I look at my girl, who now, has a shadow in her eyes that makes her appear at least five years older than she really is. “Bailey was sure glad to see you,” I murmur with a grin.
Rosalie’s face pinks and she looks down at her lap. “He said he was really worried about me. He asked me to call him tonight so that we can talk a bit,” she admits.
“You know, your father probably wouldn’t like that,” I say. She nods, and I stand up as I walk over to the vacant chair next to hers. Slipping my arm around her shoulder, I exhale before I speak again. “But, I think tonight, it would be okay.”
“Really?” she breathes.
I nod, giving her a small smile. “Just tonight, Rosalie. He was very concerned and he just wants to make sure you’re okay. Plus, it’s only over the phone,” I shrug.
“Thanks, Mom,” she beams, throwing her arms around me. Then she stands and rushes upstairs.
I watch her as she disappears into her room and let out a sigh of relief. All of my babies are in one home, and they’re safe. As many times as we’ve had to be on lockdown throughout the years, I’ve never had anything happen to me, or my children, personally. I can completely understand the dangers of this life, of our lifestyle. I never imagined that something this bad could ever happen to us, but it did.
As much as I would like to tell West to leave the club, I know that he won’t. Bad things happen to people all of the time, with or without being involved in a club like we are.
When we were young, I wanted nothing to do with a member of the club, but it had nothing to do with safety, and more to do with the way some of the men treat their women.
Isn’t it a fucking hoot that I ended up being the one to cheat?
The front door opens and I jump when I see West enter. He’s wearing his cut, but the rest of his clothes are different. I don’t ask him why, I already know he had to wash the blood away I’m sure. “There’s some leftover chicken and rice casserole if you want it,” I murmur pointing to the dish that’s still in the middle of the table.
“Where are the kids?” he asks.
I explain that Rosalie is tired and wanted to sleep and that the boys are playing video games. He sits down in Rosalie’s now empty seat next to me and throws his arm around my shoulders. “We got them handled, we can all rest easy tonight,” he murmurs.
His hand wraps around the back of my neck and his thumb starts to massage me. We sit in silence for what seems like a lifetime, then he finally speaks. “We’ve been through hell the past couple of months,” he says quietly.
I nod, unsure of where this conversation is leading. “I love you, Ivy.” I wait for him to add a, but, and when he does my entire body deflates. “But we can’t go on like this. Neither of us is happy.”
Lifting my gaze to meet his I turn my head. “So, this is it? This is the end of us?” I ask, trying to fight back the tears.
“Never, baby,” he murmurs. “This is only the beginning.”
“West,” I whisper.
He grins and leans forward, his head pressing against mine. “We aren’t perfect, neither of us are. We’ve both fucked up, but baby, there’s too much here to just walk away.”
“Too much of what?” I breathe.
He leans back and lets his hand fall away from my neck, his eyes focused on me and nothing else. “Too much of everything. Too much history, too much love, just too fucking much.”
“And what I did?”
He shakes his head. “What you did, it’s nothing more than what I wanted you to do, except I wasn’t there to watch,” he shrugs. “Next time, I’m there.”
My eyes widen and my mouth falls open slightly in shock. With shaky fingers, I reach up and grasp his forearm, squeezing him, trying to imagine both him and Derek, and me—together. I can’t pretend that the thought doesn’t intrigue me, it does, very much so. I just don’t want it to come crashing down around me.
Moving my hand up his forearm to his bicep, I keep my eyes on his and I let out a trembling whisper, “Okay.”
“Tonight, we put our boys to bed. We put our girl to bed, and we just breathe and sleep. Fuck, I feel like I haven’t slept in a fuckin’ year,” he grunts. “And I need to eat.”
West turns to the table, grabbing the entire casserole dish and I watch as he starts to shovel food into his mouth. Deciding it’s creepy to sit and watch him eat, I start to clean up the dinner dishes. West hasn’t eaten at home in probably months and if I could get away with just watching him at our dining room table, I would.
