by Joachim Jean
Kiwanis activities swung into full gear with the Halloween party and a Thanksgiving party planned. Danny and Eliza were sucked into volunteering for both events. Fall seemed to rocket past speeding toward Christmas and the end of the year. Danny’s Kiwanis friends never made reference to Fred’s shooting again. Danny went to one or two poker games, but he wasn’t much of a gambler, especially when he drank and didn’t have money to lose, but these buddies were as tight to him as his squad in the Army. They had his back.
* * * *
Though Danny was still experiencing nightmares, they were fewer than before. He saw Dr. Weiss regularly and wrote in his journal but not every symptom had disappeared. He still had a hair-trigger response and felt jumpy from time to time. Once during office hours a student came up silently behind Danny. When the boy tapped him on the shoulder, Danny grabbed his wrist, whipped around and had him painfully subdued in a second.
“I’m so sorry Duncan,” Danny said to the boy who rubbed his wrist.
“What did I do, Professor?”
“You surprised a military guy and got a military, defensive response. Not your fault. Are you hurt?” he asked, examining the boy’s wrist.
“Nothing is broken,” Duncan said.
“That’s a relief. I’m terribly sorry. It’s just a knee-jerk reaction,” Danny said.
“Could you teach me how to do that?” Duncan asked.
“I’m here to teach English, not hand-to-hand combat.”
David Cohen watched silently and after the boy left with his paper, he spoke up.
“Holy crap!”
“What?”
“Where did you learn that?”
“You mean how to subdue the boy? I learned in the Army.”
“That was amazing. You whirled around in a second and had him in a hold. Wow! Maybe I should have joined the Army.”
“Anyone can learn to do what I did,” Danny replied, giving his friend a sardonic smile.
“Oh well, I’ll have to dazzle an assailant with my Shakespearean quotes because I sure as hell won’t be able to lay a finger on anyone.”
Each day Danny left the killing and death of Iraq a little farther behind him.
Chapter Sixteen
Thanksgiving threw Eliza into a tizzy because Kaitlyn and Sally were coming home the week before as a vacation. She hadn’t seen them since August. She and Danny planned to include Mavis and Harry Lawson and their sons, Tanner and Chase on their guest list. Mac and Callie were hosting the traditional Thanksgiving feast for students who couldn’t get home for the holiday.
Danny agreed to stay home the first night the girls were back so Eliza would have them all to herself. Afterward, he’d sleep at Eliza’s. They were nervous about how the girls would react to him being in the house.
Eliza finished the food shopping, cleaned the house and returned from the train station with the girls who were speaking fluent French. They both looked beautiful and more sophisticated than ever.
Once they were settled in and had mugs of fresh coffee, they curled up in nightgowns on the sofa to share their lives.
“I hope you don’t mind, but Danny and I invited the Lawsons to join us for Thanksgiving,” Eliza said.
“Tanner and Chase?” Sally asked.
She nodded.
“They can’t hold a candle to Frenchmen,” said Kaitlyn.
“What exactly do you know about Frenchmen?” Eliza quizzed her daughter.
“You faker! You know you like Chase, Kaitlyn,” Sally said, throwing a pillow at her sister. “What we want to know about is Danny.”
Eliza turned to look at the moon out the living room window.
“Are you engaged yet?” Kaitlyn asked.
Eliza shook her head.
“Why not? Don’t you love him?” Sally asked.
“Let’s talk about you,” Eliza said, changing the subject.
“I want to talk about you,” Sally said.
“Me, too,” Kaitlyn added.
Eliza pressed her lips together and looked at the floor.
“Are you and Danny living together?” Kaitlyn asked.
“We spend weekends together. He is going to be here for the rest of the vacation.”
“Why aren’t you living together?” Sally asked.
Eliza blushed. This wasn’t a topic she wanted to discuss with her daughters. “A few months ago you were saying ‘too much information’, now you want to know intimate details?”
“Asking you if you love Danny is not an intimate detail.”
“It is to me, Kaitlyn.”
“This is dumb. Do you love him or not?” Sally persisted.
“Okay. I love him.”
“So…marriage?” Kaitlyn asked.
“I don’t want to get married. Besides, he hasn’t asked me.”
“I’m sure he will,” Kaitlyn said.
“I’m happy with the way things are. So it’s okay with you if Danny stays here, plodding around unshaven and in his bathrobe?”
“Sure,” Sally said. “Who knows, maybe Tanner will move into my room over vacation and stop shaving.”
When Danny called to say goodnight, the girls were giggling about their mother’s love life, much to Eliza’s embarrassment.
* * * *
Saturday morning Eliza had a million things to do, so Danny drove the girls to the ASPCA where they had volunteered last summer. They wanted to help out since they were home for a week.
Danny went in with them and looked over the dogs. He always wanted a dog, but his father wouldn’t consent. Once when Kyle found a stray dog and brought him home, their father went wild. He chased the dog off the property and beat Kyle. Both boys cried because they loved the friendly mutt.
Kaitlyn and Sally were greeted by Carrie Sanford, the woman in charge. “We got in an unusual pair this morning, girls. Come and take a look. Mr. Maine, you come, too.”
