But Avery only smiled and addressed the audience with supreme confidence. “Do you hear how staunchly she defends a man convicted of murder? A man whose long list of juvenile offenses are well-known to many of you? Do you hear how firmly she denies her moral responsibilities to anyone but herself? Is this the kind of woman you want reading stories to your preschoolers? Watching over your adolescents while they research their reports at the library? A woman who openly sleeps with a man known for his violent tendencies toward women and—"
"I'm not sleeping with anybody!"
"You aren't? You're living with the man, aren't you?"
"We're sharing the same house, Avery. That's it."
"Come now, Ms. Reed. Do you really expect us to believe you're not sharing a bed, too?"
"That's enough, Dillenger."
The sharp, cold voice that cut across the room startled everyone. Rebecca whipped around to see Jake standing at the back of the room, the dark fury in his eyes focused on Avery Dillenger alone. “The lady's telling the truth. There's nothing going on in my house that could even remotely affect Rebecca Reed's abilities to run any organization and you know it."
Straightening slowly, Avery removed his glasses and shifted his attention to Jake, still standing at the back entrance to the fire hall. Rebecca thought he looked strong and solid, wearing his new blue flannel shirt and jeans. His broad-shoulders filled the open doorway he stood in as he faced down his nemesis.
"Mr. Donovan,” Avery said blandly. “How nice of you to join us."
Nervous laughter rippled through the room as the meeting's focus shifted from the confrontation between their council chairman and library director to the cold-eyed man Avery Dillenger had defamed just minutes earlier.
Calmly, Jake approached the front of the room. Ignoring the microphone in front of Dillenger, Jake placed his hands on the table. He leaned forward and said conversationally, “And just because a woman doesn't want to sleep with you, cousin, that doesn't give you the right to publicly question her morals or use your position as head of this council to get petty revenge."
For the first time in memory, Avery Dillenger's cool composure cracked. Stunning Rebecca, he flushed a violent shade of red. “You sorry son of a bitch,” he hissed, “at least I didn't kill her for turning me down."
The room fell deathly silent, every word having been heard by everyone in there because of the open mikes. Jake said nothing, refusing to move a muscle until he was utterly calm again. Dillenger's glare of unadulterated hatred faded into a slow, malevolent smile as he watched Jake struggle for control. A long moment later, his emotions firmly leashed, Jake rose to his full height and said calmly, “Neither did I."
Turning his back on Dillenger, Jake sought Rebecca's gaze. “I'm sorry I'm late. Are you ready to leave?"
She stood there so long, simply staring at him, that Jake was sure she was going to reject him in front of the whole town. He'd let her down again, getting there so late.
Instead, she smiled a very slow, almost knowing smile, then said, “You, know, I think I am."
With pure womanly grace, she bent and picked up her purse, stepped out into the aisle and, shoulders straight, left the building.
Jake followed her out the door, wondering what the hell had just happened.
Chapter Sixteen
"This is stupid,” Jake said forty-five minutes later, feeling scrunched in the front passenger seat of Rebecca's car.
"Oh, be quiet. I'm enjoying the view.” They were parked on Holton Hill, in a prime spot for looking down at the town below. “Besides, you owe me for being so late to the meeting."
"I was worried about the beer. I didn't want to show up with alcohol on my breath."
"You're an adult, Jake. You're allowed to have a beer now and then."
"Not as long as I'm on parole."
"You're kidding."
"'Fraid not. Legally I can't have one for another seven years."
"Well, then I appreciate your concern on my account."
Jake smiled. She looked so sexy when she was trying to be all prim and proper. “And I appreciate you treating me to a DQ,” he said, lifting his hot fudge sundae in salute.
Saying she wasn't ready to go home just yet, Rebecca had driven them over to the DQ, then puttered the Focus up the steep hill that overlooked the town proper and Dillenger's Bay.
