From: Annabel McKenzie- i wish you the best
I sighed, flinging my phone back onto the table without a care in the world that I wasn't replying. The fact that she lied only fueled my anger even more. I mean, I'm reliever that she didn't sleep with Jordan, but her lying to me just to push my buttons was something I wasn't okay with, even if I used to be guilty of the same crime.
Benjamin's mouth parted open slightly, as he stood there dumbfounded. "You're not even going to answer her?"
I shrugged nonchalantly, returning my attention back to the bass resting on my lap.
He placed his palm over all of the strings, forcing me to glance up at him. "Stuart, I know you guys got into a fight or whatever but she was still your first love and your best friend. That's not something you can just throw away."
"We hated each other for four years and were fine. I'm sure we will be alright not talking to each other for another four, at least," I mumbled, not even feeling an ounce of pain over the idea of not seeing Annabel again.
Benjamin shook his head at me, raising to his feet. "You were so much happier with her, though. I hope you realize this is a big mistake sometime soon."
"No, the big mistake was listening to you guys and breaking up with her in the first place," I spat, unable to hold back the fury that was building inside of me.
His face flashed with a hurt expression. Benjamin chewed on his bottom lip. "You never had to listen to us. I'm sorry that we pressured you, but this isn't all our fault."
I scoffed. "Um, actually it kind of is."
Benjamin rolled his eyes at me. "You know what? Whatever. I'm only trying to help you. When you want to take responsibility for your own problems then you can come and find me."
* * *
Annabel
I bundled up in a sweater, feeling the knitted material tickle my smooth skin. It wasn't even that cold outside, I just felt entirely gloomy and that the ice that must have been living inside of my soul was causing a shift in the weather.
When I returned back onto set, Jordan instantly noticed my presence, gravitating towards me. I didn't think it was going to be awkward between us due to our previous encounter, but I was still slightly concerned that our almost-kiss might create a bump in our friendship.
"You okay?" He asked in a concerned manner, his eyes locked right on mine.
I shook my head in response. "No, not really. I got into a big fight with Stuart and we broke up, like for real, and I barely got any sleep and I just feel so guilty and I can't concentrate on anything and-"
"Hey, it's going to be okay," Jordan assured me, placing his hands on my shoulders and rubbing them slightly to calm me down. "What did you, um, fight about?"
I swallowed. "You," I answered immediately, then back pedaled a bit so his ego wouldn't get too big. "Well, I wanted to make him jealous and piss him off so I told him that we slept together."
The outline of a smirk curled up onto his plump lips. "I mean, we could easily make that come true."
I stared at him in shock. I couldn't believe he had the audacity to attempt to flirt with me when I had obviously been hysterically crying over this. "Okay, bye," I said harshly, turning on my heel while an irritated scoff left my mouth.
Jordan grasped my arm, pulling me around to look at him. "Hey, Ann, I'm sorry. That was insensitive of me. But you're free now. You can date who you want without worrying. So maybe we'll be able to go out again soon, and maybe this time you'll actually kiss me or maybe even more than just kissing."
His behavior and body language was not friendly at all, and I felt suddenly repulsed that someone I considered to be my friend was really just doing this whole listening thing just to get me to date him, or go further than that.
"Unbelievable," I muttered under my breath, shaking my head in disappointment. "No, Jordan. I'm not dating you. I'm not dating anyone. I completely went against my morals because of how angry I was and I need time to myself to figure out who I am becoming and who I want to be. I need to be independent. I can't do that by getting involved with someone else."
"He's not even that good of a boyfriend. I don't get why you're so far up his ass," Jordan called to me as I started to stroll away again. "I could treat you so much better than that jerk."
"Clearly," I responded sarcastically, growing quickly annoyed with his reaction to rejection and his childish behavior.
I returned back into my dressing room, sliding onto one of the couches with a deep exhale. All I wanted was to go home, or to see the person who made me feel like I was at home. I missed his presence even when we were still in contact, and now that he is completely ignoring me the pain is going to be multiplied even further.
I wish I wasn't such a screw up. I wish I was able to actually communicate with him and express how badly I feel and how much I regret lying to him. I wish everything was back to the way it was in the summer, back when I got to see him have his goofy smile plastered over his face and back when the two of us were so happy and in love.
I do need some space to grow up though. I am still clinging onto our relationship because it is so important to me, but obviously I have an issue with my impulsive behavior and my lack of maturity. I intend on finally growing up from my naïve, childish actions, I just wish that didn't mean I had to grow apart from my favorite person in the world in the process.
Chapter 53
Stuart
Having a gig every single night was such a great distraction. I got to have crowds screaming my name as lights shined upon me on the stage, surrounded by my best friends, while we played the music that we created and loved. It was such an adrenaline rush, and it also made this last month or two fly by.
I haven't responded to any of Annabel's messages within these past few weeks, and soon enough she just stopped messaging me all together. I kind of missed the annoyance of a new notification, but it was best for us to keep our distance. She needed to concentrate on her career, I needed to concentrate on mine, and I also needed to learn how to be without her. We were nuts if we actually believed we could make something work in this brutal industry, and it's better for us to not just drag this thing out even further.
