Julian stripped to nothing, his cock eager and lengthening by the moment.
He took her hand and lay her down, licking every inch of smooth, hot skin and exploring her body. She gasped and moaned, arching her back and reaching for him as she climbed up the rungs to orgasm.
When he stood up to get himself ready, she slid to the edge of the bed and took him into her mouth. Pleasure crashed into him as he allowed himself a moment of pure indulgence, enjoying the way her hair cascaded over his hands and her soft mouth sucked him with perfect tightness.
When he finally lay her down to take her, she didn’t allow him an inch of space.
She clung to his back, kissed his lips, and pressed into him so hard when she came he was scared she’d squeeze the very soul out of him.
When they were done, he wanted to stay with her. A horrible, uncomfortable feeling that had been absent for so long. He managed to extricate himself once she’d fallen asleep and when he stepped into the hallway outside her room, he could finally breathe.
It was too soon for him, but he knew that if he was in a position to love someone again, then Samara, despite how different she was, would be the perfect candidate.
It was a sad thought as he lay in bed. Right person. Wrong timing.
His dreams tortured him all through the night.
CHAPTER 5
“ No, it’s your turn to answer one!” Samara pushed Julian’s naked chest back hard until she could jump on top of him, clinging to the sheets to cover herself while his hot, naked flesh pressed into the spot between her thighs.
“Fine. Ask away.”
They’d continued their one question a night game after that first dinner, and she was beginning to crave that special time with him. Those few short hours she got to see Julian unguarded, smiling. They weren’t enough.
“Tell me what you’re most afraid of in the world.”
Blue eyes grew stormy for a moment, before clearing like a summer’s day. “Snakes. I can’t stand them.”
“Oh, you’re cheating again!” She reached under his arms and tickled the flesh over his ribs.
He flipped them both over and she landed flat on her back, her hands pinned above her head.
He smirked down at her helpless form and she glared back. He was too strong for her, and even though she hated it because it made her feel weak, she loved home dominant he was. She pouted up at him. “That is not fair. I answered you honestly.”
It was a battle, every night. To glimpse a true part of him, a rawness that she desperately wanted to see. He’d fought her those first few nights and she hadn’t minded too much, but they were getting to their last days together and she’d grown more desperate to know him.
“I’m not afraid of much, Samara. Death, maybe. My parents growing old and sick. Maybe.”
He shrugged a little and she relaxed the fight in her arms, so he rolled onto his side behind her, pulling her body in to his until his heart beat against her back.
Her eyes closed all by themselves. Like curtain call at the end of an amazing play.
“I can agree with you there. I’m really close to my parents. I couldn’t imagine not having them.”
The silence stretched and she let her body relax against his, willing him to stay a little longer. Why he had to go back to his own room each night she’d never know.
Work he said. Yeah right. More like a deliberate wall he kept up between them.
“I better get going. You’re tired.”
She groaned and twisted in his arms, pressing him down so that she could curl up on him, her head on his chest. “Why do you always leave? We’ve only got two more nights together and then it’s all over.”
A lump lodged itself in her throat and she swallowed hard against the hot ache in her chest. They worked their arses off each and every day, and they celebrated their successes together each night. They were a great team. She hadn’t wanted to care about the man in her bed, but she did. A lot. She couldn’t stand the idea of not seeing him again.
“Good night, beautiful.” He kissed the top of her head and maneuvered out from underneath her arms.
Samara pulled up the coverlet and arranged her pillows for sleep. How did he made love to her with such passion and skill, and then leave her straight after? Her body was still buzzing from the orgasm he’d bestowed on her.
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay?” She patted the bed next to her. “I’ll make room, I promise. I’m not too much of a bed hog.” She was lying there. Her girlfriends that she’d shared beds with over time, after big nights out, or conferences, had always complained that she was like an octopus.
“No. I can’t.”
“But why, Julian?”
He groaned as he pulled on his shirt, his jacket, his pants. It was such a shame to watch his incredibly strong and beautiful body be covered up like that.
“Because, Samara…”
She held her breath. Was he going to answer her? “Because?”
He sighed and shook his head.
Damn it. “Come on! Please. Just be honest with me. This one time.”
He spun back around and she knew she had him. His eyes had darkened.
“Because there is an intimacy to sleeping together that I don’t want. We’re already too close, and with you leaving…it just doesn’t make sense.”
“I’m too close?” Huh?
“Yes.” He nodded his head once, dropped down onto the bed for one more kiss, then waved himself out the door.
She was too close, what did that mean? Why was she so bad at understanding men?
Did he like her too much?
Was she already too close because she was so clingy, too affectionate? What?
She lay back in her snuggly pillows and felt the burn of tears in her eyes.
No! Don’t you dare!
She could not afford to feel too much for this man. He’d made it clear at the beginning of this relationship that he wanted nothing more than a fling, and she’d agreed to that, so she couldn’t complain now.
She blew out a long breath and visualized her dream board. This year was for her and her baby.