Jake finished off his sundae and studied the panoramic view he'd seen regularly in his adolescent days, or rather the view he'd ignored while he focused instead on the delights of various back seats. The girls he'd been here with had always driven their daddy's cars, and it had always been their idea to come up here. Come to think of it, he'd never been here in a car of his own.
Apparently that much hadn't changed.
Nor had the space they occupied. He glanced at the cars already parked on one side, then the other, then tried not to notice how her skirt had ridden up along her thigh as Rebecca took another bite of her Peanut Buster Parfait and licked her spoon clean.
Holton Hill was for lovers. He knew it, Rebecca knew it, and so did everybody else in town.
So why were they here?
"There,” she said next to him. “It's over."
He squinted into the valley and realized the lights of the fire hall had winked out, the last person having finally left the building. So that's what she was doing. Seeing how long the meeting lasted after they left. He looked at his watch. It was nearly ten o'clock. Unless he missed his guess, Sutter or one of his pals would be driving by soon to clear the place out.
Wouldn't that be a nice addition to the stories that would circulate after tonight's meeting? His mind returned to the things he'd seen and heard in the fire hall, and he had to admit it. “You were incredible back there,” he said quietly.
Rebecca laughed and savored another bite of her parfait. “Me? If I was incredible, you were phenomenal. Seriously, Jake. I was so impressed. You didn't even come close to losing your temper."
He registered her delight with disbelief. “And you didn't even come close to hearing what Dillenger said, did you?"
"Who cares what he said? You didn't do it. I know it, you know it, and now everyone at the town meeting knows it."
"Rebecca, no one knows anything, and they're sure as hell not going to take my word for it. I'm Mickey Donovan's son, remember?"
She waved her spoon in dismissal. “That was then. This is now. Anybody with eyes could see Dillenger was no match for you. I couldn't believe it—Mr. Supremely Confident and Composed at All Times—nearly lost it, while you—God, Jake, you were so cool I thought I could feel the temperature in the room dip. It was like you had ice in your veins."
Jake's mood shifted, as it always did when Rebecca praised him. For some reason it made him uncomfortable. “Is that what you think?” he practically growled. “I have ice in my veins?"
Rebecca blinked, the spoon halfway to her lips. “Of course not,” she said quietly. “Although we have been cool towards each other lately."
"You can say that again,” he groused, looking out the passenger window again.
Rebecca said nothing for a moment, then: “I've been angry at you. For wanting Katie and me to move."
Jake stiffened in dread at just the thought of her leaving, but masked his fear with self-righteousness. “And now? Do you finally see I'm right?"
"No,” she said almost flippantly, and dug into her parfait again. “But I'm not going to let it spoil my evening.” She swallowed another bite of ice cream and sighed in what sounded like simple satisfaction. “You know, I've never been here before, like this."
"Like what?” Jake grumbled, wishing they would leave.
"Alone in a car with a man who keeps sneaking peeks at my legs."
His gaze shot to hers. “Tell me that's not why you brought me here.” She couldn't have. Not after that meeting.
She didn't seem the least bit surprised by his reaction as she peered into her DQ cup and scooped out another bite of parfait. “
Maybe, maybe not. Probably not. You don't seem to be in the mood for it, anyway.” She gave a little laugh that wasn't quite convincing. “If people only knew the truth."
Neither of them spoke for several minutes. Rebecca finished her ice cream while Jake stewed and stared out at the town he considered to be at the heart of their problems. He couldn't stay, and Rebecca wouldn't leave. Even if he wanted her to, which he did, but then again, he didn't, which confused the hell out of him.
It was easier to focus on what Rebecca wanted, which she'd made clear in a hundred different ways over the past six weeks. The woman was a part of Warner, and Warner was a part of her.
And he was part of nothing at all.
"I'm leaving, Jake,” she said quietly, startling him from his morose thoughts. “Katie and I will be moving out over the weekend. I've found an apartment in town that will be available on the sixth. I put a deposit on it this morning."
