by Karen Woods
Emily rolled on her side and she was happy to see her mother. She stretched her arms over her head as she replied. “Mam, I’m just living my life. You are always telling me to get out more and now that I am, you’re stressing out. I can’t win.”
Elsie waddled over to the bed. “I’m not stressing out; I just miss our chats. Move over, I’ll chill with you for a bit.” Emily was in no mood for talking but she shuffled her body over the bed and let Elsie take a place next to her. “So, tell me his name then. Don’t even try to lie because I know you have a boyfriend. I can see the changes in you. You do your hair, even put make-up on. Since when did you ever bother with any slap?”
Emily giggled and covered her mouth with her hand. She was excited to open-up and tell someone about the new man in her life. “I have met somebody. He’s so cute. Mam, he treats me like a princess and I’m totally in love with him.”
Elsie squirmed. How could her daughter be in love when she’d only been seeing this guy for a short time? She brushed the comment off and spoke in a sarcastic voice. “It’s puppy love, it’s not real love. That will come when you’re older.”
Emily growled and her voice changed. Nobody was putting a dampener on her new relationship. “No, it’s real love. I know what I feel in my heart and this is the man I will marry one day. We have just connected; he knows me inside out.”
Elsie looked at her daughter and sniggered. “Bleeding hell, keep your knickers on. I was only making a comment. If you say you love him then who am I to question you? When are we going to meet him, because if it is true love, we need to give him the seal of approval? Your dad will want to vet him; you know what he’s like.”
Emily was in a panic. “No way, mam. Do you think I’m bringing him here for you lot to embarrass me? Dad would sit there farting and you would be laughing your head off. It’s not what I want him to see.”
“We’re your family though. We are who we are, you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family, remember that.”
Emily brushed off the comment and changed the subject. “Where is my dad? Is he still working?”
Elsie looked her daughter proudly in the eye as she reached over and twiddled with her hair. “Yes, he’s still grafting. He’s doing so well too. He’s not touched drugs and all he keeps talking about is taking us all on holiday. I’ll tell you what, he must have really taken on board what you said to him.”
“So, we’re still going on holiday then?”
“Yeah, that’s what you wanted, so that’s what you’re getting.”
Emily wriggled about in the bed. She was uncomfortable. “I’m not sure I want to go anymore. I didn’t have a boyfriend when I said that to him. Things have changed now and well…” she paused. “I don’t want to leave him.”
Elsie sighed, “Fuck me, don’t make it too easy for this guy. You sound a bit desperate if you ask me. You need to play it cool and be a bit of a player. Men just walk all over you when you wear your heart on your sleeve. Don’t reply to his texts too quickly, tell him you’re washing your hair some nights and let him miss you.”
Emily saw her arse. “No way, I’m spending all my free time with him. We get on so well and he feels the same way about me as I do for him. He said he loves me.”
Elsie sat up on the bed. This was news to her. “How old is this lad?”
Emily’s cheeks were beetroot and she looked away as she answered her. “He’s the same age as me. But age is just a number.”
This was all too concerning for Elsie and maybe she’d let things slip. She should have been keeping a closer eye on her child. “Are you having sex with him?”
Emily was distraught and covered her eyes with both of her hands. “Mam,” she shrieked. “You can’t say things like that to me.”
Elsie looked bewildered, “Why not? You’re my daughter and if you’re having sex then I should know about it. I mean, you could get pregnant, you could contract a sexual disease. You don’t want a scabby fanny, do you?”
This was getting worse by the minute; Elsie didn’t have a clue how to word this conversation. She should have got some leaflets from the family planning clinic, gathered some information from the professionals before she tackled this issue. “Mam, just leave me alone now, you are sending me under. If I need any advice, you would be the last person I would come to.”