I stopped thinking about her for awhile, because I was always hanging around with the guys or always at a show or at a party. But someone brought her up in an interview the other day, and someone had a poster with our ship name on it in the crowd last night, and somehow all of the memories were able to constantly flood back through my mind.
I remember when she started dating Benjamin and how much I couldn't even bare to look at the two of them together. I remember her choosing me over him and how overjoyed I felt. I remember how she would laugh at everything I said and how she would kiss me with so much passion and how her green eyes would light up when she smiled. I remember how holding her felt like I was holding my entire world, and how I wanted to constantly touch her just so I could believe that this was all real and not just a dream. I remember how wonderful it was to be in love, and how she made me believe that love actually does exist. It's a shame that it has all gone to waste.
I don't resent Annabel for her date with Jordan or for lying to me about what happened that night. I admit that the whole situation is partly my fault. I don't resent her for anything. I'm just over the idea of fighting and miscommunication and not being able to see my girl in person. Maybe there will be a time when we both meet and we have both grown up from our childish mistakes, but until that day, I don't desire to be in a relationship.
"Hey," Clayton called from his bunk on our clunky bus as it continued to hobble down the highway, pulling me away from my own thoughts. I tugged the curtain away to see him. "I just got a voice-mail from Keagan. We are booked to play at a special televised Christmas concert for charity."
Bradley and Benjamin both gasped, informing me that they were both awake at this time as well. "So, we're not going to be home for Christmas?" I asked softly, suddenly growing incredibly disappointed.
Clayton shook his
head. "I guess not. But it's such a great opportunity for exposure. And it's all for charity. We really need to give back more."
"Yeah, but on Christmas? Can't we do some charity concert another night," Bradley whined. He wasn't acting selfish and I knew he did care about making sure to help others who weren't as lucky to be in our position. But I did agree that it was such a bummer that we wouldn't be home for a holiday that is such a big deal for our families.
"I don't know. Maybe they can find another act. But for now, we're the closing artist," Clayton explained, making me sigh heavily.
As much as I would never take this life for granted, sometimes it really sucked. Especially since I was bound to run into Annabel if I was home for Christmas, and now those chances were completely ruined.
* * *
Annabel
I sat on a wicker chair that was placed in the corner of my balcony, overlooking the skyline of Los Angeles. A cool breeze of evening air whipped across my face, tickling the tip of my nose that was now inhaling the fresh scent.
Summer was over now, especially with how rapidly the sun has been setting lately, and the nights were just barely starting to get cooler. I wanted nothing more than to rewind to a few months ago, where I was living right on the beach with Stuart right by my side.
The movie would be finished filming by the end of next week and I couldn't be happier to receive another break and focus on my next project. I've been putting all of my energy into my acting and hoping to improve, and now that I was starting to become a more mature individual, maybe my transition from being a teenage star to a respected adult in Hollywood would be easier.
There was so much pressure surrounding everything I have been doing lately, and I had to admit that having a break from a relationship did feel slightly liberating. Of course I missed Stuart every single day and desired to just get back to the way things were, but I didn't resent him for his choice of ending contact with me. Both of us needed time to reflect upon ourselves and grow up, and hopefully somewhere down the road we will meet again when the timing and our minds are both in the right place.
My phone started to ring, and as much as my heart pounded against my chest with anticipation that it would be my first love, I knew those days of hope were long gone. It was just my mother calling.
"Hi Mum," I greeted into the phone, hoping that my Australian accent was still clear even though I have been smothered by American voices everywhere I go.
"Hi Anna," She replied, her tone sounding lighthearted and did not strike panic through me. "How's my little girl?"
I laughed softly. "I'm okay. How are you, Mum?"
"I would be a lot better if you got on a plane and came over here. I miss you so much," My mother whined. "What are your plans for Christmas?"
I bit my lip. I wanted to go home for Christmas so badly to see my family who I did actually miss a lot, but knowing that Stuart would be right next door to me was something I wasn't sure if I was ready to face. Last time we were in Australia we had just begun dating, and I don't think I will be able to deal with all of the broken memories between us. Even just thinking about how uncomfortable our families get-togethers would be physically caused me pain, and left my body with a deep urge to cringe.
"Oh, I don't know. Grace's parents are going on a cruise so she'll just be staying at the apartment. I might have to stay here so she won't be all alone," I stated, feeling guilty that I would be letting my family down.
"You can bring Grace with you!" She insisted. I didn't answer, and my mum let out a deep sigh. "Honey, you can't let Stuart ruin your holidays. It's his hometown just as much as it is yours, so you can't let him win. Besides, Holly came over this morning for coffee and I think she said she wasn't even sure if Stuart would be able to come home this year. Something about a charity concert."
I raised my eyebrows. It sounded more appealing to be back in my childhood home when I didn't have to worry about running into my ex-boyfriend who I was quite positive hated me. I mean, I hated him and managed to stay as far away from his as possible before, but now that our families had been brought back together after so many years, I feel like we will be bound to see each other. A part of me wanted that so badly, and another part of me was so terrified I was going to faint.
