by Bethany-Kris
“Oh, God,” she choked out.
“How’s that for what you wanted, baby?” Anton asked, breathless and chuckling at the same time.
Clenching her free hand into the pillow, and forcing the cries wanting out in the back of her throat to be swallowed, Viviana squeezed her eyes shut and just felt. Anton’s free hand rubbed from the base of her spine upwards, coming to rest at the junction between her neck and her shoulder. When his fingers gripped tight at that spot, she felt her pulse began to race.
Viviana knew what was coming and she still couldn’t have prepared for it.
The sensation of his entire body thrusting into hers, bottoming out and hitting every beautiful, unaware spot inside her pussy at the same time took her breath away. The next one had her whimpering. Before long, the thrusts didn’t have a pause between them, each one a little rougher than the one before. His fingers at her shoulder pressed harder, his nails digging in and making her eyes fly open wide.
The orgasm that ravaged her started from her womb and radiated outwards. Like a bucket of ice cold water was dropped over her spine, turning every nerve in her body numb. Viviana heard nothing but the quiet reassurance of her husband’s dark tenor behind her and the cattish cry that ripped from her throat.
“Shhh … Fuck, that was beautiful. Let’s do it again,” he said with a quiet laugh.
Anton’s fingers slowed in her ass while her hand at her sex moved away as if it’d been burned. She was far too sensitive to keep touching. In a blur of movement, Viviana was turned with Anton’s body until his back was resting against the bed and she was the one on top with her back facing him.
“What—”
Suddenly, the new position had his cock hitting a particular spot that made Viviana gasp.
“Jesus, yeah, okay,” she mumbled, still dizzy and overwhelmed from the force of her orgasm. “Let’s do it again.”
***
“Pregnant?” Viviana asked, her throat feeling tight.
The doctor sat on the edge of his desk, tapping the little square pregnancy test in his palm. The tests at the hospital didn’t look like the ones available at a store. Instead of a long, thin plastic device, the hospital grade urine tests were square with only two circle windows. If a line showed up in only the first window, the patient wasn’t pregnant. If a line showed up in both windows, the pregnancy hormone had been detected.
Viviana’s test showed bright blue, thick lines in both windows.
“I can’t be pregnant,” she said quietly, still staring at the test.
“I can assure you that you are,” the doctor replied just as softly. “I understand from your charts that you recently miscarried, right?”
“In February,” Viviana confirmed, swallowing her rising sickness. “I was only a few weeks along.”
The doctor nodded, his face expressionless. “I can see why this would be a shock, then.”
“A shock?” Viviana coughed out a laugh. “Jesus, I haven’t even had a period since I lost that pregnancy. That’s what I was here for, not … this.”
“Yes, well, a pregnancy test is a standard procedure when a woman says she has had no menses for more than forty days.”
Viviana clenched her teeth, staring away from the man. “Please don’t patronize me. I’m twenty-eight, not sixteen. I just lost a pregnancy and was told it could take up to three months for my cycles to return. That’s why I’m here. Not to be scolded like a child.”
“My apologies, Mrs. Avdon—” The doctor stopped abruptly, staring down at the chart on his desk. “Avdonin. Viviana Avdonin.”
Viviana still refused to look at the man. “Great, so you know my name. That’s good.”
“No, I recognized your name. That was all. You’re the wife of—”
“Anton Avdonin, yes,” she interrupted sharply.
The doctor’s shoulders relaxed, his posture softening. “It’s no wonder this is a shock. Given what I’ve seen in the press lately, you’ve been dealing with a lot. His trial is in two months, yes?”
Thanks to Ivan’s trickery, Anton’s trial date had been repeatedly pushed back due to delays and things Viviana didn’t understand. “Yes.”
“I’m sure you know your husband uses this clinic for … things,” the doctor said, shrugging. “I am sorry for seeming rude, it wasn’t how I meant to come off.”
Viviana took a breath, blowing out her frustration in a huff of air. “I haven’t had a cycle, so no, I wasn’t expecting to be pregnant.”
