When I opened the front door, I didn't expect to see Benjamin and Annabel making out on the sofa. In fact, that was probably the last thing I wanted to see. A pang of anger pulsed through my veins as I realized that the two of them had become so obsessed with each other already, and there was no doubt in my mind that at least one of them would get hurt.
"Oh, hi Stu," Annabel greeted awkwardly as she climbed off of Benjamin's lap that she was previously straddling.
"Hi," I said shortly, throwing my keys onto the counter and heading to the fridge to retrieve a bottle of water.
Benjamin was mumbling something to Ann that made her giggle and I had the urge to roll my eyes at them. "How did the writing go?" He asked, suddenly becoming interested in me and not my roommate.
I shrugged, taking a swig of water that felt extremely refreshing after a long day of trying to sing the lyrics we had written. "I don't know. Clay likes it, but I just don't think it's right for us. I can't get the melody right either. It's decent, I guess, I just can't picture us singing it on stage. Like, ever."
Benjamin frowned, standing up off the sofa and lacing his hands together with Ann, making her stand up with him. "We'll have to play around with it, I guess."
"Yeah. Just not today. I'm so tired I can barely stand up straight," I explained, leaning forward so my elbows were propping me up on the counter.
"I'll leave so you can get some sleep then, Stu," Benjamin told me with a laugh, ruffling my hair. He turned to Annabel with a bright grin plastered over his pale face. "So, come over on Friday and then we will go out to dinner, okay? I want to make your birthday special."
She shook her head at him, placing her hands on his forearms as his palms gripped her waist. "Benjamin, it's fine. I told you it's not really a big deal. Nineteenth birthdays are lame."
"Well this one isn't going to be," He declared, leaning in to plant another kiss on her lips, even though I was standing right there. "Bye, Ann. I'll text you tomorrow, okay? And Stu I'll see you soon probably."
I nodded, heading towards the bedroom as soon as he was gone. I instantly threw my shirt off, leaving it right on the carpet floor, and changed into my sweatpants. Annabel walked into the room with her pajamas on as well, right when I had collapsed onto the air mattress and attempted to nestle my head into the pillow.
She sauntered past me and crawled underneath the duvet, letting out a content sigh when she was all snuggled up, while I was tossing and turning and causing the lumpy mattress to sink whenever my butt would press into it. I groaned, much louder than I meant to, and it echoed throughout our room.
"Stuart?" Annabel called timidly, and I just merely huffed in reply. "I know you're tired, so do you, um, do you want to sleep up here?"
"No, that's okay. I don't want you to have to sleep on this crappy thing," I mumbled in response.
She cleared her throat. "Well I wouldn't. I mean, this bed is big enough for two people if you, uh, wanted to share it?"
My eyes widened immediately, as I registered what she had said. This was a huge leap for the two of us in terms of getting back to the way things used to be, and I was really appreciative of the fact that she was being so caring. Especially since the act that had torn us apart had happened on a bed.
"Oh, okay. Thanks," I said breathlessly, crawling off of the air mattress and hesitantly up onto Annabel's bed. She scooted over a bit so I had more room, and my body instantly reacted to how comfortable and soft this mattress was when I let out a content sigh of my own. "Jesus, this is like laying on a cloud."
I slept on it that one night, but it just didn't feel the same as it did right now. My aching muscles were relived of some of the tension and my head rested perfectly against the curved pillow. "I didn't realize song writing could take that much out of you."
"Me either," I agreed, turning on my side so I could look at her. Her lush blonde hair was gathered onto the side of her face, making it hard for me to view her expressions. "It's what I love to do though, so I don't really mind."
"Where do you get your inspiration to write?" She questioned, rotating her body to face me, with her ears practically perked up with sparked interest.
I shrugged, letting out a soft yawn. "From everything we do. We experience a lot on tour. It's kind of harder to write when we are on breaks like this cause nothing is really happening," I stated nonchalantly. "Except Clayton just wrote that whole song today about Grace and it was super uncomfortable."
