by Harley, HJ
“Both, if you’d like,” I answered him, playfully shy, twirling my hair around my finger. Who are you!? I screamed inside, laughing at myself. Whoever you are, I like this you.
We went out to the fire escape and sat on the steps, quietly listening to the faint bustle of the city. The back door to the bar flung open, the full weight of its metal slamming into the wall. I put my finger up to my lips to make sure he didn’t say anything. The last thing I needed at that point was those guys all up in my business.
He nodded. Rachel appeared. She was bringing out the trash and cursing up a shit storm, I could only assume because Carlos hadn’t brought it out yet. Nathan and I laughed silently at her.
She grabbed the handle to the door to close it and shouted, “Hi, Jordan, hello, Mister Sexaaaay,” not even glancing up at us as she slammed the door shut behind her. We both broke out in laughter.
“Great, it’s going to be fifty fucking questions for me tomorrow.” I rolled my eyes. “Although, reliving this won’t be so painful.”
I leaned over and gave him a quick smooch. I could see the corners of his eyes crinkle. He was smiling.
“Okay, I need a shower.” I stood up, pulling the back of my t-shirt down.
“That eager to wash me off of you?” He swatted my behind, trying to sound wounded as we climbed back inside the window.
“Nope, I’m that eager to get you all over me some more.” I grinned as he followed me into the bathroom. I turned on the water and adjusted the temperature.
“Arms up.” He grabbed my shirt at the bottom again and pulled it over my head. “You are so amazing,” he whispered as he ran his eyes up and down over my body while I squirmed.
“Are you blushing?” he teased.
“I guess. I don’t know. I’m not good with compliments,” I admitted.
“Another thing you’ll have to get used to, Ms.—” He stopped. “Wait, what is your last name?” He laughed.
“Spagnato, Jordan Marie Spagnato.” I remembered how he’d told me his full name, so I did the same.
“Jordan. I wondered if Jordie was short for something or if that was your actual name.”
“It seems I have a lot to get used to,” I said as he guided me into the shower. The glass was fogged up and steam was filling the bathroom as we stepped in.
“Yes, I’m afraid so.” His eyebrows furrowed as he looked past me at the wall.
“What is it? Look at me, please.” I squinted through the water running down my face.
His eyes met mine. “It’s nothing.” He smiled, not my smile, but a smile.
I grabbed the soap and lathered my hands. “Time to get clean.” I smirked, attempting to change the subject. It was obviously a mood changer for him.
He pulled me closer to him and I could feel him against my hip.
I peered up flirtatiously. “Really?” My tone screamed, “ready and willing.”
“I don’t think we’re dirty enough.” He smiled and backed me up against the glass shower wall and leaned in harder as his lips met mine. We were lost once again.
EMMA’S ALARM BUZZING MADE me jump up to look at the clock. “Fuck!”
Nathan was asleep next to me. Shit, we fell asleep talking. I threw on a shirt from the floor and grabbed the note Nathan left me off the dresser. I flipped it over.
“Pen, pen, pen, pen,” I muttered as I searched for one. Crap. Okay, marker.
Nathan Miles Harper, I wrote. If you wake up before I get back from taking Emma to school, don’t leave; I’ll be back shortly. Coffee is made. Jordie.
I pulled a pair of jeans out of my closet and put on my black Uggs. I quietly went in the bathroom, yanked the brush through my hair—it screamed, “just fucked”—and brushed my teeth really quickly. I checked out the scab on my lip and I stopped and stared at myself in the mirror.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” I reassured my reflection in the mirror before turning off the light. I checked my black sweater jacket to make sure my cigs and lighter were still in the pocket, removed it from the back of the chair, and headed downstairs with it.
Emma was already in the dining area eating cereal. “Good morning.” She was overly enthusiastic. In fact, any more enthusiasm and it would’ve been in song.
“You’re chipper this morning,” I said.
“I’m just happy.” She had a shit-eating grin on her face.
