by Amy Rognlie
By nine o’clock, Raine conceded to the fact that Ben wasn’t coming. She thought she had heard someone at the door earlier, but decided she must have been mistaken since no one had called her. Still unwilling to believe the worst of the man she loved, she told herself that he must have had something come up that prevented him from coming to her.
She undressed slowly, laying her dress over the chair. Crawling into bed, she lay staring at the ceiling, feeling more exhausted than she ever had in her life. Her anticipation of seeing Ben and the ensuing disappointment had drained her. “I know you’ll come to me tomorrow, my love,” she murmured as sleep claimed her.
❧
Ben threw the rest of his luggage into the carriage, closing the door with a grim smile. Stooping down, he placed a kiss on the forehead of the elderly woman in the wheelchair. “Pray for me, Violet,” he requested softly.
She nodded, a single tear escaping to run down her wrinkled cheek. “God go with you, Ben,” she whispered. “Tell Paul I love him.”
Ben stared straight ahead as the train chugged steadily westward. The ache in his heart throbbed louder than the train’s engine, and the lonely whistle echoed his feelings. He still couldn’t believe that Raine had refused to see him. He had assumed that her aunt would tell her about the tavern incident, but he had fully expected Raine to give him a chance to explain. I love her, God, he groaned inwardly. I thought she loved me, too. Why didn’t she trust me enough to let me explain? Closing his eyes, he was finally lulled to sleep by the clacking of the rails; the pain in his heart dulled by slumber.
❧
“Raine!” The pounding on her door dragged her from a dreamless sleep. She jumped out of bed and grabbed her robe just as her uncle burst into the room.
“Hurry up, Raine!” John was frantic. “Get dressed! We’ve got to catch Ben before he leaves!”
Raine stared at her uncle, unmoving. He thrust her dress at her. “Hurry! I’ll explain on the way.” He turned, closing the door behind him.
Catch Ben before he leaves? She had no time to think before her uncle was pounding on her door again. “Raine! Let’s go!”
She jerked open the door and flew down the stairs behind her uncle. He fairly pushed her into the carriage, slapping the startled horses with the reins. “We’ll be there in a minute, Raine.”
Jerking to a stop in front of the train station, he jumped out of the carriage. “Wait here. I’ll be right back!” He tore across the crowded lobby, pushing his way to the front of the long ticket line.
She stared after him, dumbfounded, then watched her uncle heading back to the carriage, his shoulders slumping. “We’re too late, Raine. I’m sorry.”
“What are we too late for, Uncle John?”
“Don’t be angry with your aunt, Raine. She did what she thought was best for you, but she’s often a short-sighted woman.” He sighed. “Ben came to see you last night, Raine. Your aunt told him you didn’t want to see him.”
“Oh no!” Raine cried. “Why? How could she?”
“I didn’t find out about it until this morning. I drove over to Violet’s house as soon as I realized what had happened, but she said he had already left for the train station.”
“Left?” Raine’s voice was strangled.
Her uncle nodded. “Violet said he had gotten some information on Paul, and he decided to follow the lead.”
“Where? Where did he go?” Her heart felt like lead.
“I think you’ll have to talk to Violet,” John replied.
❧
At Violet’s house, Raine shook her head in disbelief. “I can’t believe what you’re telling me, Violet.”
“It’s true, honey. I really am Paul’s grandmother. I hadn’t planned on telling anyone, but when John recognized me and Ben found that letter, I decided that it wasn’t really all that secret anymore.”
“But, how. . .?”
Violet smiled. “God must have brought Paul to me, Raine. I had started taking in boarders, and then one day, Paul showed up, asking for a room. He had been asking around for a place to stay, and someone had told him my name. By that time he had seen the birth certificate and had guessed the truth about the circumstances surrounding his birth. When he heard my last name, he recognized that it was the same as his mother’s, and so he came to me, asking for a place to board.” She sighed and her eyes grew misty. “I hadn’t seen him since he was three years old, and even though he favors his father, he still carries a distinct resemblance to his mother. My dear, sweet Miriam.”