I watch her move around our home, clearing the table and picking up the house. I can’t believe I almost walked away from her, that I actually pushed her away. She’s my Old Lady, my woman, and I was willing to keep her up on some pedestal, afraid to dirty her up, all the while willing to lose her because of it. Fuck that. She’s made herself dirty, and I should fucking be pissed, but I’m not, in fact, I’m the exact opposite.
Once I’m finished eating, I drop the dirty dish and fork in the sink before making my way over to my boys. They don’t even realize I’m home, they’re so focused on their game. I leave them to it and walk upstairs to see my Rosalie. When I reach her bedroom door, I wrap my hand around the knob and close my eyes. She could have been lost to me forever, or she could have been hurt the way Finley was and forever damaged.
There are so many variables of what could have happened to her, and all because some punk ass kids wanted to prove they were men. They wanted to make some kind of statement that we are old, washed-up, has-beens. They didn’t succeed in that, but they did take our daughters, and they damaged them, forever ruining an innocence that they can never get back.
I knock once before turning the handle and walking inside of her room. She’s lying in bed on her side and her eyes are closed. I can tell she’s not asleep though. Making my way over to her bed, I sit down and rest my hand on her thigh from the top of the covers.
“Daddy,” she whispers.
Clearing my throat, I squeeze her leg gently. “You doing okay?”
She shifts beneath her covers to sit up and my hand falls from her as I watch her. She gives me a sad nod and then tips her head back to look at the ceiling of her bedroom. “I feel guilty,” she admits.
“Why?”
Rosalie shakes her head and then drops it to look into her lap. “Finley, she was hurt, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I tried to break out of the restraints they had my arms and legs in but I couldn’t.”
Anger fills me at the mention of her being restrained, but I tamp it down as best as I can. “Don’t feel guilty for a fucking thing. Those pricks are to blame for everything. Not you, not Riley, and not Finley.”
Rosalie’s eyes fill with tears and she launches herself at me, her arms wrapping around my neck and squeezing. “I love you, Daddy. Thank you for saving me,” she whispers against my ear.
I squeeze her tight, too tightly I know, against me and just hold her. My baby girl, she was almost lost to me forever, and now she’s here in my house breathing free and safe. “I love you too, Rosalie. I’ll always save you. I would die doing it.”
I hold her for just a few more minutes until my emotions start to get the best of me, then I clear my throat and release her to stand on my feet. “Get some sleep, sweetie,” I murmur, turning around and walking out of her room.
Ivy is leaning against the wall in the hallway her eyes filled with tears. “You’re here to stay?” she asks.
“How could you even ask that?”
She looks down at her feet then glances back up at me. “I just feel like we’re still on the edge of losing, us,” she whispers.
Closing the distance between us I wrap my hands around her cheeks and press my lips to hers, just feeling her breath against my mouth. “Maybe we were, but not now, baby.”
“So I slept with someone else and suddenly our marriage is saved?” she whispers.
Deciding we need to have this conversation in our bedroom and not the hallway, I take a step
back from her and wrap my hand around hers. Tugging her behind me we walk to our bedroom. Once we’re inside, she closed the door behind her and locks it.
“The boys?” I ask turning around to face her.
She smiles. “In bed.”
“Good.”
She doesn’t move, staying in her spot, her back leaning against the bedroom door before she asks me to explain.
“You sleeping with Derek should piss me the fuck off, and it does, to a degree,” I murmur. Ivy’s brows furrow together and I try to explain further. “I shouldn’t want to watch another man touch you, I should hate the idea of it. However, I don’t. It fucking excites me to think about,” I admit.
“Do you want someone else to have sex with me, in front of you?” she asks.
I shake my head wrapping my hand around the back of my neck. “I don’t know,” I admit truthfully.
She nods and steps closer to me. “Okay, West. I want to, but no sex with someone else,” she murmurs.
I don’t question her further, I don’t ask her if she enjoyed fucking Derek or not, but the way she’s looking at me, with her doe-eyes, I decide not to push her. “Let’s get some sleep, baby,” I murmur.