Lord, what is this child up to? “Are you now?” I couldn’t help but smile at her expression. “So... care to share what it is exactly you’re so happy about?” I reached for the pot of coffee as it rumbled and coughed the last of its timed brewing.
“I’m happy for you, Mom.” She didn’t take her eyes off the cereal box. A childish grin grew across her face as she chewed like a cow with her mouth open.
“For me?” I walked back into the dining area with a cup of coffee.
“And for him, too.” She waved her hand at me with a snort.
“Him who?” My face immediately flushed. I tried to hide my smile with a sip of coffee.
Emma’s eyes were still on the cereal box when she said, “I guess Nathan? That is whose shirt you’re wearing, isn’t it?” She turned her head slowly to meet my stare, her lips all puckered up in a sarcastic “you are so busted” look.
Shit. You just got busted by a nine-year-old. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said flatly and turned my back to her. I shifted my eyes to the ceiling and gave a small chuckle. Oh my god, this kid. I watched her from the corner of my eye.
She gulped down the rest of her milk straight from the bowl and got up to put the bowl in the sink. “I’m going to get ready.” She swatted my hair as she skipped past me to her room.
While she dressed, I attempted to plot out what I’d say to her as we walked to the bus, but I was going to have to think about it for more than the few minutes we had. We could talk about it when she got home.
“Let’s go, Emma. We have five minutes until the bus gets here,” I shouted, grabbing my keys off the table.
“Ready.” She bounced out of her bedroom with that shit-eating grin still on her face.
I closed the door to my apartment and locked it as Emma headed down before me. Just as I hit the last three steps, she opened the building door.
“Um, Mom?” She turned to me with a strange look on her face.
I walked past her onto the porch and we stood there, frozen. At least a dozen people with cameras were shouting at us from every direction. It was so disorientating, and Emma just stared at me, baffled.
“Get back inside.” I gave her a light push, guiding her back inside so I could assess the situation.
“Mom, what’s happening?” She popped right back out the door to stand next to me, looking confused.
“I don’t know!” I snapped at the poor kid. I could feel my blood pressure rising as the voices became increasingly loud. The mob had made its way to the bottom of the steps. It was a mass of shouting and flashes. I drew Emma close to my side. I could only make out bits and pieces of the questions they were asking. I couldn’t focus.
“Is he still inside?” one voice shouted at me.
“How long have you known him?” another asked.
Over all the commotion a familiar voice rose above the rest. “Get the fuck out of my way, you vile piece of shit. Move out of my way. Let me through, asshole.” It was Rachel.
“Stop! Move, let her through.” I waved my arm to the mass of people. I was overwhelmed and aggravated, still clutching Emma close to me.
My neighbors, Ted and Lizette, had come out with their son in the middle of the sidewalk circus that was taking place. Lizette put their son in the truck and Ted ran over to me. He had to push his way through the crowd just as Rachel did.
“Jordie, are you okay? What’s going on?” He grilled me, shouting over the mob. “Lizette is taking Brandon to school. Let me get Emma out of here for you.”
All I could do was nod. Lizette had made it up to the steps and started to gu
ide Emma down. I stopped them and leaned in so I was face to face with my daughter.
“It’s fine, baby. I promise. As soon as I know what this is about I’ll tell you, but right now I want you out of here. Go to school with Brandon. Don’t worry. I’ll pick you up later.”
She hugged me. “I love you, Mommy.”
Ted and Lizette kept her close in between them as they pushed their way back through the mass of... what is this? Paparazzi? Here? The crowd was thunderous by then, and I still had no idea what any of it was about.
Rachel held up Page Six of the New York Post and shoved it in my face, oblivious to the crowd snapping pictures and shouting over one another.
“Page Six, Jordie! I knew he looked familiar! Jesus effing Christ, you vultures, get out of here!” she screamed at the horde, still trying to get my attention.
I heard the door open and Nathan stepped out, shirtless, jeans on, top button undone, and barefoot. He grabbed each of us by an arm and pulled us inside, slamming the door behind him.