Despite how lovely Julian could be, how smart and funny and certainly sexy as hell, he was not relationship material. His ex-wife had obviously done a good job of damaging his heart, and that was one thing she wanted from him.
She didn’t need his money, his status, or even his good looks, although that helped. If she was to invest in the long term with him, she wanted his heart, and unfortunately, that wasn’t on offer.
TWO DAYS LATER, they were having dinner when Julian hit her with one out of left field.
“I’d love to see you again when we’re both back in New York.”
Samara choked on the water she was drinking, then placed the glass quickly down, dabbing at her mouth with a napkin.
“Um, okay. That’s a little unexpected.” Especially since he’d cancelled on her last night, both dinner and their nightly love making session. She’d assumed they were done early, so this was certainly news to her.
A tugging worry wove around her chest and she fought the need to ask him a thousand questions all at once. Didn’t he understand that their lives would never work once they were back in the big apple?
When she didn’t respond, he asked, “What’s wrong?”
Julian’s furrowed brow and worried words surprised her. Did he read her so well already?
“Nothing.”
“No, seriously, tell me, Samara. I’ve seen that look far too many times this week. I know you’re not thinking pleasant thoughts.”
She glanced away, a smile tugging at her mouth. So, he did know her a little bit better than she’d realized. “I’m just wondering how life will be when we get back. This has been such an incredible week out of time, but…”
“But what?”
She took a shallow breath and bit her lip. How to tell him that she didn’t have time this year for what he wanted? Also, should she admit the fear sh
e could feel peeking out from her heart that she would never survive longer with him? She was already besotted, how would she continue to fight her feelings for him if they kept seeing each other?
His eye brows narrowed and his blue eyes hardened like flint. “Am I to assume from your body language that our liaison is done?”
There was a hardness in his voice that she hadn’t heard before, and didn’t understand. “Hey, what are you getting upset for?”
He sat up like a tin soldier. “I am not upset.”
Bull shit.
He’d outright told her that nothing else was on offer and she’d hardened herself to that reality. Changing her plans on a promise of another sex-only affair would be devastating to everything she needed in life.
“You are upset. I thought we’d agreed that this was a holiday, work, fling thing?”
She let the question hang in the air between them and he took his time responding.
JULIAN FORCED a smile to his lips and then took a long swallow of his red wine. He’d been thinking about this and he had an answer for her.
“It’s up to you really, Samara. We can leave it as a holiday fling. Or…we can continue to see each other when we get back to New York. We don’t live far from one another and we get along well.” That was an understatement of course, he’d never met a woman whose company he enjoyed so much, but he was keeping that to himself.
She drew a deep breath, looking away for a moment and unease shifted in his chest. Had he read her enthusiasm over the past few weeks incorrectly? He’d thought she would jump at the chance to spend more time with him. Enjoy his lifestyle. His money. Even just the sex, that was good enough to sacrifice time for.
Her eyes shifted back, a pinch between her eyebrows raising red flags for him.
“What sort of relationship would you want back in New York, Julian?”
This was the slippery slope question. Women slid these in to the conversations too often and he had to be careful here.
“Same as we had here. Dinners, sex, conversations. I find that I enjoy spending time with you, sharing ideas.” He swallowed, amazed at the strength of emotion tightening his chest. “I don’t enjoy peoples’ company often and I’m going to miss these easy exchanges once I’m home again.”
All of that was true and he was surprised how easily it spilled from his lips. He didn’t like to give women he dated a tool to use against him, but as Samara was so different, he was willing to afford her more compliments. An insight into how he felt about her.
She relaxed in her chair, her shoulders dropping down and a beautiful smile lighting up her face. “Thank you for saying that. I find you easy to talk to also and I’m going to miss you once I leave.”
And yet she was saying no. It was obvious. What had he missed?
“Does that mean you want to leave this in Hawaii?”
His gut burned with a heavy disappointment. In himself mostly. He wasn’t generally wrong about women.
“No, I’d love to keep seeing you when we get back, but…” She bit her lip and his mind whirled with possibilities. A boyfriend, a husband, kids? What was stopping her? And why hadn’t he researched her more thoroughly before taking this step? Foolish mistake. A first.
“I have to tell you something, and I’m not sure our stars are going to line up on this one.”
“Tell me.” He ignored the line about the stars or whatever she believed. Fate was not real. He, and only he controlled his life.
“I want to get married and have a baby this year.”
What? Where had that come from?
“Pardon me?”
His hands landed palm down on the table, the force causing the knife and fork to clatter against the plate. She’d said something about marriage and babies in that first conversation they’d had, but he’d been too petrified by the topic to quiz her any further.
And he hadn’t thought it applied to him, but now, obviously it did!
Had this been her plan all along? To seduce him into marriage? Not a chance! He was never getting married again. Never!
She rolled her eyes at him. “Don’t freak out on me, I’m just being honest.”
His heart raced in his chest. Not a good sign.
