by Julia Ember
“What is the deal?” I asked, wringing my hands.
“One wish. Anything you want. Truly, anything,” they insisted, noticing my raised eyebrows. Their aura turned silver, flashing as they grew excited.
“What do I have to do?”
“I need a voice.” They took a little vial from their coat and held it out. Inside, a glowing white liquid splashed against the glass. “A voice from a merperson. I can’t talk to the other creatures in the sea without it. Everyone knows I can change my form at will but… voices I have to collect.”
My hand went to my throat, then crept down to my belly. Was that why they had helped me at the ceremony? Did they want me to give them all the voices I carried inside me? Or my own?
“Not yours. I’m not a fool and I know you’d never give that up.” They patted my shoulder again, and I recoiled. The dryness of their skin felt like sand trapped between my scales. “And the ones you carry… I know what you’re thinking, but they’re not voices. Not yet. They’re just potential. But there must be others—an old woman perhaps? A silent maid? A merperson who would not miss their voice anyway? Who would be happier left mute and in peace?”
I couldn’t think of anyone like that, but I nodded anyway. Who could be happier living the rest of their life with no voice? I couldn’t imagine how isolating that would be.
“Tell me what you want to do,” I said, lowering myself to sit on the edge of my pallet. “I’m not saying I’ll do it; I just want to hear what the conditions would be.”
To escape the situation Havamal had put me in, I was willing to listen to anything. If I could just escape, I could vanish into the ocean. I would catch up with Ragna, and who knew after that? I could find a new world.
Loki’s grin widened. They stepped forward and hung the vial from a cord of twisted fibers around my neck.
Loki vanished, and the water flooded back into the cave, leaving me dizzy with nervousness. I didn’t know when Havamal would return or how long I had spent negotiating with the trickster, but I knew I had to hurry if I was to succeed before I was dragged in front of the king.
I slipped from my cave into the labyrinth of halls and storage bays. I didn’t know if my plan would work, but there was only one mermaid I could think of who might accept Loki’s conditions. Soon, I was in a less familiar part of the fortress—the most luxurious part—where each individual cave was a crystal palace of ice with its own dining chamber and sitting room. Mama and I never won numbers high enough for one of these residences, nor would we ever. Everyone knew the system was rigged. With Mama refusing to take another mate after the death of my father, and me being, well… strange and, before The Grading, undesirable, to say the least… our chances had never been good.
If I were staying, maybe we’d be allocated something better next year, since the results of the fertility ceremony made me valuable. Something tickled the back of my throat. What would Mama do, once I was gone? Would the king hold her responsible for my departure? But with my former best friend about to make me a prisoner, I couldn’t let myself dwell on that.
At the end of the twisting hall, the water warmed. I crept to the doorframe of the last cave and peered inside. I hovered in the doorway, stunned by the moment of weakness I was not supposed to see. Vigdis tilted her head back to stop the flow of misery, wiping snot on a square-cut piece of seaweed.
Part of me was taken aback. I hadn’t expected to find her still crying. It had been days since the ceremony. And yet I supposed that Vigdis felt as trapped as I was now, with all her dreams stripped away. I wished our positions had been reversed. I couldn’t help feeling, in that moment of prayer before The Grading when I’d asked Loki for help, that I’d somehow exchanged our fates, that I’d stolen something from her.
I knocked on the outside wall, and my fist sank into the ice. She’d cried so much her home had started to melt around her. I almost felt guilty, using her like this, but given the state she was in, maybe she’d thank me. Maybe we would both get what we wanted. “Vigdis?”
“Did you come to rub it in?” she asked, pawing at her eyes. “I get it, okay? The irony of everything. That you’re fertile and I’m not. “
“There’s always next year,” I offered. I didn’t want to be too quick with my bargain, not until she relaxed and understood that I hadn’t come to mock her.
