by Diana Nixon
So good, always so good, so perfect…
I laid down beside her, watching her. She smiled at me and I closed my eyes, sinking into the oblivion of the most sensual dream ever. I could no longer see her, but I still felt the pulse of her heart, beating in tune with mine…
The next morning didn’t start the exact way I thought it would. The sound of a coffee machine woke me up; the spot on the bed next to me was cold and empty. Hmm…
I sat up, trying to remember why I expected the day to start with the bed warm and Jillian next to me. And then…
Oh, crap, it was just a dream…
I sighed, frustrated, tossing the blanket to the floor. How could I believe that it was all real? Of course, Jillian would never betray her principles that fast, but deep down inside me, I still wanted to hope that maybe at least a part of the dream was real.
No such luck… Fuck.
“Morning, sorry for waking you.” She entered the room with a cup of freshly made coffee and gave it to me. “Want some?”
“Sure.” I took the cup from her hands and looked at the clock on the wall. “5:30 AM? Have you lost your mind or something?”
“I said I’m sorry for waking you. But I need to be at the office early today, have my first official meeting with my department’s team.”
“Since when have you started scheduling meetings for the crack of dawn?”
“Since yesterday.” She smiled and went to the drawer to grab her clothes. “Did you sleep well?”
Well — is not the fucking word I am looking for…
“Yeah, like a baby. I told you that falling asleep by your side would do me good.”
“You are not going to spend every night in my bed, are you?”
“Why not? I kept my promise about keeping my hands off of you.”
“Not exactly.”
“Embracing you doesn’t count. It helped me warm up faster.”
“Not that it was freezing in here or anything.”
I rolled my eyes. “Fine, I wanted to hold you in my arms. So what?” I rose to my feet and went to stand in front of her. “You are one sexy as hell woman, and I’m just a man with a dick that, thank God, still works and that will surely react to a woman like you. Do you really think it is possible to live with you under the same roof and to not think about getting all hot and sweaty with you?”
“Well, I can’t say that I didn’t like sleeping with you. I’m talking about last night, so if you feel like um… sleeping in this room is better than sleeping in yours, you may spend as many nights as you wish here.”
I smiled, taking a step closer to her. “How about your keep-your-hand-off-of-me rule? Can we change it to I-want-your-hands-and-lips-all-over-me?”
“Don’t push it, Oliver. First, I need to concentrate on my meeting, and then, well-”
“I’ll do my best to make you change your mind,” I said, wrapping both arms around her waist.
She looked at me thoughtfully. “What about your let’s-just-be-friends rule?”
“If memory serves, there were supposed to be some sexy benefits, right?”
“No.” She broke free of my embrace, grabbed her bag and headed for the door.
“No? I thought you said you would think about it?”
“Well, I did think about it and the answer is no.”
“Why?”
“Because I think it’s better for both of us.”
I didn’t know what that meant, and she didn’t give me a chance to ask any more questions, leaving the apartment before I would be able to talk again. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Ugh, I will never be able to understand this woman.
Since trying to fall back asleep was pointless, I thought I would start the day with a run. It always helped me to unwind, and I hoped this time wouldn’t be an exception.
I put on a pair of shorts, T-shirt, sneakers and went out into the street, welcoming fresh, early-morning wind touching my cheeks.
I couldn’t even remember the last time I went on a morning run. I almost forgot how calming and relaxing a run could be. I could just be alone for a while and think, think about everything that was going on in my life.
The memories of my dream flashed behind my eyes, but I shook my head, hoping it would help me stop thinking about Jillian. Somehow, she had become the only thing I could think about day and night. But what surprised me most, was that it didn’t bother me that much. In fact, I was more than happy to know that I had finally found someone I could talk to and not just fuck with. Though with Jillian, everything was different. I was a different man whenever she was around, and damn, I liked it a lot…
Chapter 12
Oliver
Dominick and I were sitting in a café not far away from where Wilson’s Publicity was located. I called him as soon as I was finished with my morning run, and even though there were a few very important things I wanted to talk to him about, I didn’t know where to begin.
“Okay, why don’t you just spit it out,” he said, pulling the menu out of my hands. “You were reading it upside down.” He smirked, handing the menu back to me, right side up. “Is it about Jillian?”
“Why would you think that?” I asked in a gloomy voice.
Something happened during the run. I had been thinking about Jillian, there was no point in trying to make my thoughts switch to something else. I kept recalling the times I saw her in Dominick’s office, before and after the other night, which changed everything. And then I realized that it wasn’t just about my crazy desire to see her more, to kiss her more, to spend more time with her. There was a reason for everything that I had been thinking about…
“You are falling for her, aren’t you?”
I looked at my brother, and I think it was the first time ever that I didn’t want to kill him for telling the truth, that in my case, has always been like a bomb blowing up right into my face.
“Is that so obvious?” I asked, closing the menu and tossing it aside. I didn’t think I could make myself eat at that moment. I just felt like I was about to be sick. Is that what they call love? Well, apparently nothing in my life could ever be easy, including a love that I wasn’t even sure if I knew how to deal with.