He looked over at her, not quite sure how he felt about that. “You're moving out?"
"Isn't that what you wanted?"
"Hell, yeah. But...” Why did it have to hurt so much? “But what about Katie?"
"You'll still be able to see her whenever you want to. I won't deny you access."
"Where is this place?"
"Over Barb Peca's antique shop. It's a nice little place off Main. Two bedrooms and a kitchenette.” She smiled ruefully. “I won't have room for my furniture again, but I'll find a place for it in time. Maybe even build a little bungalow out by the bay. I've looked at a couple of half-acre lots out there that would be pretty, but haven't been able to bring myself to make an offer on any of them before now."
"Why not?"
She stuffed her empty cup in the trash bag and looked him in the eye. “I guess part of me kept hoping you'd change your mind about staying in Warner.” When he didn't respond, she sighed and looked away, toward Dillenger's Bay. “But last week when you told me there wasn't anything here for you, it finally hit home that you didn't want me, so—"
"Didn't want you?"
"We've been living in your house for nearly four weeks, Jake. Not once have you come anywhere near to making a pass at me. Including tonight. I'd say that means you meant what you said about not wanting to get involved with me."
She looked away again, then swallowed noticeably. “Just tell me the truth, Jake.” She looked at him then, her eyes dark, solemn and completely vulnerable. “If your life hadn't taken the turn it did eight years ago, would you have considered getting involved with me?"
Jake couldn't answer. Not and keep his freedom. Not after she'd stood up in that council meeting and let everyone know she didn't care about who he might or might not have killed. He'd shown up as she was calmly explaining to Dillenger how moving in with her aunt instead of a convicted killer would have deprived another homeless family of a place to stay. Naturally, Rebecca being Rebecca, she'd been more than willing to make the sacrifice.
The woman had no idea how desperately he wanted her. None at all.
He looked at her and shook his head. No way would he give in to the nearly crushing need coursing through him at that moment. No way. Not at the price of her personal reputation, which, as far as Jake was concerned, had only skyrocketed at that farce of a meeting tonight. He'd be damned if he'd unravel any progress she might've made towards getting her life back on track by facing down Dillenger tonight.
So what the hell were they doing here? On Holton Hill?
As if reading his mind, Rebecca sighed fatalistically and started the ignition. “Forget it. You were right. This was a stupid idea."
Neither of them said a word all the way home. As Rebecca negotiated the familiar twists and turns of the road back to town, Jake wondered where Sutter's Blazer had left the road. That train of thought led him back to Dillenger, and Dillenger was not anyone Jake enjoyed thinking about. For some reason, finding out that Sheriff Sutter was MIA gave Jake a hinky feeling about Dillenger and his missing boot knife.
By the time he got home, Jake's mind was firmly on Dillenger and what frame of mind his cousin might be in after their showdown at the meeting. He got out of the car, and headed upstairs to get his running shoes. He needed some time to think, and it wasn't going to happen here, not with knowing Rebecca thought he didn't want her.
* * * *
Rebecca cried in the tub. It was over. Jake didn't want her and never would. She'd told him she was moving out and he'd gone out running, just like every other night. The man couldn't stand to be alone with her. Not even on Holton Hill.
She didn't know why she'd taken him up there, other than she'd felt pretty full of herself after the meeting and had wanted to go somewhere and celebrate with her best friend.
Her best friend, who had made it clear that other than friendship she didn't appeal to him. Never had, if she got right down to it. It was a miracle they'd managed to conceive Katie with Jake so opposed to having anything to do with her.
Three strikes and you're out, girlfriend. Give it up and go home.
Wearily, she climbed out of the claw-footed tub. An hour and a half later, still unable to sleep, she put on her robe and went downstairs to heat some milk. Wanting to avoid the harsh glare of the overhead light, she worked by the light of the stove. She was still sitting at the kitchen table, finishing up the last of her milk, when Jake walked in.