“Next year?” Vigdis gave a hollow laugh and banged her head on the wall. “I got a score of eight. Eight. I have eight viable follicles in my entire body. With a score that low, nobody will ever want me. I’m too much of a risk even if I get a higher count next year.”
“Have you thought about doing something else? Lots of merwomen have other jobs…”
“After!” Her voice broke, and boiling tears seeped into the water. “They do things after they’ve proved themselves. I never learned any skills. I didn’t really pay attention in our lessons. Why would I? I always knew what I wanted. What am I possibly good for now?”
“I don’t know. You could work in the nurseries?” Even as I said the words, I realized how insensitive they sounded.
“Get out,” she whispered. Then her voice rose into a screech. “I told you before not to bother me. I never want to see you again. Get out!”
“What if there was another way?” I asked, sitting opposite her against the back wall. Her eyes narrowed. I took a deep breath, bracing myself for what I had to do. Somewhere, Loki would be watching me. I held the little vial up to the light filtering in from above. It glowed with the same neon intensity as Loki’s eyes. “What if you could make a swap and find a mate and be as fertile as any of us? What would you give for that?”
Vigdis leaned forward, studying the bottle in my hands.
“I had a visit.” I pressed on, now that I had her interest, turning the vial over like a timeglass. She watched the liquid run down the glass sides with rapt attention. “The god of lies.”
Vigdis scowled and scooted away from me. “You’re the one who’s lying,” she spat out. “The only liar here is you. What would a god want with you? With any of us?”
“Loki’s been watching me.”
“And what do you do that is any way interesting?” Her eyes glittered, and she hesitated and looked again at the contents of the bottle. “I’ve always wondered where you go… what you do… when the rest of us bask or stay to talk in the hall. Or did you cheat? Is this how you… how you did that at the ceremony?”
Her question caught me off guard and wasn’t something I wanted to answer. Even now, even after everything that had happened, some part of me didn’t want Vigdis to win. I didn’t want her to think she’d been right all along. But if I said no, then she might not agree to give me what I needed now. I swallowed my pride and forced myself to say, “Yes.”
Her eyes narrowed further, and then she pointed an accusing finger at me. “I knew it. I knew that with how you neglect yourself…”
I cut her off. “Do you want to hear the rest of what I have to say or not?”
She gave the tiniest of nods.
“I want to leave this place and make my fortune as far away from this glacier as I can. I’ve always wanted to leave and, until this year, I always thought that Havamal would go with me. That’s over, but… I met… a human. Someone I can see the world with.”
Vigdis gasped and her tears stopped. “The king will kill you.”
“He can’t know.”
“Humans are dangerous, Ersel. They’re vicious. They’re scavengers. We all know that!”
I grimaced. “She’s not like that—”
“She?” Vigdis snapped. “You’ve gotten to know her? Is she still here? Where are you hiding her? Oh, King Calder will take all your scales. He’ll scrape you down until there is nothing left. And you’ll deserve it. You’ve exposed us.”
I closed my eyes as hot fear coursed through me. I’d misjudged her, and now I would pay for
it. “It’s not like that. She doesn’t know much.”
Vigdis’s sharp eyes traveled back to the bottle in my hands. Her hands massaged her abdomen and the empty womb beneath her scales. A small smile twitched at the corner of her mouth. I always thought Vigdis was stupid, but it dawned on me now that she had said those things to rebalance the situation. She was used to having the upper hand with me and she wanted her power back. “You say there is another way? What way?”
“A trade.”
“What could I have that the god of lies would want? I’m not even from Loki’s season.” She glanced around her cave and then laughed. “My pearls? My ice sculptures? Surely there are better out there, and Loki could just take them if it’s what they wanted.”
“Your voice.”
Vigdis’s body went rigid. She pressed a hand to her throat. Then, she asked sharply, “What kind of deal is that?”
I shrugged. “It’s what they offered. You know the legends. They can take whatever form they want, but they have to take voices from the willing ever since Odin sealed their true lips.”