“Okay,” she breathes.
“You do this shit every day?” Kentlee whines as she does another burpee.
I can’t stop myself from giggling at her complaints. She’s obviously not someone who works out often, though it’s not as if she really needs to. The woman’s curves are out of this world and sexy as hell. “Chad is a slave driver,” I grumble.
“Yeah, okay,” Chad calls out, rolling his eyes.
“Look at them, those skinny bitches,” Kentlee mumbles.
I turn my head and see Brentlee, Mary-Anne, and Hattie jogging on the three treadmills that are lined up in a row. I laugh and continue with my burpees right next to Kentlee. She acts like she can’t do it, but she’s definitely holding her own right next to me.
“We get some kind of carb after this, right?” she asks breathlessly.
Chad’s eyes widen and he shakes his head. “No way. Lean protein and vegetables,” he announces.
“That’s bullshit, I want pancakes,” she pouts.
I’m unable to do one more set. Instead, I fall to the ground laughing. Working out with these girls is horrible for my body, but awesome for my soul.
“You know she’s just going to keep complaining, don’t you?” Genny asks.
“You’re a skinny bitch too,” Kentlee shouts.
Brian walks over to us and sits down next to me, smiling widely as he looks around the gym. He locked the doors as soon as we all walked in and close the place down. He wanted to make sure that the women of the Notorious Devils had their privacy, and I honestly don’t blame him. They’re a little crazy.
“You doing okay?” he asks, nudging my shoulder.
Bringing my knees up to my chest I wrap my arms around them and rest my chin on top. “You know, I am,” I admit.
“You and West?”
I turn to him slightly and give him a grin. “We’re going to be okay,” I murmur.
“Going to be?” he asks.
I shrug one shoulder and turn toward the other women but keep my voice low. “He’s not mad at me for cheating, although he hasn’t touched me since it happened,” I state. “He’s been home every night, and he’s been an attentive husband and father. Baby steps,” I shrug.
“The kinky stuff?”
I don’t hold back my smile. “We made boundaries, for the most part. We’ll see what happens.”
Brian slips his arm around my shoulders and tugs me a little closer to his side. “I have a feeling whatever is meant to be, will be, Ivy. You love each other.”
“We do,” I nod.
“Okay, we worked out for an hour. My ass and thighs are going to ache for two weeks, I need food,” Kentlee announces.
“Whatever aches I’m sure Fury will kiss all better,” Mary-Anne calls out as she hops off of the treadmill.
Kentlee flashes her a big smile. “Oh, you know he will, and happily,” she winks.
“Smoothies,” Chad calls out. “I’ll make smoothies.” He rushes off to the back room and Kentlee cringes. “I don’t want a smoothie, I want a muffin or pancakes,” she whispers.
I giggle and stand from my spot. “Don’t worry, Carlotta’s is open for breakfast now, we’ll get pastries when we’re finished here,” I murmur.
“I heard that,” Chad calls out with a wink.
Kentlee ignores him but gives me a hug. “I could kiss you, Ivy. Seriously, women cannot live on smoothies, chicken, and veggies alone. Chad’s crazy.”
We spend the next hour talking and having a good time, just the girls with Chad and Brian. My boss gave me the week off with everything that happened with Rosalie. I’m enjoying spending some much-needed time with Brentlee, Kentlee, and Hattie, whom I don’t see too often since they live in Idaho.
“How are your girls?” I ask Mary-Anne.
Her eyes cloud and her shoulders deflate a bit. “Riley is feeling extra guilty and hasn’t slept much. Finley only sleeps. It’s been rough. I really needed today,” she admits. “Bailey has been out of sorts as well.”
I wrap my arm around her shoulder and give her a hug. Nobody should ever have to go through what Finley went through, and I don’t know how, as a mother, I would be able to handle it if it were Rosalie. I think that Mary-Anne is probably the strongest woman I know right about now.
“Whatever you and MadDog need, I’m here for you,” I murmur.
“How’s Rosalie doing?” she asks.
