by Bijou Hunter
“What’s for dinner?” he asks, having made his decision.
“Pork chops.”
“Journey’s a good cook too,” Justice announces, hugging me. “The very best.”
“You’re still helping.”
“Well, shit. What was the point of saying anything agreeable to you then?”
“I’ve never felt more loved.”
Justice rolls her eyes, but her gaze is back on Jared. “You look handsome, father. Too handsome maybe. I don’t want Mom humping you during dinner.”
“Can’t help what God gave me,” Jared says, winking at Justice. “I’m heading outside to talk to Court.”
“Take Otto with you,” I announce. “He needs more time around men. I don’t want him growing a uterus.”
Otto frowns. “I don’t want that either.”
Grinning at his reaction, I consider explaining what a uterus is but decide his childhood has been tough enough.
Dinner is nearly ready when Hal barks at a figure walking slowly up our long driveway.
“I’m scared,” Poppy says, standing next to me. “If he’s a biter, will you protect me?”
“He’s an old man. If you can’t take him, you can’t take anyone.”
“I’m okay with that. I’m a liar, not a fighter.”
Shooing her away, I tell Justice to get Christine. We need a united front to set dinner on the right path. With one of him and nine of us, we should have this in the bag.
Christine pops her head out and stares wide-eyed at me. “If he says anything mean to you guys, don’t take it personally.”
“I never take anything anyone says personally,” I say.
“I hope he takes my insults personally,” Poppy mutters, standing behind me. “So, Mom, is Peepaw as obnoxious as Meemaw?”
“Don’t call them that. Just call him Zeb.”
“Right because that’s so much better,” Poppy says, pulling her ponytail loose. “Either way, I hear banjos.”
We peek out the blinds to see Zeb still moseying his way up the driveway. I think he’s showered since the store. His gray hair is slicked back, and he’s wearing different clothes.
Christine takes a deep breath and walks onto the porch.
“Hi, Dad!” she calls out and waves.
Poppy stands at my right side with Justice on my left. They’re both tense with anticipation.
Poppy looks at me and whispers, “This is so exciting.”
“Are you being sarcastic?”
“I don’t know.”
Zeb finally arrives at the porch where Christine hugs him. Only Hal's growling ruins the heartwarming moment.
“Your dog needs some learning,” Zeb says, looking down at the chubby Puggle.
“He’s protective.”
“That’s what you said about the biker when he didn’t let you leave the house.”
“He let me leave. He just didn’t want to drive me to your house that one time when I was nine months pregnant with Justice.”
“Controlling men never change.”
“We’re divorced, Dad.”
“Heard you fucked him at the Kroger a few months back. Don’t seem so divorced to me, Christine.”
“Wow,” Justice whispers. “Who knew old people cussed?”
“Shut up,” I growl at her before stepping outside to join my mother. “Hello, Zeb. Dinner is nearly ready. Can I get you a drink?”
“You have any alcoholic drinks?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“We have kids in the house.”
“I used to have kids in the house, and I also had beer.”
“If you want beer, go buy it yourself.”
Zeb gives me a dark gaze with his bright blue eyes. I glare right back at him. Christine stands next to me and stops holding her breath.
“Give me whatever you got. Water will do if you’re stingy.”
I glance back at Justice and tell her to get him a soda. When I look at Zeb, he’s studying Christine and shaking his head.
“Two divorces,” he says.
Christine doesn’t respond while Justice and Poppy step onto the porch. Zeb takes his drink and looks over Poppy.
“This one looks like you. Real fine looking girl.”
“Well, it’s official,” Justice tells Poppy. “All old people want to gyrate their rickety hips against you.”
“I think they’re just looking to steal my youth.”
Christine sighs loudly. “Would you like to come inside, Dad?”
“Am I welcome inside? I heard you kicked your mother out some time back.”
“She was acting like a rude bitch,” Poppy says before Christine can stop her.
“She’s your elder,” Zeb says, defending the ex-wife he loathes.
“I’m sixteen. Most people are my elder. What’s your point?”
“Heard your girls have big mouths too. Which one of you is the snitch?”
Justice raises her hand. “That’s me, Peepaw, so watch yourself tonight. I’d hate to have to rat you out to the coppers.”
Zeb grunts. “I guess I could sit down.”
While they walk inside, I hurry around back and look for Jared. He’s throwing the ball with Otto. I pause to watch them play and wonder if my dad ever missed having a son.
“What’s up?” Jared asks me when I only stand nearby watching them.
“Zeb’s here, and he’s already making everyone’s life better.”
“Oh, I’m sure he is.”
Jared throws me the ball and smiles when I catch it. He leaves Otto and me to play. I know I ought to return to the house, but I’m tense enough about seeing Donovan tomorrow. I need a small break from the old man’s jackassery.
“I want you to break your date with that man,” the boy says, taking the ball from me.
“I do what I want, Otto. My father can’t boss me around, and I won’t let you either.”
“He’s not right for you.”
“Who told you that?”
Otto shrugs. “It’s just something I heard.”
“From who?”
“No one. I heard someone say that on TV.”