It was a legend I knew well. Odin, the All-Father, had punished Loki by sewing their lips together with magically binding thread after they deceived a group of Odin’s closest commanders. When the trickster changed form, the threads were invisible and they could move their adopted mouths, but the lock on their true voice remained. Even though the god of lies had made many appeals to Odin, their crime was never forgiven. Odin did not change his mind. He never went back on his word. Forevermore, Loki would need to steal voices to accompany their many forms.
“They didn’t want to take yours? Is there something wrong with your voice?” Vigdis could barely contain her sneer. “Well, I guess one part of my body must be better then, even if it’s not the part I wish it was.”
I tried to swallow my revulsion. She actually considered her womb more important than her voice. I had guessed that before I decided to approach her, but still, having her confirm it made my stomach churn.
When I hesitated, tears leaked from her violet eyes. The water around us grew so warm, I empathized with the fish Ragna had cooked for her dinner. I felt sorry for Vigdis and guilty for what I was about to do to her. But maybe, this way, we’d both get some of what we wanted.
When I spoke again, my tone sounded harsh, even to me. The mixture of guilt, fear, and pity I felt made me lash out. I couldn’t go through with what Havamal wanted from me and this might be my only chance to escape. Being a prisoner here would kill me. “Swap it then. If it’s worth it to you. Swap your voice for a healthy womb and have the role you always wanted. I’m sure Loki will even toss in a mate for you, if that’s what you wish.”
Vigdis looked at the other side of her cave. Her expression warmed into softness. “Yes,” she said. “Yes.”
When I returned to my crevice, I had no choice but to sit and wait for Loki. What if Havamal came back before the god did? Would Loki intervene? I’d fulfilled my promise to them, and even the gods were bound by their oath. I repeated the trickster’s name again and again to no avail.
I supposed you couldn’t call a god and expect them to answer like a trained whale. But what if they didn’t come in time? What if I’d taken Vigdis’s voice, and there would be no mate for her and no escape for me? The vial containing her sacrifice glowed in my hands, dangling from a rope around my neck.
I’d decided to ask for legs. Then, like a seabird or a sand crab, I could choose the land or the sea for my home. I could go anywhere. I wanted to keep my gills and possibly some of my scales too. I liked Ragna’s form well enough, but since I wasn’t blessed with gods-given magical tattoos, my skin would look awfully plain if it were… just bare.
Something moved in the shadows and brushed my kelp curtain aside. My heart leapt into my mouth. I saw a flash of silver fin. No. He could not have returned already. Not now. Not after what I’d just done.
But then Loki swam into full view. The bottom half of their body was replaced by a gleaning silver tail that matched Havamal’s to the shade. The sea serpent around their waist hissed and unwound, slithering across the ice floor toward me.
I recoiled, lifting my hands in front of me to block it, but the snake persisted. He curled around me. His hot tongue flicked against the back of my neck. Then the twin forks of his tongue twisted around the rope attached to the vial. The snake skillfully undid the rope’s knot and pulled the vial from my neck. I felt the weight lessen around my throat, the binding collar gone as well as the burden. The snake slithered away and delivered the voice to Loki’s outstretched palm.
The god turned the bottle over in their long fingers and then pressed it to their face. They closed their eyes, as if the vial stroked their cheek. Then, sniffing around the cork, they said, “This will do nicely for what I have in mind.”
I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to sound brave. “What are you planning to use it for?”
Loki swam toward me and patted my head. “Never you mind that, little mermaid. You’ve done well with this. What did she ask you for in exchange?”
“A mate.” Just saying it made me ache for Vigdis, who genuinely believed she’d gotten the better deal. As she’d sung into the bottle, she’d smiled and all her tears had finally gone. “And fertility. She didn’t do well at The Grading.”
Loki nodded and stroked the moustache they’d grown in the hours since our previous meeting. They snapped their fingers, grinning. “Easily done.”
“It was that easy?” The speed made me nervous, but then, what did I know about how the gods’ powers worked?