Raine swallowed hard.
“Paul was afraid to ask and I didn’t tell him who I was right away.” Violet wiped at her eyes. “He was so precious to me! We came to be friends, and after awhile I told him what he had already suspected.”
“But why did he leave Boston, Violet?”
Violet’s face was troubled. “I don’t know, Raine. I’ve asked myself that a million times.” She shook her head. “He just seemed like a different person after the ship sank.”
“Different?”
“Yes, he seemed. . .skittish. He had some pretty nasty wounds, and at first I attributed his nervousness to the trauma of the shipwreck. But I don’t know. It was almost as if he were expecting something bad to happen.” Violet lowered her eyes. “I had saved up some money over the years, hoping to give it to Paul someday. He is my only grandchild, you know. I gave it to him after he came back from the Aramathea that last time.”
Raine was touched by the love she saw in Violet’s eyes. “I’m sure Paul was very grateful,” she said softly. “But how does Ben fit into the picture?”
“Ben found a letter one night in Paul’s old room. The letter was addressed to me, written by my daughter while she was still pregnant with Paul. Ben realized right away what it meant and confronted me with it.” She smiled. “He was sure I knew where Paul was and that I was keeping it a secret from everyone.”
Raine could see Ben in her mind’s eye, trying to coax Violet to tell him where Paul was.
“But then where did Ben go if he didn’t know where to look? He couldn’t have just made a wild guess.” Raine was puzzled.
“Oh, my, no!” Violet was astonished. “He talked to someone who knew Paul. She gave him a couple places to start looking. Didn’t you know that?”
She? Raine shook her head. How could this have turned into such a mess?
“. . .in Colorado Springs,” Violet was saying.
“What?”
“I said, the young woman told Ben that she thought Paul might have gone to Colorado.”
“Colorado!” In all her imaginings about Paul, she had never envisioned him going west. “Why in the world. . .so did Ben go to Colorado?”
Violet nodded. “That he did, Raine. He was looking pretty broken-hearted when he left. If I were you, I would get myself out there, too. I have a feeling that there are two men there who would give a pretty penny to see your face.”
❧
Ben stepped off the train, breathing in the cool mountain air. Exiting the Denver and Rio Grande depot, he gazed appreciatively at the welcoming city of Colorado Springs. Taking in another deep breath of the tangy, pine-scented air, he felt as if he were awakening from a long sleep. The pain that had weighted his heart and deadened his senses for days lifted slightly, allowing him a fresh view on life.
He checked into the Copper Mine Inn, then quickly returned to the outdoors, reveling in the brilliant blue sky and beautiful snow-capped mountains.
The sense of welcome that he had felt initially deepened until it almost felt like a homecoming. Shuffling his feet in the golden autumn leaves, he lifted his hat to feel the warmth of the sun on his head. Thank You, Father, he breathed.
❧
The crisp autumn days slid swiftly by. Ben had inquired in all the businesses up and down Pikes Peak Avenue, even questioning some of the street car drivers. Nothing.
He made forays to the outlying ranches. Still nothing. Could Christina have been mistaken? Or was P
aul refusing to be found? Grasping at straws, he secured a pack mule and spent several days combing the area as far as Cripple Creek. He was awed by the masses of golden-leafed aspens fluttering in the fall breeze and the hidden valleys filled with wildflowers. The Rocky Mountains themselves were beautiful beyond words, filled with crags, meadows, and canyons. But the search for Paul was at another dead end.
Ben had used every resource at his disposal, including an advertisment in the Colorado Springs Gazette. Even an afternoon spent poring over the records at the El Paso County courthouse turned up nothing but disappointment. He should just pack up and go back to London; at least he could do what Paul had asked him to do in his letter. But he wanted to see Paul first, make sure he was really the man Ben thought he was. He couldn’t give up. Not yet.