“Get upstairs,” he barked, running both his hands through his hair.
Rachel and I gave each other an “oh shit” face and simultaneously ran up the stairs, Nathan right behind us. I busted through the door to my apartment and snatched the paper from Rachel’s hand.
“Hey!” she yelled at me, but I shot her a look and she shut her mouth.
“Coffee,” she declared with her pointer fingers in the air as she went to the kitchen.
I opened the paper to Page Six and there it was. A picture of Nathan and me kissing, another of us hugging, one of him looking right at the camera, then the last one of his head buried in my shoulder.
Rachel came back in with two cups of coffee. “Close your mouth, sweetie. You’re beginning to drool.” She handed me one of them. “He’s from that handicapped zombie movie. I knew I’d seen him before.” She was glaring over her shoulder at Nathan, who was still standing there shirtless, his eyes fixated on me.
“What? A handicapped zombie movie, Rachel? What are you talking about? Aren’t all zombies handicapped?” I shook my head, confused and amused at her description. “Of course they’re handicapped. They’re dead!” I managed a small laugh, still staring at the paper. “Wait. Stop, before we get off track here.” I looked up at Nathan, then back down again at the paper. I rubbed my face with one hand trying to take in everything that had just happened.
“Rooftop, now, both of you.” I grabbed my keys deciding to use the hallway door to get to the roof.
“Ohhhh, she’s pissed. She’s using the door,” Rachel taunted Nathan.
“Shut up and come on,” I hissed at her loudly. “Lock the bottom lock, please,” I yelled down to her.
“I need to grab my hoodie. I’ll be up in a second,” Nathan said.
“Nate Harper finds love in the Big Apple.” I read the headline out loud. He must have heard me as he climbed off the fire escape. He sat next to me.
“I-I-I planned on telling you today. Those women promised not to sell them, and I saw her erase them. She must have sent them to someone or something before I caught up with them. I begged them not to, that it was... that you were important to me, and I needed time to explain it to you.” He struggled with his words, quietly, shaking his head.
“Oh, you have some explaining to do!” Rachel chimed in, of course.
I looked up at her, pursing my lips, and narrowed my eyes.
“What the fuck, Jordie? You were just ambushed by a shit show of paps, and he saunters out of your apart—”
“Just stop with the mouth for five minutes, please, Rachel,” I interrupted her. “I love you, I know you have the best intentions, but this is just too overwhelming.”
I shifted my body towards Nathan. His hands were in his hair and his face was between his forearms, looking down.
“Hey, look at me.”
“I can’t... I am so sorry, Jordan.”
Rachel waved her hand to get my attention and mouthed, “Jordan?” She was shocked. I didn’t normally tell people my real name.
I waved my hand at her, dismissing what she said.
“I was such an idiot to think I could keep this... contained... and normal for you and Emma. I am so sorry,” he moaned.
I felt terrible. He sounded so defeated, and I could feel the desperation swell in the pit of my stomach. This isn’t that bad, is it?
“Seriously, look at me.” I tugged at his forearm.
He peeked up. His blue eyes were so sad.
Rachel gasped and got to her feet. “I’m going home. Where are the keys to the truck? I’ll pick up Emma and bring her to my place for tonight so you can get this sorted out. I’ll pack her a bag. It’s Tuesday—Carlos should be able to handle my shift tonight. I’ll call him. Don’t worry.”
“She has cheer practice until four forty-five. Pick her up near the gym. Maybe I’ll send her to Kelly’s for a week,” I mused. “Thanks, Rach.” I gave her a hug. “I’ll bring dinner over to your place around six.”
“You need to figure this shit out.” She glared down at Nathan. “Because she—” she pointed to me “is a package deal, and the shit that just went down is in no way cool.” Then she muttered something about his friend Tyler as well, but I couldn’t understand what exactly.
“It’s my life, Rachel. What could I have done to change that?” he snapped at her.
“Well, for starters a little warning would have been nice,” she hissed back at him.