“That’s a common mistake women make. Fact of the matter is, you were probably actually having a cycle, and you would have had a period, but in the process, you needed to ovulate first, and obviously did. During that time, you conceived, so as would be expected, you didn’t have that period. I would normally ask about birth control and things of that nature, but if you would rather not …”
“They didn’t want me to take the shot again until after my cycles had resumed to a regular thing.”
“That’s not unusual,” he replied.
Viviana didn’t feel the need to point out that condoms weren’t exactly a favorite of hers, or her husband. That was, if they even managed to remember to get one. Like they always had been, Viviana and Anton were fast, dirty, and usually in the zone when it came to sex. They were stupid about it, really. But given their age and the fact they were married, no one had a right to judge them on their contraceptive choices, or lack thereof.
Even so, what an idiotic, ridiculous fucking mistake to make.
“Not really,” the doctor interjected gently.
Had Viviana said that out loud? Great.
“Listen,” the doctor said, moving off his desk. “Your miscarriage was an early termination. Your body was likely healed within a month after. How long did the bleeding last?”
“Two weeks or so.”
“Sounds about right. Chances are, you’re in the normal range for women who miscarry. About two months, or even three, before your periods resume. I don’t think you’re very far along in this pregnancy, but I’ll order a blood work up to be done before you leave. I’ll even put a rush in on it at the lab so you can have the results by supper time today. By the hormone levels in your blood, we’ll have a near exact approximation of how far along you are and your due date.”
Viviana forced herself to thank the man, but tears still prickled at her eyes. Panic waged a war through her insides, the anxiety making her sick to her stomach. The doctor didn’t miss her show of emotions.
“Viviana?”
“It’s Vine. Just call me Vine.”
“Okay, Vine it is. I know I work for your husband in a way, but if you don’t want to have this pregnancy, I can set you up with an abor—”
“No, no I do want this baby. It’s not that,” she rushed to say, wiping away the wetness streaking down her cheeks. “Of course I want this baby.”
It wasn’t just hers, it was Anton’s, too. There was no way in hell she would get rid of it.
“Then what is it?”
“I don’t want to lose it,” she answered in a breath. “I just lost a baby. I’m pretty fucking sure the stress killed me to the point where my body couldn’t care for it, so it didn’t.”
The doctor sighed, rubbing his forehead with a wince. “I doubt that was the cause, and if you’re still blaming yourself for the miscarriage, you’re not fully emotionally healed yet, either. Here’s what I can do to try and ease your concerns, sweetheart.
“We can do weekly blood tests to monitor your hormone levels from here on out. Usually if they drop below a certain number, it’s a good clue the pregnancy isn’t viable and is likely to terminate itself. Something else to consider is if you lose pregnancy symptoms suddenly, without much warning. I can order an early ultrasound to check for a heartbeat around nine, possibly even eight weeks. If we can see the heartbeat, the probability drops again. After twelve weeks, it drops by over half. Chances are, the first was a fluke, Vine. That’s all.”
“I can’t tell hi
m,” Viviana whispered.
Cocking his head to the side with a furrowed brow, the man asked, “Anton?”
Viviana’s heart was racing, leaping into her throat with every beat. “I can’t tell him and then lose it again. Not now.”
“Okay,” the doctor said. “I get that. Leave your cell phone number with me and I’ll call you directly with the results of the blood work. You don’t have to tell him until you’re ready. Be here next week, and we’ll do a hormone check. Sound good?”
All Viviana could do was nod.
***
“Papa!” Demyan screeched so loud Viviana jumped at the counter, nearly slicing open her finger with the knife she was using. “I got to paint with my fingers and Reese gave me his car!”
“His car, huh?” Anton asked. “Are you sure you’re allowed to have his car?”
Viviana turned just enough to see their nearly three-year-old shrug. “I don’t know. He gave it to me, Papa.”
“Well, okay then.”