They walked down the row of cages with animals up for adoption until they got to the last cage where they saw a dirty, overweight fawn pug and a scruffy black Labrador retriever mix. The two dogs were lying down, curled around each other.
“They were found near the railroad tracks. They are inseparable. We’ll have to place them as a pair, but who will want such a mismatched set?”
“Do they have names?” Kaitlyn asked.
“No. Just dog number 26 and dog number 27.”
The girls went over to the cage, but the two outcasts didn’t move. Danny went up to the cage and the pug raised his eyebrows and gave a snort, the way pugs do in greeting. The lab mix got up and went to the bars near Danny and sniffed him. The pug followed. Reaching through the cage, Danny scratched the pug behind the ears.
“Danny, they like you! You’ve got to adopt them,” Kaitlyn said.
“I’m lucky your mom lets me into her nice house, but these two scruffy guys…never happen,” he said.
“The lab mix is a girl, Mr. Maine,” Carrie said.
“Not a good idea,” he said, shaking his head.
* * * *
Thanksgiving Day arrived. Eliza handed each girl and Danny a list of tasks and they got busy. The Lawson’s arrived on time with their special homemade pumpkin pie. Tanner, Chase and the girls disappeared into the den right away, teasing each other like old friends. The men had drinks in the living room while Eliza and Mavis retired to the kitchen to tend to the meal, leaving Danny and Harry alone.
“Hey, Danny, How about our football team, six and one, what a record!”
“Yeah. Next year we have to beat Hopeville College.”
Then they talked about the Kiwanis Christmas party for underprivileged kids and the fund-raising events they were going to have to pay for the party. Danny asked about the low income houses they were helping to build on the outskirts of town and the two men got deep into conversation about Kiwanis.
In the kitchen, Mavis and Eliza were talking. Mavis got personal.
“What’s going on with you and Danny?”
“What do you
mean?” Eliza asked, closing the oven door.
“You’ve been seeing him for six months, serious yet?”
“We’re happy the way things are.”
“You don’t want to get married?”
Eliza shook her head.
“To each his own,” she said, though she looked as if she didn’t believe Eliza.
Knowing there would be four men at the table, Eliza bought the biggest turkey she could find, which was a lucky thing because the men ate huge quantities of food, especially the young men. Fortunately, they still had leftovers.
The day ended with Tanner and Chase making plans to spend every waking moment with Kaitlyn and Sally. Eliza agreed to their activities, though she was disappointed she wouldn’t see more of her girls.
Friday was clean up day. The girls slept in while Danny and Eliza put away the good silver, swept and washed the floor, put away the good dishes and got the house back to normal. Danny suggested a walk before lunch since the girls were still asleep.
They walked down to the large empty quad behind the science building. Though the sun shone brightly and the sky was clear, the air felt cold, too cold to sit on a bench in the shade, winter arrived early in Willow Falls. He led her down to the chapel to hear the noon bells. Sitting on a bench in the sun, they huddled close together, sharing their body heat and enjoying the peace and quiet of the empty campus. Danny took off his gloves and reached into his pocket retrieving a small box. Then he got down on one knee and took Eliza’s gloved hand in his.
“Eliza, I love you. I promise to take care of you always, will you marry me?”
He opened the box and nested in velvet lay a beautiful emerald ring with a small diamond on each side.
Eliza looked at him in disbelief. In a flash she understood what all her friends could see coming, except her—perhaps because she didn’t want to. She looked at his handsome face, so hopeful, his eyes so full of love for her, but her stomach got queasy and she felt ill. She stared at him.
“So?” he asked.
“No.” she said, quietly.
“What?” he asked in disbelief.
“I don’t want to get married. Remember? We talked about this? I said I didn’t want to get married again, to anyone. It’s not about you, it’s about me. I love things the way they are between us. I love you to death, but I don’t want to get married. Can’t we just go on the way we are?”
He got up and sat on the bench next to her and put the ring back in his pocket.
“I can’t go on like this forever. I want to be a family. I want us to start our life in a new place. I want to have a child…with you.”
“But I don’t want to have more children, I told you.”
“I can compromise. Instead of two or three children, could we have just one?”
“I don’t want to have any. Zero…no more. I’m happy, I love my work, my kids are great and I have you…what more could I want?”
“I want to build a life. I want what Mac and Callie have, a real partnership, devotion, real love you can count on.”
“But we have real love, at least I thought we did. We’re doing so great,” Eliza said her desperation in her voice.
“It’s not enough…I want more. I need more, a new life with you, not just your life rearranged to include me.”
“I love you so much, Danny.”
“But not enough,” he said.
“What do you mean?”
“You don’t love me enough to build a life with me. I’ve got no choice. If we don’t get married, there’s no place for me to go from here. We can’t move forward. We’ll have to break up.”
“No! No! I don’t want that,” she said, panic in her voice.
“Neither do I. I love you, but I can’t continue like this or I’ll end up hating you. Marriage or we’re finished,” he said, standing up, staring at her.
“Don’t say that. Please don’t leave me, Danny. I love you so much.”
