Boys

by Ella Hickson

  BENNY. Someone has to take care of it.

  MACK. Who?

  BENNY. They won’t just leave us here to /

  MACK. Who?

  BENNY. Because that’s how things work, there are people, organisations –

  MACK. Who?

  BENNY. Systems that make sure /

  MACK. Who?

  BENNY. This is Britain, you idiot, they won’t just leave us to rot! It’s not fucking /

  MACK. I’d love to take a look at your world, Benny; I bet it’s lovely.

  Beat.

  BENNY. I’m going to be out of here. I’ll just leave it with you.

  MACK. Where you going?

  Beat.

  BENNY. London.

  MACK. Sounds expensive.

  BENNY. Get a job.

  MACK. Hear there’s hundreds going.

  BENNY. Got a first – haven’t I?

  MACK. Oh, you should have said – you’ll be fine then.

  Pause.

  BENNY. What if I’m not?

  MACK. What?

  BENNY comes in close to MACK.

  BENNY. What if I’m not fine – what would you do about it – pal?

  Pause.

  MACK. You got to learn to look after yourself, mate.

  BENNY. You’ve been crying.

  MACK. Red-eye – I had a joint.

  BENNY. Your face is wet.

  Beat.

  MACK. Redemption.

  BENNY earnest – looks at MACK – long pause.

  MACK starts to laugh a little – BENNY immediately defensive but unsure what is going on.

  Red. Dead. Redemption. I forget to blink when I’m gaming if I’m high. Sorry to disappoint.

  BENNY lunges at MACK and smacks the bottom of his cup of tea – the tea flies up and all over MACK.

  MACK freezes a moment – looks at BENNY.

  Just trying to do you a favour – Ben, make sure you don’t fall too far.

  Beat.

  BENNY goes to leave as he does so the kitchen door opens, SOPHIE enters.

  SOPHIE. Hello.

  BENNY. Sophs?

  SOPHIE. Hey. (Kisses BENNY on the cheek.) Mack.

  MACK. How did you get in?

  BENNY. You get home alright last night?

  SOPHIE. What?

  MACK. Who let you in?

  SOPHIE. The door was open.

  BENNY. Must have bounced off when I slammed it.

  SOPHIE. Bloody hell – it’s worse in here than it is out there. Why don’t you put it in the stairwell?

  MACK. Not very neighbourly.

  SOPHIE. Having all this in here in this heat isn’t good for you.

  BENNY. We know.

  SOPHIE. Well, you need to move it.

  MACK. What would we do without you?

  SOPHIE. I’m not being funny.

  BENNY. Sophie – we realise /

  SOPHIE. You know you have to pay.

  BENNY. What?

  SOPHIE. Can’t settle the strike so private companies have stepped in in the interim. We have to pay to get it picked up.

  BENNY. How much?

  SOPHIE. Tenner a bag.

  BENNY. What? No way.

  SOPHIE. Everyone has to pay.

  BENNY. What the fuck? Ten pounds a bag – they’re taking the piss.

  SOPHIE. Cheaper than dumping it if you get caught. One of the boys next door to us, they were trying to clear out their flat and he gets a two-hundred-quid fine for dumping a bag not in a communal bin – but the bins are fucking rammed, there’s no space left in any of them. It’s an infringement of civil rights.

  MACK. What, the inalienable right to dump your shit on someone else?

  SOPHIE. He had no other choice.

  MACK. He could have paid to have it picked up.

  SOPHIE. He might not have the money.

  MACK. Then he should make less mess.

  BENNY. Mack?

  SOPHIE. I can see you’ve done really well at keeping it to a minimum.

  MACK. Everyone starts dumping on the streets and it’s chaos in seconds.

  SOPHIE. Everyone keeps it in their houses and you get illness that costs as much as the clear-up would.

  MACK. Got any stats on that? Sounds pretty spurious to me.

  SOPHIE. Spurious? That’s a complicated word, Mack.

  MACK. What are you going to do with yours then, Little Miss /

  BENNY. Mack – back off.

  Beat.

  SOPHIE. We moved out yesterday. I leave tomorrow morning.

  MACK. What? Why? (Realising he’s betrayed himself.) Bet Daddy came and sorted it all out for you.

  SOPHIE. Yes.