"Oh God," Ann grumbled, making a little chuckle escape my mouth. "She's been texting me about how bad she feels constantly for the past few days. I don't even know what I'm supposed to tell her."
"He'll get over it," I assured her. "If he wrote about it then he was trying to get it off his chest to feel better. That's why I used to write about you in a lot of our old songs."
Shit.
Her mouth opened in complete surprise. "You did? Really? Which ones?"
I gulped. There was no turning back now. I had already confessed that bits and pieces of our music were influenced by our friendship. "Um, not like a whole specific song is about you. Just some parts that I can relate to. I don't know. Sorry, if it's weird."
Annabel grinned, a complete and genuine grin that made me want to smile too. "No, it's not weird. That's actually super sweet. I didn't even think you thought about me at all after I left Australia."
I grimaced, taking a brave leap and reaching my arms to gently grip her waist and pull her closer to me. She put her head on my chest as I enveloped her in my arms. "Of course I did, Ann. I regretted what I did everyday. You were my best friend. And you still are."
"Good," She replied, moving her finger across my bare stomach to trace patterns over the surface of my skin. It tickled, but it also caused my heart rate to incline dramatically.
"How was your day?" I wondered after a few moments of silence. My eyes were closed. I was soaking up the feeling of being able to cuddle while on a proper place to sleep.
"It was kind of boring until Benjamin came over. Lucy keeps bugging me about this photo-shoot next week and I really need to go the gym but I'm too lazy to go," Ann whined, shifting her head so her cheek was placed directly over my pounding heart.
My palms rubbed her back as I held her even tighter. "We can go together if you want. I really need to go for a run."
"Okay. Thanks, Stu." Score. I might get to see her butt in yoga pants.
I exhaled loudly. I was forcing myself to stay awake just so I could talk to her. I always craved these late night conversations where we could open up to each other more, with the absence of awkwardness that is accompanied with daylight. "Ann, can I ask you something?"
"Sure," She whispered, obviously becoming as groggy as I was.
"Are you and Benjamin like, together, now? 'Cause if you are then I want you to be really careful around him, okay? I don't want you getting hurt-"
"Goodnight, Stuart," Annabel interrupted, cutting me off from rambling about my worries of Benjamin completely breaking her heart. He has done that before, mainly because he never seems to take relationships as seriously as the girl does, and I was worried that Annabel would fall for him too quickly.
I decided to keep my mouth shut before pressing on this subject even further. I suppose I'd rather her date my best friend than some random guy, but it was also scary since I knew Benjamin's history with some of his girlfriends. I didn't want him to leave her right when she started to actually develop strong feelings.
Right before I was about to finally drift into slumber, Annabel traced a very distinct shape against my stomach. A heart.
Chapter 19
Annabel
Stuart was still asleep, his thick eyelashes tickling just below his eyes. His lips were curled up into a very small smile even when he was snoozing, making me smile that he was so at peace. One of his arms was still hooked around my waist, so I carefully slithered out of his grasp and picked up my phone that was lighting up with messages.
To- Ann: morning ann :-)
what are you doing today?
To- Benny: nothing as usual!
To- Ann: you're so lame it hurts
To- Ann: but bradley and i are going to the studio today to record some stuff and i didn't know if you wanted to stop by and then get some lunch after?
To- Benny: okie dokie
To- Ann: artichokie
To- Benny: see you in a bit x
I locked my phone afterward and crawled off of the mattress to go cook myself some breakfast, since there was an undeniable rumbling in my stomach that desperately needed to be silenced with some food. Benjamin and I have been seeing each other a lot lately, which is kind of terrifying. I mean, I enjoy his presence because I have a major crush on the kid, but it's scary to think that I may actually end up in a serious relationship. Plus, with all of the time I've been spending with Stuart lately, there is an unknown feeling of guilt chewing away at me as well.
