by Annie Boone
She found him sitting quietly at the table on the back porch. “What’s with the sudden change of heart?” she asked him.
“It’s not all that sudden, Audrey. I lied to you. I haven’t been attending church regularly for some time now. I’m tired of trying to make you think I’m something that I’m not. I don’t feel like attending church today, so I’ll say it again. I won’t be going,” he answered. His tone of voice was even, but his fists were clenched in his lap.
“All right. I understand why you’d fib about that at first. But why don’t you want to go now?” she asked calmly.
He took a deep breath, but didn’t say anything in reply. He looked down at his lap where his fists were still gritted together.
“Just a few days ago, I overheard you telling the girls that they should always have faith in God even in the toughest moments in life. I’ve seen you pray before you set out for work when you didn’t know I was watching. I don’t believe that the lies you say you told were really lies. There’s no way that all of this has been merely eyewash. What I see is proof to the contrary.”
Caleb continued to sit quietly.
“I can’t force you to come with us to services. Please understand, though, that I would like you to be there with us. Your presence there means something to the girls, even if you feel right now like you don’t belong there. Be a man, and think of the example you’re setting for them,” she said and walked back into the house.
They were packing themselves into the carriage when Caleb came out of the house. He was wearing a black suit, white shirt, and a string tie. He looked very handsome and quite contrite. He didn’t look Audrey in the eyes, but he did walk her around to the other side of the carriage and help her get in. Then he took the driver’s seat.
“Giddyap!” he said and the carriage lurched forward. The almost fractured family was on the way to Bible study and Sunday services. Together.
Chapter Twenty-two
That Sunday night, Audrey lay in bed and went over the events that had transpired that day. She was distraught over Caleb’s behavior and worried about how it might have a negative effect on the girls.
More questions than answers swirled around her. Why did he say he’d told her a lie about his faith? That couldn’t possibly be true. There was too much evidence that he did believe in God and that those beliefs guided his life. But, if he did follow the Word in his daily life, why was he so difficult?
He was pleasant and even playful with the girls when he was with them. There was always a chance that they were picking up on his absences and his moodiness, though. They could also have overheard some of the arguments. She worried that they would feel insecure or concerned about their future. They were young, but children could sense when things weren’t right.
This was a problem she could work on. Doing all she could to make Beatrice and Daisy understand that they were loved and in a safe place would become a priority. She’d try to get Caleb involved when he seemed open to it.
Then she recalled her assumptions that his withdrawal and terrible attitude was probably related to guilt. If her theory was accurate, he was feeling guilt about something related to Susannah’s death. It wasn’t that she was murdered and he felt that he’d not protected her. Her question about that had started a big argument and he’d stated in no uncertain terms that she had not been murdered.
She couldn’t keep speculating about what had happened. The scenarios were endless. She needed him to tell her—or at least admit to himself—why he felt such guilt. Whatever it was, she knew he could be helped. If he would allow it.
She believed wholeheartedly that he deserved better than he was giving himself. She felt that he simply didn’t know how to get help for what was bothering him.
And then, the doubt started creeping in. Had it been a mistake to come to Cutter’s Creek? Was this situation far more than she was capable of handling? Had she been so desperate that she’d ignored the warning signs? Considering that he’d made flimsy promises about a wedding, she just may have been taken for a fool.
And then there was what he thought of her. Her as a person, a woman. She was well aware that Caleb liked her, though he wasn’t so forthcoming about it. She had seen the way he looked at her when he thought she couldn’t see. She knew he found her attractive. He also laughed at her jokes even when he tried not to.
She liked him, too. In fact, in different circumstances she might consider herself falling in love with him.
He had made it clear from the start that this was more of a business arrangement than a relationship. She’d agreed to that, but she’d expected a wedding to make it all legal. She’d hoped for a friendship and they’d even agreed to strive for that. But now, all that seemed unlikely.
Audrey smiled and snuggled down into the covers as she thought about how he’d cared for her when she was sick the Thursday before last. Kathleen had needed to go to the mercantile and he’d promised to come home from work while she was gone. He’d read to her for a few minutes until she’d fallen asleep. How could a man so emotionally pent up, be so generous?
She grew drowsy trying to figure out who the real Caleb Jefferson was. She felt certain that who he really was, wasn’t the angry man she saw so often. She drifted to sleep with the hope that one day soon it would all change. She may have made a mistake by coming here, but she wouldn’t make another one by leaving. At least not yet.
Chapter Twenty-three
Daisy Norris had no idea that the best blacksmith in Cutter’s Creek, Montana was crazy about her. She’d stolen his heart almost immediately after he’d met her. It had happened before he could stop it. And she loved him back.
Daisy, just like her mother, was bubbly and cheerful. The one thing the daughter had that the mother didn’t have was a carefree spirit. Had the death of her husband taken that away from her? Or had he taken it away? He didn’t think too long about this question because he didn’t think he wanted to know the answer. Another finger of blame pointed directly at him.
Caleb walked in the door for supper and he was tired. Bone tired. He’d worked hard today to help get through the backlog of work that had spilled over from last week. When he entered through the back door, Daisy was waiting on him.
