by Rose Harper
“What the hell is this all about, Mr. Shaw?” she seethes.
She really doesn’t want to come at me like that. Not with the way I’m feeling right now. “Take a seat.”
“No, I don’t think I will,” she replies, and I imagine her gazes burning a hole into the back of my neatly trimmed head. “Now tell me what the heck I’m doing back at work.”
“I said, Ms. Bennett, to take a seat.” I warn, my voice lacking its usual warmth.
I hear her softly growl, but thankfully, she says nothing else as I hear her sashay across the floor to take a seat in one of the chairs in front of my desk. I stand facing away from her as I try to gain control of the emotions roaring through me. I need to gain control over my actions before I start this line of questioning. Because if I don’t, I’m afraid I’ll turn her body against her to get the answer I want, and even then, they may not be correct. When it comes to Natalie, she’s liable to spit out anything if she thinks she’s going to get pleasure out of it.
Whereas moments before, I was near the verge of showing my sympathy card, I’m now on the verge of throttling her for making me feel things I don’t want to feel. To make me see things a different way; those messages being the culprit. Just the thought of my younger brother touching what’s mine, but I will never again be able to touch, causes an insane amount of jealousy to attack me. It’s always been like that with Natalie. I can be cool, calm, and collected one minute, then the next, I’ve lost my ever-loving mind. This broad, wherever the hell she came from, is seriously messing with my equilibrium.
“Now,” I start, never once looking back at her. “You will first explain to me about the horrific text messages you dared send to my phone earlier this morning.”
Cue gasp. She quickly covers it up by clearing her throat, but not before I can hear.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Oh, please.
“I am only going to ask you this one more time,” I force out coolly, turning to meet her eyes. “Who the hell do you think you are giving me an ultimatum?”
I want to shout at her that she’s messing with my family. It doesn’t matter if I didn’t know about said family member until now. That’s beside the point. The fact is, she’s been with both myself and Jake, and just knowing my brother has gotten to see her at her most vulnerable, makes me completely livid. No man, besides me, should ever see Natalie in that type of state. And it fucking sucks that I never will again. No matter how much I want to bend her to my will, it will never come to be. She’s been with my fucking brother for Christ sakes! That’s morbidly wrong on so many levels.
“I was—”
“You were trying to make me jealous!” I boom, watching her jerk in surprise. “Do you think your petty high school games are going to help in your endeavor to brow-beat me into submission?” When she says nothing, just sits there twisting her hands in her lap like a scared little cat, it pushes me over the edge. “Answer me, Ms. Bennett! Now!” I thunder, pushing my chair out of the way with a quick flick of my wrists in order to lean over my desk.
If I don’t keep something between us right now, I will forget myself. I know I will. There are very few people that push my button so extensively.
“I thought it would help, yes,” she meekly replies.
I’m so beyond pissed I don’t know whether to take her over my knee, or fire her ass. She’s a terrific assistant, but I will not put up with childish behavior because she doesn’t get something she wants. I put up with that enough by the woman I saw in the past—Jennifer included among the bunch. I’m tired of the women around me thinking they can force me into something. There are things Natalie will never fully understand, no matter how many times I try to explain them to her.
Just then, an idea hits me. It may not be the best one to date, but it will be one to get her off my back. Maybe I should explain to her why we can never be anything other than professional with one another. We had a shot before Jakes little visit if I dealt with Cash on my own, but now, since he came to me and let me know who he is, I can see that Natalie and I will never be together—not even strictly physical. Because every time I see her, I’ll see the brother I lost all those years ago. The one that went down the same path as me, and is still living it today. I need to let the facts of the situation do the job for me and scare her off. Maybe then, I won’t feel guilt—if that’s what you call this gut clenching feeling.
Schooling my expression, I pull my chair back to the desk. Taking a seat with a huff, I eye her. “You have been saying forever that you want in, right? That it would make you know me better, correct?”
I watch as she inches her way to the end of the seat. Her eyes are lit with excitement by being able to see—even if it’s the barest of glimpses—into why I am the way I am. She’s probably going to hate me after this. Resign or do something, but she’s right, she needs to know. She may not fully understand it, like I said before, but she will finally get why her and I cannot be together—even if this isn’t the initial reason why I was withdrawing before.
“Yes, that’s all I want,” she answers.
“Natalie, there are things about me that no one knows—not even Thane.” I lie, because it’s clear he knows more that he hasn’t let me in one. “But, I want to explain a few to you so you will get off my back. You know Jake, correct?”
Her eyes scrunch up in confusion as she briefly nods her head yes. “I do, yes. What does he have to do with us?”
Holding up my hand to stop her, I quickly bring them to the bridge of my nose and pinch, hoping the headache that’s threatening to overtake me dissipates.
“I’m just going to come out and say it, because there is no other way to break something like this. Trust me, I didn’t know this until today; otherwise, I would have stayed away from you and got him the help he needed.” I babble, trying to stall for some time. I know it’s a lost cause, but I can’t help it. Just as soon as she hears the tip of the secrets I’m keeping from her, she’ll run.