“Actually, yes,” Dominick replied, studying me carefully. “Maybe if I were not your brother, I would have thought that it was just another crappy morning when you had gotten out of bed earlier than lunch. But I have been there once. So I’m pretty damn sure that I’m right. And it scares the hell out of you, doesn’t it?”
I sighed irritably. “That doesn’t even begin to fucking cover it.”
He laughed under his breath. “And here I thought I would never hear you say that you’re capable of loving someone other than yourself. So tell me, Bro, when did that happen?”
“Who the hell knows? Wait, hey, I love people other than me, just not women usually. Oh, never mind,” I rambled. “One day I am thinking that we can just play around, have some fun and then go separate ways, no one gets hurt, right? But then she starts doing things that I seem to be unable to stop thinking about.”
“Things like what?”
“Like being all sexy, and irresistible, and perfect, in every sense of the word.”
“You say it as if it is a bad thing.”
“No, it’s not bad, but I don’t think I’m ready to be addicted to her. You know, I have never spent even two nights with the same girl, let along a week, month, year, or several years for that matter. And now, it’s not just about the damn sex, you know?”
“I know.” He nodded, smiling. “I know exactly what you mean, because I still remember the time that I first realized I was falling for Scarlett. And you are right, it was not just about sex. It was like I saw and felt her everywhere. Wherever I went, the image of her never left my mind. Every girl I looked at, I saw nothing but her face, her lips, her curves-”
“Okay, I get the general point. And yes, Smartass, that’s exactly how it feels with Jillian. God, I can’t believe I let a girl ge
t so deep under my skin. What the hell am I supposed to do now?”
“Do what you want to do, go to her and tell her that you love her.”
“No fucking way!”
“Why not?”
“Because just a few hours ago, she told me that she doesn’t want anything but a friendly relationship with me.”
“What exactly did she tell you?”
“Why does it matter?”
“Because nothing is as blind and stupid as love, dumbass. I bet she said one thing, and you heard the complete opposite of what she actually said.”
I frowned, trying to remember what it was that Jillian had exactly said before she left for work. “I think she said that she is not going to sleep with me, ever again.”
“Anything else?”
“Damn it, man, when did you turn into a psychiatry expert, instead of a business guru?”
“Answer the question, you lovestruck puppy.”
“Well, first of all, last night was not supposed to end the way it did. We had plans, and then she said that we should slow down or something. I said okay, because I didn’t know what else to say. Then we called it a night and went to sleep, in our own separate beds. Not that it helped us fall asleep of course. Eventually, we did end up in the same bed, but we didn’t have sex. We just fell asleep together.”
“Wow, that’s almost as breaking as the news about your tool softening in the middle of your adventure with Amalia.”
“Ha-ha, very funny, Dominick. Well, anyways, she said I could spend as many nights as I wanted in her bed, and that she would think about the benefits of our joined sleepovers. And then I asked her if she wanted to be friends with me.”
“You did what? Are you a kindergarten kid or what, dude?”
I rolled my eyes. “Scarlett and you are friends too, aren’t you? Don’t you think that a woman you want to have a more or less serious relationship with should be your friend in the first place?”
“Well, yeah, but when you say things like that, it means something completely different from what you wanted her to hear in those words.”
“What is your point?”
“My point is that she could have taken you all wrong. She told you that she didn’t mind you slipping into her bed at night, and then you asked her to be your friend. I mean… What the fuck were you thinking, man?”
I thought back to the conversation that Jillian and I had had that morning, and now Dominick’s words began to make sense. “Oh, crap. I screwed it up, badly,” I said, putting my forehead in the palms of my hands, shaking my head, internally screaming.
“My point exactly.”
I put my hands down on the table and looked squarely at Dominick, “What would you do if you were me?”
“I would go straight to her office, and tell her to scratch all the bullshit that you told her last night and that you want nothing but to be with her.”
“Sounds like a plan. Thanks, man.” I rose to my feet, thinking frantically about where the nearest flower shop was that I could stop by on my way to Jill’s office.
“Hey, Oliver!”
“What?”
“Try to stay away from the elevators this time.”
I smiled at the memory crossing my mind. “Sorry, Bro, can’t promise you anything.”
“I’m being serious.”
“Me too.”
I don’t think I have ever felt more stupid in my life. I didn’t really care if I looked like a hopelessly in love idiot, running with a huge bouquet of flowers and multicolored balloons in my hands. I don’t even know why I bought them, it was a little childish, but I knew it was also one of those things that Jillian would never expect from me. So I thought I would surprise her.
I walked into the elevator once the doors opened, with a few more people following me in. One of them was a woman in her late fifties, and I remembered her as Dominick’s new secretary.
“Good morning, Mr. Altier,” she said, smiling at the flowers and balloons in my hands.
“Morning.”
