He had a plan. And he felt good about it. He just needed to make a few calls, have a few conversations, and then beg Sarah to talk to him. With a renewed confidence, he stood from the stool and pulled his wallet out, throwing a twenty on the bar before heading to the door.
“Thanks, man,” he yelled at Joey as he stepped out into the waning light.
Joey laughed as he grabbed the half full beer mug and the twenty-dollar bill off the bar.
Chapter Twenty-Six
SARAH OPENED THE car door and placed a single foot on the pavement. The bitter cold cut through her several layers and chilled her to the bone. All she wanted to do was close the door, start the engine, and head back home. But she couldn’t let her fears drive her anymore. She had to move forward with her life if she wanted a chance to be happy. That didn’t mean butterflies hadn’t taken up residence in her stomach, though.
She pulled herself out and grabbed the bundle of red roses she’d bought. She slammed the door behind her, the sound echoing around the empty space and the clear, cloudless sky.
She glanced at the car. It wouldn’t take but a second for her to hop in and pull away from the curb. She could still leave and come back tomorrow… or the next day.
No. That wouldn’t move her forward, and after a week of stewing about her relationship with Lucas, she needed to do this. She stepped through the wrought-iron gate, placing one booted foot in front of the other. The grass crunched with each step, and the thin layer of snow on the ground swirled around her boots. She passed several gray slabs of granite before she reached her destination.
She stopped and looked down. Her entire body trembled. Her breath hitched in her throat as she focused on the stone in front of her and the words etched in the granite:
Alex Robinson.
Beloved Son, Brother, Husband, and Father
Sarah stared at the shiny, polished stone for a long time, her heart breaking as the words sank in. This man she loved was gone. Would no longer see his daughter grow up. Would never tell Sarah he loved her. Silence enveloped her. Not a sound echoed through the air. The cold, black stone was a marked contrast to the newly fallen snow that wrapped around it. Peace swept over her, through her. White snow blanketed the ground, the untouched surface giving a feeling of newness, of starting fresh. She laid the bundle of crimson roses against the newly fallen snow and tucked them up against his stone. When he was alive, he’d brought her roses. There was rarely a reason. Just because, he’d always said. But today, she had a reason.
The air blew gently, clean and crisp, and burned her nose and lungs with each breath she drew. A few brown, crunchy leaves blew on the gentle breeze that periodically cut through the open field dotted with row after row of solemn markers.
“Oh, Alex. This is not how it was supposed to be… you were supposed to be here for me. For Lily.”
She drew in another cold breath, coughing as the frigid air struck the back of her throat and traveled down her chest.
“Lily has grown and changed so much. She has become her own little person, but so much like you. She’s so beautiful. She got the best of you, I can already tell.” Tears pooled in her eyes, but for once, joy intermingled with the grief as tears fell down her cheeks. “I’m going to tell her about you, Alex. I want her to remember you. She’ll know how much we loved each other—how much I still love you. I do love you, and I always will. She’ll know what a good man you were.”
A stronger breeze kicked up and she pulled the lapels of her coat tighter, tucking her collar under her ears. She struggled to form the words she needed to say—for Alex, but even more so, for herself.
“I live in Oak Grove now. I just couldn’t stay here any longer where every tree, every building, everywhere I turned reminded me of you. We have a good life. I bought a little cottage on the cutest street lined with huge maple trees. You would have loved it. It has sidewalks where Lily can ride her bike or roller skate, and I can walk to the town green. I’ve made some great new friends. I’m happy…”
She paused, drew in a breath and mustered the strength to continue.
“…and I’ve met someone. I hadn’t planned to, Alex. I was content with my life. I had prepared myself to raise Lily alone, and I was okay with that. But Lucas barreled his way into our lives. Literally. He pulled me out of my car after an accident.” She laughed at the memory. “He’s a firefighter…” she sniffled and wiped her hands across her cheek. “…and a paramedic. He’s really good with Lily. He loves her… and he loves me.”