“But not enough, Eliza, not enough. Will you marry me?”
She started to cry.
“I can’t. I can’t. Please, Danny. If you love me, don’t leave me,” she begged him.
“I have to,” he said as he got up and walked back to the house.
Eliza got home as her girls were waking up. Danny didn’t answer when she called his name. One look in the bathroom told her he’d packed up his belongings when he left. Devastated, she sat at the kitchen table facing a cup of cold coffee she left on the counter, intending to reheat, her head in her hands weeping.
“What’s the matter?” Kaitlyn asked.
“Danny broke up with me,” she sobbed.
“Why?”
“He asked me to marry him and I said no.”
“Why did you say no?” Sally asked.
“I don’t want to get married again. I don’t want to have more babies—I don’t want to quit my career and stay home. I’ve worked hard to get where I am and I like my life. I don’t want to change. I don’t want to sell this house to buy another one and start all over again. I don’t want commitment, I want to live day to day and be happy.”
“Did you tell Danny all these things, Mom?” Sally asked.
“No. He wants to have a child. I don’t. He wants the life I had,” Eliza said, blowing her nose.
The girls were silent.
* * * *
Danny did what he did in the military after a bad day, sought refuge in alcohol and easy women. He drove to The Wet Tee Shirt, a topless bar outside of town. He tried to drown out his memories of Eliza. The place was dark. There were a few men at the bar and a topless girl gyrating on a small stage. On the Friday after Thanksgiving at three in the afternoon, there weren’t many patrons.
Danny didn’t recognize anyone at the bar or the two guys sitting at the small tables. He ordered scotch, sat down at the table and watched the busty redhead do her stuff. She tried to look interested but could barely hide her boredom. She probably has two kids in school and a deadbeat boyfriend or husband who took a powder.
He felt sorry for her. Still, she had a nice body and he enjoyed watching her dance. He may have been heartbroken, but he wasn’t dead. Danny looked at her breasts and thought Eliza’s were better. She spotted him and sauntered over to his table, making eye contact with Danny and he smiled a sympathetic smile, not a leering “won’t you give me a lap dance for free” smile. He knew her job was all about money for her, but he enjoyed flirting from the floor.
“Buy me a drink?”
“No thanks,” he said, “but I will give you this. I enjoyed your dancing.”
Danny pushed a ten dollar bill across the table.
She looked disappointed, but only for a second, then she snapped up the ten dollar bill, put the money in her G-string and left. He finished his drink. His days of soothing himself with faceless women were over. Haunted by love and in pain—no one but Eliza could make him better. While the redhead succeeded in making him horny, his desire could only be satisfied by Eliza. He got up and went home.
Danny opened a new bottle of scotch and downed two jiggers quickly, then burst into tears. His heart was broken. The woman he adored didn’t love him, not enough, not enough to want to be with him forever. But he didn’t know how to stop loving her. His phone rang, but he didn’t want to talk to anyone. Checking to see if it was Eliza calling to say she changed her mind, disappointment engulfed him to see Callie’s name instead. He ignored the constant ringing. Two more scotches and he passed out on his bed.
* * * *
By ten o’clock, when Callie had not heard from Danny, she began to worry.
“What if his father caught up with him? Something must have happened to him,” she said to Mac.
“Do you want me to check on him?”
“Would you mind? But please, no more drunken nights where you don’t come home. If you guys start drinking, call me,” she said, giving him a kiss. “Thanks for doing this.”
Mac drove over to Danny’s to see the car in the driveway and
the darkened house, even the outside lights were out. The shadows and clouds made the property seem spooky and he became concerned bad people might be lurking. Then he worried something bad had happened. Danny might be sick in the house, or injured and dying and he needed to get in there to help.
He went up and banged on the door. No answer. He kept banging and on the fourth try, he heard someone stagger to the door. Danny opened up and Mac’s mouth fell open when he saw his friend so completely undone. His hair was messed up, his clothes disheveled and the almost empty liquor bottle in Danny’s hand said he’d done some serious drinking. Mac went in, shut the door and turned on the light, which made Danny shield his eyes.
“What happened to you?” Mac asked, taking off his coat and dropping it in the nearest chair.
Danny looked up and his eyes started to tear up.
“I asked Eliza to marry me today and she said no,” Danny said, tears sneaking out of the corner of his eye and down his face.
“Oh, God,” Mac said and hugged him. He could identify with a man with a broken heart. He would have been devastated if Callie had said no. Mac walked Danny into the living room and sat him on the sofa.
“She said she didn’t want to get married, but that’s crap. The truth is she just doesn’t love me enough,” he said.
“Are you sure?”
“Not enough, not enough,” Danny muttered
“What did she say?”
“She said she didn’t want to get married and have babies, she wanted to work. But if she loved me enough, we could find a way…if she loved me enough.”
“So what did you do then?”
“I broke up with her. If we can’t move forward to marriage, there is no place left to go.”
Mac’s eyebrows shot up.
“Our relationship is over. I had no choice,” he said.
“Why don’t you come home with me? You need some TLC…Callie.”
“You’ve got the kids and I’m a mess. What would I tell Jason? You want a scotch?”