“You’re scaring me, Keith,” she retorts, her tone causing my eyes to meet hers.
I can do nothing but stare at her, seeing the openness in her gaze, but also seeing a bit of doubt creeping in. I don’t know how she’s going to take this. If she’s anything like me, she’ll flip. I know I did when I found out and pieced it together. Because the mere thought of never again being about to have her in my arms, or to have her lips pressed against mine is almost too much to take. But, I have to do this. Even if it means I’m destroying any chances of there being an us in the process.
“Name’s not Keith, Sugar, it’s Luca” I reply with a hint of a smile, giving up my guise of a pristine business man, as I slip into my former mannerism. Staring into her golden orbs, I see the horror residing within as she starts to piece it all together. So, I add, “And Jake … he’s my younger brother.”
Chapter Ten
Natalie
Have I stepped into some type of Twilight Zone where everyone is out to get me? First, I’m successful in getting away from the bastard that turned my life upside down. But now, he’s doing his douche crappery from afar, and he’s going through my boss to do it. He’s made a bogus accusation that he’s Keith—or I should say Luca’s—younger brother. What the fuck?
Or is it that Kei—I mean, Luca—is trying to let me down easy, and he thinks this is the best way to do it?
“You don’t have to lie to me. I get it now, there’s no emotional connection between us whatsoever,” I reply, feeling myself die a little more inside.
He chuckles. How the hell can someone find this situation even remotely funny? He’s all but ripping my heart out of my chest, and he’s fucking laughing about it. What did I do to deserve this? I did what I was supposed to do when I was younger. I didn’t talk back to my elders. I got straight A’s in school. I did everything my parents told me to do and then some. So, why I ask, is the entire world going against me?
“It’s not even about that. I wish to God I was lying, but I�
��m not. Jake just came to me today, delivering some less than stellar news. That’s when I began noticing the similarities. Everything he did reminded me of myself at his age,” he chuckles once more, swiveling his chair away from me. “It turns out, I was right.”
“But, Keith—”
“That’s not my name, Natalie,” he responds, facing me with a stoic expression on his face. “Keith Shaw is just a guise I made up a long time ago, and paid a lot of money to keep it that way. Luca McKayne is my real name; one I thought I buried a long, long time ago.”
Is it odd of me that I want to ask him why he needed to ‘bury’ his identity? Is it also wrong of me to think I may be working for a secret serial killer or something? I don’t think it would, but then again, I’m not fool enough to ask him the second question. What if he really did turn out to be some crazed homicidal maniac auctioning off my body parts on the black market?
As I sit, my eyes never once leaving him, I stew on what all he’s told me. I can’t be upset with him any longer. He did give me a little glimpse into his life, but now, I find myself wanting more. It’s like a sickness that’s festering inside of me. I need more to know why he would do such a thing. No person in their right mind would get a new identity without something hardcore going down.
“I bet this is when you’re going to get up and smack me. Tell me I’m a pathetic son of a bitch for lying, then storm out.” He whispers the words, clearly thinking I can’t hear him from all the way over here. The fact that he sounds so despondent while he utters those words strikes a chord in me. I’ve never heard someone sound so defeated before.
“No,” I reply, surprising both of us as he turns toward me. “I was actually going to ask why you would change your name? I mean, Luca is a pretty sexy name if you ask me.”
What the fucking hell am I doing? Luca’s a pretty sexy name? Instead of asking that, I need to be asking why in the crappy crapperson would he change his damned name in the first place. Everything about this man screams hands off. But, no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to get my head and body to agree. My mind is screaming for me to leave the crazy to play by itself. But, my body is warring over that, demanding I stay; to see if he gives me another piece of the puzzle I’m desperately trying to solve.
“You’re not freaked out by this?” he asks, taking a hesitant step toward me.
Hell yes! My mind screams, but yet again, my body overrides my mind. “No. I just wish I knew why.”
If he comes at me with a fifteen-inch machete, I don’t give a shit, I’ll beat the living fuck out of my body while I limp away for dear life.
He sighs, looking down toward the floor looking defeated and lifeless. “I wish I could tell you, but I can’t. You should just be thankful I gave you as much as I have. I just can’t believe you haven’t went running for the hills yet.”
“Why would I run?”
Bringing his eyes back up to mine, I’m taken aback by the need to be accepted shining in his brown irises. “Because … everyone else has.”
It absolutely breaks my heart to see this strong, virile man look anything but just that. It seems that whoever he’s trusted in the past—and I know that at least has to be someone—ran off before he could get them to see things from his perspective. Yes, his situation isn’t ideal, but it’s his situation. Every person that I’ve come across has had their own personal baggage, Keith—I mean, Luca—being no different.
Stand up, I try to stop my limbs from shaking in terror as I make my way to him. He looks like a scared little child, and it just simply crumbles me. I can’t bear to see him like this. I want Keith to be the man I fell in love with… And yes, up until now I thought I just liked him. But no, I see now that isn’t the case. I love this man, and that includes every aspect of his fucked up life as well.