The tears fell harder now. “I love him, Alex, and I’m happy. Lucas makes me happy. I know deep down you wouldn’t want me to mourn you forever. It’s not going to be easy. It scares me to death that he’s a firefighter, but I’ve decided that I just want to love him for as long as I have him, and each day we have together will be worth it.”
She ran her hand along Alex’s grave marker, the cold penetrating her thick gloves. She closed her eyes and listened for Alex in her heart and her mind. Just then, the wind kicked up and swirled around her, creating a cocoon of warmth for just a moment. Just as quickly, it was gone.
She smiled.
“Thank you, Alex.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
ONCE LUCAS KNEW what he had to do, he set the wheels in motion. He’d had the conversations he needed to have, he’d gone where he needed to go and had done what he needed to do. And each day, he drove by Sarah’s house, only to find it dark. She still wasn’t home… and he didn’t know where she was. Each day, he grew more and more miserable. Had he blown his one and only chance with her because of his fear of losing her? After finally overcoming his guilt over Shawn’s death, he’d screwed up because he couldn’t be honest with her.
It had been more than a week and still nothing. She hadn’t returned any of his calls or texts. Especially the one asking to talk, the one he’d sent after he’d screwed his head on straight. Then, like a total fool, he’d sent a text to apologize, which she ignored. Maybe he should be grateful she hadn’t answered. He needed to talk to her in person and grovel. He’d even get down on his knees and beg, if that’s what it took.
Stacey walked out from the back hall. “You going to keep stacking and restacking those supplies all day?”
Lucas dropped the handful of bandages. They spun on the floor, all his work undone as several of them unrolled. This was what happened when he daydreamed about Sarah.
“Sorry.” He collected the rolls and boxes that were strewn on the floor. “I guess I’m distracted today.”
“Still no word, huh?”
“Nope.”
“Sorry, Lucas.”
“It’s my own fault. I should have known. I didn’t trust her enough to tell her the truth from the beginning and this is the result. All I need is to apologize and beg for a second chance. I haven’t even told her what I’ve done.”
“As happy as I am to have a full-time partner, I have to ask. Are you sure this is what you want to do? You’ve always wanted to be a firefighter. And despite the past year or so, you were a damn good one.”
“Yeah, I’m sure. If it’s a choice between firefighting and Sarah, that’s easy. It would always be Sarah.”
“What if that’s not enough for her? What if it doesn’t matter anymore? You can’t make life decisions because of a woman. You have to make them for yourself if you’re going to be happy.”
“The thing is… I am happy. I mean, I have a great partner…” He grinned at her.
Stacey grinned back. “That you do…”
Her smile faltered and her brows knotted. Her gaze shifted over Lucas’s shoulder.
What the heck was going on? Lucas turned.
“Hi.” Sarah offered a meek smile and a wave from the door of the ambulance bay.
Lucas’s heart leapt. He opened his mouth then closed it. Best to keep his trap shut. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing now that she’d taken this first step.
Sarah’s gaze shifted. “Hi, Stacey.”
“
Hey, Sarah.”
Stacey turned to Lucas. “Go on. I’ve got this covered.”
“Can we talk?” Sarah’s hands trembled.
“Let’s head over to the park.”
Lucas started out of the ambulance bay and Sarah fell in step beside him. His hand crept to the small of her back, but just as fast, he stopped himself. His chest tightened. Didn’t she know she was killing him? His fingers itched to touch her, but he was afraid to spook her before he knew what she was going to say. At least she had come here, was giving him a chance to apologize and tell her everything he’d done. There had to be hope if she was here, right?
They walked in silence into the park before sitting down on the same bench they’d sat on the first day she’d visited him at the station.
The silence grew between them as neither said a word. Was she waiting for him to speak first? He didn’t want to screw this up. He needed to know where he stood first.
