“It sounds like you’ve fallen in love with both of them.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
“So, what’s the problem?”
“My job.”
“She doesn’t like that you’re a firefighter?”
“She doesn’t know.”
“Lucas!”
“Well, I met her after I got suspended. Not long after that, she told me her husband had died in a house fire.”
“You think that justifies keeping this from her?”
“No. It’s not that I kept it from her—not intentionally. For a long time, it didn’t come up. Then I couldn’t find the right time. Finally, I was going to tell her, but something happened and I chickened out. Now it’s too late.”
“Oh, Lucas. How could you?”
“I know.” He shook his head.
Regena placed her hand over his. “The best thing you can do is be honest with her. She needs to understand what she’s in for being with you. It’s more important because of how she lost her husband. It’s not fair of you to take that choice out of her hands.”
He smiled at her. Regena’s words came from experience.
“I miss him,” she said.
“Me, too.” Lucas paused. “Let me ask you something? If you had known this was how it was going to turn out… if you had known Shawn was going to die in a fire… Damn, I’m asking this all wrong.”
“I know what you’re asking. I’ve thought about this a lot. I knew Shawn was a firefighter before I married him. I knew the risks from the start. We were young and in love and probably a bit naïve. We always thought it would happen to someone else; that it would never happen to us. I’ve asked myself a thousand times if I would have married him if I’d known. You know what the answer is? Absolutely. I loved him. I still love him. I’ll always love him. Life is full of risks, Lucas. I wouldn’t trade one minute of the time I had with Shawn. Every minute together made our lives fuller.” She leaned against him and rested her head on his shoulder. “I love you, Lucas, which is why I’m going to be honest with you. You have to take the risk that she can’t be with you once she knows. That’s what love is about—risking your own happiness for something bigger than yourself.”
“Thank you. You’re a good friend. I love you, too.” Lucas placed a kiss on her cheek and kept his arm wrapped around her shoulder as they turned back to Eli digging in the sandbox.
Chapter Twenty-Two
TEARS WELLED IN Sarah’s eyes. The lump in her throat swelled. There Lucas was… in the park. Sitting with a beautiful woman with hair redder than the setting sun. Kissing her. He wasn’t even trying to hide his feelings for the woman. Right out in the open. The two of them on a bench—their bench—embracing each other.
After everything Sarah had done for him, everything she’d shared with him, how could he do this to her?
She couldn’t stop her hands from shaking or her pulse from beating nearly out of her neck.
He’d told her he never stayed with one woman for long. Before her, at least. That’s what he’d said. But he’d also said that he had changed… because of her.
She sank back into the shadows of the alley beside Monroe’s Hardware so he couldn’t see her. She needed a few minutes to figure out how to kick his ass to the curb before she talked to him. She wrapped her arms around her middle and leaned over. She struggled to breathe, the air knocked from her, and the pain in her chest grew with each second that past. She knew the feeling of her heart breaking.
She’d decided a long time ago to raise Lily alone. Sarah shouldn’t have lost sight of that fact, but these past weeks with Lucas had given her hope for a different future. She wiped under her eyes and squared her shoulders. This was nothing. It wouldn’t affect her. She’d move forward as though nothing had happened. No one needed to know her heart was breaking... again.
She headed down the street without another glance at the park.
She walked in the door to Mug ’n Muffin, the tinkling of the bell not the whimsical comfort it typically was. She didn’t want to be here anymore. She’d come for a cupcake and a few minutes of chit-chat with Emma, but now she just wanted to go home, pull down the blinds, and shut out the world.
She turned to leave.
“Hey, sweetie. Give me a moment.”
Dang. She couldn’t leave now that Emma had seen her. Sarah shuffled to the table furthest away from window and sat facing the wall. No way would she take a front-row seat to Lucas’s date. And she certainly didn’t want him to see her. He might feel the need to introduce them and she was nowhere near ready for that.
Emma finished with the customer at the counter and headed to Sarah’s table.