  Beat.

  BENNY. Fuck, Sophs – you can’t just leave.

  SOPHIE. End of term, isn’t it. I’ll be back for graduation – can I get a glass of water?

  BENNY. It’ll be weird not – um – you’re going to London though, right – so, we’ll all still /

  SOPHIE. Of course. Course we will.

  Pause.

  BENNY. I’m going to go and check the contract – see what it says about deposits. You alright in here?

  SOPHIE. Yeah I’m alright.

  BENNY exits.

  ‘How did you get in?’ What was that?

  MACK. Better I ask than Benny.

  SOPHIE. Just say you lent me your spare keys.

  MACK. Why would I have done that?

  Beat.

  Guess I’d better have them back.

  MACK hands SOPHIE her water.

  SOPHIE. Thank you. I don’t –

  MACK. You’re going – tomorrow?

  SOPHIE. Why did you cancel last night?

  MACK. Had to.

  SOPHIE. Why? It’s none of my business what you do.

  MACK. Cam and Timp ended up bringing a party back – I couldn’t – um –

  SOPHIE. Right.

  SOPHIE tries to give MACK the keys.

  MACK. Keep ’em.

  SOPHIE. What for?

  MACK. I don’t know – just – keep them.

  Beat.

  SOPHIE. I could put them back in your room for you.

  Beat.

  MACK. I said keep them.

  SOPHIE. We could watch a movie.

  MACK. He’s getting /

  SOPHIE. What /

  MACK. Shaky.

  Beat.

  SOPHIE. Aren’t we all? (Beat.) We can have a joint – just – talk and /

  MACK. You want tea?

  SOPHIE. I’ve got water. (Picks up her glass of water.) Pussy.

  SOPHIE pours the glass of water down her front, it makes her T-shirt go see-through.

  Shall we have a nap?

  MACK. No.

  SOPHIE. What are you scared of?

  MACK. Nothing.

  SOPHIE. You’re terrified.

  MACK. Women love to tell men how they feel, don’t they?

  SOPHIE. Men?

  SOPHIE looks around trying to see one.

  MACK. Think you’ve ‘interpreted’ something – think you’ve discovered a feeling, think you can stick a flag in it – own it, irrespective of whether it’s total bullshit or not.

  SOPHIE stares at him.

  SOPHIE. Have you got a boner?

  MACK turns away from her.

  MACK. Fuck off. I haven’t got a fucking /

  SOPHIE. Why turn away then?

  MACK. I’m making myself – a – piece of /

  SOPHIE. Cock.

  MACK. Biscuit.

  SOPHIE. A piece of biscuit – what’s that then?

  MACK. I’ll smack you in a minute.

  SOPHIE. Oh yes please.

  MACK. Right –

  MACK turns back around.

  SOPHIE. Careful you’ll have my eye out.

  MACK. Come here –

  SOPHIE backs off.

  SOPHIE. No – no, Mack.

  MACK crouches and prepares.

  Benny’ll come in.

  MACK. I’m just taking the trash out.

/>   SOPHIE. Take that back.

  MACK. No!

  MACK lunges at SOPHIE and gets her over his shoulder easily – she screams – MACK panics – and puts her down quickly – ‘shhing’ her all the while.

  Shh-shh.

  SOPHIE (serious). Take that back – I’m not trash.

  Beat.

  MACK (looks at her – humble). You’re not trash.

  Beat.

  BENNY enters.

  SOPHIE reacts as if MACK has just poured water right down her front.

  BENNY. What the fuck’s going on?

  SOPHIE. He just poured water all over me!

  BENNY. What? Why?

  SOPHIE. He just fucking drenched me!

  BENNY. What are you doing?

  MACK. She – it was a joke.

  BENNY. What the fuck is wrong with you?

  MACK. I thought she was going to /

  SOPHIE. Will you get me a T-shirt please, Mack?

  MACK exits.

  BENNY. I’m sorry.

  SOPHIE. It’s fine.

  BENNY. He’s been a cunt ever since /

  SOPHIE. No he’s not.

  Beat.

  BENNY. Dad sent his love – hoped you were alright. Said you should pop by if you’re ever /

  SOPHIE. Yeah – yeah.

  BENNY. Said he’d like to see you.

