‘I’m sorry, Christina.’ When she turned from him he touched her arm. ‘Please don’t go. I am asking you to stay.’
She forced herself to remember their last encounter and shook her head, although she saw what this admission of his guilt had cost his pride. ‘No. I am tired. Stay if you like. I am sure William would like you to—and Aunt Celia seems to be quite taken with you. Excuse me. I would rather leave.’
It cost her something to tear herself away so soon from the man she had longed to see, but it was more than she could bear.
Not wishing to make a scene in front of Christina’s family, Simon let her go without further argument, but he had no intention of letting this be the end of it. She had displayed a marked antagonism towards him all evening and he had let it pass, but he was not done with her yet. He turned when William came to stand beside him.
‘I’m sorry, Simon,’ he said, watching his sister disappear up the stairs. ‘Clearly Christina is not herself tonight.’
‘No. Do you mind if I go after her? I would very much like to speak to her alone before I leave.’
‘Well, it’s highly irregular—but as things stand between the two of you, and since I have granted your request of my sister’s hand in marriage, I can see no harm in it. I can only hope you succeed in sorting things out and the outcome will be a happy one.’
* * *
Christina was dressed and ready for bed when she heard a sharp knock on her door. Surprised, she went towards it, wondering if it was her aunt, come to bid her goodnight.
‘Who is it?’ she called.
‘Simon,’ came the abrupt reply.
Momentarily stunned, Christina stopped and stared at the door. So much for keeping him at bay in order to keep her feelings in check, she thought. He had to seek her out in her bedchamber. Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply, struggling against a wave of despair and longing.
‘Please go away,’ she said without opening the door.
‘Christina, I have to speak to you,’ he remonstrated.
‘Not in my bedchamber. It’s not proper.’
‘Considering the circumstances, it’s too late for us to worry about what’s proper.’
Irately, she opened the door and glared at him. ‘I agree—and it’s all thanks to you.’
He nodded gravely and stepped past her into the room, the image of relaxed elegance. ‘I admit that I am to blame. I could cut out my tongue for the things I said to you. You’ve every right to be angry.’
‘That is putting it mildly,’ she retorted, continuing to hold the door open, resenting his casual manner. Even his expression was casual. If he thought she would ease his course of action, he was as mistaken as he was devious. ‘You should have trusted me. If you had given me the chance to tell you about Mark, you would have realised there was nothing between us, before your fertile imagination invented a false tale,’ she reproached harshly. ‘Your charge rested on some dreadful misunderstanding. One minute would have cleared it up, but you were so pig-headed you refused me the opportunity of doing so. I did not lie. I was brought up to tell the truth, and I was deeply offended when you insinuated that I was a liar and accused me of being a whore. Now, since you have no reason to be here, I think it would be best that you leave.’
‘Surely you must be sensible enough to know why I can’t leave. Ever since I went to Oakbridge to see your brother, I felt I must see you, speak to you. Arrangements have to be made.’
‘Arrangements?’
‘For the child,’ he said, stepping towards her and closing the door. ‘Of course, we will have to be married.’
Christina gasped, feeling hot and cold all at the same time. ‘Haven’t you listened to anything I’ve said?’ she flared. She looked away, wishing she could stare him in the eyes, but knowing she would be unable to control her heated emotions. ‘And the child is enough reason for us to marry?’ she responded incredulously. ‘Forgive me, Simon, but I have been under the distinct impression that your feelings for me were anything but fond.’
To her rising disgust his eyes swept her body.
‘I could not allow myself to feel anything for you when I believed you to be Bucklow’s mistress. I now realise I was mistaken and wish to make amends. What more do you want me to say? I spoke with your brother tonight. We have discussed your marriage to me.’