“Oh, sweetie. What happened?” Emma extended her hand and wrapped it around hers on the table.
Sarah shook her head at Emma.
The tears Sarah thought she’d stifled fell again. She furiously swiped under her eyes. She was stronger than this. She had lived through Alex’s death and was raising her daughter alone. A cheating boyfriend was nothing. She just wished someone would explain that to her heart. Because it wasn’t nothing… it was something.
Emma sat patiently, her hand over Sarah’s. But Sarah wasn’t ready to be comforted. Right now, she just wanted to be angry. Because Lucas didn’t deserve her tears.
Finally, after a few deep breaths, Sarah forced a few words out. “Lucas… I…”
“Oh, sweetie, did something happen to Lucas?”
“Huh, what? No… nothing happened to Lucas. Not like that.”
“Then what is it?”
Sarah squared her shoulders, her muscles tensing as she ran the image of Lucas with another woman through her mind. She saw red, the images of the café swirling in front of her eyes. “I saw him…. In the park... With another woman.”
Emma’s head snapped up and her eyes flew to the window. She stood and leaned over the table.
“I don’t see him, honey. Why don’t you tell me what you think you saw?”
“I know what I saw. Lucas was in the park with his arm around a woman. He hugged her and kissed her.” Sarah sat back. There. She’d said it all without breaking down again.
“That can’t be right,” Emma responded. “I mean, Lucas has never stayed with a woman for very long, at least until you, but he would never cheat. It’s just not in him.”
Sarah gritted her teeth, her fists clenched in her lap. What did Emma know? Lucas was the biggest flirt in town and probably had Emma snowed just like half the other women. “Well, apparently, it is now.”
Emma scooted to the chair beside her and hugged Sarah’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry, honey. I know you two have been getting close recently. I don’t believe he would cheat on you. I’ve seen him. He’s a different person since he met you. You’ve opened his heart to love. There has to be another explanation.”
Sarah couldn’t believe how foolish she’d been. She’d let her emotions get the best of her. No man was worth this. She and Lily were perfectly fine alone. They didn’t need anyone else. Oh no, Lily. Sarah had worried how bringing Lucas into her life would affect Lily. She’d be heartbroken to know Sarah wasn’t seeing him anymore. This is why she shouldn’t have started the relationship in the first place. Her first and only concern should have been Lily.
“Thank you, Emma. For everything. You’re a really good friend. I’ve got to pick Lily up at preschool and then I have some things I need to do at home.”
“Are you sure you’re okay, Sarah? Don’t jump to conclusions. Talk to Lucas. Ask him about it. I’m sure there’s a simple explanation.”
“I will. Eventually. Right now, I’m just not sure what I’d say.”
Sarah stood up, hugged Emma, and left the shop. Normally, she would turn right and walk past the fire station. Maybe take a few minutes to chat with Lucas or sneak a kiss before she headed to preschool. But not today. She turned left and headed toward her car.
LUCAS WAS ORGANIZING gear and supplies in the back of the ambulance when Stacey walked
in the open garage bay doors. Dr. James’s and Regena’s words still rang in his ears. They weren’t wrong. He needed to talk to Sarah. Now. He just still didn’t know when and how to tell her about being a firefighter.
“Hey, Lucas. What are you doing in on your day off?”
“Catching up on a few things. Just got back from my session with the doc. Expect a good report and I’ll be back on the engine this weekend.”
“That’s great, Lucas.” Stacy sidled up beside him. “I’ll miss you in the ambulance, but I know this is what you’ve wanted.”
He grinned. “Oh, you’re not getting rid of me that easily. I’m going to ask Cap for some more split shifts. I want to keep my EMS skills current. I can still help people as a paramedic. Like we did with Sarah.”
“Speaking of Sarah, I just ran into her heading out of Emma’s place. She barely said a word to me. What’s up with her?”
His head snapped up. “Really? That’s strange. I wonder why she didn’t stop by the station. She usually does when she’s in town.”