  SOPHIE. Mm – it’s really fucking hot, Ben.

  BENNY. Yeah.

  SOPHIE. Excited about tonight?

  BENNY. Can’t wait.

  MACK enters.

  MACK hands SOPHIE the T-shirt, she turns away from BENNY and MACK to put it on.

  We got them T-shirts in Amsterdam.

  MACK. Yeah.

  Meanwhile we see SOPHIE smell the T-shirt. She seems small, soft for a moment.

  Beat.

  SOPHIE. What does it say in the contract?

  BENNY. It has to be cleared before we can leave or they take our deposits; six hundred quid each.

  SOPHIE. That’s outrageous – they can’t /

  BENNY. And under Scottish Law it’s joint responsibility – one of us doesn’t pay and everyone else and their guarantors are responsible. Looks like we’re in it together, eh, Mack?

  Beat.

  MACK. I’d double check the signatories.

  BENNY. What?

  MACK. Front page.

  BENNY reads the front page of the contract.

  BENNY. You’re not fucking on here? What the fuck?

  MACK. We turned the sitting room into my room – remember?

  BENNY. You don’t live here.

  MACK. Never liked contracts.

  Pause – BENNY sees the keys on the floor.

  BENNY. They your keys, Mack?

  MACK. Oh yeah – must have dropped them.

  BENNY. You alright?

  SOPHIE. Fine, why?

  BENNY. You look a bit… has he been having a go?

  SOPHIE. No.

  BENNY. Don’t let him.

  SOPHIE. I’m alright, Ben.

  Beat.

  BENNY. You remember last night, Sophs? It was so hot out – you could have taken your shoes off, carried them like flip-flops. Everyone out, everyone with their skin out – all having finished exams – all smiling and high-fiving – and saying hi to all these people, fucking hugging them – people I’ve seen every day for four years, people who have seen me – and I’m hugging them thinking – I’ve got no fucking idea what your name is. Four years, seeing them every day – and you still don’t even know their fucking name… hardly know them at all.

  Beat.

  BENNY walks over to the window to look out.

  SOPHIE and MACK look at each other – unseen by BENNY.

  We’ll throw it out the window – fuck it, we’ll just throw it out the window.

  BENNY tries to push the sash of the window up.

  BENNY tries again – BENNY looks up at the window lock.

  MACK. They’re locked.

  BENNY. What? Since when?

  MACK. Landlord didn’t want any more accidents.

  BENNY. I didn’t give the say-so –

  MACK. Your dad did.

  BENNY stands, lost – confused, overwhelmed, he bites his finger.

  Scene Three

  The surface of the kitchen table has been cleared. Around the kitchen are the remnants of food preparation, pots, pans – there are yet more rubbish bags piled around the circumference of the room. The lights have been switched off, there is only evening gloom from the window – it is nearly dusk. Along the length of the table lies a body covered in a black sheet.

  Behind this MACK, SOPHIE and BENNY stand.

  SOPHIE is dressed as Snow White, BENNY is dressed as a lion. They are blindfolded.

  In front of the body, on the opposite side of the table to the other three, stands TIMP, dressed as Peter Pan.

  TIMP climbs up onto a chair.

  TIMP. One –

  The three prepare to take their blindfolds off.

  Two –

  TIMP lights a match and it burns brightly in the dusky light.

  Three. You were blind but now you can see!

  SOPHIE, MACK and BENNY take their blindfolds off – the light from TIMP’s single match half-illuminates the gloom.

  There is an intake of breath.

  BENNY. What the fuck is –

  SOPHIE and MACK take a step backwards as if a little haunted.

  TIMP holds the match up close to his face – the three stare at him – not being able to quite see the body in front of them.

  TIMP. What lies before you here, my friends, is a land of untold dreams, it’s everything you ever hoped for, everything that flickered behind your lids on a lazy afternoon – and it can be yours, all yours – you just have to reach out and touch it. So be brave, my little warriors – steel yourselves for an onslaught of pleasure like you have never considered before – a battle of loveliness, a skirmish of delight – arm yourself with your weapons – and prepare to devour – the lovely – the jubbly – oo – oo fuck – ouch –

  The match has burnt down and TIMP starts waving it about manically trying to stop it from burning his fingers – the match goes out – all is dark.