Viviana was pretty sure that wasn’t the right answer for Demyan and the car issue, but she didn’t correct her husband. By tomorrow, Demyan would have forgotten about the toy, and so would the other boy.
Viviana sighed into the kiss Anton pressed to her neck. “Missed you, baby.”
“Good day?” she asked him, keeping her attention on the vegetables she was chopping.
Because it wasn’t a Friday, or the weekend, he didn’t need to be at the club until late hours. Viviana was grateful. She needed him close after the news she received earlier, but she still couldn’t bring herself to tell him.
“Yeah, it was good. Quiet.”
“How’d the meeting go?”
“All right. Ivan just wanted to explain what was expected of all of the employees what with the trial coming up and everything.”
“No interviews.” Viviana tossed the potatoes into a colander to wash.
“Well, that and more. It’s not important. How’d your appointment go?”
Viviana tensed.
“Vine, everything okay?” Anton asked.
“Yeah, the doctor said all was normal,” she half-lied.
“So why do you feel like a block of ice all of the sudden?”
Viviana bit her lip to keep from spilling the news of the pregnancy. “I’m not. It’s just personal, all right? Jesus, last week you had a fit at dinner with Adrik when I mentioned the word period. Leave it alone.”
“That was different, Vine. You were talking about someone else’s daughter. You’re my wife, it’s not the same.”
“I’m fine. All is normal,” Viviana repeated quietly.
Without warning, Viviana felt her body being turned from Anton’s urging. Under his curious stare, she tried to be calm.
“You sure?” he questioned with a raised brow. “Did they check you, or anything?”
“Um—”
“Papa, come see my new car!” Demyan shouted from the living room.
Anton rolled his eyes and grinned down at his wife. “Later?”
Thank God, Viviana thought. “Yeah, sure.”
When Anton was out of the kitchen, Viviana finally felt like she could breathe for a second. Hell, she was just glad she managed to delete the message from the doctor she’d received, and missed because she’d been changing Demyan’s day clothes into his play clothes, only a half an hour before Anton arrived home. The one that said she was four weeks along and the hormone levels gave the indication everything was good … and so far, viable.
That’s all it was, just one word: viable.
Chapter Twelve
Viviana braked the SUV, throwing it into park before slamming her hands back to the steering wheel. She was so overwhelmed. Torn apart from the inside out and wholly unsure of her surroundings. Never had she felt so totally useless and tattered. Like her soul and heart was a forgotten flag, ripped to shreds and flapping without protection in the tornado that had become her life.
The quiet, sleeping boy in his booster seat in the backseat was the only thing keeping Viviana from screaming her lungs out or punching her fists into a bloody mess. Instead, she balled her fisted hands to her eyes and panted through the tears that fell without permission.
Everything hurt. Everything ached.
Nothing in this poisoned mess was left untouched.
Absolutely nothing.
Why, Viviana wanted to ask. Why hadn’t Anton been more careful? Why had he done what he did? Why couldn’t she and Demyan have been enough for him?
How could you leave me alone like this?
Viviana didn’t have a single clue of how much time passed her by as she sat in the front seat and cried for all she was worth. Not while her heart broke all over again, and the hiccupping sobs turned to chattering teeth and hyperventilating breaths that wouldn’t stop catching.
When the sounds of her heartbreak threatened to wake Demyan in the back, Viviana managed to unlatch her seatbelt with shaking hands before she opened the SUV’s door. Cool sand slipped into the soles of her sandals as she stumbled out into the warm, May air. Less than three feet from the SUV where her son slept unknowing of his father’s absence and his mother’s breakdown, Viviana collapsed.
Echoing, wrenching sobs shook her shoulders. Viviana dug curling fists into the sand.
Shattered and lost—that’s what she was without Anton.
Empty.
Broken.
So hollow.
***
“Vine?”