Coming to a stop in front of him, I raise my hand to place it against his face. Feeling his five o-clock shadow scratch my palm, I almost jump in happiness when he turns his face into my outstretched hand, letting a sigh of contentment slip past his well sculpted lips.
“Every person has baggage, Kei—I mean,” I give him a timid smile, watching him give me a tired one in return. “Luca. Just because you come with more, doesn’t make you any less of a person. It just means you need someone now, more than ever, to help you carry the load. You have to trust that not every person you come across will betray you.”
I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing right now. Going into this type uncharted territory can lead to one of two things. He can either balk at what I’ve said, further hurting me. Or, he could accept what I’ve said at face value, and not think I’m trying to trick him into being with me. I know my messages from earlier won’t help me out in this situation, and I can’t help that. I was drunk when I sent them, and I wish the God I could take them back now after hearing what I did.
I know now that there’s never going to be another man for me. Yes, I know I’ve said there’s no second chances in my book for anyone. But, is that how it should be? People make mistakes all the time. Hell, it was my entire fault I fell out of contact with Angelia. And since I finally sucked up my pride and heard her side of the story, I’ve come to realize that things are not what they always appear to be. That even though it doesn’t look so good on the outside, doesn’t mean it’s completely unfixable on the inside.
This man standing before me is fixable, and I need to push my own esteem issues aside and help him. Yes, I wish things weren’t as fucked up as my ex-boyfriend being his younger brother. Now that, I never saw coming. Neither of them act anything alike. But, does that mean I need to turn away from Keith for good? No, it doesn’t. I, myself, know he isn’t anything like Jake; that whatever happened, isn’t his fault when it comes down to the grand scheme of things.
“You’ll have to work with me here, okay?” he meekly responds, catching my gaze. “The last time I trusted someone, they almost took everything from me.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I answer honestly. “Now, who do I have to bitch slap?”
My quip catches him off-guard and forces a tired chuckle to escape from his lips. I see that his eyes are shining just a bit brighter, and I can’t help the feeling of warmth that spreads through me to know I’m the cause of it. He may have been angry and upset when I first showed up about the texts, but now he’s as calm and collected as he’s ever been. It even appears as if the weight of the world has fallen free from his shoulders, and dare I say, I love the relaxed look he’s giving me now. It makes my world shine just a bit brighter to know I’m the cause of his recent change.
“I dare say the last person would have to be Jennifer. You know, the red head you can’t stand that threw herself at me.”
“Well then, be prepared for some fireworks, because if I have to, I’ll work my way down the list staring with her crap lousy face.” I grind my teeth at the thought of her ever deceiving this man.
“Duly noted,” he sheepishly replies. “But, there is one other thing. Can I call you Natalie instead of Ms. Bennett—I really loathe formalities?”
“On one condition,” I say brazenly.
“What’s that?”
“Kiss me.”
He stiffens in my embrace, never once taking his eyes from mine. I can sense he’s warring with himself on what to do, and I wish to God he would just put me out of my misery already. I know I’ve been with his brother. But, that shouldn’t stop him and I from being together, should it? I mean, I didn’t know he was the younger brother until just a few moments ago, and even then, I have no feelings for Jake now. Am I really asking too much, or is this too weird for him to know I’ve been with his brother as well?
“I … I can’t. I’m sorry.”
He steps away from me, my hand becoming cold from his lack of warmth resting against it. Cradling it to my chest, I watch as he sits back down at his desk, cowering in on himself. He looks just as broken as he did when we started this entire conversation, and I hate it. I hate the fact that my being wit
h Jake is causing Keith and I to feel like we’re miles apart.
“Can you tell me why, Keith?” I ask, stepping toward him.
I already have an inkling as to why, and I somewhat agree with him if that’s the case. But, I can’t let it stop me from taking what I want and being happy. Yes, I was with his brother, but that was before I even knew he had one for that matter, and that said brother was Jake. He can’t fault me for doing that. Because if I know then what I know now, Jake and I would have never happened.
Shaking his head, he rests his head inside his upturn palms. “Can you call me Luca? It’s been years since someone uttered it that hasn’t tried to hurt me in some way.” He’s trying to change the subject, but instead of causing a fight over it, I concede.
Swallowing hard, I force my emotions aside as I gaze down at the love of my life. “Luca, can you tell me why?”
I see a small smile play on his lips as his eyes briefly close. “You have no idea how incredible it feels to have my real name fall from your sweet lips.” He adds in a lower voice, probably talking to himself more than me. “I wish I could record it so I can play it on repeat for the rest of my life.”
“You know, you don’t have to, right?” I ask, hunkering down next to him. “Record it, I mean. I’m right here and I can say it anytime you want your name uttered from my lips.”
Taking him right hand away from his face, he turns his head on his other hand to look at me. “You have no idea how much I long for that to be true, darling. No idea at all. I’d give up everything just so I can hear it whenever I wanted to. But I know, once everything comes to light, I never will again.”
“Why do you keep saying that?” I muse, edging closer. “If I didn’t run with you dropping all you did on me, what makes you think I will with anything else?” I make very clear to say didn’t, not contemplated it. Because, in honesty, I was eye fucking that door for all it’s worth.
