by Matt Shaw
“For fuck sake, mum!” she shouted. Quickly, she stepped out of the bathroom and hurried across the landing back to where the telephone was ringing in the bedroom. “Don’t you dare ring off!” she said - as though the person on the other end of the phone were able to hear her. “Mum - I told you...” she said, flustered, as she put the receiver to her ear.
“Honey?” a man’s voice came through the receiver. Josh’s voice. Holly froze. “Holly?....Shit...Fucking signal....Hang on....Holly? Can you hear me? You there?”
Holly tripped over her words, “I’m here...I’m here...”
“Typical - should see the angle I have my head here,” Josh laughed.
“Josh? Is that you?”
“You expecting a call from another man who calls you honey? Do we need to have a conversation?” he laughed. Ever the joker. Holly collapsed on the end of the bed, the phone pressed against her head, and started to weep. “Honey? What’s wrong? Holly? Talk to me...You’re scaring me. What is it?”
“This isn’t real, it can’t be. You’re dead!” she said through her tears. She pulled the phone away from her head and hung up on the impossible caller. The line went dead.
The Worst Day
With his jeans buttoned up, Josh laid back down on the bed and kissed his wife. “If I go now, I can get the deal finished and be back by tomorrow night. If I leave in the morning I doubt I’ll be home much before the day after.”
“I don’t care - I want you here now,” she said.
“And then tomorrow when you’re all alone in bed you’ll be wishing you had let me go tonight...” said Josh.
“I won’t! I promise! Come on - stay with me - it’s late! You can’t go now.”
“You’ll be asleep fast enough and then it will be morning. I’ll already be there, I’ll call you, you’ll go to work and then - by the time you’re home - I’ll be right around the corner. You know it makes sense.” He jumped up from the bed again and picked his shirt up from the floor and put it over his head - the perks of not undoing the buttons earlier when he was stripping his clothes off. Holly sat up. She knew it didn’t matter what she said to him - it was obvious that his mind was made up and he’d go anyway. And what he was saying made sense. She was tired. As soon as he left her, she’d go to bed and probably fall asleep fast - although not quite as fast as if he was in the bed next to her - and then it would be morning. He’d already be at his appointment, making progress, and that one step closer to coming home again.
He looked at his reflection in the mirror hanging on the wall and ran a hand through his dark hair before shrugging. He turned to kiss Holly before leaving the room but stopped when he realised she was just looking at him - a look of You’re really going to leave the house like that? - on her pretty face. He laughed, “What? I’ll be in a car - it’s not as though anyone will see me!”
“You’re unbelievable.”
“Thank you,” he smiled, taking it as a compliment, as he bent down to her level and kissed her on the forehead.
“Not a compliment!” she rolled her eyes.
“You going to give me a hug before I go? Or am I still in bad books?”
Holly stood up and wrapped her small arms around his medium-sized frame, “This doesn’t mean you’re forgiven for leaving me tonight,” she said.
He gave her a pat on her naked ass, “You make it very hard to leave if it’s any consolation?”
“Then stay!” she insisted.
“Don’t start!” He gave her another kiss. “I’ll give you a ring in the morning, okay?”
* * * * *
The following morning came and went without a phone call. At the time Holly didn’t think much of it. She just presumed he was parked up in a lay-by fast asleep - something he had no qualms about doing even though she’d often questioned the safety of it when he mentioned to her that he had pulled over, into a car park or quiet lane, for a little nap. He’d just tell her that it was less dangerous than driving whilst tired and the conversation stopped there. After all, he was right.
Holly tried calling his mobile phone before she left the house to go to work but there was no answer. A quick voice message berating him, playfully, for his lack of promised phone call ended with the obligatory “I love you” and “you’d better be home on time tonight so you can make it up to me!”
A successful estate agent for one of the main chains in town, Holly was sitting at her desk phoning around to one of her clients to let them know of viewings she had booked at their home when two police officers walked through the door and asked for her by name. Solemn expressions on their faces they borrowed the manager’s office for somewhere private to talk, away from her colleagues.
“Is there someone we can call for you?” one of the officers asked her after they had told her the news. Holly just sat there, unsure of what to say. She shook her head. The news being slow to sink in. The officer continued talking, his words echoing through her mind, stating that she’d need to go to the hospital and identify the body. Something about collecting his belongings. She found herself sitting there thinking that there was a chance they had made a mistake. If the body wasn’t identified yet then how could they be one hundred percent sure that it was him? Surely there was a vague possibility that they had got it completely wrong and that - in actual fact - Josh was currently on his way back having successfully closed the business meeting.
She accepted the lift, to the hospital, when the officers offered it. No doubt they were aware that she wasn’t in any position to be driving herself. Especially given with how pale her complexion had become since having the news of the accident explained to her and the fact that her hands were shaking terribly.