A deep chuckle ripped from their throat. “It was not a difficult request.”
“And mine?” I prompted them. My gaze darted to the entrance of the ice cave. Havamal could be back any moment, unless he’d had a change of heart. Part of me prayed that he had… but I was beyond that now, and I couldn’t wait any longer. “I want legs. Will it be a difficult request? And make sure I can breathe… and not freeze. I don’t want to drown down here. And I want to keep some of my scales.”
“Going after your little human friend?”
I shrugged. Would I seek Ragna? Probably, if only to see if we could have a chance… if things might continue to develop between us. I didn’t relish the idea of being completely alone. But if she wanted to stay on land forever, then I didn’t know. I wanted the chance to explore. I wanted to see the lands beyond the ice shelves, the distant countries where human hunters like Ragna lived.
Loki’s eyes lit with an emotion I couldn’t quite read. Dread mixed with my excitement. What if this deal didn’t turn out as I expected? But it was too late… I’d done what he asked for and given my request. It was too late to give Vigdis her voice back, even if I wanted to.
The trickster opened their mouth and swallowed the glass vial whole. Their body glowed white, then they stretched their spectral fingers toward me. I scooted forward, holding my breath. They caressed my fins, one at a time, with a sort of reverence I wasn’t expecting. I imagined the long, beautiful form my legs would take. Delicate like a human’s, but still bejeweled with turquoise scales. They would be strong, elegant. I could run across the land, fierce and agile on my two flawless limbs. Surely, being sculpted by a god, they would be truly perfect.
I shut my eyes as a tingling feeling spread upward. I could feel my tail splitting and growing into new shapes, but it wasn’t painful. My body was like sand—malleable and soft—with just enough substance to stop it drifting away with the tide.
“It’s done,” Loki said.
I opened my eyes and peered down at my new body.
I had legs. But they were long and spindly, coated in slippery aquamarine skin. Little mouths ran their length. The mouths gasped before I did. I shifted, and, as my new legs touched the ice, the mouths attached to the freezing surface, sucking like hatchlings at their mother’s breast.
Ei
ght. Eight monstrous tentacles protruded below my waist where my tail used to be. They were covered in slimy film, water-based like squid skin, and would need to stay wet constantly.
When I looked up again, Loki had vanished.
Someone deep within the glacier screamed, and then more frantic shouts followed. I tried to listen to what they said, but my own howls, part terror, part agony, drowned out everything around me.
Whatever I had imagined might happen when I made a deal with the trickster god, this was worse.
Nine
When my own screams stopped, I yanked my kelp curtain down from its pins and wrapped it around myself. Then I returned to my pallet and tried to curl into a ball. But my new legs wouldn’t obey, wouldn’t close around me in a comforting embrace the way my tail had done. I tucked the blanket under my body and the legs rebelled, moving as if compelled by a separate mind, seeking freedom from the restraint. I prayed to Odin, Frigga, Ran, Aegir… anyone I could think of who might have the power to undo what Loki had done. But even as my lips mouthed another whispered plea, I knew my fate was sealed. I’d made the deal and in their sadistic way, Loki had honored it.
The gods would not intercede when there was an agreement.
What would the king do? Sickness gnawed at me, and I swallowed hard to keep my breakfast inside. Would he see this as a rebellion? Would I be a criminal now? Exiled to the dungeons and kept out of sight? Havamal could go to hell, but what if I weren’t allowed to see Mama again?
And Ragna, how could I possible go after her like this? Even if the new legs would allow me to walk on land, I was a monster. The other humans would hunt me. I’d die before I found her. Mermaid kisses were lucky. But who would want an abomination?
I took a deep, shuddering breath. I could starve myself until my body withered or find a way, somehow, to live with the outcome.
“Ersel?” Mama appeared at the entrance to my ice cave. Her orca-black fins swept the ice elegantly behind her. “Ersel, are you all right? I thought I heard you scream, but with everything going on outside…”