I shrug. Rosalie has been pretty much herself, albeit a bit more quiet than usual. She’s been a little more attached to her phone as well, but I assume it’s because she’s still talking to Bailey. “She’s okay,” I murmur.
She nods. “Good.”
“So since we leave Sunday, we’re going to have a party Friday night and recover Saturday, then do a family BBQ,” Kentlee announces.
“You always have to have a party,” Hattie says, rolling her eyes.
Genny walks over to our group with a smile and a smoothie in hand. “Parties are fun. Let’s do it.”
We spend the next few minutes deciding who will bring what to the family BBQ Saturday afternoon. The Friday night party is easy, booze, music and people are all we’ll need. Saturday will be a bit more tame, at least for a while. Things could get a little wild after the kids are sent off home.
“You and Chad are of course invited Saturday,” Kentlee announces, looking over at Brian.
He grins. “What no invite to the Friday night party?”
“Lisandro and Theo will be there,” Cleo announces, speaking of her two best friends.
My eyes widen as I think about Chad and Brian at a Notorious Devils clubhouse party. A real party.
“Things get a little wild,” I mutter.
Chad throws his head back laughing. “Ivy, we’re big boys. We can handle wild,” he winks.
It’s set then, Chad and Brian are coming to the party Friday night. I wonder what exactly this party will hold for me. What will happen? Will it be where West shows me exactly what his fantasies are? I’m nervous and yet excited with the anticipation of what is to come.
Derek eyes me from his place at the bar. He’s cleaning, but he’s completely focused on me, and me alone. It’s been a few days since everything has settled with the girls being taken. MadDog hasn’t been around the clubhouse lately, choosing to stay home with his family. I don’t blame him one bit, in fact, I should be doing the same. However, I have to work. There’s a load that’s supposed to be ready for us tonight. I’m glad that I don’t have to drive it anywhere, but I do have to help unload it from the docks and then load it onto the truck.
“Derek,” I call out after a few minutes. His spine straightens and he abandons his cleaning rag before heading in my direction.
“Sir,” he grinds out.
He doesn’t want to call me that. I’m sure he h
as much more colorful words he’d prefer to use, but he’s a prospect and his station in this club depends on me at the moment. “You like my wife?” I ask bluntly.
Derek takes a step back and I watch as his eyes darken. “Doesn’t matter. She’s your Old Lady,” he mutters.
I shake my head once. “It does matter. I know you have a thing for her. So I’m willing to help you out with that,” I grin.
He eyes me warily but doesn’t speak. Standing straight in front of me, he waits for me to continue.
“Have a seat,” I offer. He sits but it’s with a straight spine, and I almost laugh about his posture and body language, he’s scared shitless—but I don’t. “I want to share her. She likes you, and she’s already had you, so I figure you’re the perfect person to start out with.”
Derek’s eyes flash, but I don’t know him well enough to understand what his problem is. I’m giving him what he wants, more of Ivy, just under my fucking rules.
“Share her,” he murmurs leaning back in his seat slightly.
“You follow my rules. What I say goes, and nothing else,” I state.
He watches me. I can practically see the wheels spinning inside of his head. “I’ll do it.” He nods, as though he’s making the decision on his own—he’s not. I say what goes around here, especially with my Old Lady, and he doesn’t really have much of a choice in the matter.
I stand and look down at him. “You make any contact with her before Friday and I’ll end you,” I murmur, turning around and walking away from him without a backward glance.
Leaving the clubhouse, I head toward Humboldt. Tinker is supposed to unload the shit from the dock with me, but I don’t feel like riding together with him. I need to be alone for a little while.
Deciding to ride by my house before I head out, I turn toward that direction. Rosalie hasn’t been back at school since her ordeal, and today Riley and Finley were supposed to come to our place with MadDog as their escort.
When I pull up, I see MadDog sitting on the bench on my front patio. Parking, I amble off of my bike and make my way toward him. His head pops up when I approach a bit closer and he runs his hand over his face.
Rough & Real Page 16