I placed some bacon onto a frying pain, coating it with a little bit of oil so they would cook nicer, and initiating that sizzling sound that was basically music to my ears. Two identical waffles had been pressed into the toaster, altering their bland yellow color into a beautiful toasted shade of brown that was just waiting to be topped with syrup and strawberries.
My delicious breakfast covered the top of one of our shiny plates and my mouth practically watered at the sight of a top-notch gourmet meal sitting in front of me. A glass of orange juice, filled to the brim, was a lovely companion to my stereotypical breakfast.
A butter knife sawed through the waffle that had drowned in the sea full of syrup and confectionery sugar. I lifted a bite up to my lips and realized that a) I should become the next great chef and b) whoever my future husband is will be extremely lucky that I am actually capable to make something other than cereal in case I ever have to make dinner one night.
Stuart strolled into the kitchen, seeming less lethargic than he was when he came home last night. His brown hair was tucked underneath a gray knitted beanie. "Stuart! Look what I made!" I squealed excitedly, showing off my masterpiece to him as if it was a prize you could win on a game show.
He chuckled, plopping down on the seat next to me and stealing a piece of bacon off of my plate. "It's delicious, Ann."
"Thank you. But try my waffles," I insisted, lifting my fork up to his lips. His teeth bit the waffle off of the other end and he chewed it for a few seconds before swallowing. "Did that just blow your mind or what?"
He shrugged nonchalantly. "I've had better."
I gaped at him. "You are such a butthead!"
Stuart laughed loudly, little crinkles forming up by his irises as the laugh overtook his entire face. "Butthead is like the cutest insult ever, Ann. Stop being adorable," Stuart cooed, poking my side with his pointer finger. "I was kidding, though. Your waffles were amazing. How about you make some more so I can have something to eat?"
He batted his eyelashes at me innocently while I simply scoffed. "How about no?"
"Please? Come on, my nineteenth birthday is coming up and I should totally get an early birthday present," He mocked in a high-pitched voice.
"Your nineteenth birthday was in January! And I don't sound anything like that!" I protested, although I did find his impression of me to be quite amusing.
Stuart pouted. "Yeah it was in January and you didn't call me and say happy birthday so you can make me waffles to make up for it. Okay, babe?"
If this little butthead doesn't stop saying babe my heart is going to go into cardiac arrest. It always came out of nowhere, and it always made me want to gasp as my body flinched whenever his velvety voice uttered it.
"We weren't friends in January," I explained, lowering my voice.
Stuart smiled. "But we're friends now! And that calls for a breakfast celebration!"
I couldn't help but giggle, finally giving in to his request. "You're such an idiot," I mumbled as his arms wrapped me into a hug. "Let's make some waffles."
Stuart had given me directions to their recording studio, and he politely declined to coming with because he insisted that he wanted to have a lazy day today and not have to see people. I was headed to it alone, cruising through the roads and attempting not to get stuck in any Los Angeles traffic.
The radio stopped playing songs when an incoming call came through the car, since my phone was synced through it so I could talk on the phone hands-free, to prevent any accidents. It was my mother calling, which I was happy about since I have missed her soothing voice that would always tell me something exciting.
"Hi Mum," I greeted, speaking freely while I changed lanes.
"Annabel," She choked out, her tone sounding incredibly uneasy. "I need to tell you something, honey."
My fingers instantly started to shake and my heart started to beat rapidly. This wasn't going to be the cheerful news I anticipated. I could tell by her voice that something had occurred. "Mum? What's wrong? Are you okay? Is Dad okay?"
"We're fine, Anna," She assured me, making a slight sense of relief crawl over me that my beloved parents were safe. "It's just- it's Adam. He, passed away last night. I'm so sorry, sweetie."
I slammed on the brakes abruptly as my heart shattered into a million pieces. I was in complete shock. I knew my dog was getting old, but I never expected him to die for at least a few more years. "Oh my God, no," I mumbled, feeling the tears spill over my eyes already. I made a quick turn into a parking lot and placed my car in park so I wouldn't have to drive anymore. I was a mess.