“I don’t think your brother is here, he had a meeting this morning.”
“Yeah, I know, it was with me. But I’m not here to see him anyway.”
Wasn’t it obvious? I don’t even know what would have happened to make me buy Dom flowers and balloons.
The elevator beeped bringing my attention to the fact that the it had stopped at the floor I needed, the doors opened, I waited impatiently for the people in front of me to leave, and then rushed to the only place I wanted to be.
The door to Jillian’s office was half opened. She was talking to someone, so I stopped and listened.
“For God’s sake, Scarlett, I need you here!” She paused, apparently waiting for a response. “I know, but you are going to see your folks in a week, on your wedding day, and I’m dying here, so please take the first flight back to New York and come save me.” Another pause. “What? Of course, not! I would never fall for someone like Oliver Altier. Do you think I’m out of my mind or what? Yeah, well, I love his ass, but loving him is something completely different. No saint woman would ever fall in love with him. He’s nothing but a sex-obsessed, walking disaster. And no, I don’t believe that people like Oliver can change.”
I didn’t notice the moment I dropped the bouquet to the floor, the damn balloons floated up to the ceiling and scattered all over the hall.
Welcome back to reality, dude.
I smirked humourlessly, shaking my head; it was like someone had just dumped a bucket of freezing ice water over my head, waking me up from my hallucinations about Jillian.
Did I really believe that flowers and balloons would help things with Jill work? Apparently, yes, considering how painful the slap from her words felt. I turned around, and went back to the elevators, totally broken.
Never in my life had I felt so screwed. One second, I thought that it was it – the moment that would change everything, and the next second, I had one more reason to believe that rushing to conclusions would never do me any good. Why did I think that she felt something for me too? After all, amazing sex did not necessarily mean that she wanted anything but to sleep with me. She was right, loving my ass was not enough to love me as a person as well.
***
“Double whiskey,” I said to the barman of The Black Rose. I was in the mood to get totally smashed, and I didn’t see any reason to not do it right now. Even though it was only about noon, I thought it was a perfect time to get blasted, and forget about Jillian or at least try to forget... Drinking usually helps people with that, right?
By the time I saw Dominick’s number flashing on my screen, I was as drunk as a fish, with a cute brunette on her knees and trying to please my cock with her mouth. I had no damn idea who she was or how we ended up in the back of the club, making out.
“What?” I snapped into the handset.
“Where are you?” Dom asked on the other end of the line.
“None of your fucking business.”
“Are you high or something?”
“Any other guesses?”
“Oh, Lord, you are dead-drunk!”
I laughed. “Oh, yeah, and I’ve never felt better than I do right now. Slow down, Baby,” I said to my new friend.
“Ugh, just don’t tell you’ve fucked it all up, again!”
“I didn’t do anything!” Suddenly, the words from Jillian’s conversation rang in my head, and I felt sick. “Stop,” I said to the girl whose name I didn’t even bother to ask. She looked up at me, a little puzzled. “Go away.” I fastened my jeans and said to Dom, “Can you pick me up from The Black Rose?”
“Will be there in ten.”
“Thanks.” I leaned tiredly against the cold wall behind me, I didn’t feel good. Not that I ever got sick from drinking, but right now, I hated everything about what my life consisted of, including the damn whiskey that I was sure I would never drink again.
As promised, Dominick was at the club’s entrance in about ten minutes. I got into the b
ack seat of his car and lied down, saying, “Home.”
“Yes, Sir.” Fortunately, my brother didn’t start asking any questions. He drove me to his house and helped me out of the car, because obviously, I couldn’t do it myself.
“I hope you didn’t pee on my back seat,” he said, dragging my barely moving body to the front door.
I laughed at his words. “I don’t remember.”
“God, what the hell happened to you?” He helped me to the couch in his living room, then stood with his hands on his hips, breathing heavily and looking down at me.
“She hates me,” I said, feeling the waves of sleep blurring my mind.
“Why would she hate you? What did you tell her?” Dominick shook me by the shoulders.
“Nothing.”
“What do you mean nothing? Where did you go after we talked?” He splashed a glass of water onto my face.
“Hey! What the hell?” Not that the water could bring me down to earth, but it surely helped my eyes to stay open for a few more minutes.
“I bought her flowers and even a dozen fucking balloons,” I spat the words as if they were poisoned. “I came to the office and you know what happened next? I heard her talking to your precious Scarlett.”
“Were they talking about you?”
“Yeah, I don’t think they know any other Oliver Altier, a famous motherfucker who can’t be anything but a sex-obsessed, walking disaster.”
“Oh, shit... So you heard Jillian say that to Scar?”
“Exactly.”
Dom shook his head. “I’ll talk to Scarlett.”
“About what?”
“I’m sure Jillian didn’t mean a word of what she said.”
“And I’m so damn sure she did.” I leaned back against the couch, closing my eyes. “She was right, I’m a disaster.”
“Why don’t you get some sleep before we get back to this conversation again?”