Elsie’s face dropped. She wanted the bond that was between mother and daughter, the closeness. She wanted to be the person Emily could talk to whenever she needed help. Her daughter’s words had cut her up and inside she was wounded. Elsie didn’t move straight away, she sat on the edge of the bed and looked at her daughter and smiled. “Listen, you know I’m crap with words, but you know what I mean don’t you? I will never judge you or make any demands. I just want you to be safe. There are a lot of men out there who will take advantage of you, given half the chance. I just want you to be safe. You can’t blame me for that can you?”
Emily had overacted and she knew it. She tried to make amends. “Jane has a boyfriend too, so we are both safe, we have each other’s back. I’m not daft, am I? God, with you and my dad, I’m probably the most streetwise kid round here. Remember when you sent me to the front door to the loan man and told me to tell him you were in prison?”
Elsie giggled. “Oh yes, ay, you were a mint actress. You even threw in some tears too. I thought the loan man was going to give you some money at the end of your performance.”
The air was cleared and they both sat laughing together. No more words were spoken about having sex, it was brushed under the carpet and forgotten about. “Tina should be here soon. She’s calling around for a cuppa. She’s only gone and bagged herself a man. I told her that she should cling onto him with both hands because he sounds a decent guy. We both know what kind of men she mixes with and apparently this one is different to the rest.”
Emily always had a lot of time for her mother’s friend and she’d helped Emily a lot when her mother was off her head on drugs. Tina always made sure she had food, gas and electric in the house. She was a kind and caring soul. “It’s about time she found a nice man. She’s getting on a bit now, she’ll end up on the shelf if she doesn’t act soon. I hope it works out for her mam because, let’s face it, she’s never had any luck with men. What was he called? The man who blacked her eyes?”
Elsie thought for a moment before she shouted out. “Len, bloody hell, I remember him. He nearly left her for dead. He battered her black and blue.”
Emily shook her head and sighed. “But, what does she expect when she does the job she’s doing? How on earth can you meet a decent man when they’re going to a brothel where you work.”
Elsie’s jaw dropped. How on earth did she know that Tina was a brass? She’d thought she’d always kept it under wraps. She looked at her hands as the memory of her own torment came flooding back into her mind. It was a bad time in her life, a time when she would have done anything to fill her veins with drugs. Did Emily know her mother’s story too? “Tina did whatever she had to do to keep her head above water. Sometimes when people are that low, they make choices they have no control over. She’s got a big heart and whatever she does for a living will never make me treat her differently. So, I hope you don’t judge her either?”
Emily played with her fingers and she was thinking about what she was going to say next. “Mam, I know how hard it is when you have no money or when your addiction takes control of you. I’ve lived through addiction with you both and I know how it changes a person. I’m just glad that all that is behind us now. Look at you and my dad now, you’ve both turned a corner. I’m proud of you both.”
Elsie choked up and realised how grown up her daughter really was. She wasn’t brain-dead, she was wise and knew a lot about life and what went on in it. Elsie choked up and her eyes flooded with tears. She knew she’d been a crap mother in the past and every day she was trying to make things better. “I went to see your grandad you know. I’ve been waiting to tell you, but you’ve
always been in and out of the house so fast that I’ve never had a minute with you.”
This was great news and Emily rubbed her hands together with excitement. “That’s brilliant. Did he ask to see us? Jordan will be over the moon, he misses grandad. It was the only the other week that he was talking about him. Orr, they were close, weren’t they?”
Elsie had to stop her, put her in the picture before this got any bigger. “Emily, he didn’t want anything to do with me. He told me to leave him alone. I told him I’d changed but he wanted fuck all to do with me.”
Emily froze, she had to digest what was being said. “What, he told his own flesh and blood to leave him alone?”
“I know, but you have to remember what I did to my family. I let them down, time after time. They were good to me. You and Jordan basically lived there when I was bad on the drugs. I have to thank them for that. If they hadn’t looked after you two, then social services would have been involved and you both would have ended up in care.”