This bench, the place they spent so many hours together, had become a symbol of their relationship, and an important part of his life. Birds chirped in the trees and the occasional car drove past the park. Despite the cool breeze, several small children ran along the sidewalks and in the grass. Lucas was wrapped in the sights and sounds of the town that he loved.
“Lucas, I…” Sarah stopped.
When his hand slid across the bench and stroked her shoulder, her delicate muscles stiffened. He hated that he’d made her this way. All because he was too afraid to tell her the truth.
“Just give me a minute,” she stared at her hands, wringing in her lap. “I thought I knew what I wanted to say, but now that I’m sitting here, I can’t seem to organize my thoughts.”
She was as nervous as he was. He left his hand on her shoulder, even squeezed it gently to let her know he was here to listen and that he cared. “I’ve driven by your house a few times. It was dark.”
“I went to Philadelphia… and I went to see Alex.”
Lucas’s hand stilled. This was the big goodbye. She was going to tell him she was moving back to Philadelphia, that she wasn’t over Alex’s death, and she couldn’t see herself in a relationship with Lucas. His stomach tightened and churned heavy in his gut.
He opened his mouth, ready to beg for a second chance, but her words came out fast. “My mind has been all over the place this past week. I moved to Oak Grove for a fresh start and I’ve found it. I just never expected to fall in love with you.”
His heart beat rapidly. “Yeah?” He couldn’t help it, he smiled.
“I did. I fell in love with you, Lucas.” She lifted her head and looked at him, and in his eyes, she saw his love for her mirrored back. “When I found out you were a firefighter, I got scared. I wasn’t sure I had the strength to bear another loss like the one I’d suffered with Alex. So I lashed out at you, and I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that. You needed my support that night, and I should have been there for you like you’ve been there for me since the day I met you.”
Lucas turned toward her, cupping her hands in his. “No, you were right. You’re so strong. You’re the strongest woman I know, and I should have trusted that enough to tell you the truth as soon as our relationship got more serious.” His smile grew bigger. His shaking hands stilled and a good feeling spread through his entire body. His feet itched to jump up and dance around, to swing her in his arms and laugh with her.
Her mouth quirked up and she had a puzzled look on her face. “What’s that smile about?”
“I have something to tell you that I hope you’ll be happy about. I’m going to be a paramedic… full-time.”
Her eyes widened and she slid away from him on the bench while her hands flew to her mouth. “Oh, Lucas, no.”
“Sarah, just listen for a minute.”
She looked up at him.
“This is what I want. Shawn’s death and the time I spent wallowing in grief and guilt over my role drove me to a place I don’t ever want to be again. I acted recklessly and my behavior risked lives. The captain suspending me was the best thing that happened to me… aside from meeting you, of course.”
She smiled at his attempt at levity.
“I got EMS certified as much for my ego as anything else. Bragging rights that I was a firefighter and a paramedic. I thought I’d lost a part of myself when the captain restricted me to EMS duty. Instead, it made me dig deep. I like being a paramedic. I like helping people. I like being the one to hold their hand and tell them that everything’s going to be alright.”
Sarah smiled again. She understood he was talking about her accident.
“I may end up with a shift on the engine once in a while if the captain’s in a pinch, but my full-time assignment now is part of the EMS crew with Stacey as my partner.”
He cupped her cheeks with his hands, bringing her closer to him. This was serious and she needed to know this was important to him. “I want another chance with you.”
Sarah’s smile widened into a huge grin and her eyes lit up. She tugged at the gold chain that had been present around her neck since the day they met. His heart fell as he watched her grasp for the ring that hung there—the ring given to her by her husband. Instead, Sarah pulled out the chain and extended it toward him. But her ring didn’t dangle on the chain… it had been replaced by the mother and child pendant.
His heart leapt. He thought he’d never see her ring leave that chain, the symbol of everything she’d lost. Instead, she’d finally set the ring aside and replaced it with the symbol of his love. He grinned.