He paused in the doorway. “I thought you'd be sleeping by now."
Rumpled and sweaty, he'd never looked better. “I couldn't settle in. I guess the meeting left me a little wired.” She pointedly ignored their trip to Holton Hill.
Jake looked away, then back at her. “How's Katie?"
"Fine, I guess. I left her at Aunt Martha's for the night. We'd made arrangements earlier since I wasn't sure how I'd feel after the meeting. They haven't called to say anything is wrong."
Jake's heart dropped into his stomach. “Oh.” Wow. They were alone. For the night. Wow. And she'd known it all along. Suddenly Holton Hill made a little more sense. Rebecca had been testing the waters, and he—he'd gone running. The grandfather clock struck two-thirty, and Jake looked into the darkness of the dining room, then checked the kitchen clock. Anywhere but at Rebecca. “Wow,” he said aloud, still reeling from the implications of them being alone. “Is it that late already? Guess I'd better hit the shower."
He toed off his shoes and tried to cast her a quick smile. One meant to reassure her he wasn't really doing what it seemed like he was doing. Bolting. “Five thirty'll be here before we know it."
"Yeah,” Rebecca said, with a disgusted look that let him know he wasn't fooling either of them. “I know."
* * * *
Jake emerged from the bathroom twenty minutes later to find Rebecca's bedroom door closed. His disappointment surprised him. Apparently part of him had hoped she'd still be downstairs, willing to keep him company while he fixed himself a snack.
Yeah, right. After the way he'd stomped all over her feelings tonight?
He felt like slime, rejecting her both up on Holton Hill and here, where she'd sat at the kitchen table looking lower than he'd ever seen her, but what else could he do? Two hours of running and another of just walking and thinking, and he still had no answers.
Before he could chicken out, he knocked on her door. “Rebecca? You still awake?"
He heard the bedcovers rustle and a light click on, and tried not to think about what she was or wasn't wearing. “Just a minute."
Good. She was putting on her robe. It occurred to him he should have grabbed a T-shirt before he'd knocked, but it was too late now. He wiped his palms on his cotton drawstring pants and prepared himself to eat crow. When she opened the door, he knew she'd been crying.
"What happened?” she asked, unsuccessfully trying to stifle a sniffle. “Did Katie call?"
"No. Katie's fine. It's ... it's me."
"What's wrong?"
Her immediate concern added another layer of guilt. I want you. I need you. I can't have you and it's driving me c
razy. “I ... I just wanted to apologize."
Her tears welled up again, even as her chin came up. “For what? Not wanting me?"
"For hurting you, Rebecca. Over and over again. I've never wanted to hurt you. Never. But it seems to be the thing I do best."
She didn't speak, but two fat tears rolled down her cheeks. Instinctively, Jake reached out to catch them. They damn near scalded his thumbs, but he didn't care. He was tired of keeping his distance. Tired of pretending he didn't care, when there was nothing on earth he cared about more. “I'm sorry, Becca. Really, I am. I just ... can't be who you want me to be."
She pulled away and wiped at her eyes, then took a deep breath and met his gaze with the look of resolute strength he'd come to know and fear as well as cherish over the past six weeks. It was the look that told him she'd be fine when he moved on, the look that let him know that Rebecca Reed would never let life defeat her the way he'd apparently let it defeat him.
"The only person I've ever wanted you to be, Jacob Donovan,” she said quietly, “is yourself."
He closed his eyes and ached to hold her just once. The pain of keeping it all inside was getting to be too much. Instead, he flexed his fists and took his own deep, shaky breath before meeting her eyes again. “I'm not sure I know who that is anymore."
The gentle touch of her hand on his face was like a cool, welcome rain on his parched soul. His mind told him to move back, move away, but his body refused to listen. Not this time. No more. Six weeks of running two hours a night or more, and none of it had done a blessed thing to blunt the knife edge of need he teetered on day in and day out.
Jake's Return Page 17