He paused when she folded her arms over her chest and glared at him belligerently. He knew her pride, her courage, and was a fair way to proposing to her formally when she tossed back the shimmering curtain of her hair and through gritted teeth said, ‘When I marry, Simon Rockley, the man I take to be my husband will be of my choosing, not William’s. I want a man who will be a true husband to me, with whom I can share a love everlasting—not a man who will marry me for no other reason than that I am to bear his child. I am in charge of my own destiny, not you.’
‘Not when you are carrying my child,’ he stated coldly.
‘You can’t force me to marry you.’
His eyes glittered like shards of ice. ‘No? We’ll see about that. I always get what I want in the end. It would serve you well to remember that.’
‘Always is a long time.’
‘Don’t be difficult, Christina. There will be no choice,’ he stated bluntly. ‘What man would have you when you are carrying another man’s child? How could you hope for him to respect you? One of the most important things to bring to a marriage is respect.’
Christina was incredulous. ‘Respect?’ She heard her voice rise. She knew she should temper her ire, but his audacity proved too much. ‘And how can I respect a man who mistrusts me? Why would you think I would tie myself to any man who would do that?’
Simon’s mouth tightened. ‘For the sake of our child.’
‘How dare you?’ she seethed softly, feeling the pain of knowing that he had deemed her so unworthy he could not bear to remain with her when he had ravished her. Her disappointment should not shock her, but somehow it did, deeply, and she felt the pangs of a woman who did not know if he could ever love her just for herself. ‘You were quick to judge and to condemn when you found me alone with Mark at the Black Swan. How do I know you will not do so again if a similar situation should arise? I am only surprised how quickly your conscience has dealt with this. For myself, at this moment in time, I can neither forget nor forgive your cruelty.’ The full force of her emotions roiling within her now burst forth and she was full of pain and anger.
‘Christina,’ he countered, his mien softer now, ‘I am sorry. What more can I say? You must see the sense in our marrying. You cannot bear the weight of this alone, and the child cannot go through life with the stigma of being born out of wedlock. You have no choice now. I took that away from both of us when I allowed my desire for you to run away from me.’
‘Aye, after you’d ravished me and left me to fend for myself.’ Christina felt anger and frustration rising within her like a tide. He was talking as if she had no say in the matter. ‘You talk as if I had no control over any of this. As I recall when we made love, it was a mutual decision. My—feelings were comparable with yours, I admit that, but that is all. Without trust—without love—I cannot marry you.’
He looked at her hard, and in his expression there was no hint of affection for her, only a resolute determination to have his way, an expression she was coming to know very well. ‘I said you have no choice in the matter and I meant it.’
‘I disagree,’ she argued coldly. ‘Marriage may be the accepted mode in situations such as this, but there are alternatives. I do have a duty to the child, I know that, and I will always do what I consider is in its best interests.’
The muscles of his jaw clenched tightly, banishing any trace of softness from his too-handsome face, and when he spoke, the softness in his voice was far from soothing. ‘It is my child, too, Christina.’
‘Whatever conclusions I have reached, I know you are an honourable man. I know you would take care of us and see that we are provided for. I don’t think
illegitimate children of men such as yourself suffer any great setbacks in life.’
Simon’s face went white and he stiffened with all the hauteur and dignity that befitted his rank. ‘Good God, Christina! Are you suggesting that I make you my mistress?’
‘Certainly not. Although I imagine that a man of your position is quite familiar with the appropriate arrangements for mistresses.’
‘Whether I am or not is beside the point. This is about us. You and me.’
‘I still think marrying me is an extreme step for you to take. If you are against making me your mistress—which I would not even consider in any case—is it not the usual custom for men of your position not to marry women who find themselves with child, but to pay them off?’
‘It is clear that you know nothing of my character as a man. You insult my honour, Christina, and your own, I might add,’ he said, his voice low and furious.
‘It is you who makes me feel like that. Accepting your support for our child is one thing, marrying you is quite another. Despite the mad attraction you seemed to have for me in the past, you do not love me nor care for me in any sense that would make for a happy marriage. I cannot forget the things you said to me.’