“I think you’re late tonight, Caleb,” she pouted. She almost always had a smile on her face, but right now she was unhappy with him.
“Am I? I didn’t realize I was following your schedule, Missy.”
She giggled since she was rarely able to stay in a pouty mood for more than about a minute. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. She looked up at him and wound her arms around his neck. He picked her up and pulled her close. Then he felt another small pair of arms circle his waist. He reached down to put one arm around Beatrice.
“So tell me how your day was at school,” he said, putting Daisy down beside Beatrice.
“It was good,” said Beatrice. “Except Morgan, the sweeper, got in trouble again. He whistled while we were on quiet time after lunch. Miss Doolittle told him to stop-”
“And he didn’t stop!” interrupted Daisy. “I don’t know why he whistles all the time.”
“Well, maybe he’s happy. It’s not bad to whistle when you’re happy,” said Caleb.
“It’s a funny whistle, too. I don’t think it’s a real song,” added Beatrice.
“Zachary got in trouble, too,” said Daisy.
“He did,” nodded Beatrice vigorously. “He gets in trouble all the time. He put a chestnut burr in Bobby Slattery’s seat.”
“Is that Zachary Carlson?” asked Caleb.
“Yes, it’s him. And Bobby jumped up when he sat on it!” Daisy howled with laughter. “Miss Doolittle didn’t like it. She said it was unkind to play pranks on people.”
“She made him put his nose on the blackboard,” added Beatrice. “That was funny, too. Miss Doolittle got mad at all of us for laughing.”
“Well, I suppose Miss Doolittle has a point. It’s not nice to make fun of other
people for any reason. Is Bobby all right?”
The girls nodded and lost interest in the story. Caleb sat back and took comfort in his time with the girls. Beatrice was, of course, his weak spot. Now Daisy had succeeded in making a place for herself in his heart. Together, the two girls could recreate the sense of joy that had gone missing from Caleb’s life. He loved them both and harbored the dream that someday he would be able to call himself the proud father to both of them.
But just as he’d start to relax and let the happy moment flow over him, he’d remember. He shouldn’t be allowed these pleasures. This kind of joy wasn’t appropriate for someone like him.
His mind would drift back to that fateful afternoon when he was too busy for a picnic on the riverbank with his wife and tiny daughter. Images of the funeral would float through his memory causing a pain that was almost as acute as he’d felt on the actual day. He couldn’t seem to make it stop.
And somehow if it was appropriate for him to move forward and love again, how would he handle loss when it happened? It would happen. It happened all the time. He didn’t think he could live through losing someone else so close to him. He was weak, but he didn’t know how to be strong.
He had loved once. He had been deeply, madly in love with Susannah. When Beatrice came along he thought his world was complete. Then it all shattered right before his eyes. Unexpectedly and tragically ruining his life.
“Supper’s ready!” yelled Audrey from the kitchen.
He heard the girls scramble to get there. Then the predictable admonishment from Kathleen. “Did either of you wash your hands? No? I didn’t think so. You know what to do. Don’t come back until your hands are clean!”
He chuckled as he got up to join the girls in the bathroom to wash his hands. He didn’t want Kathleen to send him away, too. It was times like this that he felt like his life was almost normal. The heavy burden seemed lighter somehow. He didn’t know how to make these times last longer.
It was in his relationship with Audrey that Caleb faced the biggest difficulty. His guilty mind forced him to hold back his feelings. He believed she had romantic feelings toward him, too. That made all of this even harder for him. If she didn’t care for him, he’d only be carrying the guilt of letting Susannah die. The added guilt of betraying his wife with another woman wouldn’t even exist.
He hoped that one day he’d get over this angst over the past. The truth was that he wanted a happy life. He actually believed he wanted a happy life with Audrey. He wanted all three generations of the Riley women in his life.
So, he hurried up the girls so they could get to the supper table before their food got cold. He was making a conscious effort to be pleasant tonight. He was doing it for all of them—especially himself.
“What’s in the pot?” he asked as he pushed Beatrice up to the table.
“Beef stew. Dansby’s creation. She made bread today, too. The house has smelled wonderful all day long,” answered Audrey. She looked cautious, but she seemed to be taking his lead. “So who wants to say the blessing tonight?”
“I’d like to do it tonight,” replied Caleb, reaching out for them to hold hands. “Father, thank You for the people around this table. We’re blessed to be called Yours and we’re blessed to belong to each other. Thank You for this food and those who prepared it. Amen.”
He looked up and Audrey was looking at him with her jaw dropped. She clearly hadn’t expected him to say the blessing, let alone thank God for bringing them together. He smiled at her and picked up his fork and took his first bite. “This is a good stew. Dansby outdid herself tonight,” he said.
“Indeed, she did. It’s delicious,” said Audrey finally picking up her fork and taking a bite.
“How do you know? You haven’t taken a bite yet,” he teased.
“Oh, um, well I tasted it earlier for Dansby. That’s how I knew,” she answered.