  BENNY. Timp – what the hell is /

  BODY (in an intentionally spooky deep voice). Hello.

  TIMP turns the lights on. BENNY pulls the black sheet off from over the body, there is something hopeful in his face.

  TIMP.[Pronounced: Douzo meshiagare! Meaning: Help yourself!]

  What is revealed is LAURA in a makeshift Little Mermaid outfit, covered from head to toe in carefully placed sushi. She has chopsticks in her hair, soy sauce in her belly button and wasabi and ginger in either palm.

  LAURA. Hiya!

  SOPHIE. Is that sushi?

  LAURA. No, it’s me, you idiot.

  TIMP. It’s the best fucking sashimi dream you ever fucking dreamt, right? Am I right? We got maguro, ikura, saba, ebi – and sake!

  SOPHIE. What the –

  TIMP. Tuna, salmon roe, mackerel, shrimp and salmon –

  LAURA. I’m like a mermaid –

  TIMP. It’s a marvel.

  LAURA sings a few lines from ‘Part of Your World’ from Walt Disney’s The Little Mermaid.

  BENNY. You’ve got soy sauce in your belly button.

  TIMP. Fucking great, right? Come on – dig in. There’s chopsticks in her hair /

  LAURA. Ginger in my right hand and wasabi in my left.

  TIMP. Chuck us some beers, Mack.

  MACK turns to the fridge to get the beers.

  BENNY wanders over to the window – TIMP passes him a plate and it falls to his side. BENNY stands apart, looking out at dusk across the city.

  SOPHIE. This is amazing; this must have taken hours.

  TIMP. Why do you think you lot have been stuck in my room playing dress-up – talking of which, Mack, where’s your fucking costume?

  MACK. I’m wearing it.

  LAURA. I can’t see him what are y
ou wearing? Timp, will you tell me what he’s wearing?

  TIMP goes to get BENNY from the window.

  TIMP. Come on – tuck in, Benny – poor cow’s been there for ages already.

  BENNY. I’m alright.

  SOPHIE. Are you naked?

  MACK. She’s got a bikini on.

  SOPHIE. Alright, hawk-eye.

  MACK. No harm in paying attention to detail.

  TIMP. There is when that detail’s my girlfriend.

  MACK. You dressed her up like a fucking goldfish.

  TIMP. Everyone else has dressed up, mate? Look at him – fucking Simba over there.

  BENNY. I’m Mufasa actually.

  TIMP. Party’s a funny time to have a gob on, that’s all.

  MACK. I’m fine.

  TIMP. Come on!

  MACK. I said I’m fine.

  TIMP. Just come and have some food.

  MACK. Don’t much like sushi.

  TIMP. What music do you fancy?

  LAURA. Can we have some Disney – for the theme – can we?

  SOPHIE. As if Timp’s going to have a bunch of Disney tunes on his /

  LAURA. He’s got loads. He’s got all the movies as well.

  SOPHIE. What – why?

  TIMP. You’re asking a recreational drug user whether he likes multicoloured talking animals? Fucking love ’em.

  BENNY (still over by the window). There are loads of white vans – driving down Princes Street.

  SOPHIE. It’ll be the rubbish collection.

  BENNY. There’s fucking loads of them though.

  TIMP. What is wrong with you all?

  LAURA. I’d dance with you, babe – if I could stand.

  BENNY. Will someone help her up?

  TIMP. She’s dinner.

  BENNY. She’s clearly uncomfortable.

  LAURA. I’m fine.

  BENNY. She’s not – she can’t see anything or eat anything.

  MACK. She said she’s fine.

  Beat.

  BENNY. The sunset – it’s made the whole city – pink.

  LAURA. Red sky at night shepherd’s delight – red sky in morning, shepherd’s warning.

  TIMP. We’ll let the shepherds know – Come on, Ben – come eat.

  BENNY. You can see it slipping; last tiny fraction of it.

  SOPHIE. This is really good, Timp.

  BENNY. Can’t be going far though, eh? Stays fucking light all night – drives you mental. You reckon it hides just below the /

  MACK. Benny?

  BENNY. Yeah?

  MACK. We’re having a laugh.

  BENNY. Are we?

  MACK. Yep.