‘For which I have apologised.’
‘Yes, you have, and you need not do so again. It is not necessary. I remember telling you I would not forgive you. I told you then that should you go down on your knees before me and beg my forgiveness, you would get neither pardon nor mercy from me. You replied by saying those were words I would never hear from you, that when it was all over you would forget me as if I had never been. How soon you changed your opinion of me. And how soon before it changes again, I ask myself, and I become a bitch again.’
Simon paled. ‘That is unfair.’ ‘Is it?’ She smiled. ‘Don’t worry, Simon. My heart was not broken on hearing your opinion of me. I was wounded and insulted, that was all.’
‘I appreciate the wrong I have done you—in more ways than you will ever know—but that does not alter my obligation. We will marry. I insist on it, for I will not
compound what I did to you by abandoning my duty and
my honour. William and I have gone through the formalities. The wedding will take place immediately and as my wife you will be entitled to my full support.’
‘This is not all about you, Simon. All I hear is about your duty, your honour and your obligation. Are you saying that if we marry your honour will be satisfied? I don’t think so. Everything you say sounds to me like you are trying to appease your sense of guilt.’ She saw him flinch. Drawing a deep breath, she went on. ‘What happened between us happened and I will not turn it into something of which I should be ashamed, and nor will I tie myself to any man in his need to expunge his guilt.’
Feeling ill-used and furious, Simon glared at her. ‘What the hell do you expect of me, Christina? What more can I say? You have punished me with your words as I have punished you. I am wounded that you think me capable of such an action, but I will tell you this, Christina. You can fight me tooth and nail, but you will
marry me in the end.’
His words were those of reason, but she was not prepared to listen to such persuasive talk just now. Going to the door, she opened it. ‘Go, Simon. Just go. Leave me in peace.’
Towering over her, Simon looked at her for a long moment. Her cheeks were flushed, her chest rising and falling with ire. Somehow she had become a woman as alluring, vibrant and desirable as any he had ever known. Even now, when the consequences of what he had said to her were grave, when the future of his heir was in jeopardy, he wanted her.
Without warning or hesitation, he bent his head and brushed her parted lips with his own. At first Christina drew back to resist him, but then her mind went blank before exploding with sensation. His kiss was slow and hot, pulling her under to some place deep, new and exciting. He didn’t use force, but when the tip of his tongue touched hers, her lips opened a little more without any direction from her or urging from him. Some part of her wanted more, but Simon simply let his mouth linger a moment longer and then pulled away.
‘I have hurt you very badly, Christina, I know that. And you are right—these are not the most romantic circumstances under which to propose marriage. In fact, I have probably hurt you once more by discussing our union in such a blunt manner. I suppose it was conceited of me to assume you would marry me, that you would accept our marriage as a matter of course because of the child. But putting all that aside, Christina, I do want to marry you regardless of anything else.’ His eyes softened. ‘Do not fight me, for I’ve wanted you from the first moment I saw you—resulting in jealousy and fury when I thought you might be Bucklow’s mistress. I consider marrying you as simply the right and honourable thing to do.’
He lowered his head and his mouth came back to hers, bending her head back even as his tongue slid within to find her own. Christina was as helpless to the rising desire consuming her as she had been when first they’d kissed in the woods that day at Oakbridge. He tasted of wine and it drugged her senses. ‘Christina,’ he murmured against her mouth, ‘I will go now, but I’ll see you tomorrow. Now, what do you say about our marriage? You’re a difficult woman to win over. What would you like me to tell your brother?’
Christina’s senses were still spinning. She wasn’t sure what bothered her more—that he had dared to kiss her or that he seemed so unaffected by it—or that she was beginning to realise that she was no longer able to control her own fate.