The lift itself was mostly done in silence. Occasionally one of the officers would turn to her and ask whether she needed anyone called yet or, more foolishly, whether she was okay. A silly question to ask given the circumstances. She answered each time despite her mind not really being focused on what they were asking. “No,” to calling anyone and “fine” when asked if she was okay. She knew she’d need to call someone eventually - if only to get her home from the hospital - but she didn’t know what to say to whoever she called. Not yet. Not until she knew whether it was him or not, lying on the trolley all broken. She’d have to phone her parents, clearly. And Josh’s mother would need a call too. How do you make that sort of phone call though? How do you tell someone, over the phone or face to face, that a loved one is dead? She couldn’t concentrate on it either. Her mind stuck playing the words of the officer through again and again; explaining how Josh had been involved in an accident during the early hours of the morning. His was apparently the only vehicle involved. They told her that it just looked as though his car had gone off the road on a quiet country-lane. She tried to put the images out of her mind as the scene played through; the car skidding off the road - for whatever reason - the tree that it hit, Josh going through the windscreen...Little details that hadn’t been confirmed and yet played out in her imagination anyway - as though that would help anything. Josh trapped in the smashed up car, his seat-belt stuck, with the flames engulfing everything around him. Screaming Holly’s name. Screaming that he loved her...
No, it didn’t happen like that! she kept trying to tell herself but every time she did so - another scenario played through her mind. If not trapped in a blazing fire then thrown through the windscreen with the glass slicing him as he tore through it. No, it didn’t happen like that! The car exploding on impact when it hit the tree ...No....She shook the thoughts from her mind and leaned forward to the officer in the passenger seat.
“I need to call my mum,” she said - a slight crack in her voice.
The Call
“This isn’t real, it can’t be. You’re dead!” she said through her tears - as she spoke to Josh on the telephone. She knew it couldn’t be him. It was impossible. She had seen the body. She had identified it. She pulled the phone away from her head and hung up on the impossible caller. The line went dea
d. She didn’t know what to do with herself as she dropped the phone to her side where it immediately started to ring again. She screamed at the sound of the first ring - startled by the fact it was happening again. A part of her desperately wanted to answer the call in the hope she’d hear the sound of his voice once more. Another part of her - smaller - wanted to ignore it but she couldn’t. She picked the handset up, again, and pressed it against her ear before clicking the button to answer the call.
“What the hell was that about?” Josh asked. Holly didn’t answer immediately. She couldn’t. “For fucks sake...Hang on....Okay...Holly? Can you hear me now? What was all that about?”
She closed her eyes tight and tried her best to suppress the tears, “Just playing,” she struggled to get her words out. “How are you?” she asked. A silly question considering she knew the answer was ‘dead’ yet she didn’t know what else to say to him. She knew the fact she was even speaking to him, on the phone, was impossible.
“Tired,” he said, “it’s been a long night.”
“No kidding.”
“Did you sleep okay?” he asked her.
She bit her bottom lip to stop it from quivering as she continued to try and keep everything all together. “I missed you,” she whispered. Anything more than a whisper would have given away the crack in her voice as the sadness ate away inside of her very being.
Josh laughed, “You haven’t had time to miss me!” In his eyes it was the following morning. He was unaware that his phone call was supposed to be the previous morning - the morning after he left her. He was unaware that yesterday, for Holly, was filled with grief and the knowledge that the man she loved, more than life itself, was dead and that she’d never get the opportunity to speak to him again. “I mean,” he said, “I missed you too!” He started to laugh. “Are you okay? You sound strange.”
“I’m fine,” she lied. A tear rolled down her right cheek. A slight quiver in her strained voice.
“Really? You don’t sound it. Are you still mad at me for leaving last night? I thought I explained that it made more sense to do that - you know - so I could get home earlier today?” Holly started to cry. “Babe? What’s wrong? Have I done something?”
“Where are you?” she asked. She didn’t wait for an answer before she continued, “It’s Thursday,” she said, “you left me on Tuesday evening...”
“What are you talking about it’s Thursday?”
“You left me on Tuesday evening after we had sex and you said you’d call in the morning...”
“And I am - here - now...Just as I promised.”
“It’s Thursday!”
“Did you bang your head last night when I left you? Are you okay? Look, I’ll be home....”
“You were supposed to call me but you didn’t. I went to work. I tried calling you but there was no answer...”
“Well I haven’t had any missed calls on my phone. Must have been a signal black spot or something.”
“Police came and they told me you had had an accident.”
“I haven’t! I’m here! I’m fine!”
“They told me you were dead and I had to go to the hospital to identify your body,” Holly continued to weep. “It was you. I collected your personal belongings...Your wallet! It was you!” she wailed.
“I’m telling you, I’m fine.”
“You were dead!”