Emily snapped and banged her hand on the bed. “But, he’s our grandad. Why has he cut us out of his life? I thought he loved us?”
Elsie put her arms around her and kissed the top of her head. “Ay, don’t ever think that he doesn’t love you. That man would have climbed mountains for you both. He loved you both to bits. To him and my mam, you were the apple of their eye. Don’t you remember all the pretty dresses she bought you? She knitted you so many cardigans too. You were like her daughter, not mine.”
Emily was angry, rage was climbing up her throat and smashing its way through her teeth. “Bullshit mam, if somebody loves you, they just don’t close the door in your face. If they loved and cared for us, how could they let you take us from their house?”
This was a story on its own, a secret Elsie had never told her children. Her shoulders sank and the shame she’d carried for all these years seemed to be weighing her body down. It took a few seconds but Elsie knew it was time to come clean. Her voice was low as she revealed the truth. “That was my fault. I never told you the real story. I was off my head on the shit and went banging on the front door looking for money. I was off my napper and desperate.” Emily pulled the blanket tightly over her shoulders and sat with her back against the wall. She was always like this when she was feeling uneasy, the blanket was never far from her side. “I was screaming and shouting outside the front door, making a show of myself. I barged passed my mam and dragged you both out of bed. I told them that if they didn’t give me any money then I was taking you both home with me. They called my bluff and let me take you. There was nothing else they could do; I was a nightmare. Usually, they would just give me some money and send me packing, but not this time. Your dad tried to take you both back a few hours later but he ended up kicking off with my dad and the rest is history.”
This was all news to Emily, no wonder she’d been shunned by her family. She looked at her mother and shook her head. “I don’t know what to say. I suppose they did what they thought was right. It was you who was the nightmare. What else could they have done?”
“I know that now but you know what I was like when I was twisted.”
Emily could never understand the need to take drugs and even after several counselling sessions in school, she still couldn’t get her head around it. “I think you should go and see him again. It must have been a shock to him, seeing you after all this time. Let it sink in and go back. I’ll come with you if you want. I’d love to see my nana and grandad again.”
Elsie was nibbling at her fingernails. “I don’t know about that; I don’t think my heart could stand the rejection. I was just going to take it on the chin and leave them alone.”
“Stop being silly. I’ll come with you. Just let me know when you’re planning on going.”
There was knocking on the front door and a voice shouting. Elsie jumped up from the bed and chuckled. “That will be Tina. Get out of bed and come and see her, she’s not seen you for ages. You can both talk about the new men in your life.” Emily smiled; she could talk about Mark all day long given the chance. She picked her grey fluffy blanket up and followed her mother out of the bedroom.
Tina was white as a ghost and struggling for breath as she entered the flat. Elsie raised her eyes and helped her sit down. “That bleeding lift is broken again. I’ve had to trudge up them bastard stairs. You should report it to the council, nobody should have to climb them stairs every day. Bang the kettle on Elsie, I need something to wet my whistle.”
Elsie walked into the kitchen and left her daughter to entertain her friend. When Tina finally caught her breath, she smiled over at Emily and looked surprised. “Oh, you look lovely, have you changed your hair or something?”
Emily blushed, she hated compliments. She never knew how to handle them. “Erm, I’ve got a bit of make-up on, that’s all. My hair is more or less the same as I always wear it.”
Tina scanned the young girl again. “You’ve lost weight, that’s what it is. Your face is a lot thinner.” Emily had lost some blubber and her puppy fat had disappeared.
“Thanks Tina,” she replied.
“My mam tells me you have a new man in your life. Fill me in then.”
Tina didn’t need asking twice. “He’s lovely. I can’t believe my luck really. He’s not from around here so that’s good because he knows nothing about me. I’ve been up to his house and it’s a million miles away from the life I live here. His house is massive, lots of bedrooms, more than I’ve ever seen in any house. He treats me nice and he’s always on the blower asking me to meet up.”