"I'll think about it," I decided, shifting a piece of my hair out of my face. "I will call you tomorrow, okay Mum? Love you."
"Love you too," She responded, just moments before I ended the call. I held the phone in my hand afterward, contemplating whether or not to find out more on Stuart's holiday plans. It was obvious that Stuart wasn't going to answer me, but maybe someone else in the band would.
I pulled up my contacts, skimming through the hundreds of names that I barely talk to until I finally found who I was searching for. I nearly cringed at his old contact name, and quickly changed it to something more suitable.
To: Benjamin Moore- hey are you guys going to be home for christmas
It didn't take him very long to reply.
From: Benjamin Moore- ann!
From: Benjamin Moore- i haven't talked to you in ages omg
To: Benjamin Moore- i know i'm sorry i haven't spoken to you guys at all but the break-up has made things really weird :(
From: Benjamin Moore- hey you can talk to us we're your friends too
To: Benjamin Moore- right but you have like loyalty to stuart so idk
From: Benjamin Moore- true ok i see your point
From: Benjamin Moore- but yeah i don't think we'll be coming home for christmas this year unfortunately :( we have to do a charity gig
So it was true. Maybe I'd be coming back to Australia after all.
To: Benjamin Moore- that's a bummer!! proud of u guys for doing something positive though. and congrats on all of your success on the tour recently btw
From: Benjamin Moore- haha thanks anna
To: Benjamin Moore- well i'm going out with grace so i'll talk to you later benny. hope all is well bud
This whole exchange was odd for me, especially considering the very brief period when Benjamin and I were a thing. So much has changed since then and those days are long gone now, but I am still so grateful that we are able to not be weird with each other about the whole situation. I only wish that Stuart and I were still able to hold a friendly conversation, but obviously our relationship and our break-up were both completely different than the one I shared with Benjamin so long ago.
From: Benjamin Moore- okay! hopefully the gang will be able to get back together someday. tell bree i said hello. miss u guys
From: Benjamin Moore- oh and ann?
To: Benjamin Moore- yeah?
From: Benjamin Moore- i know stuart wanted to see you at christmas too. sorry the band kinda ruined your guys' super romantic reunion where you both finally get back together but it will happen soon i promise
To: Benjamin Moore- hahahaah bye benny
Chapter 54
Annabel
My body slumped further down into the leather seat of the airplane, squishing into the odd material as I tried to re-adjust to get comfortable. It was three days before Christmas and I had finally built up the courage to go home. Grace reluctantly declined my offer to come with me, despite my attempts of persuasion, because she insisted that she could drive to San Francisco to stay with her aunt and cousins for the holidays instead.
My parents still thought I was staying in LA, and I nearly was about to, but I just couldn't imagine how selfish that would be me for me to stay in my apartment just to avoid old memories. I mean, Stuart wasn't even going to be in Australia, so there was no valid reason for me to miss out on traditions. The only thing that hurt was how eerily familiar this whole situation was.
I could still feel Stuart's presence next to me, urging me to sleep on his shoulder or teasing me to go into the bathroom to have sex. I can't believe I ever turned down that opportunity. Well, obviously that was the start of our relationship and I still was hesitant of trusting him due to our past, but the one t
hing I truly regret about the summer was not spending more time with him. I shouldn't have wasted those first few weeks dating Benjamin when I should have been savoring every minute we had together. If only I knew back then how it would feel to miss him like this right now.
I had just under an hour left before I arrived to the airport. Even the whole 'surprising our family thing' reminded me of our trip here that occurred slightly after Adam died. Everything suddenly felt so nostalgic and surreal.
I zoned out, trying to just focus on the familiar views that I saw from out of the window. It made my heart happy being home. Even though some of the memories that happened here haunted me, overall I had such a nice life growing up here. Los Angeles might be beautiful and exciting and the center of my career, but it would never be my hometown.
I retrieved my carry-on out from the overhead compartment and wheeled it behind me as we landed. There wasn't many paparazzi here, gratefully, and I tried my best to not draw attention to myself as I shuffled through the airport, hoping that my taxi was already here to bring me to my house.
Fortunately, the driver was ready for me. We got to my house in no time, considering I didn't leave too far from the airport, and I thanked the driver and left him a generous tip. I took one big exhale before exiting the vehicle, hoping that my family would have a good reaction to my surprise arrival.
My sneakers that I always wore while travelling stepped over the stone pathway that led to my front door. I swept my pieces of hair that had fallen out of my ponytail away from my eyes so I could get a clear shot of their faces. I knocked on the door twice, and I could faintly hear steps coming to open it.
My father stood behind the door and his eyes nearly popped right out of his head at the sight of me. His jaw, which was now covered in gray-ish tinted stubble, dropped open in awe. "Anna? What are you-" He asked, then just proceeded in wrapping his arms around me. "I'm so glad you're here!"
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