He prayed continually for wisdom and guidance, gradually feeling the now-familiar peace of God surround him. Though his heart still ached for Raine, he had begun to sense that God had brought him here for a specific purpose. Lying in bed at night, he would feel the undeniable tug on his heart.
He had grown uncomfortable with the thought of running the shipping business for the rest of his life. But that’s all I know how to do, he reminded himself. Well, except for. . . He sat up abruptly. Surely not! Surely You aren’t calling me to be a. . .a pastor! He could hardly think it. He lay back down slowly, his thoughts racing. But I haven’t known You for very long. Surely I’m not ready to. . .to lead others?
It was true that there seemed to be a dearth of churches in the outlying areas. Where did the ranchers and country folk go to church? He would wager that they would feel too uncomfortable to attend the imposing churches he had noticed in town. But why choose me, God? I don’t know if I could do it.
In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths. The Scripture rang in his mind with such clarity that he knew it would change his life forever.
❧
He awoke the next morning, a sense of wonder filling his heart. “Please lead me, Father,” he prayed earnestly. “And please minister to Raine. I love her so, Father. I don’t want to be without her for the rest of my life. Please bring her back to me!”
He sat in the hotel dining room, absently chewing his apple pie. He couldn’t believe he was actually considering the possibility of staying in Colorado Springs, yet he could not deny the tugging at his heart that grew stronger day by day. I’d have to go to London to sell my share of the business, he mused. While I’m there I’ll see those papers of Paul’s get into the right hands. He grinned in spite of himself. Father will never believe that I’m finally going to quit sailing. He chuckled out loud, then sobered. Am I? Am I willing to sell a thriving business to become a cowboy preacher?
ten
“God go with you!” The farewells of Raine’s aunt and uncle rang in her ears. Settling herself into a seat by the window, she craned her neck. Yes, they were still there, waving furiously as the train huffed away from the station.
She waved back until the train rounded the first bend. Sitting back with a sigh, she closed her eyes, glad for the first real moment of quiet she had had in quite a while. It seemed like she had done nothing but rush, rush, rush since Ben left two weeks ago. But now she was finally headed westward.
West! Never in a million years had she thought that her search for Paul would lead her to a place like Colorado. She pictured herself arriving at the depot in Colorado Springs to find it surrounded by Indians. Or maybe the cowboys made sure the Indians stayed in the mountains.
She shivered. What kind of place was she going to? Surely there would be some place for her to stay. She remembered the photographs of log cabins she had seen once. I don’t know if I’m ready for this, she thought. But maybe Ben had already found Paul, and she wouldn’t have to stay in that wild country at all. Not that she was scared, exactly. Just a bit anxious.
It’s only for a little while, she told herself. Yet somehow, she had a feeling deep within her heart that it would be a long, long time before she saw Boston again. Aunt Grace evidently had the same feeling.
“It’s all my fault,” Grace had sobbed. “If I hadn’t sent Ben away, you wouldn’t be running off all alone to that forsaken place.” She blew her nose loudly. “How are you even going to find Ben once you get there?”
“Now Gracie, God works in mysterious ways. If God is sending Raine to Colorado, He’ll take care of her.”
Good old Uncle John. Raine smiled fondly as she recalled his parting comment to her.
“You just trust the Lord, Raine. I’ve got a feeling He has something amazing waiting for you.”
“I do too, Uncle John. I do too,” she murmured now, watching the miles roll by. What is it, Father? she questioned silently.
Squirming around in an attempt to find a more comfortable position, her eye fell on the small package Christina had thrust into her hand just before she left. Following a hunch, Raine had taken a jaunt down to the waterfront the day before she was to leave for Colorado. Then it was just a matter of waiting before Christina slipped out of the door of the Red Witch tavern.
“So you’re the woman I saw Ben talking to,” Raine exclaimed after she and Christina had hugged each other.
Christina nodded. “God must have led him to me. Although he said he’d been searching in all the taverns, asking if anyone knew anything about Paul.”