“I don’t know, man, but she sure didn’t seem happy. She was in a big hurry to get away from here. What did you do now?”
“Me? I didn’t do anything. I didn’t even see her. I had my appointment with Dr. James and then I went to the park with Regena and Eli before I headed over here.” Did Sarah have another setback like the one the other night? Wait, what if Sarah’s cool behavior had to do with Lily? Had something happened to Lily? No matter what, she shouldn’t be alone. He grabbed the boxes and bags and shoved them back into the supply lockers, slamming the door so hard the metal shook. “I better go check on her. I’ll finish this up later. Thanks, Stacey.”
The drive to Sarah’s took forever. What if she was sitting in her house alone again, grieving over Alex? What if something happened to Lily? He wanted to be there for Sarah, and if that meant hugging her while she cried about her husband for the next year, that’s what he’d do.
Lucas parked at the curb, jogged up to the door and pounded. Hopefully, Sarah would hear him even if she were shut up in her bedroom. After a moment, footsteps crossed the floor and the door flew open.
“Lily just went down for a nap.” Sarah leaned her hand on the doorframe, blocking the entrance. Her eyes sparked wicked flames and her nostrils flared.
Okay. Not upset, angry. That was better… he hoped. She didn’t say anything else and didn’t even invite him in. The crease on her forehead deepened and her jaw ticked. “What did you want?”
“Honey, what’s wrong?”
“I’m busy. I’ve got a lot of things to do before Lily gets up.” She smiled at him, but it didn’t reach her eyes. This one didn’t naturally turn her lips up at the corners.
He reached for her and Sarah stepped back. “Something else is going on, honey. Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong? Maybe I can help. Can I come in?”
She re-filled the doorframe, hands on hips. “No.”
He’d seen her frazzled and upset before, but hadn’t seen her angry. Not like this. Especially directed at him.
“You always told me you never got serious with anyone for very long. I guess my time was up. Goodbye, Lucas.” She stepped back and moved to slam the door.
Lucas braced his hand on the door and reached out for her. He didn’t know what he’d done, but he needed to fix this—fast. “Wait. What? Serious? What do you mean? What happened?”
“Don’t play innocent with me, Lucas. I saw you in the park. You had your arms around another woman and you kissed her. Right out in the open. What’s not to understand?” Venom dripped from each word she spoke.
Lucas threw his head back and laughed. That’s what had gotten Sarah fired up? Regena?
Sarah grabbed the door again to slam it.
Okay, maybe the laugh was premature.
He stuck his foot in the door and pushed his way into the house, closing it behind him so Sarah couldn’t push him out. The look on her face stifled any further laughs. Maybe this was something more than just Regena and Eli. He didn’t want to be thrown out before he had a chance to explain.
“What in the hell do you find funny about this?” she asked.
He took her hands in his. She tried to yank them away but he held tighter. “I heard you were in town.”
“Yeah, so?”
“I had my appointment with Dr. James this morning. When I left her office, I ran into Regena and Eli. Literally. I went with them to the park.”
Sarah’s hands relaxed slightly in his. Finally, he was making some headway.
“We sat on the bench and talked. About Shawn. And you. She’s a good friend, but that’s it.”
“That’s it?” The lines on Sarah’s face relaxed.
Lucas inwardly breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s it. She had given me some good advice, and I thanked her. I kissed her on the cheek. That’s all.” He leaned in and lowered his voice to almost a whisper. “You’re the only one I want to kiss.”
She looked up to him with doe eyes. “Really?”
“Really.” He wrapped his arms around her. A jealous woman—he could work with that. Heck, he was tickled pink that’s all it was.
Sarah’s shoulders relaxed and her arms crept around him.
“I’m sorry.” Her voice was muffled from where her face was buried in his chest.
“It’s alright.” He chuckled.
“It’s not funny, Lucas.”
“It’s a little funny.”
“What, me being upset at you with another woman?”
“No, you being jealous of another woman.”