He was sitting with his arms folded on the table. He buried his head in them.
“I love you, Jords. Call me if you need me to come here with a bat for those shit-bags out front.”
The crowd noise began to escalate again. “What now?” Nathan sighed.
The three of us went over to the wall and peered over. Mike and Carlos were down there shoulder to shoulder, arms extended, driving the herd into the street. “Everyone back the fuck up or I will start kicking asses not caring one bit if you have a penis or a vajayjay! I mean it!” Mike’s booming voice carried above the chaos of the paps. Naturally they came right back at him, asking question after question.
“Mike! Carlos!” I yelled down. “Rachel’s coming down in a minute. Make a path for her, please.” I paused. When I had their attention, I mouthed to them, “Thank you.” They both waved, and Mike winked at me. I guess Nathan didn’t like that very much because he went to sit back down in a huff. I watched him for a second, then turned my attention to Rachel.
“Please make sure the door is locked when you leave. The truck keys are in my top drawer. It has gas in it.”
“That’s a first.” She hugged me again. When she was leaving she stopped in front of Nathan and put her hand on his back. “Sorry I was rude. It’s just that woman is very important to me and has been through a lot.”
“I understand that, and she’s important to me as well.”
She bent down and gave him a half hug before leaving. “You guys will figure it out, I’m sure.” She turned and disappeared down the steps.
We were silent for a few minutes. I was still leaning against the wall, my back turned to the crowd.
“This is a lot to take in before nine in the morning,” I said finally, breaking the silence.
He shook his head and stood up, clearly still rattled. He motioned for me to get away from the wall as he walked towards me. When I wrapped my arms around him and listened to his heartbeat, he let out a loud sigh.
“She is right though,” I croaked out. “A little warning would have been nice.”
“I know. I had every intention of telling you today when you came back from getting Emma off to school. That’s why I stayed.” Suddenly he busted into laughter. I glanced up at him confused, still in his embrace.
“Care to fill me in on the joke?”
“Something Rachel said. The handicapped zombie thing.”
“Oh, I don’t know what that was about.” I smiled because his smile was so infectious.
“My last movie, Dead
of Night, a zombie flick,” he informed me.
“I haven’t watched a movie in years, Nathan. I had no idea about any of this. I don’t—”
“I know. Don’t worry, I have no idea about any of this either,” he joked, squeezing me a little tighter.
“So I guess I understand what you meant by you had problems trusting people’s intentions.” My head was buried in his chest.
“Yeah.”
“But you know my intentions... they have... they aren’t about that. Right?” I snuck a quick look up at him.
He smiled the smile that turned my insides into mush. “You, Jordan Marie Spagnato, are the first person in many years whose intentions I am one hundred percent sure of. I trust you completely.” He kissed the top of my head. “I knew I couldn’t put off telling you for much longer. Thank god I had a crazy cabbie last night that lost the circus following me on my way here from Tyler’s show.”
I pulled away from his hold and walked over to the table to light up a cigarette. When I returned to the wall I took a peek back over. The camera clicking began immediately so I quickly leaned back out of view.
“Is it always like this for you?” I turned to him.
“Yup.” He was lighting a smoke. “This is my life. I’m an A-list cash cow who has no privacy and no means of getting any. The only reason I even made it to New York undetected was because we arranged for a double to leave my building in my car and get followed to the airport. By the time paparazzi figured out it wasn’t me, I was on my way here in a private jet.” He faced me and exhaled loudly. “Jordie, I understand how this all looks and sounds—like a movie.” He chuckled, at the irony I assume. “But it’s been years since I’ve been able to put complete trust in someone. Trust someone who didn’t want me for money or fame or social status... years. Before I did my first film, I had my small group of close friends, Tyler being one of them. My entire dating career consists of three women, all three of them prior to my stardom. I’m a quirky guy. Nobody really understood me or gave a shit enough to get past the strange stuff, so I never really got close to anyone.” When he finished I just sat there and watched his hands fumble around as he played with his cigarette pack.