“And you were able to tell Ben where Paul is now?”
Christina’s eyes clouded. “I haven’t heard from Paul for over three years now. But he always dreamed of going west, to Colorado.”
“And that’s where I’m headed now.” Raine shook her head. “I can’t believe I have to go now, when I’ve just found you, Christina.”
Her old friend nodded. “I know. It’s so good to see you. I’d love for us to spend some time together.”
“Why don’t you go to Colorado with me? You could find a nice place to work out there. Maybe be a seamstress or something.”
Despair filled Christina’s eyes. “I would give anything to go, Raine. But I’m bound for three more months.”
“Well, maybe we’ll all be back by then. Christy—” Raine stopped. She looked at Christina thoughtfully, afraid to ask the question that hovered on her lips.
“You’re wondering why Paul didn’t take me with him.” Christina sighed. “It’s a long story, Raine, but suffice it to say that he did it to protect me.”
Raine raised her eyebrows.
“I think Paul will have to be the one to explain it to you, Raine. I don’t think I even know the whole story.”
She could see that Christina had said all she was going to say. “You love him.”
“Yes. I always have. You know that.”
Raine nodded.
“Find him for me, Ray. He needs me.”
Raine felt her throat get tight. “I’ll do my best, Christy. Pray for me.”
“Always.” Christina bit her lip. “Would you give this to him when you find him?”
Raine reached out for the small package, asking no questions.
❧
By the third day of her journey, Raine’s anticipation had grown to a feverish pitch. How close was she to finding Paul? Maybe Ben had already found him, and they would both be waiting for her at the depot. No, that was silly. Neither of them even knew she was coming. Then too, maybe Ben was still upset with her. She couldn’t wait to set everything straight again. She pictured their reunion, her stomach fluttering at the thought of it. She finally took to getting off the train at every stop, pacing around the boarding area to relieve some of her pent-up energy.
She lay in her berth that night, lulled into drowsiness by the steady clacking of the train wheels. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, they seemed to sing. Tomorrow—what would she find? She felt as if she were being drawn to Colorado by more than the strong engine of the train. Her heart was strangely pulled; there seemed to be almost a yearning. Show me, Father. What would You have me to do?
Sometime during the nigh
t, she awoke abruptly. Someone was having a whispered conversation outside her berth. She lay frozen, her heart pounding wildly.
“She doesn’t know anything, I tell you!” She heard a man’s loud whisper.
“Shut up! I’ll take care of this,” someone else growled softly.
“It’s not time yet! We need to wait and see if Oliver. . .”
The men’s voices trailed off as they moved away. She blew out her breath, her body alternating cold and hot with fear. She could never forget that voice. What was he doing on this train? Was it possible that he had trailed her all the way from London, waiting for a chance to. . .to. . . She couldn’t finish the thought. Oh, God, please help me.
The day dawned bright and clear, cheering Raine after her sleepless night. Looking around, she could hardly believe that the whispered conversation had really taken place. Was it all a bad dream? The ugly voice floated back to her. She shook her head. It wasn’t a dream. Maybe they weren’t talking about me, she tried to convince herself. She smiled wryly, knowing she was fooling herself if she believed that.
❧
She was unprepared for the feeling of homecoming that swept over her as she stepped off the platform in Colorado Springs. Drinking in the beauty of the land around her, her heart lifted in a song of praise. She had never seen country like this; it seemed that one could see for miles and miles in all directions—and there was not one cowboy or Indian in sight.
The snow-capped Rockies seemed to surround her, enfolding her in the wonder of their age-old beauty. Even the very air seemed to dance with life and expectancy, making her want to run and skip. Instead, she gathered her bags, letting the beauty and joy seep into her soul as she made her way down Pikes Peak Avenue. Waiting until the streetcar had gone past, she crossed the street to the telegraph office. Aunt Grace would never believe it, she thought with a smile. Colorado Springs was certainly no cow town.