Viviana barely registered her name being called over the squawking seagulls above or the lapping waves of water rushing under the pier. The safe haven that was Little Odessa for her had once again been the place she sought out for comfort. It held so many memories sweetened by easier, happier times. Things that left a hopeful sentiment resounding through her emotions instead of the bitterness of the tragedy she was currently suffocated with.
Resting on the beach, her silk dress was surely ruined by the damp sand, her hair was already beginning to frizz and wave from the wet air, but she didn’t care. Instead, Viviana watched Demyan, so close to his third birthday, trip through the sand as he watched the water and birds.
The childish laughter coming from Viviana’s son was the only thing keeping her sane.
A form dropped beside her on the beach. She didn’t give Ivan any acknowledgement as he stared down the shore blankly. Gia, Ivan’s youngest daughter, with her summer dress swirling around her bare ankles, skipped past her father. She was only eleven months older than Demyan.
“They’ve got him placed back at Rikers.”
Viviana felt the bile rise into her throat. Anton hated being confined; couldn’t stand to sit still. He hadn’t been locked up more than a few days the last time before they got him out on bail. But now … What now? With bail revoked, there was no chance for that.
How could he have been so stupid and careless?
“What do I do?” Viviana asked.
“That depends,” Ivan murmured.
Dumbly, Viviana shook her head. His answer was far too ambiguous for her worn-out mind to pick apart and understand. “Don’t be vague, Ivan. Just get to the goddamn point, okay?”
“I’m here. I should be at Rikers beating off the feds demands for interviews again or at the office working on an appeal, but instead I’m here.”
Viviana watched with a small smile beginning to form as the children ran past, leaving pealing giggles in their wake. While Demyan had been acting moody after he woke up from his nap, Gia’s tiny presence seemed to make all of that disappear.
“Did you hear me?” Ivan asked.
What difference did it make? “No, not really.”
Ivan’s hand grasped roughly to Viviana’s elbow, shaking her arm. “Stop it, listen to me!”
“How fucking stupid did he have to be, huh?” Viviana turned on her new companion with fire burning in her eyes. Anger suddenly swept through her body with a wrecking ball’s force. What little bit of composure she managed to keep af
ter Demyan awoke was all but lost with the simple shake of her arm. “A gun, Ivan. He was out on bail and he was caught with an unregistered, illegal gun in his car. He couldn’t even—”
“It was my gun,” Ivan interrupted quietly, releasing his hold abruptly. Shock fluttered through Viviana’s stomach like the beating wings of butterflies.
“What?”
“Mine, not his. I had an afternoon meeting at the courthouse and was late getting out of the house. I needed to drop the girls off at the babysitter because Eva was already gone. I was out of my mind busy, but I stopped to brief Anton on my plans for laying down the motions for a longer stay at the meeting. He was busy, too, handling somebody. I remembered my gun just before I left and tossed it into his glove box thinking he wouldn’t even get out of Seven Lights before I got back. I’m sorry.”
“Your gun,” she whispered.
Ivan nodded, meeting her heated gaze head on. “To the best of his ability, Anton was following the law to keep himself out of the prison during this trial. He has done absolutely everything he could, Vine. I screwed up, not him. Me.”
Viviana didn’t know what to say. For an entire minute, she simply stared at her husband’s lawyer, feeling choked and torn.
“You can’t just say it was yours?”
“It doesn’t work like that,” Ivan admitted. “Either way, he was in possession of a weapon, which in and of itself, is a breach of his bail release.”
“But … but, I need him here, Ivan.”
Now more than ever, Viviana needed Anton. She hadn’t even gotten the chance to tell him she was … Oh God, no. Even thinking about the little life just beginning to thrive and grow in her womb only made it worse. Suddenly her heart was cracking and splintering to pieces all over again.
What if Anton was found guilty for the crimes they charged him with?
“What’s the sentence possibility?” Viviana managed to ask, her mouth going dry.
Ivan cleared his throat, glancing at the two children standing hand in hand close at the water’s edge. What could she do for her little boy with no father to raise him? Would Demyan be who he was supposed to be if Anton wasn’t there?