The girls were eating and poking at each other. They had no idea that anything important had happened. They were just happy to be together with their parents.
Chapter Twenty-four
It was a pleasant Saturday morning and Caleb had stopped by on the way to his shop. Breakfast had been a hasty affair since he was in a hurry to get to work. Since the turning point earlier in the week when he had thanked God for her in his blessing, his demeanor had changed. So had hers. It was happening slowly, but she felt like they were becoming a couple. He had even hugged her before he left the night before.
Audrey and Kathleen were busy washing up the breakfast dishes in the kitchen while Beatrice and Daisy were running around in the backyard. Audrey looked out the window and noticed that the sun was shining brightly through the few clouds. There appeared to be a nice breeze blowing as she saw the leaves on the trees gently stirring.
An idea began to formulate. “Mother? What do you have planned for today?” she asked.
“I’ve got to go in to the mercantile. I promised Dansby I’d make the trip for her. Then I’m going to Sophia’s. She’s invited me for lunch.”
“Oh, all right, then. I think the girls and I might have a little picnic,” said Audrey. “It’s the perfect day for it, I think.”
“Are you taking Clover out to the back pasture? They’d love that!” exclaimed Kathleen.
“No, I think I’m going to take them down to the river. If I’m not mistaken there’s a clearing not too far behind the red chapel. We might even try to dip our toes in the water.”
“I’ll put a basket together for you to take. I’ll have time before I go off into town,” offered Kathleen.
“Thank you! That will give me time to round them up and get us all ready to go.” Audrey went to the back door and called out to the girls. “Who wants to go on a picnic?”
Both girls ran over shouting in unison, “I do, I do!”
Audrey didn’t face much difficulty in getting the girls ready to go. Unlike other days when getting them to hurry up seemed like an impossible task, today they weren’t dragging their feet. After all, they were going out on a picnic, so they were too excited to think of creating mischief for her.
An hour later, the small party of three set out on a little adventure. They took the carriage and stopped at the red church. They pulled to the side of the building and took their basket and blanket out with them. The carriage and horse would be safe there.
They made the short hike to the clearing by the river. There had been a little rain the day before and the current was brisk, but not terribly strong. The gurgle and movement of the water was soothing.
They made a striking group. Two pretty little girls and a lovely young woman who was as energetic as the youngsters. The girls helped Audrey spread the blanket as close to the water as they could get.
“Girls, listen to me carefully. Don’t get too close to the edge without me there with you. If you fall in, that would be terrible. You could easily drown. I’m a strong swimmer, but there’s no telling how fast the current could take you away,” Audrey warned.
They both nodded and Audrey was satisfied that they’d heard her.
“So come sit down beside me. Take off your shoes and put them back up near the basket. We don’t want to lose them!” she giggled. The girls laughed and rushed to put their shoes where they’d find them easily.
“This is fun,” said Daisy. “Like we used to do in Boston, right?”
“Yes, very much like it,” said Audrey. “What do you think, Beatrice?”
“I like it. I haven’t been near the river much. It’s nice. I want to come here more!”
“We’ll see what we can do about that, girlie,” smiled Audrey.
Then she felt peace spill over her as she took off her own boots and set them aside. She pulled up her skirts and put her feet into the water. It was cooler than she expected it to be, but she soon got used to the temperature.
They three of them stretched out side by side with their feet dangling in the water. Finally, Daisy sat up. “I’m bored,” she said. “Can we eat no
w?”
Audrey laughed. “Beatrice, are you hungry?”
“Yes, and bored, too. Just lying on the ground with your feet in the water isn’t very exciting,” she answered.
Audrey thought ahead to what these girls might think about having the chance to relax on the banks of a river when they’re young mothers. She was sure they’d change their minds about boredom.
They opened up the picnic basket to see what Kathleen had packed for them. Some apple cider to drink, some cold chicken, raw vegetables, and cookies. All wrapped and nestled snugly inside. They pulled it all out and dug in.
“This is fun. I wish we could eat every meal like this,” said Daisy.
“Me, too,” said Beatrice.
“What’s so nice about eating this way?” asked Audrey.
“It’s not formal and we don’t have to put napkins in our lap,” offered Beatrice.
“Yes, and we don’t have to mind our manners,” added Daisy.
“Well, I see your point. But there’s a place for manners and napkins in your laps. I don’t want you two to be raised to have no sense of etiquette.”
Daisy made a face. “What’s eti- cut?”
“It’s good manners, Daisy. How you behave in polite company. Understand?”
“I suppose. I think I like just being with us. And Caleb. I wish he was here today,” she said.
“He had to work, sweetie. We’ll see him tonight at supper. Where you’ll be smart to think about using your good manners at the table,” Audrey answered and poked her daughter in the stomach.
“Ugh,” said Beatrice as she shoved a whole cookie into her mouth at once.
Chapter Twenty-five
Caleb took off his blacksmith’s apron and hung it on the peg near the tool cabinet. The day had been a very slow one and he had been able to catch up on the backlog. He was going to close up a little earlier than he’d expected.