“Then you should know it’s not something to say to me. Do you remember what I told you when you came to live here? You and I need to be square with each other. I won’t baby you because you’re too old to hear lies, and you won’t lie to me because I’ll see right through it. You said you agreed that day. Are you changing your mind now?”
“No,” he says, kicking the ground.
“Well, all right then. Let’s go inside and play buffer for Christine and Zeb. I also want to make sure Court isn’t nibbling at the food. Justice doesn’t feed him enough or something because he’s always showing up here and eating everything.”
Otto loses his frown and follows me to the house where all hell has broken loose.
“You stole her virginity!” Zeb yells at Jared.
“Stop talking about my parents fucking!” Justice yells.
“You’re not helping,” Court tells his wife, who winks at him.
Christine only stands with her arms crossed and gaze focused on a back wall. I suspect she’s gone to a happy place where she’s orphaned and childless.
Standing next to our mother, Poppy squirts Zeb with the water bottle we use on the cats. “Bad, Peepaw!”
“Would you all shut up?” Jared hollers.
“You’re not my father!” Poppy yells back.
On the couch, Felix and Matilda watch the yelling adults. They’re unsure if the display is amusing or terrifying. Otto laughs next to me.
“She squirted him.”
“That she did,” I say, ruffling his messy hair.
Zeb steps closer to Jared and growls, “I raised Christine to be a good girl, and you turned her into a…”
“Don’t you dare say it,” Jared growls right back.
Poppy squirts Zeb again and then takes a shot at Jared. My father reaches for the bottle, so she bolts for
the back door and uses me as a shield.
“Do something,” she demands before squirting a laughing Otto.
“Why is it always me who has to play referee?”
“Who else can it be? If we leave it to Justice, everyone will drown from me squirting them to death.”
I walk over to where Zeb and Jared holler at each other over long ago slights.
“You're a criminal!” Zeb shouts.
“That’s rich coming from a moonshiner!”
“Moonshine ought to be legal!”
“Listen up!” I holler, stepping between the men. “You are here to see this lovely woman,” I say, pulling Christine to where we stand. “She returned to town to be close to her family. Now if you plan to play nice, you can stay for dinner. If you plan to keep acting like rude hillbillies, you can leave.”
“Aren’t all hillbillies rude?” Justice asks, eliciting a squirt from Poppy.
As my sisters run outside where I assume Justice will find a water pistol to make it a fair fight, I wrap an arm around Christine.
“Why can’t we sit down for a nice dinner and talk about the good times?” I ask Zeb. “Can’t you think of any happy stories about when Christine was young?”
“You mean before this thug stole her virginity?” Zeb asks.
“That’s it!” I yell. “I’m making you a to-go meal, and then you need to get gone.”
“Why do I have to leave, but this troublemaking son of a bitch can stay?” Zeb asks, poking at Jared.
I pile food into a disposable Tupperware container. “He’s leaving too. I’m sick of the both of you.”
Bagging up the food and a few sodas, I take them to Zeb and escort him onto the porch.
“Get gone and don’t come back until you learn some manners, young man.”
I slam the door and sigh. “I really enjoy yelling at old people. What does that say about me?”
“You’re evil?” suggests a damp Justice from the backdoor.
Poppy squirts her and runs back outside.
“That did not go well,” Christine says, returning from the magical safe space in her head.
Jared wipes water from his jaw. “So I guess I’ll leave.”
“Screw that. Sit down and eat.”
“You said...”
“You did as you were asked to do and kept the old man focused on you. Now sit down and eat dinner with your daughters.”
Christine looks at Jared. “Thank you for coming.”
“No problem.”
A magnetic moment passes between them until Justice and Poppy unleash water at the horny past lovers.
Poppy yells, “Keep it in your pants!”
“Keep what?” Otto asks, and I immediately point at my sisters.
“If either of you tells him, I will smother you both in your sleep tonight.”
Justice sighs. “Murder is wrong, Journey. Duh.”
“I won’t kill you. No, I’ll just let you think you’ll die.”
“Oh, in that case, is dinner ready?”
Since everyone won’t fit in the kitchen, Justice, Court, and the kids eat outside at the picnic table. I would join them, but leaving Christine and Jared alone doesn’t seem like a safe bet. Poppy flees inside after a bumblebee tries to fly in her mouth.
As chaotic as Zeb’s visit proved to be, I miss the distraction of the mayhem. Now with him gone and everyone calm, my mind returns to Donovan and our hiking date tomorrow. I wish I could bail on him and give up dating. Except I’m dying to see him. Though I hate wanting Donovan, I can’t deny he’s all I think about anymore.
Before I pull a sickness out of my ass and call off the date, I think of how my parents circle each other even after all this time. They won’t face their past, let alone their present. If I don’t confront my interest in Donovan, I’ll end up as stuck in limbo as they are.
13 Snake Charmers
Donovan
Getting from Thursday to Saturday feels like a damn eternity. I stare at Journey’s pictures too much and even begin wondering if I’m suffering from an early midlife crisis. Why have I pinned so many of my hopes on this especially volatile woman?