“I was not jealous.”
He didn’t respond. He didn’t want to refuel the head of steam he’d just diffused.
“Okay maybe I was a little jealous.”
“That’s okay, honey. I know it’s because I’m such a good catch and you couldn’t bear to lose me.”
Sarah wiggled from his arms and smacked him across the chest. A smile replaced the frown that had greeted him at the door.
“So, am I forgiven?” he asked.
“You’re forgiven.” She beamed up at him. “Can you stay for lunch?”
“I can’t. I stopped by the station to organize some supplies and Stacey told me you were upset. I left her there and need to get back.”
“Oh, no, Stacey.” Sarah’s hands flew to her mouth. “I was so rude to her. I was just so mad and upset and didn’t want to talk to her.”
“That’s okay. She knows women sometimes act irrationally when they’re around me.” He stepped back, laughing, and shut the door before she could smack him again.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“BENNETT, GET IN here!” The Captain’s bellowing order carried down the hall and into the kitchen.
Lucas jumped. What had he done now? Just when things were looking up. He threw Stacey a look as he hustled down the hall to the captain’s office.
“Yeah, Cap?”
“Sit down.”
Lucas lifted two piles of papers off the chair in front of the desk and sat. The furrowed brows and downturned corners of the captain’s mouth didn’t bode well.
Whatever had crawled up in the captain’s craw, Lucas would find a way to fix it. He rubbed his hands up and down his jeans to stop his knees from bouncing. “Cap?”
“Well, Bennett… I’m going to miss you…”
He flew out of the chair and palmed his hands on the desk. “What!? Why?”
The captain waved his hands in defense. “Sit down, Bennett, and let me finish. I’m going to miss you on the EMS crew… because you’ve been cleared for full duty.” The corners of his mouth turned up in a wide grin, laughter filling his words.
Lucas collapsed back into the chair, a sigh of relief escaping his lips. The joke was on him. Just then, Stacey and the rest of the day shift burst around the corner, yelling and laughing with him.
“Congrats, Lucas,” Stacey said.
“Way to go, man.” Jake slapped him on the shoulder. “Glad to have you back
.”
Those guys, they probably knew the whole time Cap was going to pull that on him. It was like he was a proby again, with jokes being pulled on him. He deserved it, and the crew’s genuine happiness meant more to him than anything else. Not only had he gotten his head on straight, the crew had forgiven him for how he acted.
“Alright you cretins, get your butts out of here so I can finish up.” The captain shuffled some papers on the desk while the crew started to leave.
After a few more smacks on the shoulder, the rest of the crew filed back out and closed the door.
Lucas sat back down. Thank God. This had been a long sixty days. And so much more had happened than he’d expected. He’d gained a new perspective on his job and he’d met Sarah and fallen in love. His heart felt lighter, released from the burden of the suspension and the guilt that had driven him there in the first place.
“Thanks, Captain. I appreciate it.”
“Don’t thank me. You did the work. The department psychologist wrote a glowing report. I guess you charmed her, huh?”
He laughed. “Not exactly. She actually helped me. I didn’t think she would, and it’s no secret that I didn’t want to see her in the first place, but you were right to suspend me, and to send me to the shrink. I wanted to talk to you, though. I’d like to also work some EMS shifts, if that’s okay.”
“More than okay. You’re a good paramedic. As long as you keep your head on straight, I can definitely rotate your fire and EMS shifts.”
Lucas stood and extended his hand to the captain. “Thanks so much, Captain. I know now why you did what you did. I was headed in a bad direction, and I needed someone to smack some sense into me. I’ve got my head screwed on straight now and I assure you, I’ll be by the book from now on.”
The captain shook his hand. “I know, Bennett. I wouldn’t have cleared you for full duty if I didn’t believe that.”
THE NEXT AFTERNOON, Lucas stepped into the station to start his first shift back on the engine. He threw his duffel in his locker and went to set up his gear.
One Last Risk (Oak Grove Series Book 1) Page 20