Emily loved a love story and snuggled into her blanket on the sofa. “So, do you think he’s the one, the man you’re going to spend the rest of your life with?”
Tina burst out laughing. “I wouldn’t go that far. It’s only early doors yet but he’s got good potential let’s say.”
Emily was itching to tell her story too, here it was, it just rolled from her tongue. “I’ve met a guy too. I’ve just told my mam and she tried telling me about the birds and the bees in her own way.”
They burst out laughing and Tina could only imagine what had been said. “That’s nice Emily and that explains why you look different. You looked like you’re wrapped up in love. Every inch of you is glowing.”
Elsie wobbled back into the room with two mugs hooked around her fingers. “Grab one then, instead of looking at me. For fucks sake, the handle is burning my finger.”
Emily moved quickly and took the piping hot mug from her mother. Elsie sucked her finger and tried to cool it down. “Ay, I’ve just seen your Tony on the estate with that Mickey. He didn’t see me, but I seen him.”
Elsie was on the edge of her seat and sat thinking for a few seconds. “No, it wouldn’t have been Tony, he’s at work today. He won’t be home for another couple of hours yet.”
Tina was alert, she knew what she’d seen. “No, honest, it was Tony. I know what he looks like.”
Elsie was still in denial and she was having none of it. “It must be your eyes. I’ve told you to go and get them checked out. Tony is at work.”
Tina was questioning herself now, was it Tony or someone who looked like him? “Well, he must have a double because I could have sworn it was him.”
“No, my boy is grafting his balls off. If he’d finished work early, he would have come straight home here, oh hold on,” she paused. “He does have an appointment at the doctors today but I’m sure he said that was at half four. I’m not sure now.”
Emily interrupted them both. “He’ll be home when he’s finished doing what he’s doing, stop worrying about him, he’s a grown man.”
“It’s your dad we are talking about here” Elsie butted in, “he’s been a bit edgy lately and I’m sure he’s been struggling with coming off the drugs. In fact, that’s what he’s going to the doctors for, to up his dosage.”
Tina rolled her eyes but kept her thoughts to herself, she had no time for Tony and didn’t trust him as far as she could throw him. He�
��s was lower than a snake’s belly in her eyes, no one would ever make her see any different. “I was just saying to Emily how much she’s changed; she looks great doesn’t she?”
Elsie shot a look over at her daughter and sat tall. She was proud of her. “Yes, it must be this new man in her life. What’s his name again? I’m not sure if you told me.”
Emily was a bit cagey; did she really want anyone to know his identity? He’d already told her that he didn’t like people knowing his business. But this was just his name, nothing more. “He’s called Mark and that’s all you two need to know. I’m not saying anymore because my mam will start stalking him on Facebook. You know what she’s like Tina.”
“Don’t I just Emily. You keep his surname to yourself love. The last thing you need is her messaging him when she can’t find you.”
“I’m not that bad, Tina” Elsie sounded offended, “I just want to make sure he’s from a good family and that.”
“You just keep clear of him, mam. When it’s time I will introduce him to you but for now back off and let us get on with it.”
Tina pulled her mobile phone out and started to log into Facebook. “I’ll show you my new man. I’ve had a look at his Facebook profile and checked him out.”
Emily and Elsie sat closer together so they could see the photograph. Emily seemed concerned when she saw the picture for the first time, it was a blurred image and she couldn’t make out the face properly. “I think I’ve seen him somewhere before. Where did you say he lived?”
Tina shook her head. “No, you won’t have seen him before he doesn’t live around here, he’s from Bolton.”
Emily got a text alert and was paying no attention to what they were saying now. She grabbed her mobile and clicked on the messages. It was from her true love, her heart desire. Elsie had a swan neck and tried taking a butchers at her daughters phone but she got caught in the act. “Oi, stop trying to look at my messages! See what I mean about her Tina? She’s a nosey cow!”