“Just a dream. A bad dream. I’m fine. I’m here. I’m talking to you now, just as I promised. It was just a dream!” he continued - trying his best to soothe her although he couldn’t help but think she had completely lost the plot. “And then - later on tonight - we can be home again. We’ll hug, kiss - maybe have a little nookie if you play your cards right...I’m telling you - everything is okay.” Holly felt confused. She felt as though her head were going to explode. She didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t real. Had she just lived through a vivid dream? Had it all been in her imagination - a lucid dream after he gave her a final kiss goodbye before embarking on her trip? It couldn’t have been - it was so real. “Maybe you should phone in sick today - take the day off and rest up?” Josh suggested. He wished he were close enough to give her a hug as she was clearly distressed. “I’m sure they’ll let you take a day - you’ve put in enough overtime over the months. Put your feet up, watch some of your trash DVDs on the television. Maybe even eat a tub of ice-cream to help make you feel better?” he suggested - all the things that he’d like to do if he were going to take a day off from work unscheduled.
Holly started to believe the previous day’s nightmare had just been that - a bad dream. She slowly started to cease weeping, “I’m sorry,” she apologised to Josh, “I’m just being stupid. I think I will take the day off from work,” she continued.
“Like I said, you’ve put in enough hours over the last couple of months. I’m sure they can spare you for a day, or two, if you aren’t feeling one hundred percent.”
Holly stood up and walked over to the mirror, to look at her reflection, “I look like Hell,” she said. “It’s probably for the best that you aren’t...” she stopped mid-sentence.
“I’d still ravish you if I were there,” he laughed. He continued when he realised Holly had gone all but quiet on him again, “Are you still there?”
“Where are you?” she asked. She turned to the bedside table, next to where the phone had been resting in its cradle when she woke up. In the mirror’s reflection she had noticed Josh’s wallet and other personal belongings - the belongings she had collected from the hospital when she went to identify the body. “What are you calling me on?”
“What? My mobile of course...Hence the crappy signal!”
Holly walked across to the table and picked up the clear bag with Josh’s belongings - the item that caught her eye immediately being his small mobile phone. She felt the tears well up in her eye as the cruel realization began to sink in that - despite what she may have believed a minute ago - he wasn’t ever coming home again. “I love you,” she told him - the haunting thought going through her mind that this could be the last time they spoke together.
“What? You’re breaking up!” Josh said; his voice coming through broken. “Holly? Can you hear me? Honey?”
“Josh? I said I love you!” she shouted. Too late. The phone line went dead as the signal disappeared. Holly immediately dropped to her knees, a sickness brewing deep within her gut, and wailed out loud, dropping the phone to the floor with a soft thump.
The Body
Karen didn’t hesitate in dropping what she was doing to get round to her daughter’s house after the distressed phone call she received whilst cleaning her home - something she did every Thursday morning so as not to let it get on top of her. Although she was grateful for an excuse to stop cleaning, she just wished it had been under different - better - circumstances.
Holly couldn’t help but break down into tears as soon as she opened the door to her mum. In turn, Karen wasted no time in stepping forward and wrapping her arms around her in a warm embrace of comfort.
“It’s okay,” she said quietly, “it’s okay...Come on....” Karen held her tight and refused to let go - not that Holly was trying to get away. The pair of them were just standing in the doorway to Holly and Josh’s home hugging with Karen doing everything she could not to join in with her daughter’s weeping.
“I thought it had been a dream,” Holly wept, “I thought he was still alive.”
Her mother embraced her tighter.
* * * * *
The hospital corridor was busy with people going backwards and forwards to various areas of the hospital; patients, doctors and visitors. Yet Holly noticed none of them. She was sitting on one of the many chairs, in a small area just off the main corridor where she was advised to wait for her mum to come, staring at the floor lost in deep thought - the words of the police officer still playing on a continuous loop in her head. Not even the sound of her mum’s concerned voice, coming from where she was standing in the room’s narrow doo
rway, was enough to pull her back to the present.
“Holly?” her mum repeated. On the third time Karen said Holly’s name, Holly finally looked up. Karen hurried across the room, as Holly stood up, and gave her a tight squeeze. Her husband, Holly’s dad, Frank appeared in the doorway a few seconds later. He didn’t say anything, nor did he venture over to join in with the hug - he simply took a step back and allowed his daughter the chance of some privacy. The pair of them had the kind of relationship that meant, if he was needed, he was there like a shot. Until then he’d always wait to be asked before getting involved or putting forward his ideas. The complete opposite to Karen who’d be there, like a shot, asking if there was anything she could do and trying her best to make things better for Holly even though - sometimes - she could come across as a little full-on. Holly didn’t mind this time though. She welcomed the hug and the support. “Have you seen him yet?” Karen asked. Holly shook her head. “Did you want us to go in?” she offered. Again, Holly shook her head. “Or we can go in with you?” Holly declined once more confused why she had even called her mum round in the first place. “Okay well, if you change your mind, just ask...”
