.”
“Too bad. What’re you doing tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow? Nothing. Nada.” Come take me, I’m yours!
“My mom’s driving into Memphis tomorrow for some kind of fund-raiser at the museum. What say I have her drop me by your place around noon? We can play video games or something.”
“That sounds gr—” Wait, pump the brakes. My place? With Toff only a couple of blocks away? I wouldn’t be doing anything wrong, just playing video games with a guy I’ve known for years. But I didn’t feel comfortable with the idea that Toff might drop by during Jake’s visit. In fact, that idea scared the bejesus out of me. “Uh… Jake? Would it be okay if I come by your place tomorrow instead?”
“Not a problem, man. Maybe I’ll even do lunch for us. You still like chili cheese popcorn?”
“Love it.”
“All right, then. See ya tomorrow.”
“You bet.”
I hung up feeling stunned. Me and Jake Butcher. Hanging out tomorrow.
Heaven liked me.
DAD WAS sitting on the bench in the foyer, reading the Sunday paper, when I walked in. He always sat there when he wanted to ambush me.
“Hi, Dad.”
“Hello, son.” He folded the paper and put it aside. I rushed, trying to make it to the hall. He stopped me with “So. Did you hear from Jake today?”
“Yeah, I did. See you around, Dad. I think I’ll watch TV in my room—”
“Pump your brakes, Geordi. I just want to have a little conversation with you.” He patted the bench beside him. “Have a seat.”
I rolled my eyes upward. Seriously, God, just take me out now. I sat down.
Dad looked at me in a way that was slyly knowing and sweetly happy at the same time. “Jake’s never called you before. What did you guys talk about?”
Jeez, Dad. There is a little thing called privacy, you know. “Nothing.”
“Come on. The kid didn’t go out of his way to call you for nothing.”
“Dad, the entire conversation lasted less than five minutes. I’m telling you, it was nothing.”
“But he obviously wanted something.”
Dad paused, waiting for me to spill. I didn’t want to give him a single detail because he’d take whatever I said and blow it way out of proportion. I shook my head in his eager face and kept my mouth shut.
“He asked you out, didn’t he?”
“What? No.”
Dad gave me that shrewd look again. “He did. I know it. He wants you to go out with him.”
“Jake did not ask me to go on any date. He just wants us to hang out.”
“Hang out, huh?” Dad nudged his elbow into my side. “You dog you. You got your first date.”
“It’s not a date! We’re just gonna hang out at his place tomorrow, eat popcorn, and play video games. That’s it.”
I didn’t know it was possible for a person to actually radiate excitement until Dad did it. I could just about see the stuff shine from his pores. He lifted his face up as if to shout breaking news to every extraterrestrial in outer space. “My son’s going out on his very first date. This is amazing!”
“I keep telling you, it’s no date. I don’t know if Jake is even gay. We’re just friends hanging out. That’s all.”
“What time are you supposed to be at his house tomorrow?”
“Around noon.” Can someone please strangle this conversation to death?
“Okay, I will drive you.”
“I was gonna ask Mom to take me.”
“No, I’ll do it.”
“Dad, you’re working tomorrow.”
“I’ll take my lunch break and come get you.”
“That doesn’t make any sense. Mom’s off the whole summer. She’s a teacher, remember? I’ll get her to drive me.”
“Your mom’s doing Pilates with her friends in the morning. You know how involved she gets. I’ll take you. I don’t want you to be late for your first date.”
“It’s not a freaking—!” I caught myself before my voice rose into a screech. After a long, deep breath, I sighed angrily and said, “Jeez, Dad, are you trying to make me do drugs? For the last time, I’m not going on a date with Jake Butcher.”
“Mr. and Mrs. Butcher will both be at the museum tomorrow afternoon. Can we trust you two hormone-popping boys alone with each other?” He winked at me. Twice.
“Arrrggghhh!”
My voice was deeper, so this time the scream didn’t sound like a girl’s.
I NEEDED to talk with someone sane since I wasn’t sure I qualified in that arena after my chat with Dad. Finally shut away in my room, I pulled out my phone and dialed Jessica.
After four rings, her voicemail picked up. She’d recorded a new greeting. “Hi, you got Jess, but I’m not taking calls right now. Please leave a message telling me what you want, and if I give a damn about it, I’ll call you back. Peace.”
I didn’t leave a message.
Chapter 6
A GUY’S first date is important. I wanted to make sure Toff’s was special.
After dinner—zucchini lasagna with soy cheese, and yes, it tastes about as good as it sounds—I walked to a gift shop and spent the eight bucks I had left after the movie the other day. Back home, I showered and dressed in fresh jeans and a clean T-shirt. At 5:45, I told Mom and Dad I was going to the arcade to play miniature golf with Toff and left. A few minutes later, I arrived at the Toffler home and rang the bell.
Mr. Toffler’s car was still gone.
Toff opened the door, looking happily surprised. “Hey. I said I’d pick you up.”
“I figured I’d do the honors.” I was struck by Toff’s appearance. He wore a new polo shirt that accented his fine shoulders and chest. His loose jeans were starched, and he wore new kicks so white they almost shone. He’d tamed his short, flyaway hair by combing it back and slicking it to his scalp. That had the effect of highlighting the sculpted angles of his cheekbones and jawline. His soft smile and greenish brown eyes were filled with pleasure. I’d never seen him this alive, this freaking beautiful. “Dag. You lo
ok amazing.”
“So do you.”
He was wearing cologne, the first time I’d ever known him to do such a thing. The scent was breezy and light, like ocean air. I’d never been to the ocean, but that’s what the cologne made me think of. I could see Toff in swim trunks, standing on a beach, the sun washing over his tight bare skin—“Well! Are you ready?”
“Yeah, sure.” He stepped onto the porch and locked the door behind him. “Let’s go.”
“Before we head for the arcade, I’ve got a little something to mark the occasion.” I produced the present I’d been hiding behind my back. The dude at the gift shop had done a great job with the wrapping and bow.
Again Toff looked surprised. “You got me a gift?”
“Go ahead and open it.”
He tore off the wrapping and lifted the lid off the small box. “A book?”
“It’s a memory book.” I lifted the little book and held it up for Toff to get a closer look. On the front was “My First Date,” and below that was a picture frame built right into the front cover. “You can use it to keep pictures and mementos and stuff about our date today.”
Toff took the memory book and stared at me, his eyes filling with affection. It was disconcerting, having him look at me as if the world would end if I weren’t in it. “This is great, Geordi. Thanks.”
“Come here. We can start working on the book right now.” I looped my arm around Toff’s neck, pulled him close, and held out my cell phone in front of us for a selfie. “Smile, dude.”
He held the book up to his chest and grinned like there was no tomorrow.
I took several shots with us in different poses, ending with one of Toff kissing me on the cheek.
We looked at the pictures before leaving for the arcade. I had to admit, Toff and I looked good together. We really would have made a cute couple if we… if I, that is, was actually in… you know.
WE PLAYED two rounds of miniature golf. Afterward we shared a banana split at Otherlands Coffee Bar. I don’t remember a lot of the details. There was music, both at the arcade and the coffee bar. We talked a bit—about what, I couldn’t tell you. I think Toff was too happy for conversation. And I was happy he was happy.