He nodded at her to continue. He didn’t’ trust himself to speak as expletives whirled around his head.
She sighed. “I should start from the start.”
He nodded again and forced the words out. “Probably best.”
Had he been fooled by a woman, again? Impossible. Damn it! Hadn’t he learnt his lesson from Marguerite?
Samara took a deep breath and began intertwining her fingers like she did sometimes when she was thinking, or nervous. “I set myself several goals when I was twenty-one, all revolving around money, business, property, etc. And thanks to a lot of hard work and some help from lady luck, I’ve achieved them all. But on a personal level, I’m way behind where I wanted to be. I have endometriosis, quite badly actually. It’s a condition that makes conceiving quite difficult and my specialist told me years ago not to wait until after I was thirty to have a baby, or it may not happen. And at my last appointment he told me that a hysterectomy is on the cards if I don’t act fast.”
His hands stopped their aching as he released the pressure on his shoulders and arms. His heart calmed down and he took a breath.
“And you’re thirty now?”
He understood goals and time constraints, his whole life had been about them. He was grateful that a biological clock was one thing he would never have.
“I turn thirty this year, that’s why I initially refused this job. I’m in the process of taking a major step back from my business. I’m not taking on any new jobs and I’m training people to replace me so I can take the year off. I start IVF as soon as I get back.”
He stilled, amazed at the narrow view she had of the world and her life in the future. She wanted to be pregnant that soon? He’d dodged a bullet then. IVF. He’d heard it was an incredibly expensive, stressful, and damaging process.
Just thinking about the artificial hormones she’d be pumping into her body made him cringe, let alone the natural pregnancy related ones.
“IVF? With who?”
“A donor, unless I meet someone very soon who wants the same things I do.”
As if any guy would be able to get up to speed that fast. She had no hope of achieving that goal. “And if you meet someone but he doesn’t want kids?”
She shrugged, a soft smile tugging at her full lips. “I believe very much in the Universe sending you what you need.”
Well that certainly isn’t me.
He cleared his throat, waiting for the cloud of disbelief to un-fog his brain so he could speak. This woman, who’s dreams were literally his worst nightmare, sat before him. He should run, screaming from the building.
However, the fact that he may never see her again was tugging at his heart with un-natural pain. “Well, at least you’ve been honest, I’ll give you that.”
She laughed, but it sounded hollow. “Look, I appreciate the fact that you aren’t on the same page as me, so let’s just enjoy the last night we have together and then say our good byes tomorrow. It has been an amazing journey, and I thank you for that, Julian, very much.”
Love poured out through her eyes and he looked away, tightness squeezing his chest again. He didn’t want to focus on any of the feelings Samara invoked in him. There was only one thing left to do and she was right. Enjoy their last night together. He had so many things left he wanted to do to her.
He turned his gaze back on her and injected the lust that was now trickling through his veins, into his tone.
“Now that, my beautiful, sounds like a plan.”
SAMARA LET Julian lead her upstairs, her throat aching from unshed tears. She’d been completely honest with him and he had acted how she’d most feared he would. With utter fear and certain rejection.
But she was doing the right thing by stopping their relationship tonight. It was th
e best thing, for both of them. Julian would never handle her IVF journey and she couldn’t continue to have sex with him and keep her heart in one piece. Tonight would be pushing her resistance as it was.
She squeezed his hand. “Can we go to your room? I haven’t seen it yet.”
He hesitated, then smiled, pulling her toward the old, grand elevator that she’d become very attached to. She’d miss this hotel so much once she was gone. She’d grown attached to everything, and everyone. Her pride at seeing the transformations that took place every day filled her to the brim.
“Sure. Why not?” He pushed a penthouse button, swiped a card she hadn’t seen before, and they glided up the old shaft.
“I was scared to death the first time I rode this elevator,” Samara confided.
He smiled. “But you got that fixed up pretty fast, didn’t you?”
She nodded. “Safety first.”
That statement quietened them both down.
They had been safe. Very safe. They’d gone through a box of condoms this week. Except for that first time in the pool of course.
The elevator ground to a halt and the doors dinged open, straight into the apartment.
Very impressive. Who did this renovation?
It was huge. Large modern kitchen, a living space that was bigger than her entire apartment at home, and she assumed it had several bedrooms.
“Wow. This is incredible. Why didn’t we spend more time in this room?” She walked over to the large windows that gave her a bird’s eye view of the city. “Waikiki is very pretty, isn’t it?”
“Yes. It is,” he answered, ignoring her question about why they didn’t spend more time in his room. He walked up behind her and slid his arms around her waist in a comforting gesture she would miss. “What shall we do tonight? Make love in the spa, perhaps?”
“Oh, a spa!” She twisted around and noticed a strange disappointment on his face. What was that? Perhaps he’d brought other women here and they’d responded to all the wealth in a similar way. “Actually…we’ve already done the water thing. Do you have anything you’d like to do?”
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