Restless without her nearby, I feel afflicted. I’d gotten along for months after we met, but that was before I knew how she tasted. My lips want to touch Journey again. Everything my fingers brush against is a weak substitute to her warm flesh. I’d gotten a hint of what Journey has to offer, leaving me addicted.
On Friday, the office manager, Vickie, asks if I can cover a guy’s shift. With no wife or kids, she figures I have nothing else to do. Normally, she’s right.
“I have plans.”
“Are you sick?” she asks, suddenly concerned.
“No. I have a date.”
Vickie gives me a wily grin. “Who’s the lucky girl?”
“Journey Sheerer,” I blurt out like a gossipy hag.
“Who?”
“Her sister is Justice Sheerer from Tumbling Rock.”
“The snitch?” When I roll my eyes at her term, Vickie catches herself and shakes her head. “I mean the witness.”
“Yeah.”
“Oh, Donnie, why don’t you find a nice girl here in Rockwell?”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Sorry, but you’ll always be Donnie to me.”
Vickie gives me the grin I got when she babysat me as a kid.
“Journey and I click,” I tell Vickie, since I can’t seem to shut up.
“I don’t know how your grandfather will feel about you dating Jared Sheerer’s daughter.”
“Well, if you don’t tell him about Journey, I won’t tell him how you used the word snitch.”
Vickie sighs loudly. “Well, she is one.”
“Without snitches, we wouldn’t get many convictions.”
“True.”
“Do we have a deal?”
“I’ll do what I can, Donnie, but you know I can’t keep good gossip quiet for long.”
Ever since I leave Vickie to fight her urge to spill to the entire town, I wonder why I told her anything at all. Eventually, I suspect I wanted someone else to drop the news on my grandfather. I didn’t need the hassle, and now the information was in Vickie’s very capable hands.
Friday night never ends. I only sleep after drinking enough beers to force my brain into neutral.
Despite the booze, I’m up too early on Saturday and ready to leave my house by nine. Driving around town, I don’t know what to do with myself. I end up stopping at a hole in the wall I frequent called Moe and Mae’s Grill. No one in the sheriff’s department would be seen in the place. The grill’s regulars mind their business as do I.
Reading the paper, I drink a lot of coffee and try not to check my phone. Occasionally, I need to see her pictures. Her frowning face soothes the sea of bullshit I’m drowning in. I’ve gone off the deep end for a woman as willing to punch me as to kiss me.
Journey is wearing the same frown when she opens her front door. Taking in the sight of her dressed in a white, sleeveless shirt and denim shorts, I’ve never been so aware of bare flesh in my life. Even her damn knees have my hard dick twitching.
“You came,” she says, pretending to be surprised.
“You knew I would. That’s why you’re wearing hiking boots.”
Journey gives me a dirty look, but she still opens the door wider. “How long will we be gone?”
“Three weeks.”
“Wow,” Poppy says, pushing her sister out of the way. “He’s actually here. I half expected him to stand you up.”
After glancing at her younger sister, I smile at a grumpy Journey. “Are you ready to go?”
“No.”
“Want to come inside?” Poppy asks, grabbing my wrist and tugging me forward. “Do you hunger to see where Journey lives and breathes? We could interrogate you a little too. Yes, come inside.”
Walking past Journey, I sense most of her irritation is for show. I study the room full of staring people. The only one I’m ce
rtain won’t take a shot at me is Court. He’s too busy grinning at my situation.
“This is Donovan, everyone,” Poppy announces. “He’s a man and yet still interested in Journey. Let’s study him and discover his defect.”
“Be nice, Poppy,” Christine says, but she’s giving me the same overly curious smile as her daughters.
“Fine, but if I’m out, someone needs to tag-team in.”
“I’ll do it,” Justice says, getting up from the couch. She slaps Poppy’s hand before standing in front of me. “Have you been tested for all sorts of gross diseases? I only ask because Journey is clean, and we don’t want her coming home oozing anything.”
Christine sighs. “We should have left Poppy in.”
“Too late,” Poppy announces from the living room corner. “I’m too lazy to get back up.”
“I’ve got this,” Justice says, staring into my eyes. “Tell me your most embarrassing desire and I’ll let you date my sister. No, wait, I’ve figured it out. Your most embarrassing secret is wanting to date my sister.”
Journey stomps over to Christine. “Tag team me in.”
Christine slaps her hand, and Justice immediately loses interest in me.
“Hey, I was only watching out for your best interests,” Justice says and then runs out of the front door.
Journey is right behind her, and I glance outside to see them running around the front yard with a little dog barking at them.
“Hiking, huh?” Court says. “Who goes hiking on a date?”
“The kind of fool with a cousin who takes a beautiful girl fishing on a date.”
“Well played,” Court says, walking to the kitchen. “Do you want anything to drink?”
“No.”
Christine stands up and joins me at the door where we watch Journey grab Justice into a headlock.
“Don’t let her grumpy cat face fool you,” Christine whispers. “Journey is sweet on you. No man in the history of the world can claim that. Well, maybe her dad.”
“Thanks,” I say. “She’s a tough one to read.”
“No doubt. She lies a lot. You should prepare for that.”
Before I can ask Christine for details, she walks outside where her daughters are now on the ground tickling each other.