My mother attempted to talk more, but I cut her off. "I'll talk to you later, okay Mum? Love you."
I felt bad for ending our conversation so quickly, but I couldn't fathom to hear her speak about how good of a dog he was. Because I know Adam was the best dog, I didn't need anyone to tell me that. What I needed was to hold my favorite dog again.
I was full on sobbing in the middle of a parking lot right now. It felt as if I was mourning the loss of a sibling. Honestly, Adam basically was the sibling I never had. And now that Adam had died, it was as if there was a missing link in our family. The next time I came home I wouldn't have my favorite four-legged friend trotting around the house, and that was truly heart-breaking to imagine.
In many ways Adam had taught so much more about pure, unconditional love than any human ever could. He would always be excited to see you come through the front door. He would always have an overwhelming desire to cuddle and to curl up in your lap. He would still continue to love you even if you didn't play fetch with him one day. And sometimes, he would voluntarily come in my room without even being called, just simply because he wanted to check on things. As weird as it may sound, if all of these aspects could somehow be mirrored into human form, I believe that would be what love's all about.
I lifted my palms up to my eyes to wipe my tears and attempt to compose myself. This was going to take a long time to get over and I was unable to just plop a band-aid over my heart to overcome this grief. But I knew what I needed to do to.
With a deep inhale to suppress any further nerves from developing, my fidgety hands gripped the steering wheel and returned out onto the road so I could go see the person who would make me feel better.
My vision was clouded due to the tears that started swelling up in my eyes as soon as I had exited the car again. The door slammed shut when I went inside the still relatively new surroundings, but it didn't take much effort to find who I was searching for.
"Ann?"
"Stuart," I cried, sprinting towards his body that was sprawled out along the couch. He stood to his feet in seconds, his expression etched with concern as his eyebrows knitted together.
Stuart shuffled closer to me and put both of his hands on my arms, just beneath my shoulders. "What's wrong, Ann? Why are you crying? What happened?"
"Adam died," I hiccupped, and almost immediately after registering those two words, his strong arms pulled my body into his, enveloping me into a deep embrace.
"I'm so sorry. He was a great dog. I knew you loved him. He
ll, I loved him too. Oh my God," Stuart murmured as if he was completely bewildered by the news.
I nestled my head against his toned chest, practically staining his shirt with the tears that were continuously flowing, and he squeezed me even tighter. Stuart's chin rested on the top of my head after he had placed a few kisses there, and his calloused palms kept rubbing circles in my back to soothe me. There was absolutely no space in between the two of us, and I never wanted him to let go, especially since his warm body heat was transferring to me, and since the lovely melody of his heartbeat placed against my ear reminded me of just how at home I felt in his arms.
"I haven't seen Adam since New Year's. He probably thought I abandoned him. Or he forgot all about me. I'm a terrible person," I whined, feeling myself start to cry even harder as the realization struck me.
"Shh, it's okay. Please don't think like that, babe," Stuart whispered, swaying us gently from side to side. "Of course Adam remembered you. He was a smart dog. He wouldn't forget someone as wonderful as you."
"Stu," I mumbled against his t-shirt-covered-chest.
He planted another kiss onto my forehead, making my eyelids flutter close at how magnificent his pouty lips felt against my skin, and how it was such a reassuring gesture. "I'm not just saying that, okay Ann? I mean it. Don't feel bad because you were out here chasing your dreams. Adam totally has some kind of dog superpower where he is able to be proud of his owner for being such a kindhearted, beautiful girl who is making millions of dollars doing a job she loves."
I giggled softly at the last part, since he spoke in such a goofy tone. Stuart has always had this talent of making me laugh even when I was in the worst moods imaginable.
He moved his finger to underneath my jaw to tilt it up so I was forced to look into his brown eyes, and his thumb steadily wiped away a few of the lingering tears. "I'm sorry, Anna. What can I do to help make you feel better?"
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