“I went to see Alex so I could say goodbye. Losing him the way I did made it harder, because it was unexpected. I wasn’t ready for it. It was thrust on me. I felt out of control for a long time and the only way I survived was to keep a tight rein on everything around me. Discovering you were a firefighter thrust me back into a place where I felt out of control again.”
“You don’t have to feel that way, honey. Because I’m not going to be a firefighter anymore.”
“That’s the thing. Now that I’ve had time to think about it, things are different. Knowing I was going to lose Alex the way I did wouldn’t have changed a moment of my life with him. Because I had a lot of good years with him, and I have a wonderful daughter to show for it.”
Sarah clasped his hands. “I can’t spend my life alone because I’m afraid of loss. I want to be with you. I told Alex about you and I felt him there with me. He was in the wind, wrapping around me, telling me that it was okay to let him go. He’ll always be a part of my life because I’ve got the best of him in Lily, but I’m tired of focusing on the past. I want to look forward in my life, and I hope to see you standing there when I do.”
Thank God.
“If being a firefighter makes you happy, then that’s what I want you to do. I’d be lying if I said I won’t be nervous every time you head out to a fire, but I’d still slide my arms around you when you came home and thank God for every day that we have together.”
Lucas couldn’t wait another minute to feel her body and his arms wrapped around her. Her arms snaked around his middle and she squeezed him back. The moment he didn’t realize he’d been waiting for his entire life had finally happened. The woman he loved was in his arms, and she loved him back. Nothing else in the world mattered.
“I love you, Sarah.”
She smiled up at him, reaching up and pressing her hand to his cheek. He leaned into the gentleness of her touch. “I love you, too, Lucas. But all these changes you made—rearranging your life. What if I hadn’t come back? What if I couldn’t forgive the deception? That was a pretty big risk when you didn’t know what was going to happen.”
“None of it mattered if I didn’t have you. If you were willing to take a risk to love me, I was willing to risk losing everything for the chance to love you back.”
Epilogue
“WHERE ARE WE going?” Sarah asked as they headed away from the town green and out of town.
He smiled at her and took her hand but didn’t ans
wer.
The past six months with Lucas had been wonderful. The winter had been long and cold, and they’d spent a lot of time in front of the fireplace in her cottage playing with Lily.
Lily loved Lucas. Her face lit up each time he walked in the room. And Lucas loved Lily. It was evident in every look he gave her and how he cared for her as though she were his own. Sarah couldn’t help but imagine having his child, how it would feel for him to caress her growing belly when she was pregnant, him by her side when she gave birth, and his being there for every moment of their child’s life. Hope for her future with Lucas grew with each day she spent with him.
The warmth of spring had finally broken through the cold winter. The grass thickened and sprouted new green blades under warmth of the nourishing sun, and the flowers bloomed in the median passing outside her window. The trees along the road burst with blooms of flowering pears, dogwood, and blossoming cherries. The vibrant colors made Sarah’s heart soar. The earth was reborn each spring, plants that had closed themselves down for the winter now reborn. Much like Sarah’s life. Lucas hadn’t allowed her to shut herself off. Instead, he’d opened her up and shown her how she could have love with him.
He pulled the car to a stop, and she focused out the window.
“Where are we?”
“Come on. You’ll see.”
After he hopped out of the car and ran around the front, he opened her door and extended his hand to help her out. Keeping hold of her hand, Lucas pulled her away from the car and closed the door behind her.
“Lucas, what are we doing, stopping on the side of the road? This is a dangerous road. I learned that firsthand.”
He pulled her along behind him into the grass and toward the tree she’d crashed into that day.
“I wanted to come here. As weird as it sounds, I will always be thankful for the truck that hit you that day. This is where our relationship really started, and if it weren’t for that accident, I might never have found myself back here…”
One Last Risk (Oak Grove Series Book 1) Page 23