‘Damn you, Simon Rockley,’ she flared, pushing him away and folding her arms over her chest. ‘I had made up my mind that I would never marry you, but you are right—and I hate you for being right. With the world as it is, if I am to give our child the best possible chance in life, then it will need a father—so, yes, even though my heart and mind rebel against it, I will marry you.’ ‘Good. That’s settled, then.’ Without another word or a backward glance, leaving her with her pride, he walked out. Descending the stairs, he met William, who asked hopefully,
‘Is it arranged? Did Christina agree?’
‘You will be glad to know she has agreed that we will marry.’
William seemed to deflate with a sigh of relief. ‘Thank God. The ceremony will take place as soon as it can be arranged.’
‘I will arrange for a special licence, forgoing the banns. The sooner the better.’
* * *
At breakfast the following morning, the announcement of the impending wedding was greeted by everyone without surprise and much happiness.
‘Simon is to obtain a special licence this morning, Christina,’ William informed her.
‘I see,’ she murmured tightly.
‘He’s also going to see the minister to make the necessary arrangements for the wedding.’
Christina stared at her brother, feeling her hackles rise. This was not what she had expected at all. Surely there should be a loving discussion between the two parties concerned.
‘Simon might have consulted me first,’ she said heatedly.
‘He did say he would call on you later. He’s suggested the ceremony should take place as soon as possible.’
‘As soon as possible,’ she retorted crossly, quite furious at the way everyone seemed to be taking charge of her life. ‘So I am to be married within days, and apparently I am to have no say in the arrangements for my own wedding.’
‘Oh, but you have,’ Miranda piped up cheerfully. ‘Lord Rockley might arrange the time and the place, Christina, but he cannot arrange what you will wear. I think a trip to the shops at the Royal Exchange is in order, don’t you? There are some lovely shops upstairs, but I do so love browsing among the little stalls downstairs in the arcade.’ Placing her napkin on the table, she rose. ‘Order the carriage for us, will you, William, there’s a dear, while I go and get ready. Come along, Christina. We shall have a lovely time.’ Excited at the impending trip, Miranda swept out of the room.
While Christina looked solemn and subdued, Celia spok
e of her happiness at the union and that a bright future awaited Christina. Her niece, however, did not share her optimism. She dreaded this union with Simon, for when she was with him she didn’t know how she was supposed to feel. There was no denying or escaping the fact that he could make her feel things she ought not to want to feel, that there was no barrier high enough or solid enough to protect her heart from him. Her utmost fear was for the night following the ceremony and all the nights to follow, for if she let her guard slip just a notch, Simon would creep in and steal her heart and soul and make her need him.
* * *
The quiet marriage ceremony in the small church was held before just a handful of guests. The candles burned bright on the altar, making the group who stood there dark shadows in the otherwise dimly lit church. Christina’s wedding gown was superb in its simplicity. The rich cream-and-silver brocade fell to her ankles, the stiff bodice finely embroidered with gold thread. A lace cap covered her head, with the lappets hanging down her back. She wore a necklace of warm amber and matching pendant earrings.
On quaking limbs, she looked at her husband-to-be. The candlelight touched his face, and for a second she was halted by the cold, stark features. She had an overwhelming desire to flee. The silver-grey eyes before her roamed over her face, making her tremble more violently. Simon held out a strong hand and offered it to her. Reluctantly she laid her hand in his, much warmer than her own.
Glancing down at her, Simon thought how lovely her face was, how elegantly her hand rested in his. Suddenly he was the captive of those fathomless deep blue eyes, and while doubtless those around them went on breathing normally, Simon felt as if he and his bride were alone in the world.
Tall and powerful he stood beside her, and time stood still as they were swept into the marriage ceremony. Every nerve, every sense Christina possessed, screamed out against the presence beside her. At that moment he was Satan—handsome, ruthless, dangerous. If she were brave, she would turn and run out of the church now, before they spoke their vows, but it was as if her legs were full of lead. All over the world women gave birth to bastard children all the time. Why was she not so courageous? Was it because she was drawn to a man who would never love her?
The Bride Wore Scandal Page 21
